Poll: Could you stay with someone who hates what you're passionate for?
- Thread starter Riki Darnell
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My last girlfriend was fucking extreme about this sort of thing. She didn't like video games, so I thought "Compromise, I won't talk about games when I'm hanging around her". However because the world revolved around her, her idea of compromise was that I don't own any games, consoles, or pretty much anything related to gaming. Fuck that.
These arguments happened over everything, films, music, going out, having friends, musicals (legend quote from female friend: "She found a guy who will not only go to musicals, but actually enjoy them, and complained about it? She really is mental!"), university work. Suffice to say, that relationship broke down very quickly.
These arguments happened over everything, films, music, going out, having friends, musicals (legend quote from female friend: "She found a guy who will not only go to musicals, but actually enjoy them, and complained about it? She really is mental!"), university work. Suffice to say, that relationship broke down very quickly.
Its a killer in a relationship with me. I've been with a girl who I've tried to discuss those exact things (Space Science in my favorite subject) they just get really pissed off because its dull and boring or they just don't care. (One told me its a waste of money to research such things)Riki Darnell said:
You can't live with a person for the rest of your life with that kind of attitude. Run, run now before they kill your passion.
He should at least make and attempt to be interested. Then again, if you go on about it constantly then I'd probably start getting annoyed too.
Look at all the couples who disagree about football. They seem to work out fine, as long as you both make compromises.
If I had a boyfriend who didn't like cats or animals that'd be fine. But if he kicked every cat he saw then he'd be soon out the door.I suppose it depends on how they reacted to whatever I'm passionate about.
Look at all the couples who disagree about football. They seem to work out fine, as long as you both make compromises.
If I had a boyfriend who didn't like cats or animals that'd be fine. But if he kicked every cat he saw then he'd be soon out the door.I suppose it depends on how they reacted to whatever I'm passionate about.
LookAtYouHacker said:
Sorry was away for a few days lol
Well it's normally like I'll come over and we'll have small talk and he'll ask me what I've been up to. I'll say a few things and then go "and I watched Through the Wormhole, and I found out scientist believe (insert fact here)" and he'll say that is stupid and knowing about space won't help the economy or any real problems. I'll usually drop what I'm talking about and go back to watching TV at that point.
And I'm willing to bet that this makes you feel invalidated and changes you from being rather engaged in something to completely apathetic about everything for a while. The fact that you (I do the same) get passionate about something and want to share that with someone who is important to you suggests that someone who dismisses what your passionate about is not for you.Riki Darnell said:
You can have different interests and passions and make it work, but when he consistently dismisses your passions in such a way I don't see how it can work. Either you're going to begin to fall away from your passions because of it (call it a sort of conditioning, bringing up something your passionate about to the person you love brings a bad reaction) then end up resenting the fact or he'll leave from you sticking to your passions that he clearly believes are unimportant (couldn't disagree with him more on that).
In my experiences living together is the hardest test of a relationship, if you have the slightest doubt before hand (I mean about the relationship not just nerves about it, that's natural) then it's likely not going to be a happy period in your life and a giant wast of time. I loved my ex, we were engaged, we were together for 2 and a half years before moving in together. The next 6 months were the most miserable time of my life, filled with blazing rows over previously trivial things.
A lot of people are using the "you wont get someone who likes everything you do" but that smacks of settling. You can and will find someone who shares your passions but who has different interests, different interests are good, dismissing passions isn't. Just look at all the people here (true a bias sample) who agree with you on those passions...
One final thought, if you are completely happy 100% why are you on an internet forum asking this? If you're not 100% happy and considering leaving; there is your answer, that dissatisfaction will only grow and fester with time.
Well if thats something major that you deeply care about, long term the fights will get worse and the relationship will fall apart.
OT: No, I couldn't it's too against the grain and I don't really argue or deal with [sup][sup]bullshit[/sup][/sup] I would probably not even get in the relationship.
OT: No, I couldn't it's too against the grain and I don't really argue or deal with [sup][sup]bullshit[/sup][/sup] I would probably not even get in the relationship.
