Poll: Dealing with racist father

[Soods]

Recently my father has developed huge hatred towards Islam. For example he refuses to eat Halal [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halal] food. I'd be fine with this, but he also makes the rest of my family to do this (no more McChickens for me). And now he has discovered "the secret plans" of the muslims to invade Europe by reproducing faster than the Europeans, finally outnumbering us and crushing the Europe from inside. Even if these crazy invasion plans are true, I couldn't care less; I'll be long gone when they start outnumbering native Europeans. He also regularly asks me to watch some videos (like this one) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjq5Vi9Gc68] about Islam and how bad it is.
I've been pretty passive about this, ("I'll watch it when I have time" etc.) but now he's also talking to my friends about this. (My friends actually seem to agree with him.) And when he starts talking about how muslims should be put to concetration camps to prevent the population overgrowth, I feel like ripping my head off so I wouldn't have to listen to him anymore. (I'm 17 so getting my own apartment won't be an option for some time.)
And how can a 40 year old man be this messed up btw?

 

[DefunctTheory]

Get over it.

People like this can rarely be dissuaded. Try to steer away from any conversations that could possibly stir the bee's nest, so to speak, and move on.

Also, HAHAHAHAHA! I guess Europe has 'Mexicans' now.

 

[Busdriver580]

I don't see why Muslims take so much shit. You can find verses in the bible which are beyond abominable. People fish out the worst parts of Islam and just ignore the horrible commandments of their own religions.

He'll never stop hating them, but you could at least convince him that he's overestimated the "threat"

 

[Mysten]

My father is the same. I've long since given up trying to persuade him that that "real truth about Muslims and their plans to take over the world" chain e-mail that one of his equally-racist friends passed along to him is complete and utter nonsense and that his "some terrorists are Muslims, therefore all Muslims are terrorists" logic is absurd. It's just a battle you cannot win.

People like my father do not listen to reason. They will hold onto their beliefs that all modern day Germans are still Nazis, any European living in the UK is stealing your job out from under you, all Middle Eastern people are automatically terrorists and that we should finish off Japan now with a few more nuclear weapons to pay them back for World War II until the day they die.

All you can do is simply state, "do not discuss religion with me," and hope your father agrees to avoid bringing the subject up around you.

 

[LetalisK]

Every time he goes off on a tangent, make a point of rolling your eyes at him. Basically make a joke out of it. Don't dignify his bullshit by treating it seriously. "Yeah, suuuure Dad, Ahlalalalala!"

 

[Axzarious]

You probably wont be able to confront him, but you can make an effort to show some valid research. You could read the Koran, compare it to the bible, ect. Or you can just tell him to keep his ignorant opinions to himself and do as you wish.

 

[t3h br0th3r]

Every time he goes off on a tangent, make a point of rolling your eyes at him. Basically make a joke out of it. Don't dignify his bullshit by treating it seriously. "Yeah, suuuure Dad, Ahlalalalala!"

I think some version of this would help you. while it is good to try to point out the logical flaws in the argument, after a while all you can do is tell him you disagree strongly but hes dad and you love him as a whole, you just dont love that part.

 

[Motiv_]

Disclaimer: My opinion is wrong as often as it's right, and you should consider other options before going with my advice.

If he was my dad I'd wait until he went on one of his tangents again and just say "Look dad, I get that you don't like muslims, it's your opinion. But I'm honestly not interested in it and you're coming off really heavy handed. I'll check out these videos once I have time but right now I'd rather make up my own mind about Islam."

If he launches off into a rant about how he's just trying to protect you or something like that, just turn around and walk away. He's not trying to discuss it with you, he knows he's right and he knows you're wrong and won't let you forget it.

 

[dmase]

I wait for the tangents and slurs to come then relate it to some other non-Muslim person does this or that. Keep saying how racially insensitive what they are say is. Maybe he boils over at some point then you walk away and avoid him. Most parents can't stand the idea of their kids hating how they act. Its like saying my kids don't act vulgar or inappropriately I do.

