Poll: Is it ok for parents to spank their kids?

[Veritasiness]

I'm not sure I support making it ILLEGAL to spank or slap your child (assuming you properly define the difference between discipline and abuse), but I think it's a stupid way to teach your kids. It inspires fear, not respect, and it does not produce sound or understanding individuals. My parents both were subject to, or had siblings subject to physical discipline in their homes, and they were so repulsed by the notion of it that they were always extremely careful not to lay a hand on me or my siblings - I think we're better off for it, because it allows us to genuinely respect and admire our parents, not just live in fear of being hurt.

 

[dead.juice]

Uh, no.

You don't hit or smack a random person on the street who mis-behaves or plays up, so why do it to a small child just because they're yours?

I can't take away a random person's stuff on the street, tell them what they can eat for dinner, make them go to school, tell them what time to go to bed, ground them, tell them to go to the doctor...etc....

Children are not just small adults. They do not have the rights of adults, parents do have a certain amount of control and rights over thier kids that do not apply to strangers on the street.

I know, but spanking/smacking, basically physically (and emotionally) harming your child is not a right a parent has. It's abusing your position as primary carer, it's cruel.

Seriously, as a Mother, I've seen small children be punished and it's a horrific sight to see when you have your own.

That's an arbitray statement on your part.

I've seen kids in this very forum talk about how cruel it is for their parents to take away their PC/internet/xbox/etc for being bad.

If the level of violence is appropriate, I'm not convinced that a smack on the bum is any more harmful to a child than any other punishment (my daughter certainly cries a lot when I say no to her about anything, she'll live)

So, when/if your Daughter is in school and she just so happened to attack another child for being mean to her, how do you tell her it's wrong when you smack her yourself? (You didn't say you did smack her, just sayin')

Parents are suppose to lead examples to their children, show them how to be in the big, real world, not smack them that it becomes so normal they'll think it's OK to do it to others.

And what does telling your Daughter no have to do with it? I tell mine no, she fusses and sometimes kicks up a stink, but that's normal child behavior and testing boundaries. I wouldn't physically attack her over it, though.

Parents do lots of things kids can't do to each others. Kids learn that pretty quick. "Don't touch the stove, that's just for adults". I can take her toy away if she is misusing it, she can't take away another child's toy. etc

I have to say; I do find your example funny. Don't touch the stove because it's very hot and can cause you physical pain, yet, I can smack you and cause you physical pain which could potentially emotionally scar/stick in your head longer because my own Mummy/Daddy did it to me. You know those people that're meant to protect me from danger, not cause it?


I'm fully aware I'm one-sided about this, but nothing will convince me or make me think raising a hand to your own child is acceptable, ever.

There is a true story about a Canadian girl that had several children, including a baby. They had an open fireplace in their house, and the neighbors always told her to "Burn her baby", to teach it to stay away from the fire. She couldn't bring herself to do it though. One night, the baby crawled into the fire with his blankets, got horribly burned. He lived for two days.
I'm not trying to change your mind, it's just food for thought.

So to teach you that crossing a road can be dangerous ill run you over with my car. That will teach you a lesson!

Your not very good with metaphors, and you have no idea how learning works.
That makes sense, considering how stubborn you are.
I didn't say they told her to roll here kid into the fire, they recommended that she take his finger and touch the stove with it. It's a simple way to make him stay away from fire, at least until he can comprehend it.

I fully understood that was trying to make a joke But you must admit teaching the child to respect the fire is better than fear the fire. Fear is effective as is a smack in the bottom, but respecting when your father says stop is better. Personally i'd rather respect than fear my father

A baby can't learn respect, and proper discipline doesn't lead to fear. I agree it would be nice if we could just teach kids respect and love, and not have to teach them anything else.
But if you ever been around kids, or have a nephew, you'd understand it will never be as simple as that.

I'm 34 and my daughter is 10 so yeah I've been around children and I understand that it's not that simple. I'm not patient at all but I've learned to do it differently from my parents and my wife is amazing Prohibiting access can work well when they are young enough to not understand

If you have the luxury of prohibiting access, that makes sense. But what do you do if your daughter(or if you had a son) hurt another child or stole something. How do you deal with that? Prohibit access to other children and material objects?
Yes, that last part is a dumb joke. :3 I would like your opinion though.

