Poll: how long should one wait before going out with a friend's ex?

[JoesshittyOs]

Depends quite frankly. He broke up with her, so you should be good. I've been on many sides of that situation, and there's really never been any drama.

One of my good friends started dating an ex of mine, and I was ecstatic about it. It was crazy how perfect they were together, and even apparently started talking about marriage. They're currently broken up, but she did have a thing for the melodrama, and they're very clearly in love still.

 

[chuckman1]

Ehh I say fuck the bro code and go for it.
Girls are like a ticking time bomb and once your 5 minute slot is over they decide they'd rather blow somewhere else. (Hooray for beautiful metaphors)
This guy will get over it and who knows this girl could be "the one".

 

[Nemesis729]

There are a few factors in situations like this, as far as I'm concerned.

First is how close of a friend he is, if you consider him one of your best friends, it's never ok to go out with an ex.

Second, if he's not a best friend, it depends on how much you actually like her, if you just want to have sex with her and cut it off, you're an asshole and don't deserve your friends trust. If you actually think you see a future with the girl, AND if you ask your friend about it first, then I think it's alright.

 

[Aerosteam]

How long?

Well, that depends on how long you wait until you ask your friend if it's okay. If he says it is, then go for it. If not, obviously don't do it.

-The snip-

That's an awesome avatar. I purposely created this account on Madness Day. =)

 

[SecondPrize]

The correct amount of time is second after you've talked to your buddy about her hitting on you and you wanting to follow up on that.

 

[chaosbedlam]

In my experience it changes depending on the people involved. Some people really don't like other people they know dating their ex's, others don't really seem to care. IF you do decide to date a friends ex, what ever you do don't sneak around about it that is a one way street to bad things lane. Be straight up about it right off the bat. But I digress, my answer is, when it is all right with all involved parties is the best time.

 

[axlryder]

the 7th option should say "whenever they are comfortable"

So I'm in something of an awkward situation. One of my best friends (who I work with) broke up with his girlfriend about a month ago. Since that time, she and I started running in the mornings. Well, today she essentially came onto me, but I gracefully denied her. My friend is under the impression that they are going to get back together at some point, though he definitely wasn't all that broken up when they first broke it off. Either way, I can't and don't really want to hide it from him if anything happens. Her and I both agree that he's a good guy (and she's terrible at hiding things anyway). I also have an inkling of suspicion that she wants to make him jealous, but that's just the paranoid part of me talking.

Anyway, since this thread wasn't designed specifically for me to tell you about my sex life [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVvfau1fWrI], this led to a question that has been asked all over the internet. That said, I'm not sure if it has recently been asked on this particular forum. How long should one wait before going out with a friend's ex? I realizes that there are sometimes circumstances that don't really render the situation so simple (such as the position that I'm in right now), but for the poll's sake let's pretend we're speaking about a simple "they broke up and it's over" case. Advice for my own situation is welcome also.

Wait until you talk to your friend about it, fucking duh. Why are people allergic to talking. If he doesn't want you to go for it, then decide if you are willing to risk losing your friend over her. If you are, go for it anyway, if you aren't, don't. If he is ok with you going for it, go for it.

It's that fucking simple. Fuck the games, fuck the waiting period, if you actually have even one fucking iota of respect for your so-called friend, then talk to him about it like two functional adult human beings.

you say fuck a bit much. Also, I've already posted an update post in the thread. It's good to read through them.

I don't care if you think I swear too much. I swear because I'm pissed off by people ignoring the blatantly obvious. In fact, I do read most threads through, even the ones that are like 7 pages long, but this one was so blatantly obvious and mind-numbingly idiotic, I forwent that and just posted the only accurate answer to the question that was asked.

Also, very few people on this site read through an entire thread before posting. Many do, but most don't. As a result, most OPs add any relevant additional information into the OP through edits. It also keeps the post count low and helps keep the thread uncluttered.

You get pissed too easily then. What's more, you still made a superfluous post because information that rendered it redundant was already right in the thread. You chose to forgo a bit of reading and I chose to inform you of its existence. The very idea that you would think the answer is so obvious actually makes your post a bit more bemusing, since if the answer was obvious then clearly someone would have pointed it out already. I'd think that in and of itself would be obvious. Either way, a lot of needless anger coming from you :/

 

[spartan231490]

the 7th option should say "whenever they are comfortable"

So I'm in something of an awkward situation. One of my best friends (who I work with) broke up with his girlfriend about a month ago. Since that time, she and I started running in the mornings. Well, today she essentially came onto me, but I gracefully denied her. My friend is under the impression that they are going to get back together at some point, though he definitely wasn't all that broken up when they first broke it off. Either way, I can't and don't really want to hide it from him if anything happens. Her and I both agree that he's a good guy (and she's terrible at hiding things anyway). I also have an inkling of suspicion that she wants to make him jealous, but that's just the paranoid part of me talking.

