Poll: Do you think that morality is something that should be applied to sex?

[jklinders]

Poorly phrased poll question is poorly phrased.

If I tackle it in the way I think you meant then, no there is no universal moral to consensual sex. As long as it is between two consenting adults, neither marriage nor any other social convention has any business in the question. Marriage does not give a guarantee against any infidelity as current divorce rates broadcast quite clearly. When you consider marriage's origin as being a component of a financial contract between families then it becomes even more muddled.

Frankly it is in my opinion pretty idiotic to commit to a life long relationship without knowing if all components, including the physical components are before hand. I think most would like to know if they are going to be sexually fulfilled in a relationship before marriage. This I am certain goes for women as well as men. As one friend's mother told her, "You wouldn't buy a pair of shoes before trying it on first would you?"

Sex is far from the only thing in a happy relationship but only fools discount it as unimportant given how we as a species are wired.

 

[Kennetic]

If she doesn't want to have sex before marriage then that is her choice. She isn't wrong and neither are you. Morality is subjective so everyone views it differently and for different reasons. If she chooses it for religious reasons then that is fine. If it's not for religious reasons, that's fine too. You can't judge people for having those views. Actually, it seems that you're looking down on people for not wanting to have sex before marriage when there's nothing wrong with not wanting to.

 

[MysticToast]

Wow, I can't believe how harsh some of you are being on people who want to wait. So they don't want to have sex right away? Why do you care so much? Holy crap.

 

[kuyo]

Morality isn't a constant. People can consider anything immoral. Sure, there's some common ground in major offenses, but the smaller stuff depends mainly on individual opinions.
Anyway, the real problem with celibacy is that builds sex up. You start thinking of it too romantically and lose sense of practicality which leads to mistakes. (like going unprotected)

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

In some religions sex before marriage is a sin. Therefore, it can be immoral to some people.

If you really want to dive in deep about morality, morality itself is an opinion. Once a long time ago you murdered to protect honor and had sex with little boys because they were meant for pleasure. You pull that shit now days you might get executed. So really the whole argument is flawed because its heavily opinionated.

I myself don't believe sex period is immoral. It is a requirement for our race to survives. As important as breathing. So marriage should not enter into it. Still, it would be wise to have sex with someone you wouldn't mind spending the rest of your life with, because if a baby comes, you may be stuck with them.

 

[CCountZero]

Now I turn to you, Escapists, and I ask whether morality should apply to sex.

Morality should definitely be applied in ones "extracurricular activities", but, premarital sex isn't immoral in any way. In fact, it has nothing to do with morality whatsoever.

The idea of abstinence is an old religious tradition, and not unlike many of those, it's had its uses in the dark ages, when abortion, the day-after pill and protection wasn't available, but today it's just another ball and chain on our collective leg.

Hell, the idea of the traditional marriage is even in decline, with people simply opting to live together without being married, possibly having similar legal arrangements made in other ways.

If one wants an idea of how silly the concept of marriage is these days, one needs only look at the divorce numbers.

What would definitely be immoral would be doing somebody while they were asleep, or "boozing someone up" with the specific intent to get laid[footnote]No, I'm not saying people who don't drink can't go to a bar. Read it again.[/footnote].

 

[Phasmal]

I thought the thread title said 'mortality' first, it was confusing.

OP: People need to mind their own business when it comes to other people's sex lives. If you wanna wait till marriage, fine. Same goes for someone who likes to fuck everything that moves. provided they're safe about it and it's consensual (although that goes without saying). Neither party has the right to go around calling the other a prude/slut.

Everyone should have their own set of morals but don't try to force them on other people, at least in relation to sex and sexuality. It shouldn't matter to anyone else whether I want to wait until marriage or want to fuck someone in an upside-down boat. Sex is sex and it should only be the business of the person they're, or planning on, having sex with.

I know I'm being an idealist here but a girl can dream.

Pretty much this.
It's only your business who you do or dont sleep with and when (well, yours and the person involved).

If someone wants to wait for marriage, then thats up to them. It doesn't matter.
It also doesn't make them a better or worse person. If they want to think it makes them a better person, let them think that. You get people thinking they are better than you for stupid shit all the time, so why not just let them?

This reminds me of once when I was working in a nursery, me and one of my co-workers were talking during a break. She asked me where I lived, I told her me and my boyfriend lived just over the road, to which she replied, horror-struck `In the same HOUSE?!`.
Me and my sin-living ways.

 

[MysticToast]

I thought the thread title said 'mortality' first, it was confusing.

OP: People need to mind their own business when it comes to other people's sex lives. If you wanna wait till marriage, fine. Same goes for someone who likes to fuck everything that moves. provided they're safe about it and it's consensual (although that goes without saying). Neither party has the right to go around calling the other a prude/slut.

Everyone should have their own set of morals but don't try to force them on other people, at least in relation to sex and sexuality. It shouldn't matter to anyone else whether I want to wait until marriage or want to fuck someone in an upside-down boat. Sex is sex and it should only be the business of the person they're, or planning on, having sex with.

I know I'm being an idealist here but a girl can dream.

Pretty much this.
It's only your business who you do or dont sleep with and when (well, yours and the person involved).

If someone wants to wait for marriage, then thats up to them. It doesn't matter.
It also doesn't make them a better or worse person. If they want to think it makes them a better person, let them think that. You get people thinking they are better than you for stupid shit all the time, so why not just let them?

This reminds me of once when I was working in a nursery, me and one of my co-workers were talking during a break. She asked me where I lived, I told her me and my boyfriend lived just over the road, to which she replied, horror-struck `In the same HOUSE?!`.
Me and my sin-living ways.

I actually never understood how that's a sin. Like, is there any basis for that? I grew up in church and I never heard that co habitation was wrong.

