Poll: Stalking.

[JIst00]

No ur not insane, BUT stalking doesnt generally turn out well, if nothing else, u'll be seen as a nuscience. I get curious about what people are doing or where they are at times, ex's for example, but its best not to act on it.

As for advice, I cant think of anything constructive to say, I dont know how I'd approach the situation myself. All the best tho dude.

 

[Srdjan]

You shouldn't do that. It's sick.

 

[yoyo13rom]

My advice? Get over it. No boy is worth that much trouble.

EDIT: Is it like a love thing or a friend thing?

I find it hard to seperate the two, its more of a me being completely obsessed with him for no apparent reason, so probably some kind of warped love thing.

Imo, I think(considering you're a loner), that you like him as someone you can be close to(the romantic affair being totally optional). I think that after so many years of keeping to yourself you;ve found someone how likes you and who makes you feel comfortable around others(namely him).

I say you shouldn't stalk him, but confront him directly, tell him you like him and that you'd like to befriend him(to say the least), and that he makes you feel good, as in not so lonely. And ask him to come hang out with you.
I had such a friend once(I really felt happy when I was with him, he shared a lot of interest, and we both had the same satirical, subtle sense of humour that made a great chemistry between us-it was more a bromance than love; none of us had interest in the same sex-)... aaa where was I(darn rant)?

The point is that he's my best friend but I feel sorry that I never had the balls to befriend him sooner, cause not he's left for work in a different town(we still meat on summers).

I mean go for it, talk to him, tell him what you fell(if you don't know how you feel about him, then only tell him of the things you're certain of). It's just like with admitting a girl you like her:
1. either she turns her back on you(not because of you, but because of other problems in her life), and your back to square one and haven't lost anything
2. she befriends you and you've gained a friend(or a potential love interest).

But don't stalk him, because he'll think your with T-H-E-M.

 

[Kragg]

Being that this is the internet and none of you know who I am and because I have no friends at all I've come to you for some.. something.

Recently I've been kind of obsessed over this guy I know and its gotten a little crazy for me. We've been at school together for something like 14 years and recently he moved and I dropped out for awhile so we don't see each other. We never really talked often but when we did it was always fun and he was always nice.. anyway, the point I'm getting to is that lately I've been having a really strong urge to stalk him. I never really found myself the stalker type, its always been a little desperate for my tastes but here I am.

I know he's going to be at a local festival soon and I keep fantasising about him and going and seeing him, and stuff. Now this would be incredibly crazy to just go and break into a festival just to see him on the off chance he even likes me, in anyway at all.

So, preferably, I want you all to tell me to be a man and stop being crazy or at least link me some kind of anti stalker electrocution band for myself or something, I don't really know. Escapists give me your shamdazzling insight, am I insane?

um ... what exactly were you doing in school for 14 years? Doesn't school end after 12 years? And aren't primary and high schools different? and after 14 years you dropped out? Don't you mean graduated?

So you're a guy. With a strong urge to stalk another guy? Interesting...
Dude, why don't you go pick a couple of fights with a few punks on the street. Nothing like a little pugilistic action to knock some sense into you and get that testosterone flowing again. Just remember, no 'sack-tapping.'

Next thing get yourself a girlfriend. Or a girl friend. (note difference b/w the two).

Act like a human, give your boy-friend a ring, chat with him (most of the time thats all you need when your lonely). Don't chase after his time-table.

If your feeling 'sexual' desires towards this fellow, consult a local priest (at own risk).

14 years was a rough guess, too lazy to do math. Its something like that though when you cant primary school and high school and then college. And no I dropped out to restart the year as I had health issues.

The whole FIGHT BECAUSE I AM A MAYUN AND MEN LOVE TO FIGHT thing isn't really me. Besides I'd get my ass kicked incredibly.

But why would I visit a priest?

drop out of college at 17 wth Adam ! (people share way too much info on their profile)

 

[swolf]

I would recommend just telling him how you feel. I know, that's crazy and old fashioned but whatever. Try it and he may invite you to come along with him as a date and you won't have to stalk him...just a thought (didn't mean that as sarcasm). Or, if you really insist on keeping things complicated, tell him that you would like to go to the festival with him but don't have any money. He may loan some to you or offer to simply pay your way (while his choice there MAY indicate something, I wouldn't read too much into it). This way, you both can have a shared experience, talk, and then...I don't know...you could tell him how you feel. By "tell him how you feel", I wouldn't mention the whole "I want to stalk you" bit. Just leave it at "I think you're really attractive and interesting and I'd like it if we would become more than just friends"...but in your own words.
Also, DO NOT sit outside his doorstep or stalk him. Seriously, do you want a relationship with this guy or a restraining order? Again, I'm not trying to make fun. That's just how I make my points clear, by being direct...they sometimes come across as comedic or satire. Anyways, so yeah, show interest but NOT psycho stalker interest. Like Cerebus23 said, you may want to seek counselling if these thoughts persist so they don't ruin your life. That's even if you don't feel you have a serious problem. I mean, you came here asking for our help and opinions, maybe it would be of assistance to ask someone who has been trained in the best ways to help people. There's no shame in that, I've done it and many others have too. (Though considering the no $ thing, I would recommend you talk to someone who doesn't charge, like a spiritual leader or something. Also, there may be free counselling available in your community). Sometimes you just need someone to talk to. This can and will destroy your life if you let it, the same way that drugs and alcohol do.
So, yeah, that's my advice. Take it or leave it. I hope that everything works out for the best.
By the way, I didn't realize that you were a male when I wrote the above. I mean, I don't care, whatever makes you happy. The only thing is, if he is straight and not interested DON'T push the subject. There was the gay guy who kinda stalked me for a while after I made it clear that I had no interest in him whatsoever and it almost ended in a fight (when he decided to grope on me)...except I have self control and couldn't afford to be fired. So, yeah. If he's not interested, back off. I mean, that's kinda important anyways. I'd rather you not ruin your friendship over this or possibly get injured. The guy who groped me had just gotten out of the hospital for getting beaten up by someone who took offense to his flirts.