 

[JoJo]

No.
Just no. It is never okay to physically discipline a child.

If you need to resort to physical punishment you have failed as a parent.

I am only 24 years old, but I have 2 very well mannered and disciplined children (age 5 and 3,5).
I take great pride in this fact, and I have invested many hours into getting them to behave well.

I have spent many hours consulting my local nurse, read books and articles online.

It's not that hard, it just takes time and effort.

Physical harm is cowardly and shows a lack of character in a parent.
It's the "easy" way out, so you don't have to use time and effort on your children.

I find the whole practice disgusting and I will speak up for the children if I see such a thing happen.
If that does not work I will (depending on the severity) alert the authorities of this practice.

Thank you, I'm quoting you because I think this needs to be repeated. The fact is the vast majority of people on this thread don't have children and seem to associate lack of physical punishment with lack of ALL effective punishment, which is a fallacy. Scientific studies have repeatedly shown that alternate methods of punishment work better than spanking. As someone who has a seven year old sister (who I choose not to spank) and has done voluntary work with children in the past (who I'm not allowed to spank), it is certainly possible to control kids without hitting them.

 

[Jonluw]

If you have the luxury of prohibiting access, that makes sense. But what do you do if your daughter(or if you had a son) hurt another child or stole something. How do you deal with that? Prohibit access to other children and material objects?
Yes, that last part is a dumb joke. :3 I would like your opinion though.

If I may jump in...

The only time I stole anything (a pack of chewing gum at age five), my parents grabbed me by the ear, took me back in to the store and made me give it back and apologize.

I don't really support their decision of grabbing me by the ear, but in a moment of fury I suppose it's understandable. What I do support is their decision to make me go back, look the clerk in the eyes and admit to stealing. Making me feel horribly embarrassed and understand that I was hurting someone by taking that chewing gum.
It made me realize I was affecting other people. The reason I've never stolen since is that I'd feel horrible doing such a thing and the shame of admitting I stole is forever etched in my mind. I think this is a far better reason for not stealing than fear of being punished is.

It's the difference between respecting the law because you know you're hurting people by not doing it, and respecting it because you're afraid of going to jail.

 

[dead.juice]

Uh, no.

You don't hit or smack a random person on the street who mis-behaves or plays up, so why do it to a small child just because they're yours?

I can't take away a random person's stuff on the street, tell them what they can eat for dinner, make them go to school, tell them what time to go to bed, ground them, tell them to go to the doctor...etc....

Children are not just small adults. They do not have the rights of adults, parents do have a certain amount of control and rights over thier kids that do not apply to strangers on the street.

I know, but spanking/smacking, basically physically (and emotionally) harming your child is not a right a parent has. It's abusing your position as primary carer, it's cruel.

Seriously, as a Mother, I've seen small children be punished and it's a horrific sight to see when you have your own.

That's an arbitray statement on your part.

I've seen kids in this very forum talk about how cruel it is for their parents to take away their PC/internet/xbox/etc for being bad.

If the level of violence is appropriate, I'm not convinced that a smack on the bum is any more harmful to a child than any other punishment (my daughter certainly cries a lot when I say no to her about anything, she'll live)

So, when/if your Daughter is in school and she just so happened to attack another child for being mean to her, how do you tell her it's wrong when you smack her yourself? (You didn't say you did smack her, just sayin')

Parents are suppose to lead examples to their children, show them how to be in the big, real world, not smack them that it becomes so normal they'll think it's OK to do it to others.

And what does telling your Daughter no have to do with it? I tell mine no, she fusses and sometimes kicks up a stink, but that's normal child behavior and testing boundaries. I wouldn't physically attack her over it, though.

Parents do lots of things kids can't do to each others. Kids learn that pretty quick. "Don't touch the stove, that's just for adults". I can take her toy away if she is misusing it, she can't take away another child's toy. etc

I have to say; I do find your example funny. Don't touch the stove because it's very hot and can cause you physical pain, yet, I can smack you and cause you physical pain which could potentially emotionally scar/stick in your head longer because my own Mummy/Daddy did it to me. You know those people that're meant to protect me from danger, not cause it?


I'm fully aware I'm one-sided about this, but nothing will convince me or make me think raising a hand to your own child is acceptable, ever.

