Poll: Your aging parents.

[Dags90]

Your parents are getting old and a bit senile (hypothetically if you're too young). Independent living isn't in their future for much longer, what do you do? Why?

So here are the basic options, these options may be terribly biased by my being American. For all I know, Europeans spontaneously implode when they're no longer capable of independent living. Feel free to set the record straight, Europeans.


- Move them into an assisted living home, using their own savings/government assistance.

- Move them into a home, and offer to help pay for a nicer one.

- Move them into your residence/move into theirs, where you and whoever you're living with will help with their care.

- Pay for in home care to be provided to them in their own residence.

- Have them pay for in home care.

Spoiler: My thoughts.

My mother should be able to afford whatever care she wants to arrange, either in home or assisted living, but probably in home. I'd probably arrange the same thing with my father, though I'd be more inclined to pay for it. If he's to be believed though, he's more apt to consider suicide before giving up independent living. I've seen the kind of strain caring for dependent parents can be. It's super stressful and it doesn't seem fair to any partner you might be living with. What about their parents (assuming they're still around), are you going to make the same offer? Can you reasonably make the same offer?

Here's a cute picture to lighten the mood:

You can't drink rabbits!

 

[Esotera]

I'd say at the end of the day it's their decision (as long as they can understand what's going on). As care homes are pretty fucking shocking I would be against them going there unless it was a last resort - living at home with assistance is probably the best option for independence.

 

[Phasmal]

Well, my mum's only 46 so hopefully I wont have to think about this for ages. I mean, my grandparents are in their 70's and they're still independent.

But hypothetically, I'd have to pay for my mum's care (hopefully I'd split the cost with my sisters and my brother, who would be grown up by then).
I couldn't live with her (my mum's got issues which make her very hard to live with- I cant imagine that becoming easier with age).
To be honest I would probably pay for home care because that is what she'd want but I'd prefer her to go to a home. This is cause my great-uncle stayed at home and he died and nobody found him for a while.
My boyfriend's parents are considerably richer than mine (which isnt saying much, my parents are dirt poor), so his mother would probably pay for her own.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

This is actually a question that troubles my sister and I quite a bit. Our parents are both entering their 60's. My mother had a stroke two years ago, resulting in her being unable to work and requiring her to take 14 different medications daily to survive. My dad works in the operating room of a hospital and makes a decent living, but he never really planned for retirement and now that his paycheck is the only thing supporting both of them, money is likely to get very tight. To make matters worse, they were both terrible with money leading up to this point and never really put anything away as savings. They're in roughly $25,000 worth of debt, with no sign of it being cleared up anytime soon given the single salary that they're working with. Their house is pretty much falling apart, because they don't have the money to maintain it anymore - another decade and it'll likely fall into the "Condemned" level of disrepair.

My sister and I quite simply don't make enough money to support them. The job market in our area is abysmal, and after graduating from university all I could find was a 35-hour-per-week job that barely covers my basic living expenses. My sister is currently working three jobs, and she rarely has more than $100 in her bank account at any given time after covering her own living expenses.

We've talked about my parents before, and we felt like the only real option we have (as things are right now, anyway) would be for my dad to just continue working for as long as he can. When the day comes that he has to stop, we'll probably have to convince them to sell their house and some of their possessions to get enough money to pay for an assisted living home. The problem is that we both know that our parents will fight that tooth and nail. And unfortunately, the day that we have to confront out parents about this is rapidly approaching, because my dad's clearly not going to be able to work forever. The guy is a reasonably heavy drinker, he eats tons of junk food, and gets next to nothing for exercise. After my mom's stroke, my sister and I both agreed that neither one of us will be surprised when the day comes that we get a phone call informing us that our dad has had a heart attack - that's how bad the situation has gotten - and despite us expressing our concern about this to him, he has no interest whatsoever in changing his ways.

I hate to say it, but I think I'll most likely have to tell them that they're on their own. I don't have the resources to support them, and they brought all of these problems down upon themselves (yes, even my mom's stroke - it could have been prevented due to a condition that was known about long in advance, but she stubbornly refused to see a doctor about it. She was an RN, she should have known better, so as cruel as it may sound, she has no one to blame but herself for her condition).

/sigh. At least the bunnies are adorable.

 

[Hoplon]

Where is the "take them out back and shoot them" option?

 

[krazykidd]

Where is the "take them out back and shoot them" option?

Damnit , ninja'd .

In all seriousness though , i hope my mother dies before this scenerio happens . Me and my mother aren't exacly close ( actually i hate her with a fiery passion ) , but i still speak to her since my aunt forces me to . And if i ever resch that point , well she'll guilt the hell out of me , and if she dies , everyone will blame me . Yay family . Anyways , my mother wouldn't suicide ( because she thinks people who suicide automatically goes to hell , and she religious ) . So i will just put her in a home , and visite her everyonce in a while . My mother is no liar ( despite being a manipulative ***** ) , so if she says people are treating her poorly , it will be true .