Of course this depends on the temperament of your dad.

 

[Evidencebased]

Every time he goes off on a tangent, make a point of rolling your eyes at him. Basically make a joke out of it. Don't dignify his bullshit by treating it seriously. "Yeah, suuuure Dad, Ahlalalalala!"

I think some version of this would help you. while it is good to try to point out the logical flaws in the argument, after a while all you can do is tell him you disagree strongly but hes dad and you love him as a whole, you just dont love that part.

Yeah, the most you can do is just make it unpleasant and unrewarding for him to try and tell you about this stuff. If that means ignoring him, mocking him, arguing with him, or just going "uh huh...uh huh... uh huh..." and basically blowing him off... the best thing is to make it clear you aren't interested in hearing about it. If you can (without getting in trouble) just flat out tell him "I think you're being racist, and I don't want to hear it. Cut it out" or the like, but I know that's tough to say to a parent. At the very least you should be able to get him to shut up about it around you, even if you can't change his mind.

 

[WinterOrbit]

I think if your dad is a racist as you say he is, confronting him would be a bad idea. He might think you've been "brainwashed" or that you're "conspiring with the enemy."

Don't lie, but don't actively agree with anything he says. Then, as soon as you're old enough to get an apartment or a dorm, get the hell outta Dodge.

 

[PurplePlatypus]

You could argue with him but he probably wouldn?t listen. If he does it?s not like he?ll just snap out of it, changing your mind with this sort of thing take unfortunate amounts of time.
If he asks you about it or insults someone you know give it to him, otherwise maybe don?t jump to picking fights. Unless you don?t mind arguing, then go for it, just don't expect to change him.

 

[Antwerp Caveman]

Oh boy, that is the big one.
Both countries I lived in are also affected by such discussions.
I used to live in a small city (pop. 200.000), with very little conflicts.
There were some rising politicians preaching against foreigners from the islamic world, 1 was actually murdered. But still I thought it would be wrong to br anti-immigrant.
But then I moved to the largest city (Pop. 500.000) and the foreign communities are far bigger.
They are also more active and there's groups on the street at night, sometimes fighting.
It made me see the other side of the argument.

Now, is your father 'just ignorant' and does he hate them because he has been taught to by otthers or media? Or does he have genuine bad experiences with such people?

 

[Soods]

Now, is your father 'just ignorant' and does he hate them because he has been taught to by otthers or media? Or does he have genuine bad experiences with such people?

Media "brainwashing", nationalism and prejudice probably. We live in a small town with only 12k population plus I don't think he has ever even met a muslim.

 

[Antwerp Caveman]

Now, is your father 'just ignorant' and does he hate them because he has been taught to by otthers or media? Or does he have genuine bad experiences with such people?

Media "brainwashing", nationalism and prejudice probably. We live in a small town with only 12k population plus I don't think he has ever even met a muslim.

(I am an atheist, I dislike all religions equally, this post is not against any muslim, just against the ignorant father mentioned in the Topic opening)

Allright; then, let's break down his theory.
1. I see from your profile you're finnish. Less than 1% of the population there identifies itself as Islam. (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islam_in_Europe )

2. The islamic world is becoming less islamic. See all the revolutions that are taking place now, the people over there are done with religious oppression and are changing their countries. This way, people that left there because of religious persecution can go back and the aforementioned percentage will be cut in half.

3.Participation in religion has been steadily declining over the past century. With reasoned voices over atheism being prominent and people thinking for themselves more and more, people will leave religion behind them.
I had some friends and co-workers, (with parents) originally from Turkey, and they felt far more connected to modern society than the traditions of their (grand)parents.

Now, if you take this decline of religious participation, and put it in a graph with another line showing the relative increase of population from Middle-east ancestors. (And assuming that both factors continue at their current trends) than the result will probably say that there will never be enough muslims to take over Europe.

