Poll: You get a free wish (from an asshole genie)

[The Lugz]

I wish for you to no longer have any power or magic or incantation or wickker or magick or any ability that an average human born in my lifetime does not have
you may not also effect anything else before completing your task

bam, asshole genie owned

alternatively 'i wish you were not an asshole genie'

pretty-much either would do.

 

[LordMithril]

The watch would be freely given by Abe's ghost.
Downside, it belonged to the very angry and armed guy standing behind you.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Kim Jong-il just fulfilled his dreams of world domination.

Yeah, but how would he if the wish backfires? He'd probably just get transported to mars or something and say that he dominated the (read "a") world

This is getting into hypothetical logic, but as the originator of the wish, his objective is still to screw you over. Kim Jong-il getting his wish is part of your wish backfiring.

it still woundt matter. Kimmy J cant run a country (let alone the world) for shit, so it wouldnt be too big. and really, if you're just out to piss in everybody's pudding,w ell, I didnt see you make a wish yet, now have I?

EDIT: Not to be a jerk or anything.

 

[TheDooD]

I'll ask for all the money in the world then nothing shows up because money truly never existed in the first place then tell the asshole genie that he been trolled.

 

[Lucane]

I wish you(Genie) weren't an asshole anymore. (Let's see him turn that around.)

 

[LordMithril]

I wish you(Genie) weren't an asshole anymore. (Let's see him turn that around.)

*snaps fingers* "Done, now I am just a evil bastard"

*still thinking about his own wish and trying to find Wishmaster again*

 

[weirdsoup]

You SO just watched Aladdin right?
I sure did

EDIT:I'd likely live with the genie for really long, waiting for something worthwhile to wish.

I will definitely try to paradox him or something.

Sounds more like someone was watching Wishmaster, a quite under-rated little horror film which actually has the bad guy kill Freddy Krugger, Jason Voorhees, and the Candyman. Or at least it has their actors doing cameos

But it has some interesting ways of wish-fulfillment, such as a guy wishing to have no more pain getting killed or a guy who wishes for a million dollars has his mother take out a million dollar life insurance policy just before getting on a doomed plane flight.

 

[Epicspoon]

I would wish for unlimited video games. Can't really be fucked up because its simple, yet effective.

he could give you so many video games that you get crushed under their weight.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

I would wish for the ability to manipulate time.
Stipulations being that my ability would not destroy the very fabric of time and space, to be able to freely interact with objects that are suspended in time, to not age while using time power and to be able to bring things/people with me if I so choose without them aging or destroying the continuum either.

When you manipulate time, you don't age, but you gradually get younger until you become un-born.

it still woundt matter. Kimmy J cant run a country (let alone the world) for shit, so it wouldnt be too big. and really, if you're just out to piss in everybody's pudding,w ell, I didnt see you make a wish yet, now have I?

Kim Jon-il would rule the world just fine is he could turn into an unstoppable super-dragon. I would just opt out of wishing and deal with the genie.

I wish for you to no longer have any power or magic or incantation or wickker or magick or any ability that an average human born in my lifetime does not have
you may not also effect anything else before completing your task

bam, asshole genie owned

alternatively 'i wish you were not an asshole genie'

pretty-much either would do.

Hm, this is a tough one. This might fall under recursive logic in that he can't use his power to get rid of his power if he doesn't have any power. In that case, the fabric of reality collapses. Sort of a "Can God make a rock so big he can't move it" sort of deal.

Alternatively, he admits defeat, turns into a normal human, and gets revenge by seducing your sister/mum.

 

[2012 Wont Happen]

I'd wish for the genie to turn its form into an STD-free, infertile, otherwise perfectly safe to bone and very attractive human female for my first wish. Second wish is that the genie will come and go as I will it to do so in a manner that is acceptable to me. No third wish.

Then I would simply use the genie for sex. It wants to fuck me over, I will fuck it over.

 

[LordMithril]

I wish for you to no longer have any power or magic or incantation or wickker or magick or any ability that an average human born in my lifetime does not have
you may not also effect anything else before completing your task

bam, asshole genie owned

alternatively 'i wish you were not an asshole genie'

pretty-much either would do.

Hm, this is a tough one. This might fall under recursive logic in that he can't use his power to get rid of his power if he doesn't have any power. In that case, the fabric of reality collapses. Sort of a "Can God make a rock so big he can't move it" sort of deal.

Alternatively, he admits defeat, turns into a normal human, and gets revenge by seducing your sister/mum.

Nah he can still get away with it because of the "in my lifetime" part.
You are still alive right? so he can still give people powers that equal his own. Just without the knowledge how to use it. Making those people a huge disaster on this world.
Not directly, they just got born.
But can you imagine a whining kid who want something so bad but his mommy says "no" and he has the power of a genie?

I'd wish for the genie to turn its form into an STD-free, infertile, otherwise perfectly safe to bone and very attractive human female for my first wish. Second wish is that the genie will come and go as I will it to do so in a manner that is acceptable to me. No third wish.

