Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?

[Nimcha]

This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?

It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.

(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.

Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.

Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too

You're hanging out with the wrong crowd man! In my experience with Dutch girls they just want to be woo'd. Whether that is by acting like a douche or whatever, anything is better than just being passive. The point is that you need to make VERY clear that you're interested. I know, that's annoying. But just dropping hints isn't going to do it. You just need to make yourself come off a little more interesting than you are. Honesty can come later.

Now I realize that's a gross generalization but then again this whole topic is.

 

[Thespian]

Hate that heterosexual nice guys 8) I need no nice-guy liking girls.

 

[Mr S]

"Nice" guys = Nerds who are too timid to make a move.
The world seems like it's full of douches to someone when they are very unhappy with themselves.

I'm actually quite happy with myself, I don't look to bad if I say so myself, I have an alright physique, nothing spectacular and I can be quite confident if I want to. But I don't like pretending to be someone else.

 

[Woodsey]

Self-professed nice guy generally translates into someone who lets themselves get walked all over, and/or someone who ultimately appears boring because they're too afraid to say something even the slightest bit rude/edgy/jokey in front of a girl because they're afraid of insulting them.

You can be a quiet guy, as long as you show a bit of something once in a while, and don't just pander to them every second you get.

And if you describe yourself as chivalrous, you probably fit in somewhere in the above as well.

Also: duh. Of course people won't like you if you act like an actual arse hole. Consider the fact that you probably see them as arse holes because they're getting girls you want.

 

[Gaderael]

I've been told that I'm a nice guy and I not only got the girl, I married her, so hang in there. If a. Lame-o like myself can win, then so can youu.

 

[T-Bone24]

Quite a lot of self-professed (and they are always self-professed) "nice guys" seem to be the "jerks" they so hate in disguise. It can't possibly be a problem with you that you don't receive attention, it must be that other guys are jerks and women like jerks! Of course!

Seriously, that's not a healthy attitude, either you're looking in the wrong places or you're an idiot that can't admit any fault with yourself (not you OP, just in general). You see, and this is the secret here, all women are different and there are, as they say "plenty of fish in the sea" so go out there and cast a wide net if you're truly at an impasse because then you wouldn't catch any fish with a single line into a... canyon?

Anyway, get over yourself and keep at it. You'll find someone who likes you, maybe just not right away. Try to avoid shifting blame onto other people and see how you, yourself, can better increase your chances at romance.

 

[Veloxe]

Confidence. Nice and nasty are not a factor (except when a girl is specifically looking for it, then it's probably daddy issues which involves drama you don't need) so don't let movies and tv tell you how to try and get a woman. You'll be led astray. TALK to a woman, don't be nice, don't be a jerk, JUST TALK. Be honest about what you like, tell her what you think. If you have to lie then the relationship will break on that point later on.

Confidence. If you are afraid to be you in front of a girl she'll think you're just afraid of girls. Also, cause it bears repeating, Confidence.

See, this has always confused me, why is it that "niceness" and "shyness" are apparently interchangeable in these kinds of discussions. Where if someone is "nice" they will automatically shy away from any straight up discussion and therefor lack this "confidence" I keep hearing people say attracts women. I never really see it because being confident and having a strong opinion doesn't mean you have to abandon nice to show it or discuss it with members of the opposite sex. It just means you're less likely to be a douche and pull the "No, you're wrong and your opinion is retarded!" brand of argument.

 

[SamuelT]

Snip

Oh hallo Nederlander.

It's important to note that 'nice' is not synonymous for 'wimp'. You can be a nice guy, but be assertive to others. You can be a gentleman, be kind and all that, but don't be so easy going all the time. Say no, disagree, do something she wouldn't wholly agree with.

Alhoewel ik ook zie dat Nederlandse dames vaak voor de bad boy gaan. Toch, er zijn veel die dat niet doen.

 

[Averant]

Oh look, it's thi...

What the picture says.

Wow. I need to save that picture...

 

[crudus]

Yes, you just have to know what about said "jerks" actually appeal to women. Women aren't these emotional masochists. Things like confidence and charisma.

 

[EmpressZombiKitty]

Be a nice guy, if that's who you are. Don't put on an act for the girl. Also, you can be nice without seeming to try so hard. Maybe that's what some girls didn't like, I'm not sure. It varies by person as well. I had a friend who wanted to date this jerk, and I couldn't imagine why. I met the guy she was attracted to and I just wished I could smack some common sense into her.