 

[Sark]

Lets clarify stalking, if your just going someplace you hope they will be in hopes of running into them, thats not really stalking.

if your sitting outside their home, workplace, bf/gfs house, following them around, calling them constantly, your getting into stalking territory for sure.

noone gets turned on by being stalked period, its creepy, its co dependent, its psychotic, contact the person ask to go out for a drink or to eat get the lay of the land put your cards on the table and find out what going on period. if they not interested get over it, move on 6 billion people in the world you can find someone is interested.

if your having urges to stalk people period, get professional help or get rid of those ideas period, your just going to alienate people, maybe get in trouble with the law, or really go off the deep end and end up in jail, or hurting yourself or others.

I was stalked once. It was pretty weird, but I got to know the girl, and ended up having great sex with her. Of course she was psychotic and she threatened me repeatedly after I called the whole thing off, but psychotic is hot.

 

[skywalkerlion]

snip

Fantasizing isn't crazy, and the fact that you are aware that these ideas are a little odd indicates that you're not crazy, either. Maybe you can find a less stalker-ish way to reconnect with him?

It doesn't really go well for me when I meet up with someone after awhile and strike up a conversation. It usually involes me stammering and stuttering a lot and spitting when I talk and saying all kinda of stupid neurotic stuff. And with all this going on in my head I'd probably end up a social pariah afterwards.

Same here, when I'm talking to people I want to start a relationship with. Just know you're not alone.

I agree with others as you should really just find him on facebook or something and say hi, talk him up over the internet (you really can't screw up too many conversations over the internet), and meet eachother.

Best of luck, man.

Oh, and like the guy above me said you should ask BonsaiK. He's helped me already with my relationships and he's really good. I'm sure he'd help you out.

 

[Macgyvercas]

I know he's going to be at a local festival soon and I keep fantasising about him and going and seeing him, and stuff. Now this would be incredibly crazy to just go and break into a festival just to see him on the off chance he even likes me, in anyway at all.

Why would you have to break in? Couldn't you just buy a ticket? Would make more sense, and then they can't throw you out.

OT: No. Stalking is a bad idea and a very good way for the police to get called.

 

[Loop Stricken]

I've woken up now. I wonder how things went...

 

[Jovlo]

I'm pretty sure he is bi but I'm not fully sure, but I doubt he's the type to beat me up because of that.

Here's some random, but effective piece of advice:
Next time you talk to him, try briefly touching his arm or something, see how he reacts to that.
Try to do this in a natural way, make sure you keep eye contact and smile.

If the reaction is bad, you'll have to let go of him though. This happened to me and that hurts, but you just have to know.
Of course, you could just blurt out your feelings for him. If you manage to do that though, you'll be my hero.

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

I think everyone makes the little scenarios like that in their head. Actually doing it though? Now that's where it's odd.

Stay on the imagination side of things and you should be ok.

 

[Anthropaphagi]

Stalking is bad. Particularly when it sounds like you've idealized this person and are putting far too much stock in what 'might be'. Even the notion that at a crowded festival you'll 'find each other', etc. seems a romanticized and slightly naive. I apologize if that sounds judgmental I don't mean it to, just that you're likely setting yourself up for disappointment.

You said yourself that you're lonely and haven't had a serious relationship in some time. Perhaps that is why you're idealizing someone you've not been in contact with. Why not go out somewhere with the intention to have fun and meet new people, rather than going somewhere with the intent of zoning in on one person and expecting him to feel whatever it is you think you're feeling?

 

[Kenni-chan]

Be a man, grow a pair, get wasted and shag the first thing you see. Lamppost, woman, man, doesn't matter.

*stumbles away*

^ This

 

[Kragg]

I've woken up now. I wonder how things went...

topic, suddenly died, whyyyy

 

[Loop Stricken]

Let's hope nothing bad happened.

 

[Captain Pancake]

Establish yourself in his eyes as a worthy commitment. Try and make it so that he comes to see you as often as you go to see him. Confidence is key, otherwise he'll always retain the upper hand and you really will seem like a stalker.

 

[EchetusXe]

My friend is being stalked by his ex-girlfriend and it is really irritating. I assure you stalking gets you nowhere except outside the house of someone who hates you.