Poll: If you were spanked as a child, do you think it made you a better person?

[MasterOfWorlds]

I wasn't spanked, but the thing that a lot of people don't realize is that people respond differently to different things. Some people respond better to punishment, some to rewards, it really all depends on the person.

For me, all it took was some time in time out and I was on my best behavior for a good long while afterwards. I was spanked once, but that was because I ran behind a car that was backing up, so I think that's spank worthy...ignore that. XD

Anyway, it's not for everyone, and some people take it too far. If you don't buy into the whole, "It depends on the person" thing, I suggest you take a course of personality psychology, and hopefully you'll see what I'm talking about.

 

[captainwolfos]

I was usually given two options with my parents; get a slap, or do something really stupid and potentially painful of my own doing. So yeah, I think I turned out okay.

However, it doesn't work for everyone; my sister was also hit (I refuse to say spanked on the grounds that it sounds better than it is XD), and turned out to be a money hungry, back stabbing, lying little whore.

As you can tell, I get on REALLY well with my siblings...

 

[Charli]

Yup a light smack to keep me in line was perfectly fine. I was a brat when I got into 'super sulk' mode.

Seriously there's a line between a spank and a right out abusive smack.
But all these stupid people have done studies on criminals and claimed some outlandish "Smacking kids leads to troubled adulthood" Which is an utter load. And thus, it's illegal.

Seriously parents have no weapons left in which to punish their kids. Words do little to nothing on certain kids (It varies).

See my sister was born AFTER the whole 'smacking is evil' thing came out.
I love her god help me but she is a total ...brat. I mean really, she has no value in anything she deems not important to her little bubble, calls my parents hideous, vile names when angered, and sometimes all I think to myself is good gawd someone just smack her round the face before she self combusts.

 

[Azure-Supernova]

*snip*

Right. For supposedly 'advanced' beings we (as a race) have an awful lot of trouble suppressing our own natural urges and instincts. When my ***** was rearing her pups she nipped ears and tails to stop them doing things they shouldn't. This is a supposedly inferior animal but never once have any of the pups stepped out of line with us or their mother. These creatures of supposed animosity driven by instinct can be taught, no different than human beings. We just do it on a different intellectual level.

I mean for christ sake, we're part of a race that have fought countless wars over opinions and clashes of ideals. We meaninglessly killed others because of the colour of their skin or the beliefs they held in their head and you're trying to tell me we're superior beings to many maternal animals?

I'm going massively off point here, but here's the relevance to the statement: A ***** knows the force of her jaws and will not bite the pup enough to make him bleed, she will nip in discouragement. This is her instinct. We as human beings have trouble knowing the limits of our strength, but to make up for that we have a higher level of intelligence. But this doesn't automatically throw physical punishments out of the window. A cut will invariably hurt a child, it's a cut and it draws blood and will hurt no matter how. A smack on the bottom will not leave a mark, will not draw blood and will only remain painful long enough for the child to think about what he did.

You can run this around in circles forever; but stubbornly countering every argument with the exact same retort will get you no-where and is only serving to make you look more and more ignorant to the concept of opinion.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

he same cannot be said for every child, just because you were raised that way does not make it inherently right.

I wasn't the only one raised that way. So were my cousins. And getting away with everything? Do you think that's what it means to not be spanked or grounded? I've never had a tantrum in my entire life whilst I was with my father and neither did my cousins. In fact, our respect for him was what led us to behave the way we did. We respected him for being the kind and loving person he was. He managed to use reason to keep us in line and if he could do that with kids aged 7 to 16 then I'm fairly sure everyone can. He took the hard way and he earned our respect and for that I rarely stepped out of line and the same applies to my cousins. We didn't fear getting spanked or getting grounded. We feared disappointing him. And I suppose that's part of the reason we were who we were.

Spanking is always used out of anger and frustration. You're angry because you can't keep your child in line and you're frustrated because they don't listen to you.

i know, i was just pointing out your opinion on that, and i never said your way was wrong nor did not work, i'm just saying every child is not the same, and while you feared dissappointment, most kids either A)dont care and are selfish or B) didn't understand what their parents were trying to do so didn't feel disappointed out of not understanding.

and no, i highly disagree with that, spanking is not used out of anger and frustration in MANY occasions in which i have been apart of and have witnessed over the years. I've had my friends dads give them a good spank when they were told not to do something and were warned pre hand that they would be given a good spank and humiliated in front of their friends if they did it, in which they didn't listen and did and when you don't carry out the pre told consequences then the child doesn't learn anything. Just because you listened and were a good kid to understand what your parents were striving for, doesn't mean even half the population of kids will do the same. there is a reason why not everyone is smart/has common sense and has perfect grades and can do everything in each field of study/career.

