Poll: Am I Controlling?

[sanguinator]

sorry but you are not in control.

 

[IckleMissMayhem]

I'm just going to put this out here for you to think about.

A relationship is about trust. Without trust, you have absolutely nothing. Either you trust her or you don't.

If you trust her you won't have to forbid her from seeing anyone.

If you have to forbid her from seeing anyone at all, there is no trust

Couldn't have put this better myself. Plus, dictating who she is and isn't allowed to have contact with "else you'll break up with her" pretty much boils down to emotional blackmail, It's up to you to decide if that's "controlling" or not...

 

[Mr. Google]

Why, yes, yes you are.

Honestly, this sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. She's cheating and hanging out with E's, your forbidding stuff...

I predict hilarity (For us, not you) will occur soon.

She cheated once she isnt hanging out with her exes and im not forbidding anything i gave her a choice.

You GAVE her a choice?

Lord almighty, your hopeless. 'Giving' choices is no better than forbidding. In fact, its worse, because now if she sees him, she wont tell you about it.

And, for the record, you DID forbid her. You basically said 'I forbid you to see this guy while we are dating.' Giving her a choice to bail on you (Which, from what I'm reading, would have been an excellent choice, ex-boyfriend or not) or obey is not really generous, which you seem to think it is.

As for you 'trusting her, but not him...' are you seriously afraid he's going to RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT her, or are you afraid she's going to fall to his charms? If its the first, than you need to talk to the ex, not her. If its the second, than you really DON'T trust her.

Seriously, the hole you people sometimes dig yourself...

We all make mistakes dude what makes you a god? and besides you still dont even know the whole story.

 

[Woodsey]

You have "forbidden" her?

You should tell her you rather she didn't see him if avoidable, not forbid it. The fact that you use that word makes you sound like a bit of a psycho.

I didnt use that word i know that it looks like i did because...well in the post i used the word forbid but as u can see as how i edited it i never actually said forbid i gave her a choice. I never even said the word forbid to her

What choice?

"Never see him or I'll leave you." Very mature.

 

[Mr. Google]

You have "forbidden" her?

You should tell her you rather she didn't see him if avoidable, not forbid it. The fact that you use that word makes you sound like a bit of a psycho.

I didnt use that word i know that it looks like i did because...well in the post i used the word forbid but as u can see as how i edited it i never actually said forbid i gave her a choice. I never even said the word forbid to her

What choice?

"Never see him or I'll leave you." Very mature.

What the hell am i supposed to say? go ahead see him and ill just be here confused and sad? She doesnt even want to see him shed rather be with me. She made a mistake she makes a lot of mistakes we all do

 

[Dango]

Yes, you are controlling. As already said, a relationship is all about trust. She should be the one breaking up with you for doing that to her. You're treating her like something you own, not a girlfriend, that's terrible. And besides that you're referring to her actions as "retarded", quite frankly I'm surprised she didn't already break up with you because to be honest, you sound like a terrible boyfriend.

EDIT: And also, are you so immature you can't just reason with the guy?

 

[DefunctTheory]

We all make mistakes dude what makes you a god? and besides you still dont even know the whole story.

What makes me 'god,' apparently, is my ability to recognize my own mistakes and attempt to fix them. As you are still here, and not running to your gf's house to apologize and take back your 'Kingly Decree,' I can assume you do not possess the same skill set.

And I don't need to know the whole story. Either the boyfriend is going to physically harm your, in which case either the police or yourself should get more directly involved, or your afraid of loosing her, which makes what your doing pathetic.

EDIT: Congrats on 500th post!

 

[RhombusHatesYou]

What choice?

An ultimatum is still a choice... of sorts.

 

[ThatsBitch3n]

Dude, something similar happened to me not so long ago. We have just recently broke up, but for the first MONTH of the relationship, she still constantly talked and saw him. She even had a lot of pictures of him(and sometimes her kissing) all over her room. I say, you're in the clear. I mean, if she really wants to go, she can. People should just realize that a relationship is a commitment. You need to fully trust her to make the right choices, but she actually has to make them.

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

*looks at title* Yeah, probably.

*reads* Yeah, just about.
Doesn't seem like you're really "in control", though. Which I imagine bugs the shit out of you.

Listen. You don't really trust her at all, do you? If that's so, why are you even with her?
Relationships are all about trust. That's why they suck so much when they turn sour. If you don't trust her, it's not really a relationship. It's regular (or not) sex where at least one party assumes they own the other.

And this "chioce" you are giving her? It boils down to "do as I say or I am leaving".
I want you to explain to me how this isn't controlling. Go on. Have a go. I fucking dare you.

 

[Standby]

I'm giving her a choice a CHOICE!!! C-H-I-O-C-E

Fucking lol.
In all semi-seriousness though, this will definately not end well. My only advice is to just enjoy this 'relationship' for what it is and not to be too torn up when it finally goes down the drain. If it's any consolation, you'll be able to learn a great deal from it a few years down the line.

