Poll: Do you want an apology?

[TheRightToArmBears]

Given how I'm roughly a year out of Sixth Form, no. I happen to know that the people who bullied me are still dicks, but they only bullied me in primary school, I stopped giving a shit fairly early. To be honest, having older brothers really prepares you for that shit. It's more the 'Let's shun those guys completely' that the rest of my year pulled (I'll admit we weren't the friendliest bunch, but they were douchebags) from about halfway through secondary school to the end of Sixth Form that I'd care about more, but even then, fuck them. If you're 18 and you're that much of a bunch of stupid, selfish, immature bastards then you're beyond hope.

I'll still tolerate people, and if they actually offered an apology I'd be grateful, but I can't say I really want it.

 

[Unia]

I was pretty severely bullied (by former friends no less), and then years later one of them sought me out to apologize.
I'm pretty sure it was part of some rehabilitation she was in to get over substance abuse or some such.
I had pretty mixed feelings about the whole thing. On one hand, she was every bit the sorry, self-centered sod she ever was, on the other at least she was *trying* to change and acknowled that you can't make your own misery go away by ruining somebody else's day.

And yeah, to this day I expect the worst out of every new person I meet and letting my guard down enough to make friends is next to impossible, so I'd say bullying affected me a good bit. But it's up to me, not my bullies to get over that hurdle and move on. So I'd rather not hear a peep from former bullies. They've given me enough trouble, I just don't have the energy to spare to forgive and understand them.

 

[Arctodus_Simus]

I wouldn't say no - I'd appreciate it, sure, but I have no need of one. It's very much behind me.

 

[Aesir23]

For me it was actually pretty awesome to get an apology from a former bully of mine even if he hadn't been the worst of the individuals that had bullied me. Yes, I'd moved on (with some therapy) but it was really nice to know that the person realized that they'd been a complete ass even though it had been almost 10 years since I'd last been bullied. Also, while I wouldn't particularly call it closure it was also nice to get some questions answered.

 

[Karelwolfpup]

Personally, no, I don;t want an apology, if they came up to me and tried to I'd either spit in their face or just walk away without acknowledging them. They did the damage and went on with their lives, I've learned to deal with my issues. They can learn to deal with whatever feelings they may or may not have about it.

 

[purplecactus]

My life was seriously messed up by past bullying. As in the kind of messed up that puts you in hospital.

I wouldn't want or accept an apology from the three main people who caused it.

I don't want to dwell on that part of my life, not after how long it's taken me to be anywhere approaching ok. Having these people apologise wouldn't do anything but dig up memories and things better left in the past. I wouldn't be happy about it, I'd be angry.

For some people, some things are better left being over and done with.

 

[Zweiblumen]

I was bullied a bit at a younger age, because of my amusing reactions. Which was basically threatening violence and getting rather angry, but I never did actually did anything. Except for one time, when I'd had enough I walked up to (then the most prominent of the bullies, who is now my friend) and started to choke him, in my fit of anger and despair. I realized what I was doing and stopped, though.

I think that was the last time I've ever actually done something violent. I've never once hit someone (besides my older brother when I was a lot younger) and generally dislike violence. I remember my father telling me that if I just fought back a bit I could make it stop, but to me being bullied was a better option than violence.

Feels weird to think about these things. I remember thinking about (not actually contemplating) suicide when I was a bit unhappy earlier on. In some way all of that nonsense when I was younger has lead to me being the most carefree, optimistic and just generally happy person that I know very well. Not that that doesn't have its disadvantages, but I just smirk at them.

 

[Martin Page]

Hypothetically; how close would the apologizing bully be standing? And would there be any witnesses?

Seriously, an apologies would just open up old feelings. No thanks.

 

[HalfTangible]

The kid who bullied me in middle school was brought to tears in high school. Our entire class cheered when we found out about it.

But bullying has already screwed me over. I wouldn't be angry if someone tried to apologize, but it wouldn't help anything.

 

[Malkav]

I believe it's unhealthy to hold a grudge against long gone people. An apology would be a formal closure, probably more for them than for me.

I learned a lot about these guys in the later school years. Some of them were just plain insensitive and inconsiderate, they believed they were comedians and didn't realize they were the only ones having fun. After the worst guys left school, I actually became friends with the guys who used to follow them around. People change, and sometimes they're not as bad as you make them out to be. I have faith that they got better.

Even if not, why be sore about it and build up anger you'll never get a chance to vent? If you can't move on without seeing some justice, you're hurting yourself, and you're not being a stronger or better person as you'd like to be.

 

[suitepee7]

personally, i never really got it that bad, so while i despise several people from my school days, i'd rather just never hear from them again. if they apologised i'd be too polite to tell them to fuck off, but kinda grateful and understanding that they did it, and i'd just get confused

 

[Mr F.]

I heard one of the strangest things ever on the radio today and I was absolutely baffled by it.
*SNIP*
Later in the show, one of the people that was apologized to called into the show and talked about how grateful they were that the person apologized to them and how it'll really help them have some closure.

...dafuq?

Seriously lady? It's been over a freaking decade and you're blubbering on about how much this apology meant to you? Really? It affected your life THAT much that you're still thinking about it? I, like just about everyone who has ever existed, experienced bullying in my younger days and if someone from the past apologized for bullying me, I would probably just say "Alright" and leave it at that. I don't want and/or need an apology from you; I'm a grown-up and realize how petty kids can be, I don't need your apology.

