Poll: You will never be as happy in life as you are when in a relationship

JokerCrowe

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This was a thought that struck me recently. It seems a lot of society and culture is built around being in relationships, many people picture the future lives as happily married and then there's the good old "Happily Ever After".

Happiness may be fleeting, and not something obtainable and then kept, but I was seeking other people's opinion on this; Do you think that the happiest you will be in life, will be when you are in a relationship? (with someone you love and someone who loves you and all that)

Since I'm not in relationship myself, I thought that maybe my point of view on the topic might be a little one sided, especially since I really don't know what it's like to be in a relationship. So I thought I'd see what you guys think, and to see if the opinions were different depending on whether you are in a relationship or not.

Another quote that got me thinking about this is from a webserial called Worm [http://parahumans.wordpress.com/category/stories-arcs-1-10/arc-1-gestation/1-01/] where a character says "My worst day with you is better than my best day alone", heavily implying that the only way to be truly happy in this life, is when you are in a loving relationship.

And finally just to point this out: I'm not saying I disagree with this statement, I haven't decided on what to think just yet, I'm hoping we can start a discussion here. :)
 

Thaluikhain

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Yeah, that's rubbish. As a general rule, any kind of generalising about every human being in existence, and what would make them happy is bullshit, often dangerously ideological bullshit.

Being in a relationship doesn't guarantee you will be happy. Not being in a relationship doesn't guarantee you will be unhappy. That simple.
 
Dec 14, 2009
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It really depends in the type of person you are.

Some people can't bare the thought of being alone, and just throw themselves at people, define themselves by their relationships.

Some people love being alone, and there's nothing wrong with that. It takes a special kind of something to enjoy one's company.

At the moment I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, relationship wise, but there's a very clearly distinction that must be made.

We both want to be together. We don't need to be together.

The moment you start seeing being in a relationship as a need, rather than a desire, of course it's going to make you unhappy when you're not in one.
 

Casual Shinji

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Well, what do you mean by 'relationship'? A 'romantic relationship' or just 'a relationship'?

Because I've never in all my 31 years been in a romantic relationship, and the majority of that time I have been "happy". But I have also been with people who I love and who love me; My family. Which is also a relationship, and without it I would've probably be a whole lot more miserable.

So I don't think you need to be in a romantic relationship to be happy, but I'd reckon you'd be a tad gloomy without any human contact whatsoever.
 

Hagi

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I wouldn't phrase it in such absolutes.

Way I see it a healthy relationship is a very good thing that can bring a lot of happiness. Way I see it a healthy relationship also requires investing time and effort into making things work.

Thus, seeing as a healthy relationship isn't by any means a free thing, it stands to reason that there's other things you could be doing with that time and effort that could also bring a lot of happiness.

Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that I would agree that you can be as happy in life as you'll ever be when in a relationship but I strongly disagree that you will never be as happy in life as you are when in a relationship. There's more than one way to skin a cat, basically. Except you know, hopefully with less animal cruelty.
 

Nickolai77

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I tend to find that in moving from being single into a relationship you swap the problems associated with being single with the problems associated with being in a relationship. That said, I think this is my own subjective experience of relationships sadly.

You really need a high-quality relationship in order to be happier than you were when single, otherwise if the relationship isn't sufficiently fulfilling you're happier single. It's certainly not a case of any sort of relationship will make you happier being single, you really need a good relationship for that to be the case.
 

Scarim Coral

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While I agreed on it (single but never been in a relationship) but I know that doesn't apply to everyone. Even then I do know for well that even being in a relaionship can also make you unhappy too.
 

Lilani

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JokerCrowe said:
Another quote that got me thinking about this is from a webserial called Worm [http://parahumans.wordpress.com/category/stories-arcs-1-10/arc-1-gestation/1-01/] where a character says "My worst day with you is better than my best day alone", heavily implying that the only way to be truly happy in this life, is when you are in a loving relationship.
I'm a bleeding heart romantic as much as the next girl, but even I find phrases like this a bit over the line. I love my boyfriend, hell at this point I wouldn't even mind marrying him. However, I don't think he "completes me" in any way. And nor do I believe I "complete him" in any way. I am a complete human being on my own, and so is he. I would feel bad if we broke up or if we got separated, however nothing of myself would be incomplete from that day forward.

I think of people in relationships as tessellation pieces. Tessellation pieces are unique forms in their own right, however when combined with another they make bigger and more interesting shapes. They're not like puzzle pieces which are completed by being combined with other puzzle pieces, they're only enhanced and given a form neither piece could achieve alone. So I can imagine when the pieces are re-separated a feeling of loss is there, I totally get that. But I also hope I never become one of those people who are married 60 years, but when their spouse dies they simply have no clue how to live. I never want that to happen to me, and I never want to do that to someone else. I fell in love with a complete human being, not an incomplete person that became complete when we started going out.
 

Gelael

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There are many places where you can find happiness. One of the most common sources of happiness is a relationship yes, but out of my personal experience I find more happiness out of the bonds I share with my family and friends.

I think if you decide to find a reason to be happy then you can find great happiness in many places.
 

