Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?

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This question is for all the ladies (especially the Dutch ones):
Are girls still interested in nice guys or is there really no more hope for us?

It has recently (past 17 years) come to my attention that a lot of men act like jerks in front of women, and the women seem to be enjoying it. Which leads me to think that women nowadays are attracted to complete douches.

(Un)fortunately, I don't belong to that specific group, and I consider myself to be a nice and confident guy.
In fact, my last date said it wasn't gonna work out because I was too nice.
Now I've tried to be a jerk, but I don't like myself anymore when I do that.
And neither do other people, so it would seem I am doing something terribly wrong.

Is there still any chance for us? We are just regular guys, except for that we aren't complete douches.

Also I've noticed that especially city girls are attracted to jerks, please comment on that too

Ok, I've read the replies and I'd like to delve deeper in the "some do like nice guys, some like jerks" thing. Now I believe that. Problem is I can't seem to find the ones that like nice guys. I just run into jerk-loving girls OR girls that already are in relations with other nice guys.

"Nice guys don't finish last, they run a different race." Or so my friend says. I'll think about it when I'm no longer apathetic to the concept of a relationship.

 

[Zeetchmen]

Women at those young years want assholes, later in life when they settle down you will probs get someone if you still want to deal with women

 

[FightThePower]

To be honest, being 'nice' isn't enough. You need to be confident, funny, exciting as well - quite often girls will pick up on confidence far quicker than picking up on whether the guy is a dickhead or not. Problem a lot of 'nice guys' have is they sit there wondering why girls don't want to be with them since they're so 'nice' but they forget that they're insecure, meek and uninteresting. No one wants to date that guy. Not suggesting that anyone here is like that, but I used to be once, and I see it pretty often.

Bear in mind though that all girls like different things, I have a friend who seems to have a thing for sweet, skinny, sensitive guys who play videogames. Rather irritatingly, I fit all of those criteria whilst also not being a total doormat yet she still reckons we would 'never work out'. But that's a story for another day.

 

[rsvp42]

It's not about being a jerk, it's about not being a wimp. You have to be confident in yourself and your ability to get what you want. Start judging women instead of waiting for them to judge you. We're always waiting for women to approve of us; they have us competing for them. As soon as we stop acting like a beautiful women are somehow a rare and precious commodity and start engaging them on their level (that of a person confident in their own appeal and value), we can start having women who want our attention and approval.

This isn't easy, and my advice is as much to remind myself as it is to help others, but I know it works. I had a summer where I managed to have just enough swagger and self-confidence to make things happen with women in remarkable ways, ways that I thought were beyond me before. I'm looking to re-capture that, but I know the answer isn't to be the "nice guy" or the "jerk."

 

[BlindTom]

It's like gardening in FFXI

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I suddenly feel this really strong urge to dump my girlfriend. Or at least stop being nice to her or something. Maybe I'll flick some hairbands at her until she cries, damn. A relationship that resembles Final Fantasy makes my skin crawl haha.

 

[Salad Is Murder]

It's not like I'm saying just go up to a girl and say: "OMG UR SO HAWT WE SHUD DATE", but even something simple like taking me out on a coffee date (very low impact, safe, informally intimate, but don't go with a group or it's off to the friend zone again) and just chat. People love talking about themselves and it's the one topic everyone is a fucking expert on (citation needed), just get the ball rolling and see where it goes from there. If both parties involved had a good time, do it again (I loves me some cawfeh) but don't let it be the only move in your repertoire and don't wait to long to escalate the relationship or I'll think you just want to be friends, and it's back in the zone for joo!

 

[Pariah87]

This is purely my opinion but it pretty much covers me and all the males I know like me. I could be described as "nice", what I actually am is weak. I'm so weak as a male I can't even get females interested enough to be friends with me. Of course, being a fat bastard doesn't help but I know guys fatter than me who have loads of female friends.

We "nice" guys hope that a girl will see us, notice we are gentle, no aggressive, maybe a little shy and we hope she then goes on to do all the work for us when it comes to starting a conversation. Why the hell would a girl interested in a mate waste her time on someone who lacks the balls to even speak to her?

You can be a gentlemanly, charming guy who doesn't act like a dick and still get women, if you have the bollocks to back it up. You have to show that you are the master of your own world, that you are happy with yourself and that you don't give a fuck what people think. To those of us who lack the self worth to feel that way, we see guys that have those traits as jerks.

I can't take my own advice, I'm a lost cause but if you like a girl for fuck sake let her know about it. You can never be "too nice" as the girl said to the OP, what she really meant was "you're not manly enough for me to want to fuck you". The interest was obviously there, she went on a date with you. How you acted on that date simply showed her that you wern't fucking material.

That is what it all comes down to at the end of the day. A relationship without sex is simply a friendship, so if a guy or a girl brings out the friend card, it means that you're a nice person to be around but you lack whatever quality it is they are looking for to bump uglies with. For men at least, that quality is strength. Whether it's a talent you're good at, you don't care what people think so you cover yourself with tattoos, you get out on the dancefloor and make some shapes, or you have a wallet full of money and a nice car, those are all displays of strength. This comes even before looks, but it's something people don't even realise they are looking for because it happens at a subconcious level.

That doesn't mean be a dick, I can't emphasise that enough, it means make yourself an alpha male. In a pack of wolves or a troop of chimps the one who stands around at the back not wanting to get in the way or isn't strong enough to fight for a higher place in the chain will not get to mate. Humans are no different despite how much we like to think we are.