 

[Xanadu84]

I was a goodie two-shoes as a kid. Almost never did anything wrong. I remember that once, I was kinda bad, didn't really realize I was doing something that bad, and was spanked. That's the only time I ever repeated doing a bad behavior, and my future misbehavings were actually malicious. When I had to fix my mistake, or lost privledges as punishment, I learned my lesson. The one time I was spanked, my pride was hurt, I was embarrassed and angry, and I had to act bad, only learn how to get away with it, to feel okay about myself.

 

[RandV80]

WHAT?! That many people voted Yes!?! What is wrong with you people! Beating kids is a sloppy excuse to let anger, not reason and caring, grow a child!

That's just pathetic, Escapists. I am Disappoint

Why don't you look at the question? It's not asking if you think spanking is right, it says if you were spanked as a child do you think it made you a better person. Whenever something like this comes up it always shows a distinct difference in perception and reality from people.

Personally, the way I look at it it comes down to three different types of people:

1. A small percent that either experienced or witnessed actual physical child abuse and adopt a zero tolerance stance.
2. Another small percent, people of the bleeding heart hippy mold who get emotionally involved over how other people raise their children.
3. The majority. People who likely were spanked as a child and don't think there was anything wrong with it, even going so far as to compare themselves to todays spankless society and think they're much better off.

In 10-20 years it may be a little different as more kids who were never spanked grow into adults and are able to voice their opinion, but for today that's just plain and simple the way it is. Most of us were spanked as kids, most of us don't think there was anything wrong with it, in fact it was beneficial, and most of us think it's a legit form of discipline.

Personally, what always bugs me with the opposite side of the fence is the 'bubble wrap' approach to rasing children. It's all too clean and sterile, like it's a tragedy if a kid gets dirty or scrapes a knee. Or if a kid gets a smack on the bottom it's tragic and just might scar him for life. This is something that most people just won't fundamentally agree with.

 

[Koroviev]

*snip*

Right. For supposedly 'advanced' beings we (as a race) have an awful lot of trouble suppressing our own natural urges and instincts. When my ***** was rearing her pups she nipped ears and tails to stop them doing things they shouldn't. This is a supposedly inferior animal but never once have any of the pups stepped out of line with us or their mother. These creatures of supposed animosity driven by instinct can be taught, no different than human beings. We just do it on a different intellectual level.

I mean for christ sake, we're part of a race that have fought countless wars over opinions and clashes of ideals. We meaninglessly killed others because of the colour of their skin or the beliefs they held in their head and you're trying to tell me we're superior beings to many maternal animals?

I'm going massively off point here, but here's the relevance to the statement: A ***** knows the force of her jaws and will not bite the pup enough to make him bleed, she will nip in discouragement. This is her instinct. We as human beings have trouble knowing the limits of our strength, but to make up for that we have a higher level of intelligence. But this doesn't automatically throw physical punishments out of the window. A cut will invariably hurt a child, it's a cut and it draws blood and will hurt no matter how. A smack on the bottom will not leave a mark, will not draw blood and will only remain painful long enough for the child to think about what he did.

You can run this around in circles forever; but stubbornly countering every argument with the exact same retort will get you no-where and is only serving to make you look more and more ignorant to the concept of opinion.

It seems like a false analogy to compare the interaction of adult humans and their children to that of a nursing ***** and her pups.

 

[meowchef]

Again... spanking and beating aren't the same thing... Spanking is generally considered just a swat on the butt that from my experience is more of a surprise/scare than physical pain. Beating is what you're referring to... the cases of child abuse and all where there are bruises, broken bones, injuries, etc.

A swat on the butt? So you consider spanking someone slapping a child on the butt? You either have a gross misinterpretation of spanking or you've never been spanked yourself. A slap on the butt is miles away from what spanking actually is.

The very definition of "spank" is an open hand slap on the buttocks as a form of punishment... Perhaps you've been misinformed at some point.

