(I'm a freshman in high school. I only say this to give some context the part of my social situation) Hey Escapists, I'm hoping for some advice (Sorry for the incoming text wall, but I do think the backstory and context are important)
My girlfriend recently left me for another guy. What really sucks, is that she was the first girlfriend I've ever had. It's not like I was single for so long because I got rejected a lot, it's just that my confidence was so low that I'd never even asked a girl out before. Over the course of time that we'd been dating, she had told me that she loves me. She even told me that she'd loved me more than she'd loved anyone else before. I loved her to, and of course I returned her sentiments. So obviously, after she had said these things to me, the way she broke up with me hurt.
Here's how she went about it: She basically stopped emailing and texting me for about a week, and kept our conversations to a minimum. I see now that she was gradually trying to distance herself from me, so the break up wouldn't be so shocking, and that the pain wouldn't be so bad. Unfortunately, this is not the effect it had. It made me feel like shit. It even made me feel guilty, because I thought the reason she wasn't talking to me was because I'd done something wrong. Even when I asked if I'd done anything, she wouldn't reply.
This went on for about 11 days before she decided to actually break up with me. Keeping in mind the way she'd said she felt about me, most people would probably expect it to be in person, or to at least an emotional email. Instead, she has one of her friends to deliver a short and rather formal note written on an index card. It also didn't help that she decided to do this right before Thanksgiving break, so I had this hanging over my head for the 5 day weekend. I was honestly a little surprised, because even though it was my first relationship, I thought I was a good boyfriend. I always made myself available for her to talk to when she had a problem, and I was always sympathetic and tried to help. I was always nice to her, I always trusted her, and I never let one of her "I love you"s go unreturned. I talked her though some pretty serious things, so I thought that would at least give us some sort of emotional connection.
So she left me for another guy, but she still wants to remain friends. The decision I need help with is this: I don't really know if I should remain her friend. It's not like I actively hate her, and I'm not holding a grudge against her. I know it wouldn't be fair to keep her in a relationship with me if there's someone else she wants to be with, and I wouldn't want to do that to her. Despite that knowledge, I still don't feel comfortable talking to her, or being around her. She really hurt me, and I just don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable talking to her.
What do you think Escapists, am I being unreasonable, or should I still try to be her friend? ( I know this probably seemed like a self-pity fest, and I'm sorry for wasting your time, but I really need help, and it also feels good to get this off my chest) Thank you in advance for any advice you may give
Edit: It occurred to me shortly after posting this thread that I may have portrayed this girl as a heartless monster. She really isn't, she's actually a very nice person. I'm sure there are good reasons that she likes this other guy. I just felt that she's just being a tad insensitive to expect me to suddenly get over this, and stop hurting (Note: I am in no way looking for advice to get back together with her. Just thought I'd clear that up)
My girlfriend recently left me for another guy. What really sucks, is that she was the first girlfriend I've ever had. It's not like I was single for so long because I got rejected a lot, it's just that my confidence was so low that I'd never even asked a girl out before. Over the course of time that we'd been dating, she had told me that she loves me. She even told me that she'd loved me more than she'd loved anyone else before. I loved her to, and of course I returned her sentiments. So obviously, after she had said these things to me, the way she broke up with me hurt.
Here's how she went about it: She basically stopped emailing and texting me for about a week, and kept our conversations to a minimum. I see now that she was gradually trying to distance herself from me, so the break up wouldn't be so shocking, and that the pain wouldn't be so bad. Unfortunately, this is not the effect it had. It made me feel like shit. It even made me feel guilty, because I thought the reason she wasn't talking to me was because I'd done something wrong. Even when I asked if I'd done anything, she wouldn't reply.
This went on for about 11 days before she decided to actually break up with me. Keeping in mind the way she'd said she felt about me, most people would probably expect it to be in person, or to at least an emotional email. Instead, she has one of her friends to deliver a short and rather formal note written on an index card. It also didn't help that she decided to do this right before Thanksgiving break, so I had this hanging over my head for the 5 day weekend. I was honestly a little surprised, because even though it was my first relationship, I thought I was a good boyfriend. I always made myself available for her to talk to when she had a problem, and I was always sympathetic and tried to help. I was always nice to her, I always trusted her, and I never let one of her "I love you"s go unreturned. I talked her though some pretty serious things, so I thought that would at least give us some sort of emotional connection.
So she left me for another guy, but she still wants to remain friends. The decision I need help with is this: I don't really know if I should remain her friend. It's not like I actively hate her, and I'm not holding a grudge against her. I know it wouldn't be fair to keep her in a relationship with me if there's someone else she wants to be with, and I wouldn't want to do that to her. Despite that knowledge, I still don't feel comfortable talking to her, or being around her. She really hurt me, and I just don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable talking to her.
What do you think Escapists, am I being unreasonable, or should I still try to be her friend? ( I know this probably seemed like a self-pity fest, and I'm sorry for wasting your time, but I really need help, and it also feels good to get this off my chest) Thank you in advance for any advice you may give
Edit: It occurred to me shortly after posting this thread that I may have portrayed this girl as a heartless monster. She really isn't, she's actually a very nice person. I'm sure there are good reasons that she likes this other guy. I just felt that she's just being a tad insensitive to expect me to suddenly get over this, and stop hurting (Note: I am in no way looking for advice to get back together with her. Just thought I'd clear that up)