Considering that it's an expression that refers to thoughts and feelings, it exists so long as people think it exists.
Poll: Do you believe the Friend Zone exists?
- Thread starter Saucycarpdog
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Friend zone is a term invented by unattractive guys angry because they have feelings for women who don't see them as viable mates.
In a word: That's life, kid. Suck it up.
Don't get me wrong, everyone should be able to experience love. I know I'd like to. But pining after a girl who's way out of your league isn't going to improve your life. Been there, done that, couldn't really help doing it, it only ever made me miserable. I was never friend zoned. I knew she didn't want me around at all and I respected her wishes. Never even told her I liked her. What would the point have been?
Being her friend because you want to be her friend is excellent. Being her "friend" because you're infatuated, because you hope she'll change her mind, realize what a great guy you actually are, and fall in love with you is selfish, moronic, dishonest, and most of all futile. Obsessing over lost causes only works in the movies and then only because the dorky protagonist does something cool or heroic which causes a plot-required attitude reversal in the woman of his desire. In the real world you don't get a second chance to show the girl of your dreams what you're made of. Within moments of meeting you she already decided you're too uninteresting to consider.
Side note. I've heard it said that men don't have a friend zone. The argument goes like this.
In a word: That's life, kid. Suck it up.
Don't get me wrong, everyone should be able to experience love. I know I'd like to. But pining after a girl who's way out of your league isn't going to improve your life. Been there, done that, couldn't really help doing it, it only ever made me miserable. I was never friend zoned. I knew she didn't want me around at all and I respected her wishes. Never even told her I liked her. What would the point have been?
Being her friend because you want to be her friend is excellent. Being her "friend" because you're infatuated, because you hope she'll change her mind, realize what a great guy you actually are, and fall in love with you is selfish, moronic, dishonest, and most of all futile. Obsessing over lost causes only works in the movies and then only because the dorky protagonist does something cool or heroic which causes a plot-required attitude reversal in the woman of his desire. In the real world you don't get a second chance to show the girl of your dreams what you're made of. Within moments of meeting you she already decided you're too uninteresting to consider.
Side note. I've heard it said that men don't have a friend zone. The argument goes like this.
I think that's untrue and unfair. I know women I would never under any circumstances have sex with. And before someone says it, it's not an appearance thing. Two of my "never" women are attractive enough to model.
It does exist, but it's the fault of the guy in these circumstances, not the women. They willingly remain in relationships where they can't get their emotional and physical needs satisfied. Women don't have a magical switch to suddenly make platonic feelings romantic, just the same as guys don't. If you're unable to simply accept the friendship as forever remaining a friendship, you're committing emotional self harm by not removing yourself from the relationship and moving on.
However, though the existence in the "Friend Zone" is ultimately the fault of the guy, I don't entirely blame them for getting themselves stuck there. We have a plethora of men raised by single and/or dominant mothers who educated their sons how to respect women, be courteous, chivalrous and such, but never gave the right advice when it comes to approaching members of the opposite sex and basic sexual cues. In addition, modern media often reinforces the misguided notion that a friendship can somehow blossom into something more if the guy is patient or "nice" enough.
As with any big change, there's going to be collateral damage for the collective good. In the modern world, woman have much more choices and that applies, perhaps more than anything else, to potential partners. A man needs more than a simple income nowadays to be found anything close to desirable or attractive. As such, the "Friend Zoned" generation of men who were taught poorly about etiquette and intimacy and effectively neutered by modern media are the collateral that are left behind.
Well, at least that's my personal, uneducated armchair thesis on the "Friend Zone" anyway.
However, though the existence in the "Friend Zone" is ultimately the fault of the guy, I don't entirely blame them for getting themselves stuck there. We have a plethora of men raised by single and/or dominant mothers who educated their sons how to respect women, be courteous, chivalrous and such, but never gave the right advice when it comes to approaching members of the opposite sex and basic sexual cues. In addition, modern media often reinforces the misguided notion that a friendship can somehow blossom into something more if the guy is patient or "nice" enough.
As with any big change, there's going to be collateral damage for the collective good. In the modern world, woman have much more choices and that applies, perhaps more than anything else, to potential partners. A man needs more than a simple income nowadays to be found anything close to desirable or attractive. As such, the "Friend Zoned" generation of men who were taught poorly about etiquette and intimacy and effectively neutered by modern media are the collateral that are left behind.
Well, at least that's my personal, uneducated armchair thesis on the "Friend Zone" anyway.
Yeah, I think it exists. I think it's mainly an issue for people lacking in relationship experience. I've been friend-zoned myself, and after realizing it, I was bitter towards my crush for leading me on.
Then I matured, pulled my head out of my ass, and realized I was doing it to myself, and she didn't do anything. I changed the ways I interact with people I wish to pursue, and inevitably end up with them or politely declined. Either way, being honest about my feelings upfront usually resulted in immediate closure, rather than surpressing my true feelings and hoping they'd catch on to subtle hints and swoon for me - which dragged on for weeks before something awkward happened.
