Poll: Do you want an apology?
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Given that those asshole girls in my class were the reason I had stomach aches every school morning from ages 7-11 and recurring episodes of terrible self-esteem long after that, I suppose I wouldn't mind an acknowledgement. But I already know I won't get one and I'm fine with that. If anything, I'd prefer to get one from my mother, as she probably stood for at least half of the emotional scarring I got as a kid.
In all honesty, I wouldn't care too much if I did. I'm a pretty damn big guy (currently 6'5") and you could describe me as a big friendly giant. I'm more or less the big kind guy who who isn't aggressive, but god help you if you piss me off. I can only think of one guy who had the audacity to even try to bully me. He tried to threaten me, mostly via e-mail, but it never really worked. Trying to threaten a guy who's bigger than you isn't exactly easy, especially if you're doing it via text. It stopped after I read a certain e-mail while working on a project after school. While I was rolling my eyes at its stupidity and piss poor grammar, my English teacher at the time looked over my shoulder and read it himself. The "bully" mysteriously disappeared a couple weeks after that, and no one knew why. Pretty sure I know why.
Anyway, if I got an apology from him today, I wouldn't care. He was more of an annoyance than anything else. Hell, if anything, I'd probably be offended if he DID apologize, mostly because he would think that he was ACTUALLY a threat to me if that's the case. Ah well, it was an amusing time and an interesting experience.
Anyway, if I got an apology from him today, I wouldn't care. He was more of an annoyance than anything else. Hell, if anything, I'd probably be offended if he DID apologize, mostly because he would think that he was ACTUALLY a threat to me if that's the case. Ah well, it was an amusing time and an interesting experience.
Do I want an apology from a former bully? No.
Would I accept one were it offered? Yes.
Would I throw it in their face? Nope, that'd make me as bad now as they were then.
Not that I'd instantly forgive them and become best friends overnight. But if it's a case of bumping into the dude on the street and they open up a civil conversation with it, then I'd hear 'em out at least. My brother once had a similar situation, and his response was to be ostensibly polite but kinda rub in the success he'd experienced in the intervening time, which I think was a bit of a dick move.
Would I accept one were it offered? Yes.
Would I throw it in their face? Nope, that'd make me as bad now as they were then.
Not that I'd instantly forgive them and become best friends overnight. But if it's a case of bumping into the dude on the street and they open up a civil conversation with it, then I'd hear 'em out at least. My brother once had a similar situation, and his response was to be ostensibly polite but kinda rub in the success he'd experienced in the intervening time, which I think was a bit of a dick move.
Everyone that bullied me through my high school schools years is now paying for their ignorance in one way or another. One got his legs cut off by a train. Another died of a heart attack a couple years ago. Two of them killed themselves. The rest are either in jail or are drug addicts working minimum-wage jobs. Only one has made something of his life, and he turned out to be a pretty nice guy.
I don't need an apology, because karma has a habit of evening thing out.
I don't need an apology, because karma has a habit of evening thing out.
I'm fairly certain I've spent time on both sides of the bully line. I've been bullied and have bullied in the past (I would tell the story, but its far too long). I can honestly say that I don't really care either way as to whether or not the bully apologizes. I work through my own stuff and have come to a conclusion on my own without need for reconciliation.
When I was in High School there was a guy that everyone knew and liked, I wouldn't say he was the kind of popular kid he was what you would call the hippie weed smoker I guess.
For some reason though he loved to torment me, I'm not entirely sure why but he tore into me constantly. To the point where I mistakenly confided in him about the fact that I was both anorexic at the time and suicidal, and told him to lay off of me and the shit he was pulling was not just bullshit messing around but it really affected me.
Of course it just gave him more material to work with in how he harassed me so it was my stupid fucking mistake about it.
A year or two ago he messaged me on Facebook and apologized for the way he treated me and how the shit he did could have easily led me to killing myself and he basically had no reason or right to pull this shit on me. He told me he never knew me that well at all and though it didn't make up for everything that he did and said he wanted the chance to know me better and to make up for it.
Did it help me in any way to get that apology from him after the fact? Maybe, I can't quite tell how the apology affected me after such a long time.
For some reason though he loved to torment me, I'm not entirely sure why but he tore into me constantly. To the point where I mistakenly confided in him about the fact that I was both anorexic at the time and suicidal, and told him to lay off of me and the shit he was pulling was not just bullshit messing around but it really affected me.
Of course it just gave him more material to work with in how he harassed me so it was my stupid fucking mistake about it.
A year or two ago he messaged me on Facebook and apologized for the way he treated me and how the shit he did could have easily led me to killing myself and he basically had no reason or right to pull this shit on me. He told me he never knew me that well at all and though it didn't make up for everything that he did and said he wanted the chance to know me better and to make up for it.
Did it help me in any way to get that apology from him after the fact? Maybe, I can't quite tell how the apology affected me after such a long time.
Other: I want to hear him gurgle for mercy as I feel his ribs cracking one more time. I believe target hardening is the best way to take care of bullies; give them no targets and there will be no bullying (except maybe of themselves; cutting and drug abuse and such).