 

[BlindTom]

Does "Nice guys finish last" mean that nice guys have some kind of enhanced sexual stamina... I don't finish last very often. Guess I'm a ****, no, wait that's.. Erm. I have made several mistakes between slapping these keys and clicking post haven't I?

 

[Brutal Peanut]

I guess, I married a 'nice' guy (responsible, sweet, intelligent, charming, etc) but he was also assertive, spoke his mind, and didn't want to play games, and neither did I. So it worked out for the best. Never went for 'bad'-boys. Because well,..they are assholes? I dunno. I can't speak much for other ladies on the subject because of the differences in opinion,..can't really speak for guys either. lol *raspberry*

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Of course there is. I always thought that more girls really did like the nice guys, well, the mature ones of course. Don't worry nice guys, you definitely have the chance.

Nice girls want nice guys.

Good to hear. I don't want to be nasty

 

[AbstractStream]

I don't go for jerks. Never did. I'm engaged to a wonderful guy and he was a "nice guy."
Don't change! But at the same time, don't let people walk all over you.

 

[RaikuFA]

its not the guys fault, its the women. they only care about looks

Oh, come on now. Sometimes it's about the money too.

It has been my experience that the 'nice guy' is synonymous with coward. I am not psychic, if you don't act interested in me in a way that I can perceive, I'm not going to know you like me like that. You have to tell us when you're interested, and just spending time and hanging out as 'friends' is going to force me to lunch rush you into the friend zone...where I put all my other helicopter friends. You know what, be a little daring; get to know me while we're dating rather than hover around and look disappointed every time I spend time with my new boyfriend, because guess what? He told me he was interested in me.

dont make sense

go too fast. im a creep

go too slow. im just a friend

Why don't you approach your relationships (romantic and otherwise) with women naturally, instead of entering them with a battle plan? Generally speaking, a girl's going to find it a *little* creepy if you decide to pursue a romantic/sexual relationship with her before you actually know her.

dont matter either way. im ugly as sin and if shes seen with me in public then shell be labeled a gold digger

 

[Chemical Alia]

Whenever a guy says he's a "nice guy" on the internet, he's usually a woman-blaming creep with no self confidence. Actual nice guys are great, if nice guy is synonymous with "nice people". I'd never want to date an asshole.

 

[dead_rebel]

It's better to be a good guy than a nice guy.

 

[Saviordd1]

Well, i tend to be nice but im also not afraid to get nasty when i have to, seems to work well enough for me.

Now this might not be the same since im a guy and bisexual and not say...a girl or straight up gay but when i date guys i tend to like them to be nice, but like i said, maybe a little nasty, disagree with me from time to time, argue, dont just say "yes" to everything and be a total whimp, its a turn off for me, i dont know about women though, different wiring.

 

[Salad Is Murder]

dont matter either way. im ugly as sin and if shes seen with me in public then shell be labeled a gold digger

I think I've identified the problem...

Spoiler

It's you. You don't seem to have any love or respect for yourself, how can you expect someone else to have it for you? You've gotta' kinda' take control of your emotions and gain some self respect, only you're gonna' be able to give it to yourself. Not trying to be harsh, just some advice based on what you've put down here on teh forums.

 

[plugav]

"You're too nice" does not mean the same thing as "you're not enough of a jerk."
Let me illustrate that:

 

[370999]

Of course they do. However sometimes the bad guy wins and gets the girl. And sometimes no one is the nice guy or the jerk.

 

[Aposthebest]

Well,I guess it's already been said,but there's no need to change anything if you ask me.If some girls don't enjoy "you",most likely you won't like them either. Just be yourself and keep looking i guess...

It's kinda weird and ye I do agree that city girls are more prone to be attracted to what someone would call a "duche". It's more of a trends things.Mindless girls will be attracted to mindless boys.

Now if that mindless girl turns out to grow to a mindless woman,it's her problem not yours,just keep on searching for that "one". It might seem hard,but there are many "ones" and they all enjoy to be treated like a real woman.


Sad thing is...we're supposed to be in the 21st century and yet things haven't changed a little bit...I guess the society will never mature completely...

PS: Seriously,whichever girl/woman prefers to be treated badly,or even mediocre,deserves a visit to a shrink...it's just wrong and there's nothing that can justify it...Sorry ladies,but it's just wrong to prefer the bully over the gentleman.Sort out what being a "man" means and seriously sort out how "strength" is reflected on modern society...

(ye...i've had some bad experiences as well...)

 

[OtherSideofSky]

Not a girl but I would just like to say that I am rather distrustful of anyone claiming themselves to be "nice". A lot of them aren't. Just saying.

Also: The obligatory "Not this thread again."

On a bit of a tangent for anyone interested, however. I will say with relative authority (based on experience) that even mildly autistic people don't really have a snowball's chance in Hell, especially if crowds and loud noises throw them off (not uncommon). You would be amazed at what the medically certified inability to flirt, recognize flirting, consistently recognize emotions from facial expressions or pick up on any of the million social queues which apparently make up the bizarre cat-and-mouse game people have made out of relationships can do to hurt your chances. Being confident or outgoing simply fail to matter when you lack these basic abilities and can't do anything about it. This also has the unfortunate side effect of giving you a very good reason to fear other people (I've heard they can smell fear).

I'll just leave this here. [http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/nice2.shtml]

Thank you so much for posting that. I've been trying to find it again for ages, but I couldn't remember the name.