There is a true story about a Canadian girl that had several children, including a baby. They had an open fireplace in their house, and the neighbors always told her to "Burn her baby", to teach it to stay away from the fire. She couldn't bring herself to do it though. One night, the baby crawled into the fire with his blankets, got horribly burned. He lived for two days.
I'm not trying to change your mind, it's just food for thought.

Why was there no guard on the fire? And why was the baby not being watched for it to just crawl in to it in the first place? Why was it on if no guardian was around, so it seems.
(I know you probably cannot answer these, but before we say hurting a child to teach it a lesson is good, why were these things not done to prevent it in the first place is all I'm saying).

Tragic story, tough, how sad

I thought the same thing at first. I don't know much else about the story. It wasn't a recent one, I think it was from early America era. At that time, an open stove was probably necessarily to keep from freezing to death. And I'm sure this girl didn't really have anyone to help her with the kids.
My reason for sticking up for spanking is because the logic behind it comes from a kind of folk wisdom that worked well in a dangerous and hostile/uncivilized environment. In a modern setting, we are blessed to raise our kids in a mostly safe and secure environment. If we can teach our kids without spanking, more power to us.

 

[FuzzyRaccoon]

I'm not sure I support making it ILLEGAL to spank or slap your child (assuming you properly define the difference between discipline and abuse), but I think it's a stupid way to teach your kids. It inspires fear, not respect, and it does not produce sound or understanding individuals. My parents both were subject to, or had siblings subject to physical discipline in their homes, and they were so repulsed by the notion of it that they were always extremely careful not to lay a hand on me or my siblings - I think we're better off for it, because it allows us to genuinely respect and admire our parents, not just live in fear of being hurt.

I know someone who was spanked, who grew up not hating her parents. Clearly, it's possible to not inspire fear through this. You need to know your child, and you need to recognize how you're going about it.

 

[Thespian]

No. Beating your kids, which is what spanking is, is wrong. It teaches them that
1 - The only reason not to wrong unto other people is because they will be punished.
2 - The only way you can (or the only way you will) communicate to them efficiently is through inflicting pain.

Parenting is about readying a child for when they are out in the world on their own. If the only incentive not to do wrong is because there will be physical pain after, then one day when there are no parents around to distribute punishment, the incentive will be gone and there will be no reason not to treat someone badly if it benefits you and you can get off from it scott free.

Words have ten times the power that a strike of the hand could have. Parents who don't understand that (or won't make the effort to go for the longer, more thorough option over the quick and easy solution) probably aren't going to be doing a great job anywho.

 

[dead.juice]

No,it's not OK to do that.A lot of kids grow up hating their parents because they beat them sometimes.Oh,and by the way,it's actually illegal in some countries.

That sounds more like abuse.

I'm sayin' that even a little spanking for something insignificant is illegal,not goin' all RAGE MODE on your kids D:
But yeah,I still stand for the fact that if you think beatin' your kids for something bad they did is gonna educate them,you're absolutely wrong.I think that's why Yahtzee is so bitter about his dad,too.

I think there is a difference. A proper spanking is nothing like a beating. I understand completely if someone resents theirs peers because they were smacked around, but someone complaining about being bent over and whipped for doing something bad when they where young is just being a shallow little pussy (in my opinion.)

 

[Spartan054]

u must do it in moderation. and Never in anger or to malice. because even a 2 year old can tell the diffrence between being spanked for their shit behavior and being spanked becasue they annoyed or pissed of their parents. my dad was good about this when i was young but when i hit teenage he went insane.... but it was the verbal abuse and the massive hpyocracy that make me want to pull out his insides. the funny thing is he has a father that was far worse and he promised he would never do that to me. but geting back to the point if u spank your child use it not as punishment but more as a tool of fear. when u say that thel will get spank they must belive it.

 

[geier]

Yes, by god yes !

Eleven years ago, my country made a law that forbids parents to beat up their offspring.

And now ?
I'm working at a food discounter for some time, and last week one of this carpet-rats tryed to turn off one of our refridgerators, just for fun !

If i hadn't noticed it had been a fu####g 600? problem.

 

[dead.juice]

If you have the luxury of prohibiting access, that makes sense. But what do you do if your daughter(or if you had a son) hurt another child or stole something. How do you deal with that? Prohibit access to other children and material objects?
Yes, that last part is a dumb joke. :3 I would like your opinion though.

If I may jump in...

