Poll: Do we nice guys still stand a chance?

[DarkRyter]

Want bitches? Get money.

 

[Dark Knifer]

Being a nice guy and having a girlfriend makes my opinion lean towards yes. It does work.

 

[FoolKiller]

I don't know how old you are but wait till your mid to late 20s. It pays off to be nice.

 

[Razgrizaces]

I might be a little too young to throw in my $0.02, but I'll go ahead and do it.

I've been "nice" pretty much most of my life. I've have what some people might call, a kind heart, I help my friends out vigorously, even if it means sacrificing my own time or money, all that kind of things. I've also been called sweet, by a bunch of other girls as well. But I've been completely puzzled by this as well. I see people who treat women/girls with disrespect actually have girlfriends of their own.

I'll tell you a story. I used to like this girl in middle school (last year, actually). I made it pretty obvious that I liked her, I even told her quite a few times (by text messages). In the beginning of when I liked her, she told me that she might hurt me emotionally. I didn't really care. I was trying to be especially nice for her. She told me that she liked somebody else. I didn't mind, rather, I tried to help her with him. Even though I didn't even know the guy, I wanted to just be good friends with her. This had worked the last time I did this for a girl, and I thought this would work with her. She mentioned that her parents wouldn't let her go out with anybody, which I could understand. So I end up being a great motivational speaker, telling her what I think she should do, and being there for her when she needed help, trying to be a great friend. In about a month or maybe two to three weeks, she tells me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because apparently we're total opposites. She tells me that she was a cynical b-tch, and that she didn't really want to be friends with me through high school (we were separating at this point). I tried to make amends with her, as best as I could, and it was to no avail. She even went so far as to not talk to me, and she severed all ties with me. I was furious at the time, but now I'm a better person for it. And last August, I sent a message to her Facebook after she deleted me from her friends list (not something that's a major offense, but it's pretty bad)about the entire situation and what was going through my mind. She ends up blocking me from Facebook and having her dad threaten me. In the middle of all of this, she said something about one of the people in our middle school, and about him being an asshole, but he had a sweet side apparently... from what I heard, she's going out with him.

That's my story. I'm a much better person for what she did though, and much more cautious to people like that again.

 

[LinkasZelda]

"Yes, don't change a bit" is silly and idealistic.
Sure, it sounds nice and would make you feel better, but realistically no girl wants a wimp for a guy.
There's no need to be a jerk or mean, but confidence is definitely key. You can be nice, but also not be spine-less. Don't let a girl whip you, but don't go out of your way to NOT be nice.

Then again, there are dom types. But I'm sure even they would get bored if the didn't have a will to break.

 

[370999]

I might be a little too young to throw in my $0.02, but I'll go ahead and do it.

I've been "nice" pretty much most of my life. I've have what some people might call, a kind heart, I help my friends out vigorously, even if it means sacrificing my own time or money, all that kind of things. I've also been called sweet, by a bunch of other girls as well. But I've been completely puzzled by this as well. I see people who treat women/girls with disrespect actually have girlfriends of their own.

I'll tell you a story. I used to like this girl in middle school (last year, actually). I made it pretty obvious that I liked her, I even told her quite a few times (by text messages). In the beginning of when I liked her, she told me that she might hurt me emotionally. I didn't really care. I was trying to be especially nice for her. She told me that she liked somebody else. I didn't mind, rather, I tried to help her with him. Even though I didn't even know the guy, I wanted to just be good friends with her. This had worked the last time I did this for a girl, and I thought this would work with her. She mentioned that her parents wouldn't let her go out with anybody, which I could understand. So I end up being a great motivational speaker, telling her what I think she should do, and being there for her when she needed help, trying to be a great friend. In about a month or maybe two to three weeks, she tells me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because apparently we're total opposites. She tells me that she was a cynical b-tch, and that she didn't really want to be friends with me through high school (we were separating at this point). I tried to make amends with her, as best as I could, and it was to no avail. She even went so far as to not talk to me, and she severed all ties with me. I was furious at the time, but now I'm a better person for it. And last August, I sent a message to her Facebook after she deleted me from her friends list (not something that's a major offense, but it's pretty bad)about the entire situation and what was going through my mind. She ends up blocking me from Facebook and having her dad threaten me. In the middle of all of this, she said something about one of the people in our middle school, and about him being an asshole, but he had a sweet side apparently... from what I heard, she's going out with him.

