Poll: Dating?

[Azure Sky]

While I personally have very little to no experience on the subject in question, mainly because I am not an outwardly social person.
However I do find the principal idea behind the formality of 'dating' to be too strict and constricting for my personal taste to entertain the thought for very long.

Nope. Dates just don't seem very special to me, and I am already on record as a hater of "tradition" and the old ways of doing things. I might appreciate this sort of stuff in the future, but for now I see little value in dates. Its too "official" for me, which only makes things worse or uncomfortable.

Probably this as well if I had experience to add to my argument.

 

[Thaius]

You've obviously completely missed the point of dating. If you want to live your entire life randomly having sex with people and never actually developing a relationship... I don't understand how you could live such an unfulfilling life.

Dating isn't about a chance for sex, its about a relationship, a strong connection between you and the other person. What you're talking about is simply casual sex, a mere shadow of a true relationship.

 

[arsenicCatnip]

That's not dating. That's trying to score. I consider them different things.

A date is essentially just going out spending one on one time with someone you have a romantic interest in. If you just want to fuck then that's all your going to be in a date. A meal ticket. If you find a girl you actually enjoy spending time with a) your date can take place in your home and your costs will be five bucks for popcorn and a rental b) Sex will be the furthest thing from your mind.

I know I know. I sound crazy right? One day you might understand though.

This actually sounds about right.

I don't 'date'. I go on dates with my boyfriend. And I think the best one was a night that didn't involve us having sex... we went out, had some fun at Acen, came home, watched a few episodes of anime, and fell asleep together.

If you just look at dating as trying to score, you're going to end up meeting people who are just as desperate as you are. But if you find someone to go on dates with, have fun with, enjoy that time getting to know one another... you'll understand.

 

[Estocavio]

I've never understood the whole "dating" thing. That is, I've never understood why I should shell out a ton of my hard-earned cash to provide several meals for some spoiled/pampered female just for a "chance" of getting to dive into her nether regions.

That's not dating. That's trying to score. I consider them different things.

A date is essentially just going out spending one on one time with someone you have a romantic interest in. If you just want to fuck then that's all your going to be in a date. A meal ticket. If you find a girl you actually enjoy spending time with a) your date can take place in your home and your costs will be five bucks for popcorn and a rental b) Sex will be the furthest thing from your mind.

I know I know. I sound crazy right? One day you might understand though.

My dating method is rather unique - She has to buy everything. If she doesnt, she isnt willing to even try to do anything, so i dont bother with her. If she does, its a show of initiative at least. I dont provide anything monetarily until after at least the fifth time.

Its rather efficient actually.
It renders the female unable to exploit you in any level.
Incidentally i carry a constantly running voice recorder at all times.

What if her reason for not wanting to pay for everything the first five dates is because she doesn't want to be used herself?

Not trying To be a dick, serious question. I know guys who don't pay for anything to exploit the girl and leave once she is no longer willing to shell out. You could screw yourself out of a good relationship in your attempt to avoid being used because she thinks your using her.

Thats a very reasonable contradiction; My explanation is simply that its a two sided coin - Either the man or the woman has to pay for it, and it seems to be obligatory that the man does it as a way to prove something to the woman. But in doing so, he is serving her interests to great extent but his own very little, and since dates rarely get further than a few dinners or some othersuch, its wasteful on his part.

Incidentally this has only worked four times, and its perfectly reasonable for the other person to decline, but the way i see it is that besides tradition, theres no reason it has to be the male who does the spending.
And i think the woman should have to prove she isnt just leeching off you.

Yeah i agree. The man shouldn't just be expected to pay. It's a silly tradition back when women didn't have jobs.

When me and the girl who would later be my wife started dating we solved it simply, we flipped a coin, loser paid and we took turns after that. To make sure either of us were not being cheap the who paid last time choose. So when i paid she choose and when she paid i choose.

If your going on a date with a girl who isn't willing to chance having to pay, well she probably is just using you as a meal ticket.

My friend wants me to say that if she suggests that you pay for dinner and she serves you dessert at her place she probably has an STD and to run away...

Your friends on a good train of thought, just slightly misplaced - It probably means she covets you for sexuality, and not to actually know you. If you want sex, use a professional - Theres no risk of STDs and no obligatory commitments.
Your coin flipping method is a good concept - Leave it to chance rather than suggestion.
Im impressed at how many people share similar opinions regarding these things

 

[Hexenwolf]

The whole point of dating is to build a personal relationship with someone. That is, to really get to know them so you can decide whether or not you want a serious relationship with them.

The whole "guy paying for everything" isn't so much a part of dating as it is a part of being a gentleman. But then, they say chivalry is dead, and almost everywhere you look you can find evidence of that. I still adhere to it, but I'm part of a dying breed (despite only being 19).

 

[VanityGirl]

I hope you're kidding about the prostitute thing OP.

And not all women are spoiled and pampered. That's a kind of stupid statement (sorry, no better word choice.)
The first couple of dates I had with my boyfriend, we either split the bill or did activities that cost little or no money. Our first date was at an amusement park and we each paid our own ticket. It was fun.

Now, either I'll pay for the whole date or my boyfriend will. A date is a good experience to get to know the person you're with. It's just a fun activity. It would be spending a day at the park (which is free), going to the movies, or whatever.
Even though I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, I still learning something new about him everday. So dates help me keep finding out what makes him tick and he finds out what makes me tick as well.

And Tootmania, your view of women in general is... disturbing. I guess it is hard to meet the right woman when you're with prostitutes all the time..

 

[zombiesinc]

I've never really done the whole 'dating' thing. I've taken my girlfriends on dates, but that's different, and much easier.