4. If it goes VERY bad, and there's a war; Islamic nations never win wars
Recent examples (in reverse chronology) include
- the revolutions currently taking place in the middle east (Egyptian army joined the rebels)
- the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq by the USA
- India vs. Pakistan
- and the 50 year Stalemate by the-little-Jewish-nation-that-could Israel and it's surrounding Islamic countries that tried to go to war with it and failed.
- Heck, even the french kicked the Ottomans out 1000 years ago (and that led to the invention of the croissant) (source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croissant#Origin_stories )

Besides, they don't have the Sisu to take over Finland

 

[tharglet]

It's a shame the minority of Muslims spoil it for the rest of them. Also, the places where it is happening, you're probably going to see some extremism of some sort, with whatever convenient excuse you can attach to it.

As others have said, you could try dissuading him, but it probably isn't going to go well. You may have little choice but to deflect the conversation and avoid it. Some things I had to do this with when I was growing up.
I would stick with your opinion and try and avoid "yes"ing him to get him out of your face. That way he's aware of what you think, so he can ponder that if he wants to.

I'd be concerned with the company you're keeping if they're actually agreeing, but it might be hard to find out which side of the fence they're on. If someone comes across as hugely one-sided, some people will agree to avoid aggravating them.

 

[TheGuiggleMonster]

Get over it.

People like this can rarely be dissuaded. Try to steer away from any conversations that could possibly stir the bee's nest, so to speak, and move on.

Also, HAHAHAHAHA! I guess Europe has 'Mexicans' now.

The proportion of Mexicans to Americans in the USA is far far far higher than the proportion of Muslims to Europeans in Europe.

 

[jumjalalabash]

You could just say something like "I don't give a shit."

Let him be crazy and just keep your friends away from him.

 

[TheMatsjo]

Two things:

You're in a position with less power than him; you have no force to back your statements up no matter how right you are (which you are).

If you're feeling bold, you can tell him to take that stuff elsewhere and that you're not interested in hearing about it. This will give him a less of a feeding ground to develop his hatred. In the end however, fighting against this stuff where you can will pay dividends both now and later on when the ideas may have started to take root and will be far harder to weed out.

And a question; did he lose his job recently or are there financial problems in the family? Often this kind of hatred is an outlet, a vent for pent-up frustration in other areas. It could be classical scapegoating (in response to your question as to how your dad got like this).

I'm Dutch by origin and these kinds of thoughts are bleeding over into the mainstream with high profile politicians spewing similar misinformed bile so I've given this stuff quite a bit of attention.

Good luck,
Matsjo

 

[BonsaiK]

Recently my father has developed huge hatred towards Islam. For example he refuses to eat Halal [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halal] food. I'd be fine with this, but he also makes the rest of my family to do this (no more McChickens for me). And now he has discovered "the secret plans" of the muslims to invade Europe by reproducing faster than the Europeans, finally outnumbering us and crushing the Europe from inside. Even if these crazy invasion plans are true, I couldn't care less; I'll be long gone when they start outnumbering native Europeans. He also regularly asks me to watch some videos (like this one) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjq5Vi9Gc68] about Islam and how bad it is.
I've been pretty passive about this, ("I'll watch it when I have time" etc.) but now he's also talking to my friends about this. (My friends actually seem to agree with him.) And when he starts talking about how muslims should be put to concetration camps to prevent the population overgrowth, I feel like ripping my head off so I wouldn't have to listen to him anymore. (I'm 17 so getting my own apartment won't be an option for some time.)
And how can a 40 year old man be this messed up btw?

McChicken is gross, he's doing you a favour.

Let him believe what he wants to believe, but at the same time don't compromise your own beliefs or "go along to get along" - don't deliberately confront him, just agree to disagree. In worst case scenario, I moved out of home when I was about your age, it's doable. Fuck getting an apartment straight out of home, share-housing is the way to go when on a budget. If you need money get a job at KFC just to rub it in.