Poll: Am I to blame

[knight steel]

Edit:Hello the update is just to say-thank you Escapist Member's for your kind support and that the situation has been resolved [as well as it could be given the circumstances].

And that your post's helped-most of my friends believe me and those who don't are no longer my friends the two girls have backed off now thanks to me,my Bro and the other asking them to cut it out and we are no longer involved with them ^_^.

Feel free to continue to comment and discuss if you want to with other members about what happened or just feel free to leave this thread for it to go into the folds of obscurity.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Scenario:My brother and two lady friends went to a bar I'm the driver so no alcohol for me,all three of them get wasted my brother more so than the girls he get's so bad that he runs off to the toilet to throw up to the point where it would not be possible to get him into my car so I decide to wait a bit intill he's safe to travel.

The two girls decide that they want to leave immediately and refuse to wait for my Brother who I can't leave behind,so they say they are going to walk and find a taxi,I warned them not too go and instead to please be patient and wait 15 minutes more because it exceptionally late, they are both drunk,both wearing revealing clothing and we are not in the best neighborhood all of which could make them targets to an attack.

It at this point that I get yelled at for victim blaming/shaming and that I'm degrading them,encouraging rape culture ect ect at this point some other people join in on the yelling at me so I give up and tell them to leave and they do while I go back to the toilet to check on my brother to see if he's better yet.

Well as it turns out they were attacked as I was to find out today luckily they were able to escape with some minor bruising and nothing else, but here's the catch-they blame me completely for what happened to them due to the fact that I let them leave alone and are now trying to turn my other friends against me.

So I ask you Escapist Am I to Blame?

 

[tilmoph]

I voted none of you are to blame. I'm assuming you weren't in a high crime area, and therefore the females had no reason to assume they were going to be attacked. You aren't to blame because you can't abandon your brother when you've told him you were going to get him home.

You couldn't compel them to stay with the group and accept the ride. They chose, on their own, to walk out. They didn't choose to be attacked though, so no blame their (it's not like drunk+skimpy clothing compels someone to attack, they attack on their own for their own reasons, regardless of what their target is or isn't doing or wearing).

 

[knight steel]

I voted none of you are to blame. I'm assuming you weren't in a high crime area, and therefore the females had no reason to assume they were going to be attacked. You aren't to blame because you can't abandon your brother when you've told him you were going to get him home.

You couldn't compel them to stay with the group and accept the ride. They chose, on their own, to walk out. They didn't choose to be attacked though, so no blame their (it's not like drunk+skimpy clothing compels someone to attack, they attack on their own for their own reasons, regardless of what their target is or isn't doing or wearing).

Thanks I agree with you-but what can I say to them to get them to stop bad mouthing and blaming me?

 

[knight steel]

Honestly, it sounds like you just made this scenario up.

What makes you say/think that am I not trustworthy?

 

[tilmoph]

Honestly, I don;t think you can get them to not blame you for it to other people. They are going to do what they are going to say. What you can do is explain the situation to them, emphasizing the point that you tried to talk them out of leaving the group, that you were offering them a ride, and that you couldn't leave right that second because of your brother. That's all you can do.

As a side question, why did they want to leave in such a hurry?

 

[knight steel]

Honestly, I don;t think you can get them to not blame you for it to other people. They are going to do what they are going to say. What you can do is explain the situation to them, emphasizing the point that you tried to talk them out of leaving the group, that you were offering them a ride, and that you couldn't leave right that second because of your brother. That's all you can do.

As a side question, why did they want to leave in such a hurry?

They had to go school/uni the next day and didn't want to be too far out of it when they went to class we were already past the agreed time of leaving-mostly they were just being impatient. Also there is a quote button above each post if you want to talk to the person otherwise they might not notice that you're talking to them and not reply.

 

[DishonoredElderSouls]

Obviously, the attacker is really the one to blame here, but I voted that you were both to blame. You stayed to help your brother, which was the right thing to do, but I feel you could've stood up and shown integrity asking the girls to please not leave. Of course, their drunkenness was a factor, but their inability to listen to reason and the rather immature and unfair attacks you got from the other people in the bar were another major problem here. It's very strange that people would be attacking you when it seems clear you were concerned for them.

 

[Dangit2019]

What we seem to have here is a case of the victims being dumbasses, yet trying to excuse it with the fact that they're victims (because the world just bloody loves victims). Here's Dr. Dangit2019's diagnosis:

1. Have the girls look up the words "victim", and "blaming" and realize that what you said wasn't related to either at the time.

2. Ask them how any person with an IQ with more than one digit can infer that the blame should rest on the person who warned them instead of the attacker himself.

3. Also ask why any women above the age of 12 should blame you for not holding their hand through a bad neighborhood after warning them about a bad neighborhood.

4. Send them this video:


and distance yourself as far as you can from their dumb asses forever.

 

[knight steel]

What we seem to have here is a case of the victims being dumbasses, yet trying to excuse it with the fact that they're victims (because the world just bloody loves victims). Here's Dr. Dangit2019's diagnosis:

1. Have the girls look up the words "victim", and "blaming" and realize that what you said wasn't related to either at the time.

2. Ask them how any person with an IQ with more than one digit can infer that the blame should rest on the person who warned them instead of the attacker himself.