Anyway, since this thread wasn't designed specifically for me to tell you about my sex life [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVvfau1fWrI], this led to a question that has been asked all over the internet. That said, I'm not sure if it has recently been asked on this particular forum. How long should one wait before going out with a friend's ex? I realizes that there are sometimes circumstances that don't really render the situation so simple (such as the position that I'm in right now), but for the poll's sake let's pretend we're speaking about a simple "they broke up and it's over" case. Advice for my own situation is welcome also.

Wait until you talk to your friend about it, fucking duh. Why are people allergic to talking. If he doesn't want you to go for it, then decide if you are willing to risk losing your friend over her. If you are, go for it anyway, if you aren't, don't. If he is ok with you going for it, go for it.

It's that fucking simple. Fuck the games, fuck the waiting period, if you actually have even one fucking iota of respect for your so-called friend, then talk to him about it like two functional adult human beings.

you say fuck a bit much. Also, I've already posted an update post in the thread. It's good to read through them.

I don't care if you think I swear too much. I swear because I'm pissed off by people ignoring the blatantly obvious. In fact, I do read most threads through, even the ones that are like 7 pages long, but this one was so blatantly obvious and mind-numbingly idiotic, I forwent that and just posted the only accurate answer to the question that was asked.

Also, very few people on this site read through an entire thread before posting. Many do, but most don't. As a result, most OPs add any relevant additional information into the OP through edits. It also keeps the post count low and helps keep the thread uncluttered.

You get pissed too easily then. What's more, you still made a superfluous post because information that rendered it redundant was already right in the thread. You chose to forgo a bit of reading and I chose to inform you of its existence. The very idea that you would think the answer is so obvious actually makes your post a bit more bemusing, since if the answer was obvious then clearly someone would have pointed it out already. I'd think that in and of itself would be obvious. Either way, a lot of needless anger coming from you :/

Just read through it, never saw anything that made my post superfluous. Nobody else said all of the things I said, nor did anything that was said make my answer inaccurate. Talk to your friend, it's the only adult thing to do.

 

[axlryder]

the 7th option should say "whenever they are comfortable"

So I'm in something of an awkward situation. One of my best friends (who I work with) broke up with his girlfriend about a month ago. Since that time, she and I started running in the mornings. Well, today she essentially came onto me, but I gracefully denied her. My friend is under the impression that they are going to get back together at some point, though he definitely wasn't all that broken up when they first broke it off. Either way, I can't and don't really want to hide it from him if anything happens. Her and I both agree that he's a good guy (and she's terrible at hiding things anyway). I also have an inkling of suspicion that she wants to make him jealous, but that's just the paranoid part of me talking.

Anyway, since this thread wasn't designed specifically for me to tell you about my sex life [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVvfau1fWrI], this led to a question that has been asked all over the internet. That said, I'm not sure if it has recently been asked on this particular forum. How long should one wait before going out with a friend's ex? I realizes that there are sometimes circumstances that don't really render the situation so simple (such as the position that I'm in right now), but for the poll's sake let's pretend we're speaking about a simple "they broke up and it's over" case. Advice for my own situation is welcome also.

Wait until you talk to your friend about it, fucking duh. Why are people allergic to talking. If he doesn't want you to go for it, then decide if you are willing to risk losing your friend over her. If you are, go for it anyway, if you aren't, don't. If he is ok with you going for it, go for it.

It's that fucking simple. Fuck the games, fuck the waiting period, if you actually have even one fucking iota of respect for your so-called friend, then talk to him about it like two functional adult human beings.

you say fuck a bit much. Also, I've already posted an update post in the thread. It's good to read through them.

I don't care if you think I swear too much. I swear because I'm pissed off by people ignoring the blatantly obvious. In fact, I do read most threads through, even the ones that are like 7 pages long, but this one was so blatantly obvious and mind-numbingly idiotic, I forwent that and just posted the only accurate answer to the question that was asked.

