Poll: Do you want an apology?
- Thread starter tippy2k2
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Couldn't hurt.
It wouldn't be a big occasion for me or anything, but a "Hey, man. I used to be a dick... sorry about that" would be met with a smile and acceptance from me. I'd quite like to know that certain people have changed.
It wouldn't be a big occasion for me or anything, but a "Hey, man. I used to be a dick... sorry about that" would be met with a smile and acceptance from me. I'd quite like to know that certain people have changed.
A serious disease or accident are terrible, but the only thing that, given the right circumstances, can infinitely damage a person is another person.
Also, the best thing for healing is also support and understanding. A sincere apology for something truly damaging can be something very powerful. The sincere is the tricky part, though.
Also, the best thing for healing is also support and understanding. A sincere apology for something truly damaging can be something very powerful. The sincere is the tricky part, though.
Is it me, or has alot of people on the escapist had past experiences from bullies? It seems everyone and their mums on here has had some experience with the issue.
Our past is a part of what we are. The more the time passes, the biggest is that part.tippy2k2 said:
There is no such a thing as "forgeting" the past - you can only learn from it.
If it happened, it left an impression on you. The less mature you were, the biggest is the impression. 100% of all psychoanalysis sections will sooner or later deal with childhood or teenage issues.
And you should think about it why you don't cherish your childhood memories. Some blocking issues, maybe? (well, just kidding on this last sentence... mostly).
I figure that most of the bullying I received was from deeply unhappy people, so I let it go, and an apology wouljd be meaningless.
The others apologised more or less just after that period, so it meant more, and we became friends at that point, where we'd grown out of the high school clique situation.
The others apologised more or less just after that period, so it meant more, and we became friends at that point, where we'd grown out of the high school clique situation.
Meh. An apology would be nice simply on the level that I hate animostity between people, and it would be cool to hear this girl, who I had once thought was intelligent and kind, had gone back to that instead of being a raging *****. In the end, though, I think she got what was coming to her. All of her high school friends, at least the sensible ones, have broken off contact with her, even ones that go to the same college, from what I can tell, and after I graduated I found out she was universally hated while I was still respected and known to be kind and polite. Knowing that, in the end, I still came out looking like the better person despite what she wanted people to think of me, and my family. ***** called my dad a pedophile because he was helping a kid from a broken home by giving her a couple rides home when she was abandoned after practices and field trips. I was there every time. Nothing happened. Excuse us for wanting to extend kindness to people in need.
Anyway, I came out on top, so I have no need for an apology, but it would be kind of cool.
Anyway, I came out on top, so I have no need for an apology, but it would be kind of cool.
I went to a boarding school so I was literally locked in with bullies for 5 years with no escape. It was mostly psychological in nature but I did used to wake up quite often with bruises on my chest and arms. (We slept in dormitories of 20 to 40 beds in each depending). It affected my confidence for years and I still have quite low self esteem compared to the norm but I'm in my 30's now and I've long since forgiven the kids involved because hey they were kids after all. A few of the worst had pretty crappy home lives looking back on it which explains a lot.
But there is one person who I'll never forgive. He was a housemaster in the school and he started a campaign against me from my first year in the school until I became a senior. He put a lot of the kids up to bullying me as proxies for his own sadistic amusment. The kids were just stupid and easily led but he was 40+ and decided it would be fun to mentally torture a 12 year old boy. I would never accept an apology from that ****, and I hope he dies in screaming agony.
But there is one person who I'll never forgive. He was a housemaster in the school and he started a campaign against me from my first year in the school until I became a senior. He put a lot of the kids up to bullying me as proxies for his own sadistic amusment. The kids were just stupid and easily led but he was 40+ and decided it would be fun to mentally torture a 12 year old boy. I would never accept an apology from that ****, and I hope he dies in screaming agony.
To be perfectly honest if the people that bullied me in school, came to me now to apologise I would probably tell them to stick there apology where the sun doesn't shine. I don't usually hold grudges and have forgiving and forgotten most of the crap I went through in school, but 2 people i particular, after nearly 8 years are still the same assholes now as they were then. I don't want an apology, and nor would I grant them the opportunity to clear their guilty conscience. I missed out on nearly 2 years of school because of bullying.