That's my story. I'm a much better person for what she did though, and much more cautious to people like that again.

People aren't rational all the time especially when it comes to relationships. The fact that you made it clear to this girl that you liked her (Hopefully by asking her out rather then being passive) means that you should of cut your losses as it seems she was quite clear on indicating that she wasn't interested in you.

Still live and learn, we all need a knocking from time to time. It sucks but as you said you do learn that relationships are a gamble, sometimes it's not your fault when it goes wrong and you jsut have to deal with that.

(Of course sometimes it is your fault so that's life)

 

[RaikuFA]

ummm, i look like i got hit by a baseball bat and never recovered from surgery

That one guy/gal up there ^ had it right. Henry Kissinger was one of the fugliest human beings to walk the earth, but made up for it with intelligence, confidence, and social skills. (And he has a famous quote about power, too...) Or shit, look at Dennis Kucinich and his wife. Living proof that attractiveness is, for many people, more than what your face looks like.

but im ugly on the inside as well. im mysongynistic. i have chronic depression. truthfully. i believe im asexual as well

Sorry to hear that - best of luck dealing with depression. (But misogyny is a different story - no excuse to hate your fellow human beings for no good reason.) And hey, if you're asexual, than the whole relationship thing isn't a problem anyway. If you're not, look to the example of Henry Kissinger.

whats considered a bad reason?

Their gender.

ive had WAY too many things happen to me from girls thats made me hate their actions

besides. isnt it a double standard? girl is androphobic shes awarded for being courageous in a "male dominant society" a guy has gynophobia and hes considered a freak

 

[Skoosh]

Stop putting things into a false dichotomy. There's a lot more to people than "nice or jerk" so likewise, people are looking for a lot more things than "is he nice/jerkish/confident". If you can't find anyone to date you, you're likely looking at the wrong people or you're a terrible person.

Knew a guy that thought all women are snobbish. Found out later he was only hitting on super attractive women in bars, which yeah, going to run into mostly snobbish women that way. Try going to new places and looking at different types of women if you can't find anyone into you.

 

[370999]

Sorry to hear that - best of luck dealing with depression. (But misogyny is a different story - no excuse to hate your fellow human beings for no good reason.) And hey, if you're asexual, than the whole relationship thing isn't a problem anyway. If you're not, look to the example of Henry Kissinger.

Agreed with this. Shouting "She started it" when you are talking about hating billions upon billions of people isn't really going to impress anyone or be that credible. It's also sad to rule out any meaningful relationship with a group of people. Doesn't have to be sexual but friendship can be really nice.

whats considered a bad reason?

Their gender.

ive had WAY too many things happen to me from girls thats made me hate their actions

besides. isnt it a double standard? girl is androphobic shes awarded for being courageous in a "male dominant society" a guy has gynophobia and hes considered a freak

The solution to people being a dick to you is not to throw yourself a pity party and hate everyone with their set of chromosomes. The solution is to learn from it and move on with your life. That does not kill you makes you stronger, and all.[/quote]

 

[Cat Cloud]

I like nice guys.

But I don't like guys that would jump off a bridge and give all thier money to me. I don't want someone who trys to be too nice, to the point where they are practically a slave. I want a boyfriend, not a servant.

Some girls are shallow or mistake someone who's a jerk with an assertive guy.

As others are saying, confidence helps.

 

[artanis_neravar]

I might be a little too young to throw in my $0.02, but I'll go ahead and do it.