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

There is nothing wrong with wanting and having sex; it's a perfectly normal desire (how much and how often is a topic for another day). Essentially, there are many guidelines in which people use to define their engagement (or lack their of) in sexual intercourse. For some, it is merely an expression of love; others feel like it is merely an activity that they share with others that have little to no sentimental value; others might see sex as sacred or bound by certain creeds of their respective religion or faith, and thus, limit their sexual intake for future dates.

Putting my spin on it, I don't engage (or rather, welcome the idea) of sex in a relationship unless I'm in a committed and trusting relationship with someone I care about. I know that my religion forbids premarital sex, but I have just learned to meet my partner and faith half way. I don't believe that it's spiritually wrong to desire things, just not to let them get out of control (i.e. sex is the only reason for wanting to have a relationship with someone). I feel that sex is a way to expression your devotion and intimacy to someone rather than be willing to give it up to anyone who is willing to take it.

That and STDs. In my book, anyone who is willing to have sex with anyone on the fly has something undesirable about them that would be a sex deterrent if their partner knew about it. Some might say that they just enjoy sex and to that I can probably agree on; just so long as they don't have sex with me.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

IMHO, Morals in relation to sex only applies in certain cases...Basically cases where there will be injury/death to someone involved. IE, if someone has a death fetish actually and kills/asks to be killed by the other person. Yeah, THAT'S immoral.

But otherwise? I don't exactly think morals apply.

And as for Sex before marriage, I think it's a good thing. You shouldn't get into a lifetime commitment unless you have a very deep and thorough knowledge of the other person. Up to and including if you are compatible in bed.

If the girl the OP was talking to was just talking about casual sex outside of a relationship, then...Eh...I see why she would point to morals, but I still don't agree, really. It's not like it's harmful to anybody if both sides are cool with it, and proper protection is used.

 

[Phasmal]

I actually never understood how that's a sin. Like, is there any basis for that? I grew up in church and I never heard that co habitation was wrong.

I think it depends on the specific church.
I'm pretty sure the churches that do discourage it do so because they think if you are already living together like you are married you might not bother to actually get married.
But that's just my guess.

 

[Seventh Actuality]

If you think you're applying morality to sex, that is not morality, plain and simple. You're not "applying" anything about ethics or being a good person, you're subscribing to outdated social norms that are at best pointless and usually straight-up evil and repulsive, then co-opting the word "morality" so you can judge the people who don't.

 

[dickywebster]

Saying yes or no only, leaves me with issues, if its yes, then whos morals?
If no, then whats to stop say cheating?
So i have to say other, as i take a midway point, plus i frankly dont see anything wrong with 2 people of the same sex sleeping together and according to some religions/morality systems, they should be killed.
So beyond no cheating and it should be a partnership, i dont see why morality should feature.

 

[Heinrich843]

Also, incidentally, ITT:

PEOPLE AREN'T ALLOWED TO HAVE MORAL CONDITIONING OTHER THAN MY PERSONAL BELIEFS ANYONE WHO DOES IS STUPID RELIGION IS STUPID etc etc

Oh Escapist, you're so woefully predictable.

It's funny cause it's true.

OT: Whatever moral code you subscribe to determines what falls under "morals" and what does not. For her, "maybe they have morals" - they moral code she or others subscribe to indicates that sex and how you do it is subject to this code. To others, this is a non-issue. To some, cheating is okay. How you view ethics, morality or any other highly subjective....er...subject is up to you. There is no universal system that should be applied.

Other people who think differently than you do helps to make life less boring.

 

[Cheery Lunatic]

Also, incidentally, ITT:

PEOPLE AREN'T ALLOWED TO HAVE MORAL CONDITIONING OTHER THAN MY PERSONAL BELIEFS ANYONE WHO DOES IS STUPID RELIGION IS STUPID etc etc

Oh Escapist, you're so woefully predictable.

Hello new best friend.

OT: I don't see why morality should be left out of sex. The point of morals is that they're applied to everything in everyday life. It's just that people have different morals.

 

[Zen Toombs]

My personal belief is that morality has no place when it comes to consensual sex.

So morality should be applied to sex? Because that's what you're doing. Just sayin'.

More on topic: I will say that from what you said, the girl you were talking to seemed to be being high and mighty, but it's also possible that you were being a jerk and she was defending herself - I wasn't there so I don't know and can't say either way.

I personally choose to not have sex with someone unless I'm in love with them, and I understand the idea when people think that should be the standard. However, I don't think it's that big of a deal to have sex with others so long as it's consentual. I just choose to not do that, and so long as you don't look down on me for my choices then I have no reason to look down on you for yours. In other words, to each his own.

I do take umbrage with this though:

Another thing that upsets me is how many people who wait until marriage to have sex naturally take the moral high ground.[sup]1[/sup] All you did was adhere to a custom that dates back to a time when women were property, congratulations.[sup]2[/sup]

Ad hominem. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Association_fallacy#Guilt_by_association_as_an_ad_hominem_fallacy] With [sup]2[/sup], you could say the same for marriage in general, a number of holidays, the concept of Universities, etc. etc.
Also, that person didn't do [sup]2[/sup], they chose to make a certain action special,[footnote]which it doesn't have to be, but they choose to make it so. you can also choose to make cake-eating special, but i choose not to.[/footnote] and chose to make it special by not preforming that action except in limited circumstances.[footnote]which is far from the only way to make something special[/footnote]
As for [sup]1[/sup], do you think they have the moral high ground in any way? Because I don't. I think they[footnote]which in this case, kindof includes me. as i said, i'm not for 'until marriage', but i'm for being in love with them beforehand.[/footnote] made a decision, and you made a different one. One works for them, one works for you.