3. Send them this video:


and distance yourself as far as you can from their dumb asses forever.

I have tried explaining that to them but they won't listen-and I think insulting them would just makes things worse in general.As for distancing myself from them that's what I plan on doing but you see their friends with my other friends and we go to school/uni togthere making it harder to avoid them as I would like

 

[DishonoredElderSouls]

What we seem to have here is a case of the victims being dumbasses, yet trying to excuse it with the fact that they're victims (because the world just bloody loves victims). Here's Dr. Dangit2019's diagnosis:

1. Have the girls look up the words "victim", and "blaming" and realize that what you said wasn't related to either at the time.

2. Ask them how any person with an IQ with more than one digit can infer that the blame should rest on the person who warned them instead of the attacker himself.

3. Also ask why any women above the age of 12 should blame you for not holding their hand through a bad neighborhood after warning them about a bad neighborhood.

4. Send them this video:


and distance yourself as far as you can from their dumb asses forever.

Probably not the best possible course of action given the situation, but I do like the attitude, anyway.

 

[knight steel]

What we seem to have here is a case of the victims being dumbasses, yet trying to excuse it with the fact that they're victims (because the world just bloody loves victims). Here's Dr. Dangit2019's diagnosis:

1. Have the girls look up the words "victim", and "blaming" and realize that what you said wasn't related to either at the time.

2. Ask them how any person with an IQ with more than one digit can infer that the blame should rest on the person who warned them instead of the attacker himself.

3. Also ask why any women above the age of 12 should blame you for not holding their hand through a bad neighborhood after warning them about a bad neighborhood.

4. Send them this video:


and distance yourself as far as you can from their dumb asses forever.

snip

Add more to your comment or you will get a low content warning to your health bar!

 

[DishonoredElderSouls]

I have tried explaining that to them but they won't listen-and I think insulting them would just makes things worse in general.As for distancing myself from them that's what I plan on doing but you see their friends with my other friends and we go to school/uni togthere making it harder to avoid them as I would like

The simple solution to that would be to not insult them or show passive aggression. Distancing yourself from someone in truth isn't particularly difficult, I've done it multiple times in similar situations to yours, in the same environment. If your friends plan on doing something with these 'victims', just decline from going along, and so on and so forth. If you do have to be around these 'victims', simply show that you don't want to be involved with them in any way and move on with your life.

 

[Dangit2019]

snip

You probably want to add some relevant text on there, or you might get a low content warning.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

I'd say it isn't your fault at all, it's the attacker's fault and partially their fault.

You aren't their guardian, nor can you compel them to listen to you. If they were adamant about leaving without you and compromising their own safety there wasn't anything you can do to stop them. You tried, you failed, it's their own fault they wouldn't listen to reason.

As far as the actual attack goes, obviously the vast majority of the fault lies with the attacker, since you know, he attacked them. Part of the blame does lay with the two girls though. There's nothing wrong with wearing revealing clothing, or being a little drunk, the reason some of the blame lays with them is because they refused to look out for their own safety. The only one responsible for their safety in that situation was themselves, and since they decided to do something unsafe it's their own fault when shit goes bad.

And no, I don't think that expressing concern for your own well being somehow validates rape culture. There's a difference between accepting rape as being ok, and understanding that there are scummy people in the world that are willing to take advantage of you. The easier you make it for people to take advantage of you the less surprised you should be when it actually happens. The world is not a safe place, regardless of how we wish it to be, and people need to realize that.

Then again, I'm a huge proponent of personal responsibility, which it seems like these girls aren't, so it's not like any of these arguments are going to make them change their views.

 

[DishonoredElderSouls]

and distance yourself as far as you can from their dumb asses forever.

snip[/quote]Add more to your comment or you will get a low content warning to your health bar![/quote]

snip

You probably want to add some relevant text on there, or you might get a low content warning.

Yeah, thanks for the heads up. Edited.

 

[knight steel]

I have tried explaining that to them but they won't listen-and I think insulting them would just makes things worse in general.As for distancing myself from them that's what I plan on doing but you see their friends with my other friends and we go to school/uni togthere making it harder to avoid them as I would like

The simple solution to that would be to not insult them or show passive aggression. Distancing yourself from someone in truth isn't particularly difficult, I've done it multiple times in similar situations to yours, in the same environment. If your friends plan on doing something with these 'victims', just decline from going along, and so on and so forth. If you do have to be around these 'victims', simply show that you don't want to be involved with them in any way and move on with your life.

Thanks I'll do what you say still it sucks that I have to do this just because they want someone to blame-hopefully it won't impact me that much ^_^.

 

[Esotera]

Totally their fault if they got stupidly drunk and decided to walk through a bad neighbourhood after arguing with someone who told them not to. The same would go for if your brother had decided to do that (alone or not).

All the places I've lived in are pretty safe so I haven't had much trouble walking home alone, but if I was in a big city I probably wouldn't do it unless I was with at least one other person, preferably 2.

 

[Zykon TheLich_v1legacy]

You were offering a lift, it was their choice to walk home on their own instead of wait 15 minutes for your bro. What else were you going to do? Wrestle them to the floor to stop them from leaving?