 

[JAWZxZ]

I was slapped across the face every now and then as well as being spanked. I think I was spanked about twice, but as I go older it was across the face. I was slapped until I was about 14, but never bad enough to leave a mark or anything like that. Worst I ever got was light swelling on one occasion for being disrespectful to my grandma (I think I was in trouble already and I said "What are you looking at" to her or something along those lines.)

 

[ZydrateDealer]

No what made me a better person was not being spoiled with goods as a child, my mum and dad have four children three of which where smacked when naughty the other one was born ages after and lets face it, it's easier to keep one child in line than three so smacking doesn't need to be the instant go to disiplinary aid. Their first born son was spoiled by my father, he took him under his wing, I being the second born son was a middle child and a spare part, and for a while my sister enjoyed the privilage of being the baby but due to attention being divided they couldn't lavish on her.

So my brother was spoiled by my father and praised by my mother, my sister was cooed over for the first few years but my parents had a fourth child she became more akin to me the middle child loved but never showered with gifts and praises but she'd enjoyed that for nine years.

As much as I love my big brother and my youngest sister they are both very much spoiled and don't think of others, my sister and I are just nicer to each other and more respectful to our parents because their love means more to us.

So my hot tip for parents is this; don't divide your attention between your children unequally,(one of the reasons I still have, and will always have a deep respect for my long deceased grandad is that he gave all his grandchildren equal time and attention); and don't give them everything they won't just because they want it now. Nothing will teach your child patience like making them wait for christmas and their birthday for this years most awesome two things that they must have.

 

[TangoOneSix]

I can't say that spanking makes a person better or worse. A person will decide if they are better or worse - parenting has influence and so too does society, of course, but it's all down to the individual. Take it from me: someone who got spanked.

Actually, I wasn't simply spanked, sometimes I got the stuffing beat out of me with a thick leather belt and buckle for something as simple as getting a B+ or lower on a test or homework assignment. My mom was quite brutal in that respect. My dad refused to take part in the beatings, but couldn't do anything about it, considering my mom is that extremely dominant type, while my dad is an engineer who believes in shutting up, doing your job and minimizing conflict. In any case, all that left distinct (albeit cleverly concealed) bruises that would certainly have gotten Social Services called if I dared reveal what was happening. Mostly, I was too damn scared to say a thing about it. Yeah, Asian parents, if you didn't already guess.

Certainly, it fostered a resentment towards my mother. Though we get along much better now that I'm in college and a bit over a year from graduating and getting commissioned as an Army officer, our interactions haven't quite been the same. Ask me my most distinct memories from childhood about my mother and all I ever think about are beatings for not being perfect in school. No, home wasn't a happy place for much of my childhood, and all that beating never really did change the fact that I was a well behaved kid who was smart, but impatient with bullshit academic subjects and wanting to apply himself to worthwhile things. So I graduated high school with a substandard B+ average. And I'm nothing amazing in college either. Much better than many, but certainly not to Asian parent standards.

However, I think I turned out just fine. I'm an Army officer cadet - I'm physically fit, trained in warrior tasks and drills and I am in command of a whole platoon of younger cadets. Not that this is anywhere equivalent to actual soldiers, but I'm learning and will become a commissioned officer in less than two year's time. I have a sense of moral discipline, pay for my own schooling via scholarships and have a vision for my future. A lot of people who claim to have had happy, carefree childhoods cannot say the same right now.

So does spanking make a better or worse person? Hard to say. All the "spanking" did for me was reaffirm my own independence and realization that, as a citizen of the United States, I did NOT have to conform to my mother's traditional ways. She chose to immigrate here, she chose the US as my birthplace, and this being the land of opportunity, I'll forge my own path, whether you like it or not. Break my ass with a belt, but you don't break my strength of will.


Long story done.


EDIT, AFTERTHOUGHT: I will never condone overtly harsh spanking as a punishment on a child. Sure, sometimes you gotta just whip out Ol' Faithful and paddle them upside heaven till they learn (do NOT misinterpret that you perverted scag, you know what I mean). But I've seen what people with lesser strength of will have devolved into with comparatively easier punishments. Even a harmless slap is still terrifying to a child. Sometimes, you have no choice, but point being: never make it lightly.

 

[RandV80]

To me, spanking is an alternative for parents who are unable to actually be parents.

Let me just get this straight...you condemn all parents who have ever used spanking as useless parents?