Then I would simply use the genie for sex. It wants to fuck me over, I will fuck it over.

Oh that third wish will come. Woman can make a guy say almost anything. You only have to utter the words "I wish" when she/he/it is about and boom.
And the other part. The genie will come and go as you wish and deem acceptable. Go where? And when its not around, do what?
That's if you manage not to get fucked to death before hand

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

I will say this and only this

"I wish you wouldn't grant this wish"

Or this
"I wish you and only you (with no effects, negative or positive, to myself or others, from your actions) lost your powers to ever grant wishes"

 

[Mrselfdestruct]

Asshole genie? Is that like a lamp genie?

 

[Amaria]

First wish: "I wish that a very good lawyer would show up at my house of his or her own free will with intentions to help me make a wish with no loopholes that you could exploit, and understanding that I would allow him or her to use the last of my three wishes from you as sole payment, after I make my wish and if it is successful, that is, doesn't have any consequences that are not what the original wish intended. The lawyer must understand that if the wish screws me over, the third wish will be used to undo the second, and therefore the lawyer would not get the wish, and instantly return to his or her home without remembering my name, face, voice, address, and suspects afterwards that I live in Ethiopia."

After the genie picks his jaw off the floor and the lawyer arrives, I make my second wish with the help of the lawyer, which would be for something like bending reality to my will normally, but since you won't let me, I'd wish for the ability to make anything I draw or write to come to life when I poke it twice and say or write, "My pants are made of cheese." Anything that I create this way will instantly cease to exist the moment I point at it and say, "The blue hummingbird has run out of peanuts." If I am incapable of speech, I can, at any time, spell out the word "Gigglesnorf" on any surface with any object, even air, and make everything I have created disappear instantly.

Third wish would go to the lawyer, unless my second screws up, in which case, I use it to undo my second, the lawyer disappears with no idea of who I am, and I loose nothing but an annoying genie and the chance at world domination.

Though, admittedly, the lawyer might get a bit screwed over if he or she came to my house to wish for his or her family to come back to life after the genie brutally murdered them and told the lawyer that the only way to fix it is to help me. If that's the case, I'd use my second-wish semi-reality bending powers to castrate the genie and have him jump off the empire state building while singing something suitably ridiculous.

Then I'd give the lawyer a cookie.

 

[Bad Jim]

I'd hire an army of lawyers to create a loophole-free wish, then wish for a big pile of money. Sure the lawyers would claim most of that money, but it's better than having an asshole genie follow me around.

Without lawyers I'd probably wish I didn't have any wishes. No, wait, he'd grant that by killing me wouldn't he?

What about wishing that the genie would be nice?

 

[Richardplex]

Can I delay it? because I want to get a lawyer just so I can go invisible and/or turn No-clip on IRL, without problems. What would I do with such power? Well, I'm a bad person, and a teenager...

 

[Dalek Caan]

I would wish my wishes weren't bad. This would get him since:

1) There would be no future wishes since that was the wish thus,
2) Wishing on a wish that could not exist would probably cause him o explode.

No more Asshole genie.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

First wish: "I wish that a very good lawyer would show up at my house of his or her own free will with intentions to help me make a wish with no loopholes that you could exploit, and understanding that I would allow him or her to use the last of my three wishes from you as sole payment, after I make my wish and if it is successful, that is, doesn't have any consequences that are not what the original wish intended. The lawyer must understand that if the wish screws me over, the third wish will be used to undo the second, and therefore the lawyer would not get the wish, and instantly return to his or her home without remembering my name, face, voice, address, and suspects afterwards that I live in Ethiopia."

After the genie picks his jaw off the floor and the lawyer arrives, I make my second wish with the help of the lawyer, which would be for something like bending reality to my will normally, but since you won't let me, I'd wish for the ability to make anything I draw or write to come to life when I poke it twice and say, "My pants are made of cheese."

Third wish would go to the lawyer, unless my second screws up, in which case, I use it to undo my second, the lawyer disappears with no idea of who I am, and I loose nothing but an annoying genie and the chance at world domination.

Though, admittedly, the lawyer might get a bit screwed over if he or she came to my house to wish for his or her family to come back to life after the genie brutally murdered them and told the lawyer that the only way to fix it is to help me. If that's the case, I'd use my second-wish semi-reality bending powers to castrate the genie and have him jump off the empire state building while singing something suitably ridiculous.

Then I'd give the lawyer a cookie.

The thread said you only get one wish, but I'll still bite.

The only problem with that wish is that even if you didn't get screwed over in wishes 1 and 2, you operate on the assumption that lawyers are always good people. The genie would find a genocidal racist maniac who happens to be a good lawyer to come to your house. The lawyer obliges and writes you your loophole-free wish, but when he gets his, he wishes to kill every [insert your race here] person in the world.

 

[maninahat]

This comic sums it up pretty well.

Very clever, I laughed out loud for once in my life.

My wish is to be able to immediately (from this moment), speak, comprehend and write in every current human language, dialect and accent with perfect fleuncy.

I think he could almost certainly find a way around it.