As being someone who was bullied in elementary, middle, and high school: I would accept their apologies. I am now 19, in university, leading a successful life where I find past revenge of more than a year to be petty.
I also find it sad how both sides, the bully and the victims, can both become terrible people from the event. While the bully is committing their acts, they deserve to be dealt with appropriately within the law and socially with shunning, being an outcast, and other sociological repercussions for their transgressions. However, for the victims, they usually turn into terrifying people with such hatred and rage that it's saddening they actually believe what they do. Countless victims believe that because they were bullied that the bully deserves to be tortured and killed. Why is it that people want to "make an example" of another by escalating the revenge? In essence, you're wanting to shoot someone over them slapping you.
Thankfully, not everyone turns out this way way. To the fellow posters, I applaud you and thank you for understanding how to be the better person. I hope your lives continue to prosper:
I also find it sad how both sides, the bully and the victims, can both become terrible people from the event. While the bully is committing their acts, they deserve to be dealt with appropriately within the law and socially with shunning, being an outcast, and other sociological repercussions for their transgressions. However, for the victims, they usually turn into terrifying people with such hatred and rage that it's saddening they actually believe what they do. Countless victims believe that because they were bullied that the bully deserves to be tortured and killed. Why is it that people want to "make an example" of another by escalating the revenge? In essence, you're wanting to shoot someone over them slapping you.
Aeshi said:
IndomitableSam said:
Ratties said:
DSK- said:
After being bullied myself physically and emotionally, I understand the desire for revenge and for the bullies to get their dues, but I also find it absolutely scary that some would consider the above to be "appropriate" revenge. It is not. And those above and others like you, I am sorry you experienced something so traumatic, but please seek a therapist before you become a danger to others and possibly a bully to others.Alcamonic said:
Thankfully, not everyone turns out this way way. To the fellow posters, I applaud you and thank you for understanding how to be the better person. I hope your lives continue to prosper:
GoaThief said:
A_Parked_Car said:
Vanorae said:
Thank you for reading.Mr.Squishy said:
If any of the men who've abused and/or bullied me in my past cared enough to apologize for it, it would mean everything to me, ESPECIALLY after they've had so long to forget about it. I'll always carry those memories with me, sure, but hearing even a sliver of guilt on their part would make me feel loads better. As it is, it's hard for me to even classify them as human, and I still struggle a lot with those parts of my past. Never underestimate the power of a simple apology.
I am one of those people that hardly remembers a day when they weren't bullied. If my bullies offered one, that's fine, and I may even accept it; but I wouldn't pretend that we would then be friends. A 'sorry' for the emotional hell they put me through isn't enough to make me want to keep their company for any longer than it takes to hear them out or hear 'their side of the story'. I wouldn't exchange addresses or numbers afterwords. So, I don't really 'want' an apology or their company, but neither do I want them to suffer or have a miserable life. I just like what I've been doing, putting them far away in my mind and surrounding myself with pleasant things; video games, painting, gardening, dogs, etc.
Nope: I don't need an apology.
Like I would take their words seriously. They're assholes, and that's that. I really don't give a shit about them.
If they think that they can take it all back with an apology after several years--that's too late. Screw them.
At least I'm going to have a future.
Like I would take their words seriously. They're assholes, and that's that. I really don't give a shit about them.
If they think that they can take it all back with an apology after several years--that's too late. Screw them.
At least I'm going to have a future.
I've been bullied a few times through elementary and middle school, but the worst was the kid who bullied me from kindergarten to 3rd grade. The guy would physically abuse me every day(i.e. biting, kicking, punching)and would break my belongings whether they were toys or a school assignment I was working on. It was obvious to my parents that I was being bullied, but every time they brought it up with the school they would just reply with the "oh, boys will be boys" and ignore the whole situation. God help you if you tried to stand up for yourself though. I put up with it for 3 years before one day during recess I snapped and sucker punched him in the jaw. I knocked him down when he was still dazed, kneeled on his chest, and began pounding his face with my fists. Before long, there was a crowd of students watching and yelling and teachers coming in trying to pull me off. The week after his mom came into class and said they were moving, and that was the last I saw of him for awhile.