No. I'm saying that violence will lead only to more violence. That violence is never the answer and that if you're unable to face the hardships of raising a child without the use of violence then you should ask yourself why you became a parent in the first place.

You violence will lead to more violence yet it looks like half the people on here will tell you from personal experience that it wasn't the case.

And the reason for this is because when they were spanked they were small children. They did not have the power to fight back. This is why you don't spank teenagers. If spanking was a good form of discipline then it would make sense to continue using it through teenagehood. But it's not used through teenagehood. We use variants of grounding or not use punishments at all. The moment the "child" can fight back is the moment parents stop using violence against him/her as they know they can fight back.

You keep saying "they" "they" "they", but in the correct context of the topic the correct term is "you" or "I". When I was spanked I was a small child, and [i/]I[/i] did not have the power to fight back. And when I actually put that into context of my own childhood it just sounds completely and utterly ridiculous. Why the hell would a child have to "fight back" against his parents? Talk about fostering a rebelious attitude and no respect for authority.

The role of any parent is to raise, nurture, and guide their children into adult hood. And unlike what some people like to think children aren't just little people, the same as the rest of us only smaller. A child doesn't have the same capacity for reason, to tell right from wrong. A simple primitive discipline is used because words and reason won't always reach a child like it would ann adult. Or like a teenager for that matter.

Saying that spankings stop when you grow into a teenager because you're now able to "fight back" is just absurd. I'm fairly certain in many cases of actual abusive upbringings the beatings don't stop when the kids reach their teens. Most teens will still be physically dominated by their father, not to mention actual abuse will foster an emotional submission.

 

[Varya]

In 10-20 years it may be a little different as more kids who were never spanked grow into adults and are able to voice their opinion, but for today that's just plain and simple the way it is. Most of us were spanked as kids, most of us don't think there was anything wrong with it, in fact it was beneficial, and most of us think it's a legit form of discipline.

Personally, what always bugs me with the opposite side of the fence is the 'bubble wrap' approach to rasing children. It's all too clean and sterile, like it's a tragedy if a kid gets dirty or scrapes a knee. Or if a kid gets a smack on the bottom it's tragic and just might scar him for life. This is something that most people just won't fundamentally agree with.

In Sweden it's been illegal since 79 and I can safely say that there is no real support for it. It's as fundamentally obvious that you don't lay hands on children as it is you don't beat your spouse. People have always, and I mean always as in as far as we have written documentation, complained that the "younger generation" is out of control, and you know what, it wasn't true in ancient Greece and it isn't true today.I wish I could pull out data from my... backside... telling you that it's bad but I don't know where to find it. A translated quote from wikipedia will have to do, and I know I am begging for a flame war about sources and contradictory studies but nevertheless, it's been proven to have ill effects, whether you accept it or not.
"A meta-analysis from 2002 analyzing 60 years of research regarding child-spanking concluded that child-spanking was correlated with several drawbacks and no other benefits than instantaneous obedience."http://sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aga

I do think spanking is nothing short of child-abuse. No, not everyone get harmed by it, that doesn't make it right

 

[BlackStar42]

Bring back corporal punishment! Without it, you get the ASBO, hoodie, threatening kid, Jamie Bulger murdering society that we have today. I was spanked, my brothers and sister were spanked, my parents and their parents were all spanked, we all turned out ok.

A little bit of National Service wouldn't go amiss either!

As regards National Service- no. I am 17, and do not see how wasting a year of my life playing soldiers helps me in any way. Despite what the media tells you, not all teenagers are yobs.

 

[F'Angus]

Hell It sure made me stop whining when I was a kid. It works.

 

[Spoonius]

Yes. Pain was the only punishment that got through to me. Without it, I would be my brother, who was not beaten. He is not exactly the best individual.

Same here. I was beaten (not that savagely, mind you), whereas my younger brother and sister were spared (I'm pretty sure my mum stopped because she regretted hitting me). These days, neither of them have any respect for anybody, and cross all kinds of social boundaries.

You all had it easy, I got the belt.

Laundry stick.

 

[Blaster395]

Bring back corporal punishment! Without it, you get the ASBO, hoodie, threatening kid, Jamie Bulger murdering society that we have today. I was spanked, my brothers and sister were spanked, my parents and their parents were all spanked, we all turned out ok.

A little bit of National Service wouldn't go amiss either!

As regards National Service- no. I am 17, and do not see how wasting a year of my life playing soldiers helps me in any way. Despite what the media tells you, not all teenagers are yobs.

