Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?

[Vault101]

what exactally does "nice guy" mean?

I probably wouldnt like to go out with an asshole

but I guess self confidence and assertiveness is attractive

Im also not into self loathing doormats

 

[Burck]

You can be a nice guy.

But you have to be a CONFIDENT nice guy.

It's just easier for jerk guys to be confident because they cover up their own insecurities by insulting others. Nice guys have to become confident the hard way: by actually accepting themselves for who they are.

 

[Chrishu]

Oh, come on. You guys who call yourselves nice are jerks, too. By complaining about how women don't see you you for the great guy you are you're simply demeaning their intelligence. Girls aren't stupid, most of the time you nice guys are incapable of giving women what they need.

 

[game-lover]

I picked "other" because I think the first and the 2nd choice. I suppose it would depend on the type of nice guy. Some guys can just be the way they are. Other guys gotta mix it up a little.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

I might be a little too young to throw in my $0.02, but I'll go ahead and do it.

I've been "nice" pretty much most of my life. I've have what some people might call, a kind heart, I help my friends out vigorously, even if it means sacrificing my own time or money, all that kind of things. I've also been called sweet, by a bunch of other girls as well. But I've been completely puzzled by this as well. I see people who treat women/girls with disrespect actually have girlfriends of their own.

I'll tell you a story. I used to like this girl in middle school (last year, actually). I made it pretty obvious that I liked her, I even told her quite a few times (by text messages). In the beginning of when I liked her, she told me that she might hurt me emotionally. I didn't really care. I was trying to be especially nice for her. She told me that she liked somebody else. I didn't mind, rather, I tried to help her with him. Even though I didn't even know the guy, I wanted to just be good friends with her. This had worked the last time I did this for a girl, and I thought this would work with her. She mentioned that her parents wouldn't let her go out with anybody, which I could understand. So I end up being a great motivational speaker, telling her what I think she should do, and being there for her when she needed help, trying to be a great friend. In about a month or maybe two to three weeks, she tells me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because apparently we're total opposites. She tells me that she was a cynical b-tch, and that she didn't really want to be friends with me through high school (we were separating at this point). I tried to make amends with her, as best as I could, and it was to no avail. She even went so far as to not talk to me, and she severed all ties with me. I was furious at the time, but now I'm a better person for it. And last August, I sent a message to her Facebook after she deleted me from her friends list (not something that's a major offense, but it's pretty bad)about the entire situation and what was going through my mind. She ends up blocking me from Facebook and having her dad threaten me. In the middle of all of this, she said something about one of the people in our middle school, and about him being an asshole, but he had a sweet side apparently... from what I heard, she's going out with him.

That's my story. I'm a much better person for what she did though, and much more cautious to people like that again.

Can you clear up a few things for me? What exactly is middle school? and how did her dad threaten you?

not trying to sound offensive, but where do you live where there is not a middle school?

just curious. i know other countries call it differently, but if you are in the U.S. i am in utter shock.

Middle school for me is 4,5,6 and Junior High School is 7,8. However I know that other places have different grades in middle school so I try to clarify. This make more sense knowing its a 15-16ish year old rather than a 9-12 year old

EDIT: I am from the US, I was raised in Maine

ohhhh gotcha, well from everyone i've heard from (so family and family friends) middle school = junior high school, elementary is k-6th grade


and 15-16? 7th and 8th graders are usually 12-14 years old (my brother is one right now i should know)

 

[artanis_neravar]

I might be a little too young to throw in my $0.02, but I'll go ahead and do it.

I've been "nice" pretty much most of my life. I've have what some people might call, a kind heart, I help my friends out vigorously, even if it means sacrificing my own time or money, all that kind of things. I've also been called sweet, by a bunch of other girls as well. But I've been completely puzzled by this as well. I see people who treat women/girls with disrespect actually have girlfriends of their own.

I'll tell you a story. I used to like this girl in middle school (last year, actually). I made it pretty obvious that I liked her, I even told her quite a few times (by text messages). In the beginning of when I liked her, she told me that she might hurt me emotionally. I didn't really care. I was trying to be especially nice for her. She told me that she liked somebody else. I didn't mind, rather, I tried to help her with him. Even though I didn't even know the guy, I wanted to just be good friends with her. This had worked the last time I did this for a girl, and I thought this would work with her. She mentioned that her parents wouldn't let her go out with anybody, which I could understand. So I end up being a great motivational speaker, telling her what I think she should do, and being there for her when she needed help, trying to be a great friend. In about a month or maybe two to three weeks, she tells me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because apparently we're total opposites. She tells me that she was a cynical b-tch, and that she didn't really want to be friends with me through high school (we were separating at this point). I tried to make amends with her, as best as I could, and it was to no avail. She even went so far as to not talk to me, and she severed all ties with me. I was furious at the time, but now I'm a better person for it. And last August, I sent a message to her Facebook after she deleted me from her friends list (not something that's a major offense, but it's pretty bad)about the entire situation and what was going through my mind. She ends up blocking me from Facebook and having her dad threaten me. In the middle of all of this, she said something about one of the people in our middle school, and about him being an asshole, but he had a sweet side apparently... from what I heard, she's going out with him.

That's my story. I'm a much better person for what she did though, and much more cautious to people like that again.

