Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?

[Daniel Laeben-Rosen]

don't despair^^
the kind of girl that is atracked to the jerk-like idiotic jock that treats her like shit is usually the really shallow kind. you don't want anything longterm with someone like that anyway.

* <== happily together with a guy rather of the nice variety since 7 years *

^This.
Seriously though, being a nice guy; things eventually go your way as long as "Nice" and "Complete doormat" happens to be the same thing. Being nice: great. Being a doormat; works as well for relationships as it does for everything else. Not very.

Also to you who I just quoted; grats.

 

[Jernau]

Seriously. I thought this when I was 17 but all you need to do is just have confidence, sometimes you become a little bit of a prick in the process but not always. Just don't take shit from people, a lot of people do that can think of it as being "nice".

 

[BKtheKITTY]

Congratulations, you just lumped all women into the same catagory. Horses for courses, boss.
Keep your nails short, shirt clean, chin up and tongue out, and also never ask girls whether 'nice guys still stand a chance'. Being confident and acting confident are the same thing, so long as you don't blow it by second guessing. Take note that the word 'confident' here refers to Sean Connery, rather than The Situation.

 

[Connorz]

completly agree with your statement man, im the same i prefer girls who are a bit bigger reckon there beatiful

 

[Floppertje]

snip

you're right, maybe I'll write it someday
funny you should bring up dancing, my parents and kid brother all do it, I've tried it and... IT WORKS.
I went to a christmas ball with them once, two weeks later, a girl i met there was my girlfriend. (a month later she broke up with me again, but it's a start )
In hindsight I kinda regret saying I don't want to dance XD but that was mainly the school and the people (waaaay too many old women, and by old I mean 70+), the younger ones were mostly rather dim, one huge annoying idiot and... well... my ex. but I moved out, to a different town, so maybe I'll pick it up here. main problem is that I'm likely about to enter a year on the board of my study union. which basically means I have about enough time for myself to eat and sleep next year
anyway, if I do happen to have the time, I'll look into it, cause I know it's good advise

now all I have to do is get myself in a situation with a nice girl where you can actually dance...

 

[Greasemoicockneypalm]

NO HOPE

 

[serenityzero]

I never really see it because being confident and having a strong opinion doesn't mean you have to abandon nice to show it or discuss it with members of the opposite sex. It just means you're less likely to be a douche and pull the "No, you're wrong and your opinion is retarded!" brand of argument.

I'm with Veloxe on this one. Being nice and being spineless aren't the same thing at all. Women want a guy who's nice. We don't consciously WANT someone to treat us like dirt. People who are attracted to that have issues, and are not the norm. What we DON'T usually like is guys who are spineless, which is another box of frogs entirely. Form an opinion, defend your opinion, and decide what you want at McDonald's for chrissake.

 

[DRSH1989]

It doesn't matter if you're nice or a jerk, or arrogant or confident or whateva... women like 2 things:
1. money (men like this too) - I haven't met a man with money who didn't have a woman in his life (be it a good woman, a smart one, a dumb one, a blue eyed blonde one or a hoe). Every individual person (man/woman/monkey) on this planet is as materialistic as they can get (whether they want to believe it or not... we all have NEEDZ... so it's stupid to think otherwise)
2. big d-cks... well actually not sure about this one, but i got some interresting answers when i asked arround... won't get into it though... but I just wanted to be a misogynistic asshole... hope it worked...

Truthfully though in the search for a mate... there are no right or wrong answers... u just keep on meetin' new girls till u find the one u like (i know it sounds so fudgin' cliche) & also likes u back... it's gotta be a mutual thing.. or it won't fudgin' work no matter how hard u try or want to make it work... or it will work for a while & you get buried under so much shit that you're going to regret it... just... keep... searchin... OW & ONE IMPORTANT THING: REJECTION! happens to most of us... IT's PART of THE PROCESS... get over it... move on... life's too short to wait around and be sorry for yourself or anythin' close to the degree of self pitty. SELF PITTY destroys most people.

 

[FlamingFirewolf]

Speaking as a 20 year old dutch girl, yes, you do stand a chance. I hate jerks, and I avoid them. Period. I take a nice guy over a jerk any day so just hang in there!

 

[DanDanikov]

I've always found this article (http://www.theclassygeek.com/2010/06/debunking-the-myth-of-the-nice-guy/) to be relevant to these kinds of threads. Doesn't apply to all so-called nice guys, but certainly to a fair few of them.

If you are truly a nice guy, there is a bit of a latency effect- women are considered to mature faster, but then they also go through a phase where they like bad men and rough sex, etc. It's something that passes with age and as they get older, they start wanting stability more, dependable men. Having a job, your own car, house, the trappings of wealth, those are all very attractive things at that stage (plus who you are, of course).

 

[KFalcon]

It's funny how people say nice guys are the manipulative or have no confidence ones etc which is generalizing the entire nice guy group meanwhile they were basically bashing the "nice" guy for generalizing women as only dating jerks.

Yo dawg I heard you like generalizing so we put some generalizations in your generalizer so you can generalize while you generalize.

lmao, this is so true.

Also for people saying confidence, if you haven't been confident for X number of years, whats going to make you confident now? someone telling you on the internet? No that's not going to work is it.

 

[Togs]

As Ive been lead to believe its not that girls dont like nice guys its just nice guys tend to be self entitled, passive agressive and obsessive, with a tendency to put girls on pedestals.