Then I matured, pulled my head out of my ass, and realized I was doing it to myself, and she didn't do anything. I changed the ways I interact with people I wish to pursue, and inevitably end up with them or politely declined. Either way, being honest about my feelings upfront usually resulted in immediate closure, rather than surpressing my true feelings and hoping they'd catch on to subtle hints and swoon for me - which dragged on for weeks before something awkward happened.
I see two kinds:
1. Being a friendly "nice guy" with a person with the sole intention of having an intimate relationship with her/him, and then acting shocked when he/she shoots isn't interested. That's the bad kind, and should be seen as such.
I'm guilty of this one and not proud of it, so the less I dwell on it the better.
2. When you fall in love with your best friend but don't want to say anything lest you ruin the relationship you already have. This one gets a pass in my book, partly because it happened to me.
Friends since the 7th grade, fell in love with her junior year. At least in my case she was also interested, and when we did break up she moved so I'll never have to see if our friendship was ruined.
1. Being a friendly "nice guy" with a person with the sole intention of having an intimate relationship with her/him, and then acting shocked when he/she shoots isn't interested. That's the bad kind, and should be seen as such.
I'm guilty of this one and not proud of it, so the less I dwell on it the better.
2. When you fall in love with your best friend but don't want to say anything lest you ruin the relationship you already have. This one gets a pass in my book, partly because it happened to me.
Friends since the 7th grade, fell in love with her junior year. At least in my case she was also interested, and when we did break up she moved so I'll never have to see if our friendship was ruined.
THATS the point.. If one partner acts in a way that indicates romantic interest, ike acting touchy-feely, going on date and date-like activities, being very sensual but denying romantiv interest and say no to a relationship but continue this behaviior, they are shit.dragonswarrior said:
THESE ARE PEOPLE YOU DONT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP!
Some guys whine that they do "everything" for her- thats a mistake. Really, if you got rejected, then accept the rejection. Cut ties, even only for a while, a FRIEND will understand this. A FRIEND wont bring up your infatuation and berate you for it. A FRIEND wont act like an "on-off-relationship" like denying romantic interest but having sex or going on date and spending a lot of time together while KNOWING about the unrequisite Love of their "friend".
That is a supremely shitte behavior.
If you meet such a person, RUN. Dont whine, dont get trampled, don´t do shit a partner or lover would do*
This kind of people are toxic. Its fortunate that they arent so ubiquitous, butr sonetimes a toxic person can fly under the radar and their toxicity becomes only obvious when you are in a state of infatuation.
there is a pretty good rule for a lot of interaction:
"If you feel unhappy or sad most the time in or after an interaction with a friend or lover or you dread the prospect of meeting them in the future because of their behaviour, this person is not right for you. Friends or SO should make you happy, not sad, angry or hurt. Be nice to yourself and go."
So if you are in love, that person is not but doesnt respect your boundaries, then cut them off.
Also try to find your boundaries. A good friend will respect them. (and you should respect theirs. so dont badger or pressure people, you cant force love or attraction)
Also people need to learn take rejection. It hurts like shit and we as humans often tend to attack the person we perceive the reason for our hurt. Stopping that behaviour or learning to redirect the hurt into constructive stuff is a very important part of a mature respectful character.
*(be it a task, a date, or be it a high frequency of "friend-dates", or getting lots of gifts or gifting a lot of stuff yourself, doing a lot of errands, at atypical times like for example getting called at 3 am by that person to talk on a day ze knows you have to woks, acting as a garbage disposer for negative thoughts or feelings, because even as a friend you are no therapist and its totally okay to say
" i dont want to talk about this, its hard for me, please talk with other people about your relationship problems, thank you" -especially if you are infatuated. bc it hurts to have to hear about this and nice people who like you will know that and respect your feelings.
I think a lot of people don't realize is that people are by nature selfish and it goes both ways for men and woman. Many do generally feel entitled when they put a lot of work and effort into something. That's common sense and no one would work on anything if they didn't get what they felt entitled too. Peoples feelings change all the time, how someone feels about you can change at any time and they will do whatever suits their best interests even if it's morally wrong.
Humans being humans and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's a shame that many of you just want robots. As long as someone puts a lot of work and effort into something, they will expect something back sooner or later.
Humans being humans and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's a shame that many of you just want robots. As long as someone puts a lot of work and effort into something, they will expect something back sooner or later.
Well sometimes people dont see that. I for myself cant flirt for shit, that means that unless I am interested in the guys or gals and approach them or they approach me and are open with it i just never consider any romantic interrest.Adamantium93 said:
I cant read emotions or stuff and starnge rites like gifting stuff.. eh i am not a stereotypical girl, dont gift me shit like clothings, flowers or jewellery, gift me the limited edition of dark souls if u insist...
