Poll: How's your self esteem?

[Weaver]

My self esteem is low. I'm in decent shape, I have a job I love, and people seem to like me. I like my hobbies and I'm satisfied with my introvert to extrovert ratio.

However, I disappoint myself a lot. I slack when I don't want to, and I don't know why. I can't seem to wake up in the morning, and it pisses me off. I'm ugly and I have acne scars all over my upper body (dermatologist basically told me to deal with it and get out. I waited 2 and a half months for that fucking 2 minute appointment). I haven't been swimming, to the beach or to a water park in about 12 years. I love the water, too; but it's just too embarrassing and gross to look at. If I go on a date, all I can think of is how my date will react when she finds out about my dermatological condition.

This lack of self esteem makes it hard to even talk to women. The longest I went without the touch of another human was about 8 years. The first time someone hugged me, breaking my 8 year spell, I cried. It was kind of awkward.

 

[ClockworkPenguin]

I don't know how I compare to others, I don't tend to think of people in terms of their 'worth' and I think most people are basically pretty decent if somewhat careless.

I think on the whole that I'm an allright fellow. I know I have a couple of annoying habits, such as grammarnazi-ing IRL, but on the whole people seem to like me. I'm at worst inoffensive. I have a couple of glaring character flaws which keep causing problems for me, (namely idleness and slight cowardly tendencies) which obviously I dislike about myself, but I like to think that I more than make up for those with my other qualities.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

Pretty low. Not quite sure I hate myself, but I sure think I suck. There's nothing that I've ever done that I haven't either utterly cocked up or just done a really mediocre job of. Seriously, everything- ranging from my inability to click to my average academic achievements (despite everyone seeming to think I should do better) to my fucking up of relationships. There's nothing about myself that's especially extraordinary or interesting, I'm rubbish at social interactions, I'm lazy, unmotivated, manipulative and I'm crippled by anxiety, lack of confidence and self-consciousness. My natural state has always been a bit downbeat (even as a child, I definitely remember that), I wish I was naturally cheerful and more energetic.

There's some things that I like about myself- I'm very laid back and impossible to anger, when I'm not involved I am very optimistic and try to see the good in people, I'm rational and I try to do the right thing (usually). They're just massively outweighed by my faults.

Physically it's a similar mixed bag, I'm not especially ugly, but I'm hardly handsome. I'm not short, but I'm probably a touch below average. I'd have quite a nice body if I did a little bit more exercise. I have terrible skin- I have vitiligo, where patches of my skin don't produce melanin and I'm fairly spotty (although that's starting to go away). I can't quite grow a proper beard, which really wouldn't bother me except I'm balding (at 19 mind you) and it's just about starting to get noticeable. I can handle baldness as I've always been told to expect it, but I'd at least like to be able to grow a fucking beard first. The problem here is that every girlfriend I had found me attractive in a kinda 'cute' way- I used to have shaggy hair and I looked younger, but now I'm balding I have to keep it quite short.

All in all I just feel like it's too much work to try and rouse myself into sorting myself out. It's not like I haven't tried, but it's not like I can just decide to be confident and for it to just happen. I did see a therapist earlier this year, but after a few weeks' sessions I kinda ran out of things to say and nothing long-term really came of it. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything, but the idea of just going to bed one day and not getting up again seems fairly appealing- Everything I do seems to be doomed to failure and it's a bit draining really, I don't see an especially cheerful future for myself and I've run out of resolve to carry on and try and make the best of it.

Well that was surprisingly long and depressing... I apologise if it seems a bit melodramatic but hey, you asked.