The only time I stole anything (a pack of chewing gum at age five), my parents grabbed me by the ear, took me back in to the store and made me give it back and apologize.

I don't really support their decision of grabbing me by the ear, but in a moment of fury I suppose it's understandable. What I do support is their decision to make me go back, look the clerk in the eyes and admit to stealing. Making me feel horribly embarrassed and understand that I was hurting someone by taking that chewing gum.
It made me realize I was affecting other people. The reason I've never stolen since is that I'd feel horrible doing such a thing and the shame of admitting I stole is forever etched in my mind. I think this is a far better reason for not stealing than fear of being punished is.

It's the difference between respecting the law because you know you're hurting people by not doing it, and respecting it because you're afraid of going to jail.

I've witness many parents that try to do this without the physical part. Not every kid will be ashamed if they're caught stealing, they could resent their parents for turning them in. Just because a parent is bringing up their child to the best of their abilities doesn't change things like that. In situations like this, depending on the severity, I think it's the better way to deal with things. It says: "Look here buddy, I'm the boss here. If you wont heed my discipline, I'll have to do this, because if I (the loving parent) don't do it, and if you don't learn it somehow, somebody else might wind up doing it. Like a violently angry shop owner, or a cop."
Yeah, it can be a little traumatizing at times, but that's a pretty strong way to learn. A parent can be mean, but the world can be inhuman.

 

[CRRPGMykael]

No,it's not OK to do that.A lot of kids grow up hating their parents because they beat them sometimes.Oh,and by the way,it's actually illegal in some countries.

That sounds more like abuse.

I'm sayin' that even a little spanking for something insignificant is illegal,not goin' all RAGE MODE on your kids D:
But yeah,I still stand for the fact that if you think beatin' your kids for something bad they did is gonna educate them,you're absolutely wrong.I think that's why Yahtzee is so bitter about his dad,too.

I think there is a difference. A proper spanking is nothing like a beating. I understand completely if someone resents theirs peers because they were smacked around, but someone complaining about being bent over and whipped for doing something bad when they where young is just being a shallow little pussy (in my opinion.)

No,it's not OK to do that.A lot of kids grow up hating their parents because they beat them sometimes.Oh,and by the way,it's actually illegal in some countries.

That sounds more like abuse.

I'm sayin' that even a little spanking for something insignificant is illegal,not goin' all RAGE MODE on your kids D:
But yeah,I still stand for the fact that if you think beatin' your kids for something bad they did is gonna educate them,you're absolutely wrong.I think that's why Yahtzee is so bitter about his dad,too.

Uh, no it's not. He said spanking, spanking isn't illegal. It IS illegal to use objects instead of your hand, like say a belt. It is also illegal to use the back of your hand. It is not illegal to use your open palm. However, the amount of force used can qualify this too as being abusive. If you hit a child on their ass, when you are NOT angry, with the intention to mollify them, without excessive force, and if you have a justifiable reason for such punishment, then it is perfectly legal.

Unless in the last three years some new crazy legislation has come about, banning this. If so, please link me.

@Fuzzy:yeah,excuse me,I didn't mean spanking in the ACTUAL BY THE BOOK meaning,I meant the belt thing and back of the hand,etc.

@juice:we all know most children are retards,but its still not a justification for their parents to whoop their ass if they do something wrong.instead,show them the consequences,make them have empathy and KNOW why not to do this or that,not just be afraid of getting spanked again.thats how i'll probably do it if i'll ever be a father(it sounded way less cheesy in my head).

 

[Jonluw]

If you have the luxury of prohibiting access, that makes sense. But what do you do if your daughter(or if you had a son) hurt another child or stole something. How do you deal with that? Prohibit access to other children and material objects?
Yes, that last part is a dumb joke. :3 I would like your opinion though.

If I may jump in...

The only time I stole anything (a pack of chewing gum at age five), my parents grabbed me by the ear, took me back in to the store and made me give it back and apologize.

I don't really support their decision of grabbing me by the ear, but in a moment of fury I suppose it's understandable. What I do support is their decision to make me go back, look the clerk in the eyes and admit to stealing. Making me feel horribly embarrassed and understand that I was hurting someone by taking that chewing gum.
It made me realize I was affecting other people. The reason I've never stolen since is that I'd feel horrible doing such a thing and the shame of admitting I stole is forever etched in my mind. I think this is a far better reason for not stealing than fear of being punished is.