I've been "nice" pretty much most of my life. I've have what some people might call, a kind heart, I help my friends out vigorously, even if it means sacrificing my own time or money, all that kind of things. I've also been called sweet, by a bunch of other girls as well. But I've been completely puzzled by this as well. I see people who treat women/girls with disrespect actually have girlfriends of their own.

I'll tell you a story. I used to like this girl in middle school (last year, actually). I made it pretty obvious that I liked her, I even told her quite a few times (by text messages). In the beginning of when I liked her, she told me that she might hurt me emotionally. I didn't really care. I was trying to be especially nice for her. She told me that she liked somebody else. I didn't mind, rather, I tried to help her with him. Even though I didn't even know the guy, I wanted to just be good friends with her. This had worked the last time I did this for a girl, and I thought this would work with her. She mentioned that her parents wouldn't let her go out with anybody, which I could understand. So I end up being a great motivational speaker, telling her what I think she should do, and being there for her when she needed help, trying to be a great friend. In about a month or maybe two to three weeks, she tells me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because apparently we're total opposites. She tells me that she was a cynical b-tch, and that she didn't really want to be friends with me through high school (we were separating at this point). I tried to make amends with her, as best as I could, and it was to no avail. She even went so far as to not talk to me, and she severed all ties with me. I was furious at the time, but now I'm a better person for it. And last August, I sent a message to her Facebook after she deleted me from her friends list (not something that's a major offense, but it's pretty bad)about the entire situation and what was going through my mind. She ends up blocking me from Facebook and having her dad threaten me. In the middle of all of this, she said something about one of the people in our middle school, and about him being an asshole, but he had a sweet side apparently... from what I heard, she's going out with him.

That's my story. I'm a much better person for what she did though, and much more cautious to people like that again.

Can you clear up a few things for me? What exactly is middle school? and how did her dad threaten you?

 

[Fahren Wolfe]

Speaking from a personal experience with one of my friends I don't think that nice guys would want to be involved with women that are hellbent on destroying themselves.

 

[Eponet]

*Sigh* I'm sure that if you used the search bar you could have found this topic already.

It doesn't seem like it's that difficult to tell. Just think about what characteristics you find attractive in men.

Alternatively, just live the way you want to. There are several billion people in the world, I'm sure you'll find someone, just travel and socialise more.

 

[Aranialis]

what do you define as a nice guy? and what do you define as a jerk?
To say the truth after taking a lot of brain cells into this matter, (probably for the same reason of the Thread creator), I found what seemed like a logical answer.
Its not about girls liking jerks, is that women find agressiveness, and the ability to be mean or bad towards something, masculine and thus atractive, doesn't mean by any means that they like douche bags. I found out this later on as i grew up and developed a more agressive nature towards the things and people that made me angry. thats probably why I'm engaged right now to a wonderful girl.
Ultimately girls will prefer a guy who is nice to them and children and cute pets, but who is a total asshole and rambo on other guys or mean people, or just people they dislike. Women find those kind of guys to usualy to be the perfect type.
There is another situation though, its when a woman tell you you are "too nice", she is lying. Its not because she thinks you are too nice its because of your passive nature she sees you as a matress or a wimp and she wants a man to rule her life and take on the reigns of the couple life without having to pay attention to problems, because the strong agressive fighting male will work it out for her and keep them living well.

Anyway this is merely my opinion on the matter and how i ended up perceiving things after looking into it my self all these years.

how to solve your situation is simply by finding the right girl for you, one that has the same interests then you and that will match your personality. I know i did. good luck

 

[La Barata]