BloatedGuppy

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#1. Nothing is absolute, it will depend on the individual.
#2. Most humans are a bit hard-wired to be at least semi-social. Even loners can get lonely.
#3. Most humans are also biologically hard wired to reproduce, which usually involves some degree of social coupling.
#4. So it stands to reason that a majority of people would probably be mildly more fulfilled if they were in a relationship as opposed to seeking one.

However, there's such a vast web of conditions that hang on that it's barely worth saying. Is the person in question a monogamist? Is the relationship in question healthy? Are they growing together or growing apart? Being single imparts a certain degree of freedom and autonomy that at any given time might be more fulfilling or desirable than companionship.

So yeah. It's probably mildly more fulfilling a slight majority of the time for a slight majority of people. Now, having said that, some lifelong single and proud is going to tell me how wrong I am.
 

shootthebandit

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May 20, 2009
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Somebody once said "in order to be happy in a relationship you must first be happy being on your own" I dont know who said it though

To be honest im happy being single but it would be nice to be in a relationship
 

V da Mighty Taco

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shootthebandit said:
Somebody once said "in order to be happy in a relationship you must first be happy being on your own" I dont know who said it though

To be honest im happy being single but it would be nice to be in a relationship
Pretty much this.

As much as the thought of having a girl can seem nice at times to my "never had a date" ass, I'm the kind of guy who would feel dragged down and made completely miserable by pretty much anything less than the perfect girl (though I have little idea what the perfect girl would actually be).

I'm pretty much like a heterosexual Freddy Mercury, I often am either incredibly over the top, flamboyant, and outgoing or I'm a colossal loner who wants to be left to my own devices and have little contact with anyone other than maybe my 6-foot-7 "little" brother (the person I'm easily closest to). Sometimes it's even both at the same time! XD
 

senordesol

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As someone who was once in a whirlwind romance that eventually led to the dull mundanities of marriage, all I have to say is: those who say such schmaltzy things are on drugs.

No, literally. There is an actual chemical reaction in your brain that can sustain itself for about three years that mimics opiates (I think) when in the 'infatuation' phase of a romance.

I don't regret marrying my wife one bit, but some 'alone time' every now and then does both of us good. Gone are the days where we were so lovey-dovey that my leaving towels on the bed was more an endearing quirk than 'Oh my God, how hard is it to put your fucking towels away!? FOR FUCK SAKE!'

Now I will say that, practically speaking, the fact that I was married as opposed to being single got me through some tough times. The first time I was laid off was particularly difficult and I'm not sure I could've made it without moving back in with my parents if not for my wife's income. There have also been times where I've been depressed and/or frustrated and I needed someone who knew me intimately to talk me through some stuff.

Ultimately, having someone to come home to at the end of the day is certainly something I recommend. But is it essential to happiness? Nope.
 

Poetic Nova

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Jan 24, 2012
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I disagree, last couple of relationships I had where less than stellar, making me enjoy being single. I still kinda hope to find a partner but it has no hurry.
 

iseko

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Being in a relationship (long term, not the honeymoon phase) dulls everything out. You are not extremely sad/lonely but also very rarely extremely happy. Being single (for me) gave me both extremes. It sucks being single between couples. It feels like everyone has somebody but you.

Then again if you are single you are free to explore. You can meet new people. Form new relationships. Nothing quite as thrilling as hitting it off with somebody new. If you are in to that kind of thing you can also have one night stands. Those are things you will not have when in a relationship. There is no real passion anymore in a long term relationship. Sure you have certain flares etc. But once your significant other can walk right by you naked and you don't feel the immediate urge to jump them... you are in a long term relationship.

But there is the comfort of knowing there is somebody with whom you can share anything. That will take care of you when you are sick. To whom you can come home to and share your life with. It's a trade off...
 

Something Amyss

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Dec 3, 2008
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I don't think it's necessarily true, but I guess it could be for some people.

Granted, being in a relationship makes me happy. Except the ones that didn't. I've been in relationships with crazy, even downright abusive people. My current girlfriend makes me happy.
 

lacktheknack

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Jan 19, 2009
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I'd argue that you'll never be as happy in life as when you're religious. It's certainly true for me. But everyone dismisses THAT immediately and out of turn, so I don't see why any other variation should be any different.
 

Padwolf

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Sep 2, 2010
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Daystar Clarion said:
It really depends in the type of person you are.

Some people can't bare the thought of being alone, and just throw themselves at people, define themselves by their relationships.

Some people love being alone, and there's nothing wrong with that. It takes a special kind of something to enjoy one's company.

At the moment I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, relationship wise, but there's a very clearly distinction that must be made.

We both want to be together. We don't need to be together.

The moment you start seeing being in a relationship as a need, rather than a desire, of course it's going to make you unhappy when you're not in one.
This is pretty much what I was going to say, but I was going to say that you should love someone because you love them, not because you NEED them to make you happy.

While I'm the happiest I have ever been, I'm still unhappy with other aspects of my life and I still highly value my alone time. Sometimes I'm happiest when I'm on my own, phone off, laptop off, a bag of popcorn and watching some trashy TV.