"It's a real shame for something like that to happen... to such a nice car."
Actually reminds me of a joke about a jock who died under similar circumstances. During the school memorial in the gym the podium was opened to anyone who wanted to say anything about the deceased. A few of his teammates came up, and so did his girlfriend, but among the general students only one of them stood to take the podium. His nickname was 'Columbine', an overweight goth who had suffered greatly at the jock's hands. Columbine shuffled up to the podium, took a deep breath, and said the words that got him suspended for the rest of the week;Ratties said:
"It's a real shame for something like that to happen... to such a nice car."
I was only really bullied in elementary school, so no. Sure, I literally have maybe 3 memories from ages 5-12 because the rest is a bunch of blurred pain. Sure, I needed therapy for episodic depression. But to hear someone tell me that they were sorry for stuff they did when they were 9 or something? I don't think that really means anything.
I think the real problem is that a lot of people who needed help didn't get any. They had no support system. I got help, because my parents knew that children don't know how to deal with that shit. A lot of people don't and they honestly suffer for the rest of their lives because of it. I don't think most people realize, even if you think you "got over it," that these kinds of experiences define a lot of who you are.
I'd like to tell people that there is nothing wrong with getting a therapist and just talking stuff out. I had my sister, so I was lucky. If you don't have someone who cares enough to sit down and help you through this, there is nothing wrong with paying people to help you. There are people out there whose jobs are to make people emotionally healthy. No pills, Just helping you to be comfortable with who you are.
On the other end, if you know someone who you suspect might be suffering, take a second out of your day to ask them one simple question, "Are you OK?" Just asking the question can make someone feel loads better, even if they just say "fine." and dodge the conversation. Make it a point to ask them how they are feeling on a regular basis. Eventually, they might open up and you can get them help. Please be a good human being. If everyone took a little time just to be nice to someone who is having a tough time, I guarantee you that the world would be a better place to live in.
Don't say, "people are jerks and nobody will do this...so what's the point?" This is not about anyone else, this is about you, personally, doing something good.
If you feel like you are ruled by your past, it's OK. If you've tried to "fix" yourself and failed, that's OK. Most people can't. We're social creatures; we need help. Don't be ashamed to get some.
I think the real problem is that a lot of people who needed help didn't get any. They had no support system. I got help, because my parents knew that children don't know how to deal with that shit. A lot of people don't and they honestly suffer for the rest of their lives because of it. I don't think most people realize, even if you think you "got over it," that these kinds of experiences define a lot of who you are.
I'd like to tell people that there is nothing wrong with getting a therapist and just talking stuff out. I had my sister, so I was lucky. If you don't have someone who cares enough to sit down and help you through this, there is nothing wrong with paying people to help you. There are people out there whose jobs are to make people emotionally healthy. No pills, Just helping you to be comfortable with who you are.
On the other end, if you know someone who you suspect might be suffering, take a second out of your day to ask them one simple question, "Are you OK?" Just asking the question can make someone feel loads better, even if they just say "fine." and dodge the conversation. Make it a point to ask them how they are feeling on a regular basis. Eventually, they might open up and you can get them help. Please be a good human being. If everyone took a little time just to be nice to someone who is having a tough time, I guarantee you that the world would be a better place to live in.
Don't say, "people are jerks and nobody will do this...so what's the point?" This is not about anyone else, this is about you, personally, doing something good.
If you feel like you are ruled by your past, it's OK. If you've tried to "fix" yourself and failed, that's OK. Most people can't. We're social creatures; we need help. Don't be ashamed to get some.
Meh, the few bullies I had (nothing too serious, was quite tall, so I was able to push back, just occasional (once every few weeks) a-hole behaviour) all turned out to be f*ing losers (except for the few that died in a car accident, they were always talking about how awesome it was to party and go fast and stuff, let's just say that we were quite a few that weren't surprised). Anyway, there is no point thinking about the past. Just enjoy what you've got and always remember that bullies are f*ing a-holes, and by default you are more awesome than them. Of course, they can stop being a-holes, but at the moment you were bullied, you were the morraly superior individual, so, you know, do the math or something
No, I want REVENGE!
But no seriously.
If you get an apology for something that happened years ago in school I am sure you have both moved on it means nothing.
If you get an apology for something that happened recently by someone you interact with on a regular basis then unless they stop it is just words it is not going to result in anything.
If you get an apology from someone who recently did something they don't usually do, maybe they were drunk, being clumsy or did something my accident then it does not matter they are not going to do it again.
Cause it all depends on the situation. I will apologies for nothing cause that is what I do and do I expect it to mean anything, no I use it as more of an acknowledgment sorry i bumped into you, sorry by project is late, sorry i dropped your drink...no i will not pay for another etc.
And for all those people who always got up in my face, annoyed the hell out of me and constantly threatened giving me a beat down. Well heard one got stabbed, heard another is in prison and the rest have not left the hell hole that is the town I grew up in. Do I care, NO.
But no seriously.
If you get an apology for something that happened years ago in school I am sure you have both moved on it means nothing.