 

[DefunctTheory]

You're fifteen?

Do whatever the fuck you want, don't double guess your motives so much and whatever you do-don't throw your life away for this girl.

Goodluck OP.

He's 15?

Wow... I just wasted a lot of words in here...

Wait... no I haven't. You can almost drive a car for christ sakes. Relationship mechanics are not that damn hard to understand.

SNIP

At 15, he should still understand the basics of relationships. While I suppose I've have to retract my 'pathetic' statement, I still stand by stupid.

 

[Mr. Google]

*looks at title* Yeah, probably.

*reads* Yeah, just about.
Doesn't seem like you're really "in control", though. Which I imagine bugs the shit out of you.

Listen. You don't really trust her at all, do you? If that's so, why are you even with her?
Relationships are all about trust. That's why they suck so much when they turn sour. If you don't trust her, it's not really a relationship. It's regular (or not) sex where at least one party assumes they own the other.

And this "chioce" you are giving her? It boils down to "do as I say or I am leaving".
I want you to explain to me how this isn't controlling. Go on. Have a go. I fucking dare you.

Im saying that if she wants to stay with me than she cant cheat on me. thats just a relationship not being controlling

 

[Mr. Google]

Why, yes, yes you are.

Honestly, this sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. She's cheating and hanging out with E's, your forbidding stuff...

I predict hilarity (For us, not you) will occur soon.

She cheated once she isnt hanging out with her exes and im not forbidding anything i gave her a choice.

You GAVE her a choice?

Lord almighty, your hopeless. 'Giving' choices is no better than forbidding. In fact, its worse, because now if she sees him, she wont tell you about it.

And, for the record, you DID forbid her. You basically said 'I forbid you to see this guy while we are dating.' Giving her a choice to bail on you (Which, from what I'm reading, would have been an excellent choice, ex-boyfriend or not) or obey is not really generous, which you seem to think it is.

As for you 'trusting her, but not him...' are you seriously afraid he's going to RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT her, or are you afraid she's going to fall to his charms? If its the first, than you need to talk to the ex, not her. If its the second, than you really DON'T trust her.

Seriously, the hole you people sometimes dig yourself...

I like your post. No sarcasm.

He is only fifteen, so if you wish to help/discuss this issue with him you should probably go easier with the wordplay. His clumsy spelling and lack of clarity is likely due to his high emotional attachment to the issue.

He's come here for reassurance, thats why he edits his first post to 'better' explain himself.

Kid, we're not here to judge you. Although we will. You know what answer you want, so either go with that or look at this less emotionally. Perhaps you are being controlling, is that whats necessary if shes going to cheat on you? No. Have a little self respect and dump her, or have a little faith and let her be herself. If she fools you twice don't stick around eh?

Thank you so much Stinky chops (I like your name btw) for understanding and not just going off on a rant and trying to be rational, You're right and in actuality this is my first real relationship. And I'll take your advice ill tell her that if she wants to talk to him then she can even though id rather her not and if i find out that she messed up again than were over. Is that good enough for u Theory???

 

[Dango]

*looks at title* Yeah, probably.

*reads* Yeah, just about.
Doesn't seem like you're really "in control", though. Which I imagine bugs the shit out of you.

Listen. You don't really trust her at all, do you? If that's so, why are you even with her?
Relationships are all about trust. That's why they suck so much when they turn sour. If you don't trust her, it's not really a relationship. It's regular (or not) sex where at least one party assumes they own the other.

And this "chioce" you are giving her? It boils down to "do as I say or I am leaving".
I want you to explain to me how this isn't controlling. Go on. Have a go. I fucking dare you.

Im saying that if she wants to stay with me than she cant cheat on me. thats just a relationship not being controlling

So spending time with people other than you that she no longer has feelings for is cheating? Now you're starting to sound paranoid.

 

[Mr. Google]

*looks at title* Yeah, probably.

*reads* Yeah, just about.
Doesn't seem like you're really "in control", though. Which I imagine bugs the shit out of you.

Listen. You don't really trust her at all, do you? If that's so, why are you even with her?
Relationships are all about trust. That's why they suck so much when they turn sour. If you don't trust her, it's not really a relationship. It's regular (or not) sex where at least one party assumes they own the other.

And this "chioce" you are giving her? It boils down to "do as I say or I am leaving".
I want you to explain to me how this isn't controlling. Go on. Have a go. I fucking dare you.

Im saying that if she wants to stay with me than she cant cheat on me. thats just a relationship not being controlling

So spending time with people other than you that she no longer has feelings for it's cheating? Now you're starting to sound paranoid.

Not with anyone and i mean if shes hanging out with her ex boyfriend every weekend than i know something is going wrong at that point i would break up w/ her i dont care if she hangs out with any other guy