Poll: Sleeping around

[sanomaton]

I actully had this exact situation which I had to figure out one way or the other.

The story: I recently broke up with my boyfriend but we still sometimes see each other and have sex since we both enjoy it and he's brilliant in the sack. Sort of a friends with benefits kind of situation. Howvever, one night when I was at my ex's apartment alone, his roommate was there. (They have seperate rooms though)

During that night we drink, laugh, talk about anything and everything - as it turns out we have so much in common (something that lacked from my previous relationship) and one thing led to another and we ended up having a great night together.

So... It's a tricky question to answer. If there really are no strings attached I suppose it would be alright. In my case, I think it was alright since I'm no longer in a relationship with my ex and I think I'm allowed to have fun as well but at the moment it felt iffy. Still, even though I think it was okay to have sex with the roommate we still can't tell my ex about it because neither of us want to ruin our relationship with him.

The saddest part just is that the roommate is everything I have ever wanted from a man, he's the kind of person I would want to marry and have children with ...sigh...

Voted maybe.

 

[holy_secret]

The saddest part just is that the roommate is everything I have ever wanted from a man, he's the kind of person I would want to marry and have children with ...sigh...

The funny thing about love is that it's the only game you lose in by not playing.

Thank you for your story. Glad to see someone has experienced something similar.

Seriously now, escapist forumites! Has no one a similar story to share except for two scandinavians???

 

[Zaverexus]

Why the hell would you go to the internet for the answer to this moral dilemma?
You probably already have one answer you want to hear, and that you're going to act on. It's a much more important choice to you than the rest of the people here and one that you have to make on your own.

 

[Farseer Lolotea]

So it's strictly fuckbuddies/friends with benefits, and established as non-exclusive? Nothing whatsoever wrong with it.

 

[holy_secret]

Why the hell would you go to the internet for the answer to this moral dilemma?
You probably already have one answer you want to hear, and that you're going to act on. It's a much more important choice to you than the rest of the people here and one that you have to make on your own.

Because I am a social creature. I actually want to discuss my problems because it makes them easier to deal with and it actually brings joy to be able to have a discussion with people about things that have to do with me.
Seriously dude, you've ever heard of the fun of sharing?

Now stop preaching and tell me your opinion instead. Answer my original question at the OP
Peace out! Hugs and kisses <3

 

[Oly J]

in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with it since you specified that the original sex friend has no designs on commitment...if both parties are open to, and ok with the fact that there are no strings attached, then you're not breaking any rules

 

[AgentNein]

Hate the term fuckbuddy. So vulgar.

Sorry dude, my english vocabulary was lacking when I was creating this thread. The vulgar term was the only one I could think of that would make me understood.

oh no worries. It wasn't a statement directed towards anyone in particular or knocking anyone using the phrase. Just pointing out that I personally never liked the term.

 

[Sion_Barzahd]

If this person you're currently sleeping with is indeed a really close friend and you want to sleep with their friend, i would at least make sure they're ok with it first. I mean at the very least it is a common courtesy to them.

Also if these are lasses you're dealing with (i'm under the assumption it is) then this advice is doubly important. Even if they don't want a relationship with you these sorts of things can make a huge mess.

 

[holy_secret]

Well, seeing as how you made an excuse not to see this second friend, it seems like you have underlying affections for the first but dont want to admit it.

It was no excuse. Literally all of my friends were waiting for me at a bar. They were taking care of a couch surfer that was gonna spend a few nights at my place. If I would've been completely free and had the option, I would've gone and seen the movie and had this thread with the name "Should I tell my friend-with-benefit that I went to watch "a movie"".

Yes I'm a sneaky bastard. And no, I have no feelings. I just care about the friendship. Sure, they are feelings, but not the ones you're referring to unfortunately.

 

[holy_secret]

If your friend with benefits turns into a relationship then it's probably because you didn't mind entering a relationship anyway - if you're friends with someone and are sleeping with someone, then it's true it effectively is a relationship of sorts, albeit perhaps one with different boundaries. If you're genuinely not looking for a long term partner then I don't think there is any reason at all the starting situation has to progress beyond what it is.

I didn't mean it couldn't be done, it's just massively unlikely to work. I'm basing that on all the people I've seen attempt it (the beauty of university, people make the same mistakes year after year) and I'v never seen one nail it. I saw one guy get close, or at least he thought he had. He had a """fuck buddy""" (not enough quote marks on the planet) but when he discussed his other fuck buddies she bawled him out and apparently ran off in tears. Seems she'd become attached.

I consider it like brain surgery: PEOPLE can do it, it can be done but just because PEOPLE can do it doesn't mean YOU can, YOU'll probably fuck it up.

EDIT: It's a situation that requires two people with very specific worldviews in an adult relationship to pull off, to be honest most users here aren't really adults so they'll not really be capable of it. It's a very specific set of circumstances that let it work.

So. This is how it ended up.
She got a boyfriend and told me we couldn't do this anymore.

I am disappoint.

 

[LiraelG]

I don't really understanding sleeping around... At all! Sex for sex's sake doesn't appeal to me. Intimacy is surely about connecting with someone and expressing a deep emotion?

But to answer the question... I guess if there are NO strings attached - and there usually are, even if people don't voice them - it's alright...

(I'm finding it hard to imagine two people sleeping together without actually caring for one another...)

 

[holy_secret]

I don't really understanding sleeping around... At all! Sex for sex's sake doesn't appeal to me. Intimacy is surely about connecting with someone and expressing a deep emotion?

But to answer the question... I guess if there are NO strings attached - and there usually are, even if people don't voice them - it's alright...

(I'm finding it hard to imagine two people sleeping together without actually caring for one another...)

Sex and Making love are two different things. At least that's how I see it. Having sex is a wonderful thing, and making love is even better.
You can't really compare them with each other.

I like having sex. I think it's nice and it is also a good way to unwind.
Making love however, that is something that only happens once or twice.
This is how I can have sex without any deep emotions. But sure, they can manifest because of the sex, but that is not a good way to fall in love

Don't say sex is bad just because it's not love making. Sex is good. If you don't like it, then that's fine. That's the beauty about being human, we all enjoy different things

But yeah. Strings were obviously attached. Not from my end though. Gah. It sucks.

 

[LordFisheh]

Of course, that's the whole point of the initial arrangement.

If 'friend' disagrees, then it's their fault for not being clear. Any relationship between people should be on a basis that is understood, not on half-truths and unspoken implications.

 

[FalloutJack]

I'm for maybe, but only maybe because I want to be sure that this is has been casual sex and not "Your friend thought it meant something" sex. If it IS casual, if you feel that your friend is probably as inclined to still see other people as you would be, then sure. I just worry when it's not, that's all.