Which got me to thinking: Would you want and/or appreciate an apology from a bully in the past? Am I just being an insensitive ass by wondering why in the hell this would matter to you years after it happened? Do you agree and think that this is just kind of stupid that an apology from your former bully is silly?

*SNIP*

Well...

I can speak from experience. It does help.

One of my old bullies, out of the blue, randomly contacted me to apologise for how much of a massive **** he was during my teenage years. He had been directly involved in one of my early attempts on my life, his actions at least, and he knew it. His apology was... Helpful? I don't really know. Really nice, it was good to hear him actually feel shit about how he had treated me. I told him it didn't matter that much and that I was mostly over it all, had bigger fish to fry and whatnot. For reference, I am 21 now, it had been 6 years since I had last seen him.

Now we talk on occasion and get along rather well, he is an anarchist artist/poet thing living it up in the states and I am a radical Commie failing to live it up in the UK.

It can be really helpful. I know apologies from the only people I genuinely hate would be rather brilliant, two people who directly led to my life being a living hell. There are quite a few people who wronged me in my life, apologies from them would be... heart warming. Its nice to know that someone has grown up and that they have enough empathy to care about who they were however long ago.

I mean, an apology from my ex-fiance would be nice. As would an apology from my last ex-partner. An apology from the girl who spread incredibly malicious rumours about me, destroying my good name and making me flee the city would also be nice. Apologies are good.

 

[Palmerama]

I don't need an apology from them. I was bullied every week day for 5 years (plus I had 100% attendance every year which didn't help), It wasn't the easiest of times, epscially with my home life a mess as well but I got through it. I went to college, a better college then any of them & I got to go with my friends, made new friends, I went to university when all of them ended up getting dead end jobs. I've travelled around the world, seen things and been places they will never experience. They all still live in the home town.

I don't need an apology as my life is good. Half of them became parents by the time they hit 21. I consider myself lucky and believe my life is better.

 

[The Funslinger]

No, given the chance I'd much rather show them how awesome I am now, so they can feel bad about their missed chance to be friends with some one as fabulous as me. Unfortunately, that probably won't be happening any time soon, as I already missed my 10-year high school reunion by a few years.

Wait for the 20 year reunion, then kick the hall door down with an electric guitar and awesome cane and wearing a top hat, giving everyone the finger. It's the only way.

I think an apology from a school bully or something would be pretty shocking. Shocking as in "There's no way they'd actually mean it".

I think the milage may vary on that one. You never know, some people could have some sort of "My Name is Earl" style revelation. But I'll admit it's not too likely.

OT: Well, due to residing in a village, near a large urban town, which is where a lot of stuff happens, I've pretty much had some contact with the people who bullied me long after it stopped. They still attempt to be shits when they see me, but that's to a lot of people besides me, and I couldn't really call it bullying anyway. Just impotent verbal mudslinging.

They've all invariably alienated their families and gotten addicted to various drugs, anyway. So ha.

 

[Sectan]

I wasn't bullied in school at all. Having said that I feel like just saying "I'm Sorry" does nothing, but make whoever was in the wrong feel better. Sorry doesn't magically take away the events that occurred. Sorry doesn't heal emotional or physical scars that people carry with them. Sorry doesn't actually DO anything. If you're really sorry, then DO something about it instead of "Sorry. Okay I made it up to you bye!"

 

[loc978]

...I was always the geek with more bite than bark (and more blades than sense... so "other").
A couple of kids who tried to bully me in high school are some of my best friends now that we're all in our 30s. A bunch more are dead (mainly from overdoses or gang violence. Not my doing, I was too busy working to kill people... at least until that was part of my job description). I was never the one to apologize to, since I gave better than I got. A few of my other friends got apologies and are better off for it now, though.

 

[A Weakgeek]

I can't help but notice that already 3 mods have answered in this thread.

Is there something that drives bullied people to become people of authority on the internet?

Nah, must be just a slow day.

 

[Xukog]

Given that the bullying screwed me up to the point I refused to interact with other students,which scewed me over when I moved to another school,and made an ass of myself because I hated everyone to the point I had to be homeschooled....I wouldn't give a damn.I know one of them must be in jail by this point anyway,the idiot had been in juvie several times and was probably 3 or 4 years older then everyone else in the class and still failing.

 

[ninjaRiv]

I had a shitty time in school. It was terrible and it totally fucked me up as a person. I would genuinely boil those people alive and laugh as they scream. I'm kind of not joking. An apology would not do at all. But, despite holding a grudge against those people and anyone who bullies me in adult life I'd much prefer to be a success and rub it in their faces.

Captcha: do it now. I would, captcha, I just don't have a big enough pot.

 

[Nazulu]

Nope. I want them to go through what happened to me so they can find out how fucking useless and apology really is.

Oh no, wait. My bully became a paraplegic from a car crash. Good! You know why I don't care? Because he was the really popular kid that everyone loved, including his parents, so he was just an asshole for the sake of being an asshole. Literally, he was the big athlete from the school that was perfect in everyone's eye's and therefore he could do no wrong. Until he learned that popularity doesn't shield you from being an over-confident shitty driver.

Yes, my heart is still beating. Why do you ask?