Poll: Am I Controlling?

[Imp Poster]

So how long have you guys been going out? Doesn't seem that long. I want to make some points to think about.
1) I hope you know this predicament you are in is not a making of a good relationship. No matter if it is controlling or not, ultimatums are just too much work and probably don't work to the best. You may say your relationship is good right now, but what about when it gets bad. You guys argue/fight? You want to play "detective" all the time when you feel insecure about the relationship?
2) Why are you listening to her friends? They are their for her, not you. Of coarse, they are going to make you feel comfortable/good of staying with her, that's her friends.
3) To make it clear, you don't trust her with him. It takes two people to get together. I would assume you only have a relationship with her and not him. So when they are together, it is the trust you have with her not him.
4) This is the hardest part in which you are going to have to listen to your gut. I could understand giving her another CHANCE not a choice. She did cheat early in your relationship and maybe deemed it as a mistake. The ex was her first love and maybe find it difficult to let go herself. Yes, we don't know what you are really dealing with as a whole, so we aren't the best source of advice here. Don't you have friends that you can talk to about this?

2 months
1. im telling her no more ultimatum just a chance to not mess up again she do what ever she wants. We barley ever argue never anything big. Neither of us play detective. She offered to me the choice of seeing all the txts that she sends and recieves on her phone at the end of the day so i know nothing is up and i was like definitely not needed thats fine i trust you
2. Im not listening to her friend im just wondering what other people think and if shes right
3. You're right ive never met the guy and hes tried to break me and her up a matter of like 5 times now only 1 being succesful because me and her werent actually going out but we were going to if that makes sense and he like arg he got into her facebook because he knew her password and pretended to be her which was super douchey and he tried doing that another 3 times to each i totally ignored because she didnt even have a computer it was broken.
4. refer to answer #2
Yeah i dont want to tell my friends about everything that we do and i sorta wanted an overall outside party unbiased you know

Just know that she knows she isn't going to be making "mistakes" if any on text, but who knows what happens when they see each other in person. Text messaging has nothing to do with that. If you don't feel the need to investigate it any further then you may not need to be a dectective which is good.
This issue of controlling. I could see why it could look to be controlling but look at it in terms of a relationship. If two people have feelings for each other, agree to have a monogamous relationship, you should be "bound" to that. Now, if one cheats then how can you not want to put them back in bounds of the relationship assuming you want to give them another chance? Everyone does that given another chance don't they? you cheat again or see that person again, I am leaving. I don't see again wrong with that. Let's say this was not about cheating and it was alcoholism, would you want that person to be around alcohol?

 

[Mcupobob]

I didn't pick any of the options, because they didn't really make sense. Wheres the "It is controlling and she will do it again." option? Anyways you're 15 so it really shouldn't matter in a few years you prolly won't even see this people again.

In fact screw that option up there put up a "You shouldn't even be wasting your energy with this." It's going to end in three ways

1. Baby momma drama
2. Vindictive he said she said bullshit
3. Awkward yet resentful friendship

Sadly thats the inner workings of highschool move on while you still can and find someone more mature. Someone you don't need to set rules with, someone you can generally trust and doesn't have extra baggage around thats just waiting to explode into a big mess that will drag you down for a good time.

Thats my two cents.

 

[MiracleOfSound]

Your reaction is perfectly reasonable.

Perosnally I'd have dumped her on the spot if she cheated after 12 days.

 

[Stryc9]

I'm sorry but that's not being controlling. Controlling would be forbidding her from talking to any guy other than you and then slowly cutting her off from the rest of her friends.

 

[Airsoftslayer93]

yer...umm, i know you never said the word forbid, but you still forbid her

 

[tigermilk]

There appears to be a problem with your poll "yes she won't do it again" is not the same as "yes you are to controlling", whether she will do it again and whether you are to controlling are two seperate issues.

 

[Mr. Google]

i think you need to be more specific than "if you ever see him again i will break up with you"
if they say hi when passing on the street its not a big deal
if by "see him again" you mean she cheats on you then deffinatly

They live in a different city they wont just see each other if she sees him then its going to be planned or itll be him looking for her which obviously i wouldnt be mad at her for