Also , i hate bunnies .

 

[-Seraph-]

Where is the "take them out back and shoot them" option?

Damn you...

Honestly, it won't be my problem, but my brothers. I am not particularly fond of my family one bit and just plan on completely ex-communicating myself from them entirely once I am viably able to live on my own. Don't care if that makes me a horrible person of whatever, it'll be for everyones good.

Though if things were peachy, I'd probably have no problem bringing them into my home if I could viably sustain them. If not, then a decent home where they would get the proper care and attention they need.

 

[Hoplon]

Snipped

and snipped again

Don't get me wrong, I am relatively close to my parents, but the idea of watching them decay in to husks is abhorrent to me.

 

[FalloutJack]

Given the nature of my folks, would anybody notice if they went senile?

(Yes, but what about McCroskey?)

 

[science girl]

I just hope they live long and as they always say die in their sleep. I hate the idea of seeing my parents in a feeble state. I love them though and they have been there for me all my life.

 

[Ljs1121]

My mom has told me that she does not want to ever be in a nursing home, so that option's out. I wouldn't be able to live with her or vice versa since I plan on going to college for quite a few years, so I'd probably pay for in home care.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

I'm sure my Sister and I will come to an agreement on what we should do. They would really have to be completely unable to care for themselves though as my parents are very, very independent people.

I don't like thinking about this...

 

[Phlakes]

The topic actually came up a few times since my great grandmother has been in a nursing home for a couple years (102 and still going). Basically, once they start getting senile they're going into assisted living.

 

[Shock and Awe]

My brother is probably going to be primary care giver by the looks of it. I'm joining the Air Force so I wont be around to do it and my brother on the other hand will be doing things that can be done locally. Combine that with the fact I'm probably going to be primary bread winner for everyone and you have a good reasoning behind him doing it.

 

[Kae]

Well I have 2 brothers and one sister, and since my 2 brothers live with them, let them take care of it, I was never close to them so I can't really care much, my brothers are still close with them, so I guess they'll take care of it better than I could, but if they need help I wouldn't say no, but anyway not really my decision to make.

 

[2fish]

Depends on mental ability and health issues?

Other choice: ice float

 

[MammothBlade]

Anything but sending them off to a "care" home. The conditions in many of them are atrocious, affording little dignity and care to the residents. Having heard first hand just how bad it can get, it would feel like a betrayal.

Personally, I'd rather die independent than go into any sort of care home. What is the point of spending your twilight years being treated like a baby as you rot away with other old people? It doesn't make any sense. Furthermore, why cling to life when you're terminally bed-ridden and senile and unable to live without intensive care? If in my old age I were to become infirm, I'd make sure I die before becoming a burden. That would be an empty, unbearable existence.

 

[Dags90]

In all seriousness though , i hope my mother dies before this scenerio happens . Me and my mother aren't exacly close ( actually i hate her with a fiery passion ) , but i still speak to her since my aunt forces me to . And if i ever resch that point , well she'll guilt the hell out of me , and if she dies , everyone will blame me . Yay family . Anyways , my mother wouldn't suicide ( because she thinks people who suicide automatically goes to hell , and she religious ) . So i will just put her in a home , and visite her everyonce in a while . My mother is no liar ( despite being a manipulative ***** ) , so if she says people are treating her poorly , it will be true .

Also , i hate bunnies .

I have to agree on that point about my mother. Plus she has made a good living, and should be more than able to afford a comfortable retirement. But she sucks with money. Really, really bad. She's also looking to inherit a substantial sum from my grandmother. If she blows through that by the time she's senile, she's on her own imo. I'd help arrange things if she's out of it, but I don't plan on putting in a dime. My dad actually recently changed jobs to work for the government, in large part for the pension. He took a fairly big pay cut, but he should have a workable pension in a few years.

P.S. Bunnies hate you, too.

 

[Zeren]

My parents are dead. I might have to worry about my grandma someday, but she is 87 and still a very independent healthy lady. When the time comes, I'll let her decide what she wants.

 

[Headsprouter]

Well, all my grandparents are still alive. They're all pretty damn old but still living independently. My dad has a disabling illness but is tough enough to stick it out and look after himself and us (by us I mean, my little brother stays on weekends and me and my older brother visit him once or twice a weekend to keep the pressure off). It's more than he should be doing, but sometimes it's hard to put it into perspective. When you really think about it, it's kind of badass that he can put up with what he has for too long. His greatest fear is, considering the longevity and fitness of the family in general, that he will grow as old as my grandad, but remain the way he is. That would scare me, too.
I probably won't ever really have to think about looking after my parents in their old age, as all my grandparents seem to be doing fine even in their old age. My granny on my mum's side still babysits my younger cousins and my Grandad on her side still gardens and does odd jobs for my mum. Assuming nothing unexpected occurs, this should be the same for my parents, too.