Also, very few people on this site read through an entire thread before posting. Many do, but most don't. As a result, most OPs add any relevant additional information into the OP through edits. It also keeps the post count low and helps keep the thread uncluttered.

You get pissed too easily then. What's more, you still made a superfluous post because information that rendered it redundant was already right in the thread. You chose to forgo a bit of reading and I chose to inform you of its existence. The very idea that you would think the answer is so obvious actually makes your post a bit more bemusing, since if the answer was obvious then clearly someone would have pointed it out already. I'd think that in and of itself would be obvious. Either way, a lot of needless anger coming from you :/

Just read through it, never saw anything that made my post superfluous. Nobody else said all of the things I said, nor did anything that was said make my answer inaccurate. Talk to your friend, it's the only adult thing to do.

You're....missing the post where I'm like "hey guys, I'm going to talk to him and stuff". Also, other people already said I should talk to him several times. You just did it in an unnecessarily angry way. Anyway, thanks for your input.

 

[V TheSystem V]

Give it a fortnight after the relationship before really showing your feelings. A fortnight will see whether she wants to move on quickly or if she's still not ready (depending on how long they were dating).

I started dating my friend's ex the day after they broke up (this was 6 years ago). I did ask him about it first, and he said it was fine, so I wasn't in danger of threatening our friendship or anything, but his relationship with her only lasted two months and they didn't even kiss (we were 12).

 

[Girl With One Eye]

There are two things to consider here, firstly your friend and how he will feel about it. Even if he broke it off with her, he might not be comfortable with you dating her. Talk to him and make it clear that you will back off if it's not ok, but also that you like her and have real feelings for her.

Secondly, it seems that she is moving on a little fast after being in a serious relationship for 2 years. So I would advise that you are sure that's shes not just on the rebound or using you as you said to make him jealous.

Whatever happens, there's no strict time limit on when you should ask her out, but just be sure that you are doing it the right way.

 

[thiosk]

The more important question is are there better prospects within a 15' radius?

 

[Mr Pantomime]

When one of them is dead. Either one really.

 

[smithy_2045]

Depends how long the relationship lasted. If it was a week or less, it'd be fine to get involved practically straight away, but if it was a 3 year relationship, anything less than a month would be extremely bad manners.

 

[Alandoril]

Never. You don't do that to friends.

 

[chadachada123]

Who the fuck would vote "off limits" when there's a "when the friends are ready" option? The fuck is wrong with you?

Anyway, I voted a month. Bro code really makes it more of a 'when they're ready,' though.

 

[surg3n]

There is no sliding rule for this stuff, for one thing it very much depends on the people, but more than that, it depends on how much you both care about hurting your friend, because no length of time will stop that happening. Even if they don't admit it - people would generally prefer that friends don't go dating their exes.

For instance, I left it a whole 20 minutes once before hooking up with a friends ex - to be fair, she was 'chomping on the bit' to dump him for a while, she'd been flirting with me for weeks, their relationship was long dead already. But, anyway he caught me kissing her, threw a pint glass at me, then wen't on a rampage down the street. I could have dealt with the situation properly, like spoke to my friend - maybe left it a few weeks, but I knew it was just a curiosity thing - like I would keep it on the down low, but that's a lot more difficult than it seems. Thing is though, why not keep it a secret. There is nothing better than a sordid little affair, sneaking time with someone, it can be a lot of fun - and it would settle your concerns about her trying to make your friend jealous... I mean, if she's into you, she'll be happy to try it out in secret, and if it's not meant to be, you might get out without your friend ever knowing. Make sure it's a thing, before you tell people it's a thing, if you know what I mean.

 

[Vamantha]

Talk to your friend about it. If they broke up recently I would wait. Nothing sucks more then a rebound.

 

[targren]

Simple.

If he's a friend instead of just a coworker, then just ask him. If he's cool with it, you're cool. If not, then decide what's more important to you.

Personally, I think choosing a woman over a friend makes one a horrible excuse for a man, but I recognize that this is a subjective thing, so the decision is yours.

 

[MasochisticAvenger]

Umm, the time it takes from you finding out they've broken up (note: broken up, not had a fight) to you meeting up with her again. I'm sorry, but I've never been able to understand the whole "you don't date your friend's exes" rule. Should two people be denied each others company simply because a friend got to one of them first. It just seems childish to be like "well I don't want them, but I don't want you to have them either".

If your friend has a problem with it, he is not that good a friend to begin with.