 

[Blackjack 222]

I hope you're kidding about the prostitute thing OP.

And not all women are spoiled and pampered. That's a kind of stupid statement (sorry, no better word choice.)
The first couple of dates I had with my boyfriend, we either split the bill or did activities that cost little or no money. Our first date was at an amusement park and we each paid our own ticket. It was fun.

Now, either I'll pay for the whole date or my boyfriend will. A date is a good experience to get to know the person you're with. It's just a fun activity. It would be spending a day at the park (which is free), going to the movies, or whatever.
Even though I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, I still learning something new about him everday. So dates help me keep finding out what makes him tick and he finds out what makes me tick as well.

And Tootmania, your view of women in general is... disturbing. I guess it is hard to meet the right woman when you're with prostitutes all the time..

While it is a dying breed, still decent % that go with it.

 

[Mr. Google]

m 15 and i have been on at least 3 formal dates so i feel bad for you guys and yes real dates not come over my house and watch a movie

 

[dark_taint92]

At risk of copying sooo many people hear, not all women are pampered beyond repair I have a lovely girlfriend at the moment and we share bill's etc. Say we go to the cinema we both buy separate tickets or if I use an orange Wednesday I buy the ticket and she buys the drink and stuff. Over all I've had many dates and on none of them have I had to pay for everything OP your looking at the wrong kind of women here tone down your aspirations a little and maybe you'll find some one nice who's willing to share the bill with you.

 

[ThreeWords]

I view dating as an activity to get to know another person, not to get the chance to have sex with them. That's why you do it, at least, that's why I would.

I've been on one "formal" date.

I agree, in my opinion a date is a chance to spend time with someone. The activity involved is mainly irrelevant, save to provide a comfortable situation for the pair of you.

That the OP considers sex to be the main objective, and money the main concern, suggests to me that he has missed the point entirely. However, I must give him one point of credit: he is correct in his decision that prostitutes will give him a better chance of sex for his money; his time will be better pent in their company, and I fell the dating scene in general will improve without his presence

With regard to your other point, I haven't been on what I'd call a formal date, since I am a highly informal person; I prefer 'freeform' dating; making it up as we go along.

 

[Blackjack 222]

With regard to your other point, I haven't been on what I'd call a formal date, since I am a highly informal person; I prefer 'freeform' dating; making it up as we go along.

Now, i never saw it in levels of dating, just as an excuse to go out and spend time with eachother didn't look at it as formal/freeform just leaving the house for a few hours, if you went to a movie you decided what restaurant you wanted to go to first, if it was one with an important question you went to Olive Garden and asked once you got home(yeah olive garden that qualifies for fancy here)

Sorry can't resist it
"We here down in Texas don't know nothin fancier then that thar Olive Garden"

 

[The Lizard of Odd]

I've actually never been on a typical date. Where someone asks me, or I ask someone, to a dinner/movie or something, and we meet up and go. I've had two boyfriends in my life (I'm such a wild girl), both of which I met online. My first I was with for a little over a year and we met on a forum oddly enough. We got to know each other by writing stories and stuff. Very nerdy.
Second boyfriend I met in World of Warcraft over two years ago. Even more nerdy. We're still together.

So yeah...I'm a pretty big exception to the standard rule of how things normally go. Two relationships which started over long distance, the first of which never left long distance.

 

[Blackjack 222]

So yeah...I'm a pretty big exception to the standard rule of how things normally go. Two relationships which started over long distance, the first of which never left long distance.

Honestly not sure standard rules apply once you leave High school, I can't remember asking anyone on a date after meeting them.

 

[The Lizard of Odd]

So yeah...I'm a pretty big exception to the standard rule of how things normally go. Two relationships which started over long distance, the first of which never left long distance.

Honestly not sure standard rules apply once you leave High school, I can't remember asking anyone on a date after meeting them.

Well I never went on a date during High School either...though I also home schooled the last 3 years of it. (Public schools in NH are pretty terrible). But I agree, there isn't much of a standard these days, and I don't really miss the fact that I haven't been out on a 'date', as each of my visits when things were long-distance were always so much more meaningful due to the time constraints.

 

[Blackjack 222]

Yeah, dating/love nothing like all the crap they spoon feed kids today

 

[searron]

I don't do "dates." On the off chance I do, I ussually offer to pay for the dinner, if the girl doesn't put up at least token resistance to my offer, I next her like that. If they do offer, I insist on paying, and let them know that they can cover the next activity/meal. Also, if they don't say thank you after I pay, they too, are nexted. I don't really have time, nor do I want to deal with bull shit.

 

[runnernda]

I've only been on one formal date with someone with whom I wasn't already involved. It just seems awkward to me, but maybe that was my date. I tend to just hang out with people, and if something happens, cool! Then again, I went to an all-girls school from 6th-12th grade, and I didn't have a boyfriend till junior year of college. I have very little experience.

 

[Blackjack 222]

I don't do "dates." On the off chance I do, I ussually offer to pay for the dinner, if the girl doesn't put up at least token resistance to my offer, I next her like that. If they do offer, I insist on paying, and let them know that they can cover the next activity/meal. Also, if they don't say thank you after I pay, they too, are nexted. I don't really have time, nor do I want to deal with bull shit.

Don't you love it when they act like you treated them like a child when you beat her to the check, Loved the look on my last girlfriends face whenever i got to it first she had this oddly cute yet clear that she was pissed look in her eyes

 

[jeejvebe]

Well, all (read: both) my relationships were with girls that I was friends with beforehand, so I really don't have much to offer for the "dating" scene, since I already knew them. However, I think you're concentrating too much on the sex side, and not the personal connection.

I'm the same, just seems more natural when things evolve from friendship to love.