Let me give you a bit of an analogy. Remember the story about The Grasshopper and the Ant? How while the ant spent all his time working hard, making sure he was well provided for, being responsible while the grasshopper dicked around and did whatever he felt like? Then, winter came, and the grasshopper's completely fucked. So he comes crawling to the ant, who, depending on the version of the story, either took him in or said "go die in a hole". The grasshopper is a woman, and the ant is a nice guy. The women run about doing whatever and whoever the fuck they feel like while the nice guy does his best to be productive and prepare for the future. Then, all of a sudden, winter will come. The woman will realize she's gotten older, or her douchebag boyfriend will break up with her, or something like that. Then where does she turn? She comes crawling back to the nice guy, who, being a nice guy, will be there for her, be comforting, let her ***** and moan about her ex, or how much everything sucks for little old her. He'll take it and he won't complain, because he's a nice guy. At this point, one of two things will happen. Either she'll finally realize it's a bad fucking idea to date douchebags and assholes and might get together with him (this usually only happens after age 30) or she'll friend zone him so hard his balls fall off, then run off again next spring (new douchebag or old one takes her back), only to do it all over again the next year.

Way to clump all women together...

My 2 cents, if a woman says you'd make for the perfect boyfriend/husband, don't even bother.

EDIT: I see the irony in my own post, don't bother quoting me.

Not quoting you for that reason, quoting you for a different one. Note I said *A* woman, as opposed to women. I'm saying that this is the way that some people act. I was originally thinking on pluralizing it, but I decided that'd be an unfair generalization, so I just put *A* woman.

 

[Razgrizaces]

I might be a little too young to throw in my $0.02, but I'll go ahead and do it.

I've been "nice" pretty much most of my life. I've have what some people might call, a kind heart, I help my friends out vigorously, even if it means sacrificing my own time or money, all that kind of things. I've also been called sweet, by a bunch of other girls as well. But I've been completely puzzled by this as well. I see people who treat women/girls with disrespect actually have girlfriends of their own.

I'll tell you a story. I used to like this girl in middle school (last year, actually). I made it pretty obvious that I liked her, I even told her quite a few times (by text messages). In the beginning of when I liked her, she told me that she might hurt me emotionally. I didn't really care. I was trying to be especially nice for her. She told me that she liked somebody else. I didn't mind, rather, I tried to help her with him. Even though I didn't even know the guy, I wanted to just be good friends with her. This had worked the last time I did this for a girl, and I thought this would work with her. She mentioned that her parents wouldn't let her go out with anybody, which I could understand. So I end up being a great motivational speaker, telling her what I think she should do, and being there for her when she needed help, trying to be a great friend. In about a month or maybe two to three weeks, she tells me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because apparently we're total opposites. She tells me that she was a cynical b-tch, and that she didn't really want to be friends with me through high school (we were separating at this point). I tried to make amends with her, as best as I could, and it was to no avail. She even went so far as to not talk to me, and she severed all ties with me. I was furious at the time, but now I'm a better person for it. And last August, I sent a message to her Facebook after she deleted me from her friends list (not something that's a major offense, but it's pretty bad)about the entire situation and what was going through my mind. She ends up blocking me from Facebook and having her dad threaten me. In the middle of all of this, she said something about one of the people in our middle school, and about him being an asshole, but he had a sweet side apparently... from what I heard, she's going out with him.

That's my story. I'm a much better person for what she did though, and much more cautious to people like that again.

Can you clear up a few things for me? What exactly is middle school? and how did her dad threaten you?

Middle school is the school after elementary school and before high school. So this is from 8th grade. And her dad told me never to talk to her again, not sure if he threatened me with pain though.(I deleted the message like straight afterwards). What's funny is my mom was friends with her mom... I don't know if they ever talked about this though.