Give him a taste of his own medicine, don't you stand up for yourself in any way? Tell him he's right, there is no point in talking about it... as it would go over his head! It sounds like you've got a lot of tolerance, so I give you my respect for that.
It sincerely confuses me how and why he harnesses such needless hatred for the subject. If he REALLY was that concerned for the economy or whatever he would not be playing video games -_-
It sincerely confuses me how and why he harnesses such needless hatred for the subject. If he REALLY was that concerned for the economy or whatever he would not be playing video games -_-
Op, there's no such thing as perfect relationship, every couple are going to have their differences, big and small, the question is not if such differences should exist, but if such differences are manageable and wherever they will break the relationship.
If you feel he doesn't respect your core interests then that's a major black mark against him, but it's doesn't necessarily break a relationship. It depends to to what severity he disrespects your core interests. For example, to list my subjects of interests: Politics, history, video games, heavy metal, anime, philosophy, stand up comedy, and film and literature, there is a real possibility that i might end up with a girlfriend who doesn't like me being into heavy metal, video games or anime. They both after all have their negative stereotypes. For me, if this hypothetical girlfriend was actively against any of these things i'm passionate about then i wouldn't want to be with her. However, if she's apathetic about any of them it's a shame but no relationship breaker. After all, it would be foolish of me to dump a girlfriend just because she doesn't comprehend the musical brilliance that is Iron Maiden.
Just remember though that nobodies perfect. It wouldn't be prudent to dump him in the hope that you'll find someone just like him bar the fact he is actually into debating philosophy and science fiction. Perfect partners don't really exist. You could readily find someone who's also into your passionate subjects, but they may not have the kind of personality or black humour that draws you to your current boyfriend.
You get a lot of people who will wait around being single or going through relationship after relationship trying to find that ideal guy or girl (usually an ideal guy) for many many years, on a wild goose chase trying to find their "one true love". Then they suddenly hit thirty, panic, and end up with someone who is ill-suited for them. I don't get the impression your one of those types but it's a noteworthy point on this topic.
Nobodies perfect, it's irrational to split with someone just because they're not your perfect partner. Still, if he doesn't respect your most passionate interests that's a big difference between you and him, which in some cases, maybe or maybe not yours, would break the relationship. The question you've got to ask yourself is "Does he disrespect my passionate interests enough to end the relationship?
If you feel he doesn't respect your core interests then that's a major black mark against him, but it's doesn't necessarily break a relationship. It depends to to what severity he disrespects your core interests. For example, to list my subjects of interests: Politics, history, video games, heavy metal, anime, philosophy, stand up comedy, and film and literature, there is a real possibility that i might end up with a girlfriend who doesn't like me being into heavy metal, video games or anime. They both after all have their negative stereotypes. For me, if this hypothetical girlfriend was actively against any of these things i'm passionate about then i wouldn't want to be with her. However, if she's apathetic about any of them it's a shame but no relationship breaker. After all, it would be foolish of me to dump a girlfriend just because she doesn't comprehend the musical brilliance that is Iron Maiden.
Just remember though that nobodies perfect. It wouldn't be prudent to dump him in the hope that you'll find someone just like him bar the fact he is actually into debating philosophy and science fiction. Perfect partners don't really exist. You could readily find someone who's also into your passionate subjects, but they may not have the kind of personality or black humour that draws you to your current boyfriend.
You get a lot of people who will wait around being single or going through relationship after relationship trying to find that ideal guy or girl (usually an ideal guy) for many many years, on a wild goose chase trying to find their "one true love". Then they suddenly hit thirty, panic, and end up with someone who is ill-suited for them. I don't get the impression your one of those types but it's a noteworthy point on this topic.
Nobodies perfect, it's irrational to split with someone just because they're not your perfect partner. Still, if he doesn't respect your most passionate interests that's a big difference between you and him, which in some cases, maybe or maybe not yours, would break the relationship. The question you've got to ask yourself is "Does he disrespect my passionate interests enough to end the relationship?
Stay with them? Maybe. If they aren't too obnoxious about it.
Friends? We wouldn't have enough in common to be really close friends I don't think.
Friends? We wouldn't have enough in common to be really close friends I don't think.