The secret as Ive been told it is not to just to be confident but to treat the girl as a human being, nothing more nothing less.

 

[GrimSheeper]

Yeah, nice guys are totally never going to have any chance. I got a girlfriend and three very close female friends, get along great with female classmates. I am a really 'nice guy', never even go to parties to get drunk, never try to cause any trouble. Maybe you don't understand nice guy the right way.

 

[Estoki]

If you act any way but normally, you're going to attract women you don't actually like.

So, don't do it.

 

[TheDarkestDerp]

Simple facts-

Most, and I can't put big enough quotes around these words, 'nice guys' are full of crap, frank truth. The girls are more interested in 'the jerk' for a multitude of reasons, but the least of which is somewhat akin to he's honest about what he's after. The so-called 'nice guy' wants a relationship beyond friendship, but tries to pawn himself off as the 'nice guy' who just wants to be her friend. This is an obvious lie, and in the end is something akin to emotional blackmail. Such a good buddy, always there, always handy, always ready with a shoulder for her to cry on. The shoulder you can cry on that in all likelihood is going to try to take advantage of your emotional status to serve as a jumping off platform into his relationship with you.

Real 'nice guys' get girls all the time, but this is because they are ACTUALLY a nice guy. They aren't secretly hoping for a relationship with the girl, they are seriously trying to be her friend, and in time that friendship develops into a bond of trust and further into romantic interest.

In the end, if the 'nice guy' has the confidence to stand on his own two feet and is an interesting person, capable of being who he is without defining himself by who he's with (Dutch or not... why you'd give a damn if she's dutch is beyond me, my ex-wife is dutch and she was a lying little jerk just like any Amerikan girl I've ever been with) he will eventually attract someone interested in him. If he doesn't have these qualities, he will not, and the 'nice guy' will be left in the friend zone, where he was supposedly happy being in the first place.

 

[bader0]

Every girl I could of actually said I cared about [both of them] ended up with "jerks".

well, okay, one ended up with a jerk for a while, and is now a single mother, and the other one is with an Emo that could be best described as a puppy, since he needs her attention every second of every day and becomes "depressed" when she even texts her other male friends.

Both gave the same bullshit "how nice of a guy I was", but yet when I asked them out they became someone else entirely.

I gave up on dating, partially because I keep seeing the same trend, be nice to a girl, she falls in love with a jerk, and partially because Im tired of the crap that girls put me through for nothing.

Nice guys, we should just give up and move on in life. Maybe we can finally make the world a better place if we work together.

well women do put nice on a list of things they want from a guy believe it or not its just fairly low on that list and if you dont meet anything else on that list but a douche bag does you are going to lose. heres the thing i find and multiple people have said this before me but still. be nice but still be slightly macho?? if you get me. a woman most of the time wants someone who is somewhat manly that she can still talk to and if you pass yourself off as the (girl friend) thats when you get friend zoned. well i think thats enough sweeping generalizations for one post i dont even know why im responding to a relationship thread on a for lack of a better term "nerd website".


ps: to the mighty escapist gods who carry the ban hammer that was the highest term of endearment as i am a fully willing and happy member of the nerd culture

 

[Vegard Stenstad]

This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?

It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.

(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice and confident guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.

Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.

Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too

Ok, I've read the replies and I'd like to delve deeper in the "some do like nice guys, some like jerks" thing. Now I believe that. Problem is I can't seem to find the ones that like nice guys. I just run into jerk-loving girls OR girls that already are in relations with other nice guys.

I will just put this as straight forward as possible, it is not the bad boys the girl likes but the traits that bad boys give off. There are VERY few girls who like jerks, most of the girls that date badboys just find them attractive due to the things badboys represent.

If you have problems finding a girl it is not because you only meet girls who like bad boys or because all girls that could like you are taken, it is because you are doing something wrong.

Here is a post I think you should read,
http://thedarkhorseguidetohappiness.wordpress.com/2011/05/04/are-you-happy-with-your-results-part-1/

There is pleeeenty of material out there for guys who want to get better with girls, go read some of it and try it out. I can pretty much guarantee that if you are reasonably normal looking and not overly weird you can probably find yourself a girlfriend in a few months.

 

[Gigano]

Certainly not, setting puppies ablaze is the only proper way to romance a woman!

Probably depends on whether "nice" refers to having a friendly personality, or whether it refers to being an unassertive and unassuming wallflower. In the latter case, a "nice guy" persona is really only being so bland as to not offend - or interest - anyone.

So the latter kind obviously stand a fair bit back in the queue of what others consider potential partners. But somebody's bound to like their kind too, the selection - and chance of meeting it - is simply considerably smaller.

 

[Denamic]

Some girls =/= All girls.
That is really all you need to know.

 

[Darkauthor81]

Well it depends on what you want. Do you want random, hot, limping the next day, sex or do you want a relationship? Jerks get sex, nice guys get relationships...

...and the kid produced by the sex with the jerk, as often as not!

Oh snap that's so true. I've went out with girls who had kids during their wild random sex with ass holes phase. Now they're lookin for a nice guy, who they normally wouldn't have looked twice at, to do the job the ass hat dad isn't going to do.

Those were short dates. I don't want to put up with douche bag dad popping in the picture whenever he felt like. I'm not interested in women who would fuck someone like that without contraceptives. Lastly, I hate children. I'm never having my own (had the surgery to make sure of that) let alone raising the brood of someone else.