The relationships I had started usually through meeting, esablishing a friendship(I prefer to know people before I fuck them, to test for asshole-behaviour& other red flags) and casually fucking (if you are a pervert like me you are in a subculture where such stuff is easier and you are only a whore if you wanna get called that was in a scene.
Also i was brought up very open, so i dont have any shame attached to that, i dont care whether people wthink i am bad for liking sex(why the f should I? As long as one is open and honest and respects the boundaries of other people everything is fine)
the fact that this user often approaches people lead to some situations where the people didnt like her back. welp, hurt feelings and such but i had to endure that and learn to cope.
but there were one or two cases where guys were into me but i had no sexual or romantic interest and did for the lord not see theirs until people told me directly. I just acted like normal, so doing stuff together, playing on lan-parties, movie nights and getting annoyed at their constant barrage with messanges (even in a relationship i need time for myself)
and i dont have any problems with shy guys-au contraire. If i am into them i just approach them, its pretty fun and i met my SO in that way(severely sociophobe, talked over the internet more and then met)
So people need to be honest about their feelings and if they are not met ist okay to end the frendship to not endure more emotional pain. And ist totally okay to define boundaries and ask the person to respekt them-like not talking abot their lovelife with you. if they dont respect that, just run, that person is not good for you.
Sometimes you swing and you miss. Sometimes there's just no connection. It exists, but it really depends on the attitudes of the people involved, I think. Of the dates and relationships I've been in, when I think of them my goal has always been to think of what I did wrong and what I could, and will, do better. Have I met people in whom I've been interested and there's been no interest back? yes. She actually recently got married, and I was happy to give her and her new husband a hug and a handshake at their wedding. A long time ago I realized I swung and I missed with her, so my priority was to move on and learn what I could have done better instead of hanging on indefinitely and waiting for that ever-increasingly unlikely chance things might turn around.
In terms of 'interest was on one side and not the other'? Yes, it exists. I've been through it and come out the other side a (hopefully) better person.
In terms of the above situation and the person not interested manipulating the interested party? I'm sure it exists to some extent but I genuinely hope it's not true 90% of the time or more. I would hope people are not so petty and terrible.
If you happen to miss, you happen to miss. You can still be friends and still enjoy eachothers' company, as long as you set boundaries. For example with my ex my only rule at the beginning was 'don't gush about your next boyfriend and how awesome he is to me.' She understood that and she understood why I said it and to this day she avoids it even though the times she's let it slip I've been okay with it.
In terms of 'interest was on one side and not the other'? Yes, it exists. I've been through it and come out the other side a (hopefully) better person.
In terms of the above situation and the person not interested manipulating the interested party? I'm sure it exists to some extent but I genuinely hope it's not true 90% of the time or more. I would hope people are not so petty and terrible.
If you happen to miss, you happen to miss. You can still be friends and still enjoy eachothers' company, as long as you set boundaries. For example with my ex my only rule at the beginning was 'don't gush about your next boyfriend and how awesome he is to me.' She understood that and she understood why I said it and to this day she avoids it even though the times she's let it slip I've been okay with it.
Is it possible to have sexual/romantic feelings for someone who doesn't return them? Sure. Happens all the time, and it usually sucks.
However, believing yourself to have been "put in the friendzone" as a conscious act, and that you somehow "deserve" to have your feelings reciprocated for "everything you did"... well, you probably deserve to be in the "friendzone", because an attitude like that signals a pretty horribly entitled and self-centered mindset.
However, believing yourself to have been "put in the friendzone" as a conscious act, and that you somehow "deserve" to have your feelings reciprocated for "everything you did"... well, you probably deserve to be in the "friendzone", because an attitude like that signals a pretty horribly entitled and self-centered mindset.
In regards to people deciding not to pursue romantic relationships with specific individuals? Yes of course it exists.
Is it also annoying hearing people talk about it all the time? Yes. Very much so.
Is it also annoying hearing people talk about it all the time? Yes. Very much so.
Ok so, the whole time that this discussion has been going on (I first heard this term used like 6 years ago, for reference) I've never actually understood what the "friendzone" was supposed to be.
I mean, is it really THAT weird to be just friends with a woman, that we need a special name for it? I mean, it's not like every single woman in your life needs to romantically involved with you somehow, most of them never will be. Or is it more about rejected romantic advances? Dude, that happens all the time, there's no need to call it a "zone" like you're a Superman villain being exiled into a void. Just accept that it didn't work out and move on.
I mean, is it really THAT weird to be just friends with a woman, that we need a special name for it? I mean, it's not like every single woman in your life needs to romantically involved with you somehow, most of them never will be. Or is it more about rejected romantic advances? Dude, that happens all the time, there's no need to call it a "zone" like you're a Superman villain being exiled into a void. Just accept that it didn't work out and move on.
It exists before a few pints and ive not been out of it (not that i'd notice otherwise), so yeah.