 

[La Barata]

Let me give you a bit of an analogy. Remember the story about The Grasshopper and the Ant? How while the ant spent all his time working hard, making sure he was well provided for, being responsible while the grasshopper dicked around and did whatever he felt like? Then, winter came, and the grasshopper's completely fucked. So he comes crawling to the ant, who, depending on the version of the story, either took him in or said "go die in a hole". The grasshopper is a woman, and the ant is a nice guy. The women run about doing whatever and whoever the fuck they feel like while the nice guy does his best to be productive and prepare for the future. Then, all of a sudden, winter will come. The woman will realize she's gotten older, or her douchebag boyfriend will break up with her, or something like that. Then where does she turn? She comes crawling back to the nice guy, who, being a nice guy, will be there for her, be comforting, let her ***** and moan about her ex, or how much everything sucks for little old her. He'll take it and he won't complain, because he's a nice guy. At this point, one of two things will happen. Either she'll finally realize it's a bad fucking idea to date douchebags and assholes and might get together with him (this usually only happens after age 30) or she'll friend zone him so hard his balls fall off, then run off again next spring (new douchebag or old one takes her back), only to do it all over again the next year.

That just sounds like some kind of wishful thinking 'karma' story for some person who felt entitled to a girl's affection since he was being 'nice' (manipulative) and didn't get it.

That was rather unfair and uncalled for. Entirely so. You don't particularly agree with something I've said, so you immediately begin to try and brush it all off by saying I must be a manipulative person who feels entitled to having people's affection? That's really quite petty of you.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

you can be the nicest guy on the planet, it is all about how you present yourself, if you've got the motive, the confidence, and the independence, then things will fall into place

people/girls attract to guys who are confident/independent, clingy nice guys (not that most nice guys are clingy, it's just thats how they appear to be because of their niceness) tend to finish last/in the friend zone because of this, if you appear to be nice, but at the same time don't need her/she is but a mere fraction of your amazing life, then she will come after you like a fat kid at a cake convention.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

I might be a little too young to throw in my $0.02, but I'll go ahead and do it.

I've been "nice" pretty much most of my life. I've have what some people might call, a kind heart, I help my friends out vigorously, even if it means sacrificing my own time or money, all that kind of things. I've also been called sweet, by a bunch of other girls as well. But I've been completely puzzled by this as well. I see people who treat women/girls with disrespect actually have girlfriends of their own.

I'll tell you a story. I used to like this girl in middle school (last year, actually). I made it pretty obvious that I liked her, I even told her quite a few times (by text messages). In the beginning of when I liked her, she told me that she might hurt me emotionally. I didn't really care. I was trying to be especially nice for her. She told me that she liked somebody else. I didn't mind, rather, I tried to help her with him. Even though I didn't even know the guy, I wanted to just be good friends with her. This had worked the last time I did this for a girl, and I thought this would work with her. She mentioned that her parents wouldn't let her go out with anybody, which I could understand. So I end up being a great motivational speaker, telling her what I think she should do, and being there for her when she needed help, trying to be a great friend. In about a month or maybe two to three weeks, she tells me saying that we can't be friends anymore. Why? Because apparently we're total opposites. She tells me that she was a cynical b-tch, and that she didn't really want to be friends with me through high school (we were separating at this point). I tried to make amends with her, as best as I could, and it was to no avail. She even went so far as to not talk to me, and she severed all ties with me. I was furious at the time, but now I'm a better person for it. And last August, I sent a message to her Facebook after she deleted me from her friends list (not something that's a major offense, but it's pretty bad)about the entire situation and what was going through my mind. She ends up blocking me from Facebook and having her dad threaten me. In the middle of all of this, she said something about one of the people in our middle school, and about him being an asshole, but he had a sweet side apparently... from what I heard, she's going out with him.

That's my story. I'm a much better person for what she did though, and much more cautious to people like that again.

Can you clear up a few things for me? What exactly is middle school? and how did her dad threaten you?

not trying to sound offensive, but where do you live where there is not a middle school?

just curious. i know other countries call it differently, but if you are in the U.S. i am in utter shock.

 

[Eponet]

besides. isnt it a double standard? girl is androphobic shes awarded for being courageous in a "male dominant society" a guy has gynophobia and hes considered a freak

No, she's concidered to be a vicious man hating straw feminist and hated by both men, liberarians, and true feminists.

I'm sure that if you looked hard enough you could find people that sympathise with misogynists, but they're all just in hiding.