I'm happily with a nice guy for 2 years now.

 

[QuietBrilliance]

I like to consider myself a nice guy, and I definitely do not fall into the said douche crowd. I got with my better half when I was 17 and we have been going strong for 3 years since. It's come to my attention though that the girls that are attracted to complete douches tend to be complete bitches, not worth the time and effort and are very fickle.

In my experience, if your a nice guy, try to get with a nice girl. Hope this helps.

 

[ace_of_something]

Summing this up;
You can be a nice guy without being a wuss.
That is the goal.

 

[AngelicSven]

Quit generalizing the world.

 

[V3x]

Do anyone here honestly believe that the kind of girls that prefer bad apples would admit it?

Or those that consciously believe they don't, but subconsciously do?

There are so much chemistry at work in situations like these, and I don't think any human being have the kind of self insight required to be able to rationally explain or answer the OP's poll correctly.

 

[Biodeamon]

There is a huge gap between girls who like bad boys and girls who like nice gentlemen. And i fall for all eternity in the gap between them, alone.

 

[manythings]

Confidence. Nice and nasty are not a factor (except when a girl is specifically looking for it, then it's probably daddy issues which involves drama you don't need) so don't let movies and tv tell you how to try and get a woman. You'll be led astray. TALK to a woman, don't be nice, don't be a jerk, JUST TALK. Be honest about what you like, tell her what you think. If you have to lie then the relationship will break on that point later on.

Confidence. If you are afraid to be you in front of a girl she'll think you're just afraid of girls. Also, cause it bears repeating, Confidence.

See, this has always confused me, why is it that "niceness" and "shyness" are apparently interchangeable in these kinds of discussions. Where if someone is "nice" they will automatically shy away from any straight up discussion and therefor lack this "confidence" I keep hearing people say attracts women. I never really see it because being confident and having a strong opinion doesn't mean you have to abandon nice to show it or discuss it with members of the opposite sex. It just means you're less likely to be a douche and pull the "No, you're wrong and your opinion is retarded!" brand of argument.

Saying confidence is politer than saying "Man the fuck up!"

But seriously, Shy and Confident are pretty contradictory. If you aren't willing to be out there then you aren't going to be seen as a man. And yes women like to date men and they only care about their definition of a man.

 

[Laser Priest]

If nice means "Never making any sort of advance and counting on the other to initiate anything," yes.

 

[Eclectic Dreck]

First, there isn't a problem with being a "nice guy". I'm a nice guy and I've managed to land plenty of girlfriends over the years. The problem is that what most people mean when they say "I'm a nice guy" is "I'm meek and timid". Were I to lay out a few simple rules to help people, they'd look something like this. Most of them are obvious:

1) Don't wait for someone to ask you out because you'll be doing quite a bit of waiting.
2) If you are friends with "the perfect girl for you", don't worry about destroying the friendship if you ask them out. The friendship boat already sailed; the best thing to do is, once again, ask them to transition to a new kind of relationship.
3) Don't worry about getting told no. It happens a lot. The damage of a rejection is mild and temporary. Just think of it as narrowing the field of possible soul mates rather than a fundamental rejection of your worth as a human.
4) Be interested in the person you're dating. If you honestly don't care about what kind of day they had, it's probably time to move on.
5) There is no "right place" to meet someone. Particular types of places will tend to attract particular kinds of people which may help with initial vetting.
6) If possible, hold a lengthy conversation with any candidate before asking them on a date. This helps both of you figure out if the other is the sort of person they want to spend more time getting to know. Simply walking up to a woman and asking for a date will rarely go well.
7) For maximum success in asking women out on a date, don't do anything elaborate. Suggest a public place that fosters conversation and leaves both of you with an easy avenue of exit. This is why "coffee dates" are so popular.

 

[Nerf Ninja]

Every time I see these threads I think that whilst I'm "technically" a nice guy I'm also a bit of a prick and not all that nice to people I don't like.

The problem is that most nice guys want bad girls. I know I want a ***** that looks good in black leather, and of course looks like Power Girl.

Being a lazy fat manchild however, I get to console myself with the myth that nice guys never get the girl rather than actually put any effort into getting one.