Can you clear up a few things for me? What exactly is middle school? and how did her dad threaten you?

not trying to sound offensive, but where do you live where there is not a middle school?

just curious. i know other countries call it differently, but if you are in the U.S. i am in utter shock.

Middle school for me is 4,5,6 and Junior High School is 7,8. However I know that other places have different grades in middle school so I try to clarify. This make more sense knowing its a 15-16ish year old rather than a 9-12 year old

EDIT: I am from the US, I was raised in Maine

ohhhh gotcha, well from everyone i've heard from (so family and family friends) middle school = junior high school, elementary is k-6th grade


and 15-16? 7th and 8th graders are usually 12-14 years old (my brother is one right now i should know)

Damn did I get it wrong? Sorry I was trying to figure it out in my head and I guess I counted wrong, my apologies

 

[Vault101]

also It seems that alot of "nice" guys seem to blame women for their lack of ability to get one

"its their fault because they always go for jerks! (or any guy who isnt me)

seriously I dont want to go out with some prick who generalises women

 

[Paksenarrion]

*Nice* guys? Nice? You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

 

[artanis_neravar]

*Nice* guys? Nice? You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

Win for a Princes Bride quote
and your right, he probably doesnt

 

[Fridge]

This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?

It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.

(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice and confident guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.

Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.

Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too

Ok, I've read the replies and I'd like to delve deeper in the "some do like nice guys, some like jerks" thing. Now I believe that. Problem is I can't seem to find the ones that like nice guys. I just run into jerk-loving girls OR girls that already are in relations with other nice guys.

The best thing I can say is remain a nice guy, just be selfish every so often. If your too busy trying to keep everyone else happy you often lose out yourself. I did that for years before I realised that 'being nice' sometimes isn't enough.

 

[Epic Fail 1977]

Well it depends on what you want. Do you want random, hot, limping the next day, sex or do you want a relationship? Jerks get sex, nice guys get relationships...

...and the kid produced by the sex with the jerk, as often as not!

 

[Saelune]

Nice guys are attractive to girls who realize if they want a long lasting relationship, they need you. Any girl who looks down on nice guys is a girl you dont want.

 

[Mustang678]

Nice guys learn to survive by learning how to be assertive and confident

 

[Scissors61]

The problem is that most nice guys want bad girls. I know I want a ***** that looks good in black leather, and of course looks like Power Girl.

THIS THIS THIS

Take it from an ex-"nice guy", (I gonna blow your mind here) SOMETIMES THE STUNNERS AREN'T THAT INTO YOU. I'm not just talking about external attractiveness either. Most of us "nice guys" want the girl with some backbone. That upfront,take-what-I-want behavior you keep seeing in their partners is probably pretty prevelant in them, too. You are just too lovestruck to see it. If your a hopeless romantic, you are probably going to seem like a prude and bore to these types (There are exceptions, I'm sweeping the board here). The ones you get along with best are the people who have the same delusions that you do. If one of the two of you can actually muscle up the courage to start a relationship, you have the best chance to make it work. It's much better than being a deadweight to someone who is unable or unwilling to go at the pace of a relationship that you want.

Hope this helps.

 

[WarCorrespondent]

I have a girlfriend who was actually involved with another boy who she described as "more attractive" than me, when we first started going out. It was an open relationship. Eventually, I just asked her what she really wanted, the sexual desire or the loving relationship. Now we are REALLY into each other.

You just have to be able to get girls to go on dates with you. You're going to have to start thinking about your wardrobe and be prepared to get plenty of "no's". And look for girls in places that you wouldn't expect. Yes, dating websites can be useful if you have plenty of spare time, but you never really do know when the one that says "yes" will pop up. ALWAYS be on the prowl.

Nice guys, you may not have the devilish looks or those qualities that gets girls to say "yes" the first time, but after that first yes they'll ALWAYS be back for more.

 

[Lightslei]

Nice guys don't get girls, and I think that is deserved, depending on your definition of 'nice'.

All the guys I know who self-identify as nice, and indeed are labelled as such by others, are usually jerks in hiding. They are people who lack the power or confidence to be jerks, so they are nice out of self-preservation rather than geniune compassion.

Now, I consider myself a good person, but that doesn't mean I'm nice to everyone, or anyone on certain days. Especially when it is not even in that person's interest. People can get themselves into cycles that depend on another person being 'nice' to them, and the cycle can only continue if they exist, otherwise they have to pull themselves together to get through it.

For me, nice guys are weak guys, or at least you'll present yourself as being weak. Showing self direction, and challenging somebody else in their values or goals shows that you have strength, but do so considerately and you'll also show you're compassionate. You don't have to be a jerk to not be a nice guy, and I don't think you can be either if you want to be a good guy.

I was identified as a nice person by my friends before I met my girlfriend. I maintained leadership over the nerds on campus basically, and since she works on campus eventually noticed it. Kind of weird when it's the guy that gets asked out by the girl though, especially when afterwards you find out one of you're oldest friends considers her to be his sister (not by blood) x.x.

You can be nice, but be confident, and have control.

 

[Furious Styles]

You do need a bit of an edge or else you're just boring, but there's no need to be a dick.

The same goes for girls, they can be too nice to. There needs to be some sort of spark there and, sad though it is, wet blankets don't give off too many sparks.