Poll: Pity Dates
- Thread starter faspxina
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They come off as more of an insult to me. I'd rather go on a date with someone who actually feels the same level of attraction that I do to them. If they're not interested in me, then I'm not gonna waste my money or my time with them.
I went to a Ball with my neighbor because I was her last choice, everyone else had turned her down, then again I was the last choice.
She was probably just kidding about the free meal part (or not). I think it would be acceptable to go on a pity date, if we went with the idea that there might be a chance that you'll be swept off your feet. Though that might just be a normal date where we just have low expectations.Wiezzen said:
That is some seriously messed up behavior, not only does she lead him on but also takes advantage...faspxina said:
If you don't like someone say "no", only then can they really move on, you do both them and yourself a favor, unless ofcourse you're out for their money.
Well thank god I was given a very good advice quite early on, never go out for dinner on a first date, because if you hate each other it is one long painful experience, not to mention the pain when you didn't have a good time and you are still paying a good chunk of money for it.
But yeah, been there and it is probably the most awful experience of my life, trying to entertain someone who already made their mind up to hate you... it's like running full speed into a brick wall and just keep telling yourself it will budge any minute now.
I've been on pity dates before, there was this girl who had a crush on me and used to watch me while i was at work. She eventually asked me out, although her friends had let slip she would some weeks before. She seemed so shy and nervous i couldn't exactly say no.
It wasn't that bad a date, i was a lot less flirtatious than i usually am on dates but i had fun none the less. Theres nothing wrong with going on a date with someone you don't think you like, they could always surprise you.
It wasn't that bad a date, i was a lot less flirtatious than i usually am on dates but i had fun none the less. Theres nothing wrong with going on a date with someone you don't think you like, they could always surprise you.
Hell no. I don't want to give a girl I don't really like the wrong idea, nor do I want to be given the wrong idea.
Pity dates are stupid and pointless and just end up hurting everyone. Dates are stigmatised as romantic and intimate experiences, and as such have that base in society. Only date people you actually like.
Pity dates are stupid and pointless and just end up hurting everyone. Dates are stigmatised as romantic and intimate experiences, and as such have that base in society. Only date people you actually like.
Would she feel good? Of course not, after all if someone told you that they went out with you because of pity no one would feel good.faspxina said:
If a good time is had, and you find you like the person why bother telling them that? If you don't have fun you can always throw a cliché excuse to not date someone out there and run.
I was in a pity relationship for close to a year. Wouldn't wish that on anyone. Don't see what's so hard about saying "no". Even being rude about it is better than pity.
I went on a pity date a while back, a girl asked me out in front of all of her friends and mine, and I didn't want to be a dick and say no.
She was cool but not really my type (and not terribly hot either), so I cut the date short and took her back to her place. What made it worse is that by some coincidence, like 10 of her friends (in groups of 2 and 3) all happened to get home around the same time, so every time I tried to let her down gently, a new set of friends would get home, chat me up, even hug me goodnight (I was on good terms with all of them), and then eventually move on. I ended up standing there talking for an hour and a half, without having more than 2 minutes alone with her to tell her I wasn't really interested in dating.
I finally ended up leaving, figuring I'd just tell her on the phone. She called me up later and said her parents were in town, and she wanted me to go out with them the next day (!!!). I shot her down then and there (gently), since it took all of one evening for her to start trying to smother me.
The only regret I have is that I ran into her at a party like 3 months later, and she had lost weight and got a new haircut, and actually looked pretty hot. Ah well, maybe my rejection inspired her to work out.
She was cool but not really my type (and not terribly hot either), so I cut the date short and took her back to her place. What made it worse is that by some coincidence, like 10 of her friends (in groups of 2 and 3) all happened to get home around the same time, so every time I tried to let her down gently, a new set of friends would get home, chat me up, even hug me goodnight (I was on good terms with all of them), and then eventually move on. I ended up standing there talking for an hour and a half, without having more than 2 minutes alone with her to tell her I wasn't really interested in dating.
I finally ended up leaving, figuring I'd just tell her on the phone. She called me up later and said her parents were in town, and she wanted me to go out with them the next day (!!!). I shot her down then and there (gently), since it took all of one evening for her to start trying to smother me.
