Preparing for My First Time

[Doctor Teatime]

The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education released a booklet [http://www.lesbilicious.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/corona.pdf] on this very topic.

I get that this can be a touchy subject for a lot of people but I'm honestly just trying to dispel a harmful myth here.

So listen up, here's specifically what I'm trying to say:
(Or better yet, just read the booklet.)

The popular conception of the hymen as a membrance of sorts that covers the entrance of the vagina is very much a myth.

I.e, there is no membrane that needs to be broken. The anatomical structure that is mistaken for the mythic hymen consists of folds of mucous tissue which can vary in appearance and size. Maybe some of the confusion arises from the fact that this structure is usually called hymen even by people who know what it really is. But as it says in the booklet, vaginal corona is a much more medically accurate name that carries none of the old misconceptions that plague the hymen.


As for the whole "sex is not supposed to hurt" business, well, what do you want me to say? It's only common sense. If you can't have sex with your partner without hurting them you're doing something wrong.

 

[Lilani]

The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education released a booklet [http://www.lesbilicious.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/corona.pdf] on this very topic.

I get that this can be a touchy subject for a lot of people but I'm honestly just trying to dispel a harmful myth here.

So listen up, here's specifically what I'm trying to say:
(Or better yet, just read the booklet.)

The popular conception of the hymen as a membrance of sorts that covers the entrance of the vagina is very much a myth.

I.e, there is no membrane that needs to be broken. The anatomical structure that is mistaken for the mythic hymen consists of folds of mucous tissue which can vary in appearance and size. Maybe some of the confusion arises from the fact that this structure is usually called hymen even by people who know what it really is. But as it says in the booklet, vaginal corona is a much more medically accurate name that carries none of the old misconceptions that plague the hymen.


As for the whole "sex is not supposed to hurt" business, well, what do you want me to say? It's only common sense. If you can't have sex with your partner without hurting them you're doing something wrong.

But who here has said that it NEEDS to be broken, or that it's SUPPOSED to hurt? Nobody here has said it is supposed to be this way, in fact they've given advice for how to keep that from happening as much as possible. They've merely stated there is a possibility that membrane will be severed, and that it can hurt when that happens. Obviously there is something many women have which causes bleeding, but is only temporary. That membrane exists, sometimes it has formed in such a shape that can cause it to be ripped when something enters, or through stretching or many different things.

 

[Doctor Teatime]

Umm, "losing your hymen" is literally mentioned in the second answer and several posters write as though pain and blood shouldn't be surprising.


Anyway..we obviously disagree as to why it's common for people to bleed during sex and I'm honestly not particularly interested in arguing with you about it. Either way my advice was meant for the OP and the whole "it's supposed to hurt" and hymen myth are some of the most common misconceptions among sexually inexperienced people. If you disagree with something I've said then that's your prerogative but I'm not going to waste any more time arguing about it. I've given my advice and it's up to the OP to do with it as he will.

 

[Brown Cap]

She backed out, and I respected her decision. Thank you for the advice anyway!

 

[PhiMed]

The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education released a booklet [http://www.lesbilicious.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/corona.pdf] on this very topic.

I get that this can be a touchy subject for a lot of people but I'm honestly just trying to dispel a harmful myth here.

So listen up, here's specifically what I'm trying to say:
(Or better yet, just read the booklet.)

The popular conception of the hymen as a membrance of sorts that covers the entrance of the vagina is very much a myth.

I.e, there is no membrane that needs to be broken. The anatomical structure that is mistaken for the mythic hymen consists of folds of mucous tissue which can vary in appearance and size. Maybe some of the confusion arises from the fact that this structure is usually called hymen even by people who know what it really is. But as it says in the booklet, vaginal corona is a much more medically accurate name that carries none of the old misconceptions that plague the hymen.


As for the whole "sex is not supposed to hurt" business, well, what do you want me to say? It's only common sense. If you can't have sex with your partner without hurting them you're doing something wrong.

I think you need to read the booklet you linked to. It states that the "vaginal corona" is highly variable, and that it can, indeed completely obscure the introitus.
<quote=Your proof>Sometimes, albeit very rarely, the mucous tissue folds may cover the entire vaginal opening. In this case, you may need to see a gynecologist and have the vaginal corona opened to release menstrual blood and enable you to insert a tampon or have penetrative sex.
While this is a highly biased work (thus the use of the term "mucous tissue folds", rather than the medical term "mucous membrane folds" in order to avoid crapping on their point that there is no membrane, you guys), they do at least admit that. They also state that the first time the corona is "stretched", that,

<quote=Your proof>Some women feel no pain at all, while others, with a thicker vaginal corona, have reported some pains. There may be "minor ruptures" (ed. aka "tears") in the mucous folds (ed. that MADE UP TERM AGAIN) that may hurt, and sometimes there may be a little bleeding. So what they're saying is that there is no "normal".

For you to declare from on high that the only way that there would ever be pain or bleeding is due to shitty sexual practices is just as stupid and close-minded as declaring that the first time must always be associated with these things. Some women have a "vagina corona" that cannot comfortably accommodate penetrative sex until it is stretched significantly, or even ruptured. Everyone is different.

 

[Malpraxis]

Pretty much what everyone else said. Don't keep your hopes high, don't make such a big deal outta it. It's going to suck, you will get it out of your systems and then through practice things will get better as you learn to know one another.

Wear a rubber and do lots of foreplay. Bring stuff to eat and drink. Enjoy.