During high school, my doctor recommended I enrolled in some kind of gymnastics or martial arts course for physical therapy after an accident I was in. The town closest to me had a Tae-kwon-do class, so I went there to check it out. A few weeks into the class I found out my old bully was a black belt and an assistant instructor. It had been close to 8 years since I last saw him, but I could tell it was him before he introduced himself to me. Unfortunately, I have a pretty uncommon name that makes me easily identifiable, but I was hoping he didn't remember who I was. After class that night and pulled me over to talk to him and my first thought was "he's a black belt and I'm a white belt so he probably sees this as a perfect time for revenge." He told me he remembered who I was and apologized to me for those 3 years he tormented me, and he said that he deserved the beating I gave to him for the hell he put me through. Not only did I forgive him, but we ended becoming friends and hanging out until I left for college.
If I could say one thing it's schools don't do a good job stopping bullies and in my opinion they make things worse.
During high school, my doctor recommended I enrolled in some kind of gymnastics or martial arts course for physical therapy after an accident I was in. The town closest to me had a Tae-kwon-do class, so I went there to check it out. A few weeks into the class I found out my old bully was a black belt and an assistant instructor. It had been close to 8 years since I last saw him, but I could tell it was him before he introduced himself to me. Unfortunately, I have a pretty uncommon name that makes me easily identifiable, but I was hoping he didn't remember who I was. After class that night and pulled me over to talk to him and my first thought was "he's a black belt and I'm a white belt so he probably sees this as a perfect time for revenge." He told me he remembered who I was and apologized to me for those 3 years he tormented me, and he said that he deserved the beating I gave to him for the hell he put me through. Not only did I forgive him, but we ended becoming friends and hanging out until I left for college.
If I could say one thing it's schools don't do a good job stopping bullies and in my opinion they make things worse.
Blocked memories? I highly doubt that.....OH GOD! UNCLE OWEN WHY!?!?!zinho73 said:
Anyway, I don't think anyone should forget their past but I just don't get why people allow it to control their future so much. However, upon thinking about it, a lot of that might have had to do with my Art Major (see the edit in the OP).
Now it wasn't put in the post but most of the artwork I did during college had to do with bullying and the mind of someone who would do a school shooting. The work was...to put it nicely, disturbing enough that I was asked to go to the counselor
The more I think about it, the more I believe that this might be a large contributing factor. I remember being a fairly angry fella in my college days and art really helped break that. Now I'm just a slightly angry fella
I was never bullied in school, so I can't really relate at all.
If I had been, though, I probably wouldn't forgive said bully if they apologized to me, but I'd accept it, move on, and at least be grateful that there's one less asshole in the world.
If I had been, though, I probably wouldn't forgive said bully if they apologized to me, but I'd accept it, move on, and at least be grateful that there's one less asshole in the world.
No. People change over time. I was bullied a bit from about Grade 1 to Grade 8. Did it suck when it happened? Yes. Am I going to judge a person based off of their idiotic childhood actions? No. If one of my bullies walked up to me today and apologized I would tell them that they don't need to. They aren't that person anymore (at least hopefully not).
I personally haven't had it as bad as other people I've known, read or otherwise heard about. An apology to me from those people I've had issues with in the past at this point isn't necessary for me to get on with my life but some people out there really deserve one. Victimization in a high school setting can get really ugly...if the bullies want to apologize for being tools, I say congratulations on having a moment of personal growth and for the people receiving those apologies who really felt they needed one, congratulations you helped facilitate a moment of personal growth in someone you otherwise hated. It's win-win.
I'm going to say other just because I wasn't bullied and I'm pretty sure living in my sound proof box was bullying anyone else, Unless me drawing like 'a boss' was somehow bullying them. I feel like I've missed out on some dynamic high-school experience that everybody should have, is this just an American thing?