If I was forced to be a soldier, heck, I would just shoot myself.
You DONT force me to have to be part of something I do not agree with, and I do not agree with war of any kind.

All the people I know who have been spanked as kids are the most violent ones I know.

 

[GrizzlerBorno]

The problem is that a shocking number of people don't understand the difference between spanking a child and beating a child. One is a swift slap to the bottom to remind a child of pack hierarchy, the other is using violence for personal catharsis. No one who advocates smacking a child is advocating a 60-hit combo! Likewise those who have the biggest problems with spanking seem to have been on the receiving end of actual abuse.

Do you maybe, see the error in comparing a family to a pack? No? how about this: You know which animal most notably lives in Packs? Wolves. Do you know what male wolves (and bears i think) do? They EAT THEIR YOUNG. For humans, there are BETTER ways of maintaining discipline than "wolf tactics". The army doesn't shoot you in the foot every time you make a mistake, for example, does it? And they're all about discipline.

In order to prove that I'm not some generalizing schmuck, Let me tell you of one of my most recent experiences. I have a Nephew, about 3 years old (I made a thread about him once). He's a jumpy, energetic kid, who doesn't listen to his parents for shit. They never hit him, but they don't effectively control him in any other way, either. So recently he got into the habit of sitting in the front seat. For some retarded reason neither of his parents stopped him, (and our laws are a bad joke if you're wondering) but we all felt that it had to stop cause he could get seriously hurt.

So here's what my Mother, (his Grandma) did: She was once in the car, with all of them. When the topic came up.....she started scolding the mother (my cousin) like world's end, while the kid sat in the front. She screamed at her for turning him into an uncontrollable mess, and how in a few years' time, he will not give a fuck about the parents and run away, because he doesn't love them anymore.

The next day, my nephew screamed and scampered into the back seat before everyone else. Problem solved imo. Yes, i know this is anecdotal evidence, but i have a ton more, many of them MINE. I'm sure many of us do.

And to be Clear, hitting your kid under "extreme circumstances" is acceptable. But it cannot, imo, be any kind of "go to" tactic. And how can you trust people to reasonably judge what "extreme" situations are? It'd be too hard.... no, impossible to maintain any measure of restraint if corporal punishment became an accepted form of rearing. How would you stop a shit-mother from going into a rage and smacking her child because he disturbed her while she was playing Farmville?

 

[Dr Snakeman]

To me, spanking is an alternative for parents who are unable to actually be parents.

Let me just get this straight...you condemn all parents who have ever used spanking as useless parents?

No. I'm saying that violence will lead only to more violence. That violence is never the answer and that if you're unable to face the hardships of raising a child without the use of violence then you should ask yourself why you became a parent in the first place.

You violence will lead to more violence yet it looks like half the people on here will tell you from personal experience that it wasn't the case.

And the reason for this is because when they were spanked they were small children. They did not have the power to fight back. This is why you don't spank teenagers. If spanking was a good form of discipline then it would make sense to continue using it through teenagehood. But it's not used through teenagehood. We use variants of grounding or not use punishments at all. The moment the "child" can fight back is the moment parents stop using violence against him/her as they know they can fight back.

You keep saying "they" "they" "they", but in the correct context of the topic the correct term is "you" or "I". When I was spanked I was a small child, and [i/]I[/i] did not have the power to fight back. And when I actually put that into context of my own childhood it just sounds completely and utterly ridiculous. Why the hell would a child have to "fight back" against his parents? Talk about fostering a rebelious attitude and no respect for authority.

The role of any parent is to raise, nurture, and guide their children into adult hood. And unlike what some people like to think children aren't just little people, the same as the rest of us only smaller. A child doesn't have the same capacity for reason, to tell right from wrong. A simple primitive discipline is used because words and reason won't always reach a child like it would ann adult. Or like a teenager for that matter.

Saying that spankings stop when you grow into a teenager because you're now able to "fight back" is just absurd. I'm fairly certain in many cases of actual abusive upbringings the beatings don't stop when the kids reach their teens. Most teens will still be physically dominated by their father, not to mention actual abuse will foster an emotional submission.

Thank you, sir, for making my point. Seriously, I'm sick of all this crap about how any kind of physical discipline is child abuse. It's needed, and parents who completely forsake it will, more likely than not, raise lazy, amoral people.