The only regret I have is that I ran into her at a party like 3 months later, and she had lost weight and got a new haircut, and actually looked pretty hot. Ah well, maybe my rejection inspired her to work out.
No.
There have been several occasions where I could have set myself into this sort of situation, in all cases with me being the one giving the pity. However, since I think in very long-terms when it comes to relationships, I chose not to because I didn't see a point to it. The fact that the other people involved were the depressed clingy types... didn't help. Me giving them that kind of attention would have probably made things much worse. For me, I think it is better to just be honest and not try to do things for other people that imply future developments. If you are not prepared to face up to the consequences, then I wouldn't do it.
Me on the other hand... I could use a hug or a cuddle. But... that isn't going to happen. Not now.
There have been several occasions where I could have set myself into this sort of situation, in all cases with me being the one giving the pity. However, since I think in very long-terms when it comes to relationships, I chose not to because I didn't see a point to it. The fact that the other people involved were the depressed clingy types... didn't help. Me giving them that kind of attention would have probably made things much worse. For me, I think it is better to just be honest and not try to do things for other people that imply future developments. If you are not prepared to face up to the consequences, then I wouldn't do it.
Me on the other hand... I could use a hug or a cuddle. But... that isn't going to happen. Not now.
I've never been on a pity date. But I almost did.
When I was a high senior, the first semester this freshman boy asked me out. In retrospect, I probably didn't wanna risk hurting his feelings. So I said yes.
Also in more retrospect, I'm pretty sure for him, that meant he'd asked me to be his girlfriend but I took it as he asked for a date. So I kept putting him off and saying we weren't a couple or anything. And we never saw each other or talked... probably 'cause I avoided him a lot. I feel way lame about it and a week later, I finally told him that it wouldn't work out 'cause I wasn't ready for a boyfriend.
There is no way I'm doing it again. Before that time, I was always honest about whether I was attracted to someone body or not. Don't know what changed that day. But now for any guy I'm not attracted to, I will nicely and firmly say it's not an option.
Oh and for the first question, I don't believe in pity dates. They really aren't fair.
When I was a high senior, the first semester this freshman boy asked me out. In retrospect, I probably didn't wanna risk hurting his feelings. So I said yes.
Also in more retrospect, I'm pretty sure for him, that meant he'd asked me to be his girlfriend but I took it as he asked for a date. So I kept putting him off and saying we weren't a couple or anything. And we never saw each other or talked... probably 'cause I avoided him a lot. I feel way lame about it and a week later, I finally told him that it wouldn't work out 'cause I wasn't ready for a boyfriend.
There is no way I'm doing it again. Before that time, I was always honest about whether I was attracted to someone body or not. Don't know what changed that day. But now for any guy I'm not attracted to, I will nicely and firmly say it's not an option.
Oh and for the first question, I don't believe in pity dates. They really aren't fair.
A good statement. I would agree for the most part.Aylaine said:
I don't see why anyone could try for a pity date. For me, if you can't earn it, it isn't worth it. Any relationship I would have, I need to feel like I earned it. If that makes sense. Probably not...
That aside though, I have been on the receiving end of a request for a pity date of sorts. Twice actually, both in the same year. Thing was, they were both secret admirers, and I only found out that these girls were interested in me when someone told me, one being the girl's older brother and the other being her best friend. Needless to say, it was an awkward introduction, and at first I said no; I have barely just met you and I won't jump in so quick. And in both situations I guess they didn't want to wait (just my assumption) and really tried to get me to pity them. I told them both my feelings about that and made it clear things just need to stop here before they get ugly. It worked out well in the end, acting on what I said both girls moved on. One of them is a really good friend of mine today, to think of her as that girl who liked me way back when seems almost alien to me.
I personally would never do something like that. It would feel insulting to me, especially since most likely I would be on the receiving end.
So if youre on the receiving end how can you really tell its a pity date? I mean at the time anyway (I guess you cant)faspxina said:
The whole Idea feels bad, I would rather be alone that pitied, to be honest I do the "alone" part quite well