It's the difference between respecting the law because you know you're hurting people by not doing it, and respecting it because you're afraid of going to jail.

I've witness many parents that try to do this without the physical part. Not every kid will be ashamed if they're caught stealing, they could resent their parents for turning them in. Just because a parent is bringing up their child to the best of their abilities doesn't change things like that. In situations like this, depending on the severity, I think it's the better way to deal with things. It says: "Look here buddy, I'm the boss here. If you wont heed my discipline, I'll have to do this, because if I (the loving parent) don't do it, and if you don't learn it somehow, somebody else might wind up doing it. Like a violently angry shop owner, or a cop."
Yeah, it can be a little traumatizing at times, but that's a pretty strong way to learn. A parent can be mean, but the world can be inhuman.

There are many ways to assert your dominance or discipline your child without hurting them though.

To quote fenrizz, corporal punishment is the easy way out.

And if the child resents the parent for turning them in, the parent has already failed, seeing how the child clearly doesn't realize the implications of stealing, or lacks empathy, something spanking isn't going to solve.

In my mind, the child should be punished with the shame of having done something wrong. This way, the child will see the undesireable action as the cause of the discomfort. When a parent uses corporal punishment on the other hand, the child will end up seeing the rule-enforcers as the cause of the discomfort, prompting the child not to care about breaking the rules learned from spanking if they know they won't be caught breaking them.

As for people growing up to be decent people without corporal punishment. Every single person I know, seeing how it's illegal here, and not "illegal in theory" it's completely against the norm too.

 

[dead.juice]

@juice:we all know most children are retards...

(it sounded way less cheesy in my head).[/quote]
You made a good point, and both of these sentences had me loling.

 

[Verlander]

Only if they can also eat people who say yes, but with relative force to size ratio

 

[rje5]

No. To my mind, there should never be a situation where you'd need to. There are plenty of ways of disciplining children that don't require hitting them that will be just as effective.

EDIT: Hitting children only serves to teach them that hitting is an effective way to deal with someone who isn't doing what you want them to. I'd say it's much better to explain to them why what they did was wrong the first time they do it, and after that discipline them in a way which doesn't require hitting them.

No, some kids need it. And I'm tired of people saying spanking is hitting. It's not. And spanking is an open palm to the buttocks. Anywhere else and anything else isn't spanking. The butt has a lot of meat and that's why it's used to spank. It doesn't hurt, it stings. And it stings the parent as well.

Taking something from a child doesn't always get through, and by the time it does, then spanking probably won't work anymore.

My parents spanked me when I was young, until I got big enough that the spankings hurt my father more than it hurt me, which is when they started taking my tv privileges and gaming consoles away. Worked fine for me and I never thought I was being abused.

If anyone has come from a household where spanking has been used appropriately, they probably don't have a problem with it. Most people who have an issue with it were probably either beaten (not spanked) or never punished at all.

 

[Jakub324]

Yes, but there are more effective punishments, like making the kid feel ashamed of what he/she did. If it involves actual pain, the kid will learn to fear their parents which should never happen.

 

[blankedboy]

It's illegal here, I'm pretty much neutral on the idea.
Don't think I was ever spanked either.

 

[FuzzyRaccoon]

There are many ways to assert your dominance or discipline your child without hurting them though.

...That's not true. The instant that you act in any way that goes against what the child wants, you are hurting them. Emotional responses that are negative, even one such as annoyance, cannot be considered kindness. That's the same qualification for a spanking.

But you still have to discipline a child, because in the long run, you're helping them and not hurting them. This is the same idea with spankings. They don't even have to hurt! They just have to be an unpleasant experience.

I'd never spank my kids, because I wasn't raised that way, but I don't understand why people have such a strong aversion to the idea of such a parenting method. I think it's really insolent to assume that the parent is automatically bad just because they spank. Parenting is hard, any discipline method you use you might make mistakes. Each child is unique and you need to consider their specific personality when disciplining them.

 

[FuzzyRaccoon]

Yes, but there are more effective punishments, like making the kid feel ashamed of what he/she did. If it involves actual pain, the kid will learn to fear their parents which should never happen.

You also have to be careful with such a discipline method. Using shame as a vehicle for a child to understand, depending on the way you go about it, can make them think terrible things about themselves. You could permanently emotionally scar your child if you're not careful.