If you get an apology for something that happened recently by someone you interact with on a regular basis then unless they stop it is just words it is not going to result in anything.
If you get an apology from someone who recently did something they don't usually do, maybe they were drunk, being clumsy or did something my accident then it does not matter they are not going to do it again.
Cause it all depends on the situation. I will apologies for nothing cause that is what I do and do I expect it to mean anything, no I use it as more of an acknowledgment sorry i bumped into you, sorry by project is late, sorry i dropped your drink...no i will not pay for another etc.
And for all those people who always got up in my face, annoyed the hell out of me and constantly threatened giving me a beat down. Well heard one got stabbed, heard another is in prison and the rest have not left the hell hole that is the town I grew up in. Do I care, NO.
I suspect the radio segment was more for the tormentors than tormented to alleviate guilt, but I could be wrong. Anyway, would I want an apology from people I barely remember (elementary school -> middle school, when I was bullied)? Not really. I wouldn't mind one from an ex from high school, simply to see if he's gotten psychiatric help (last I heard of him, he badly needed it), but mostly I'd want one from people who've "wronged" me in recent years, if only to prove to myself that I'm not actually a worthless piece of flesh who exists to take up oxygen.
I was sort of bullied at school for being openly lesbikronic but never really took it to heart, call it thick skin or just a general lack of caring what bullies think. One bully started a fight with a friend of mine so I clobbered her in the face and gave her a black eye, she lost any 'respect' her bully friends had with her and was suddenly shunned by pretty much everyone because 99% of the students knew she was a little shit at heart and the others were the little shits she used to hang out with. She tried to make amends but I was having none of it, she got what she deserved. If she appeared out of the woodwork now I still wouldn't care and I doubt it would be even the tiniest bit sincere, sure people change and it happened when we were kids but she is always going to be a bully in my mind.
But if it is important to other people I don't see anything bad about it. People on both sides will get closure, be they victims wanting an explanation or admission of guilt, or bullies who want some kind of absolution.
But if it is important to other people I don't see anything bad about it. People on both sides will get closure, be they victims wanting an explanation or admission of guilt, or bullies who want some kind of absolution.
Nope. The guy who bullied me the worst and the hardest at a critical transition in my young life killed himself some years later by parking his car in front of an oncoming train. I went to the service to "forgive him" as my closure - but that whole incident, the fact that I felt so badly for someone I had really come to hate for how he had been to me, really taught me not to let other people get to me, because whatever they are trying to throw on you is probably just a pale shadow of what's eating them up everyday. Compassion for those who set themselves up as your enemy and all of that I suppose.
I wouldn't turn an apology away either - if that's what they need for their own closure I'm not going to deny them - but honestly I don't crave them to apologize.
I wouldn't turn an apology away either - if that's what they need for their own closure I'm not going to deny them - but honestly I don't crave them to apologize.
How about just letting it go?
You are who you are at this point in life due to whatever happened to you in the past, if you don´t like who you are now, change it, but if you keep living in the past, you have no future.
Keeping a grudge will only affect you, and will always influence you in a negative way, whether you want it to or not.
It takes balls and dedication to rise from the ashes, but it´s hardly impossible, you just need to make a decision, and you will come out at the other end as a stronger and better person for it, but it all ultimately comes down to you.
Blaming someone else for your situation is not going to help you get past it, it´s just an excuse to not fight for it, because it´s way easier to just sit back and hope someone takes pity on you and solves the puzzle, life isn't always easy, but it´s all you got, so get your ass in gear if you don't wanna miss out.
You are who you are at this point in life due to whatever happened to you in the past, if you don´t like who you are now, change it, but if you keep living in the past, you have no future.
Keeping a grudge will only affect you, and will always influence you in a negative way, whether you want it to or not.
It takes balls and dedication to rise from the ashes, but it´s hardly impossible, you just need to make a decision, and you will come out at the other end as a stronger and better person for it, but it all ultimately comes down to you.
Blaming someone else for your situation is not going to help you get past it, it´s just an excuse to not fight for it, because it´s way easier to just sit back and hope someone takes pity on you and solves the puzzle, life isn't always easy, but it´s all you got, so get your ass in gear if you don't wanna miss out.
Wheres the "I dont care" Option? If someone got there jollies off by picking on me then that means they where not worth my time or thoughts, simple as that.
Without my first time being bullied in elementary school, I wouldn't have had an incentive to learn martial arts, and it was one of the best decisions i ever made. being a 2nd degree black belt has its perks.
You are correct, the radio segment was for people to call in and state who they would apologize to and why. In fact, the bully and the bullied in the OP never even spoke to one another so if you really wanted to, you could argue that no one ever apologized for anything. That was part of what had me baffled was that this bullied person was going kind of sad-nutters over someone saying that they wanted to apologize...although after listening to some of these stories in here, I have softened my own view on it.Catrixa said:
I still couldn't give two shits if someone apologized to me but some of the stories in here are things that just seemed like Hollywood inventions; something a screen writer assumes bullying is (Note: To be sure I'm clear, I'm NOT saying that the stories are made up but they sound so incredible that it's one of those "I can't believe that actually happens" kind of thing).