Pretty low. Not quite sure I hate myself, but I sure think I suck. There's nothing that I've ever done that I haven't either utterly cocked up or just done a really mediocre job of. Seriously, everything- ranging from my inability to click to my average academic achievements (despite everyone seeming to think I should do better) to my fucking up of relationships. There's nothing about myself that's especially extraordinary or interesting, I'm rubbish at social interactions, I'm lazy, unmotivated, manipulative and I'm crippled by anxiety, lack of confidence and self-consciousness. My natural state has always been a bit downbeat (even as a child, I definitely remember that), I wish I was naturally cheerful and more energetic.
There's some things that I like about myself- I'm very laid back and impossible to anger, when I'm not involved I am very optimistic and try to see the good in people, I'm rational and I try to do the right thing (usually). They're just massively outweighed by my faults.
Physically it's a similar mixed bag, I'm not especially ugly, but I'm hardly handsome. I'm not short, but I'm probably a touch below average. I'd have quite a nice body if I did a little bit more exercise. I have terrible skin- I have vitiligo, where patches of my skin don't produce melanin and I'm fairly spotty (although that's starting to go away). I can't quite grow a proper beard, which really wouldn't bother me except I'm balding (at 19 mind you) and it's just about starting to get noticeable. I can handle baldness as I've always been told to expect it, but I'd at least like to be able to grow a fucking beard first. The problem here is that every girlfriend I had found me attractive in a kinda 'cute' way- I used to have shaggy hair and I looked younger, but now I'm balding I have to keep it quite short.
All in all I just feel like it's too much work to try and rouse myself into sorting myself out. It's not like I haven't tried, but it's not like I can just decide to be confident and for it to just happen. I did see a therapist earlier this year, but after a few weeks' sessions I kinda ran out of things to say and nothing long-term really came of it. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything, but the idea of just going to bed one day and not getting up again seems fairly appealing- Everything I do seems to be doomed to failure and it's a bit draining really, I don't see an especially cheerful future for myself and I've run out of resolve to carry on and try and make the best of it.
Well that was surprisingly long and depressing... I apologise if it seems a bit melodramatic but hey, you asked.