Previously on the escapist

[Souplex]

So a couple of people have nagged me to do another Previously on the Escapist, unfortunately I am not tired enough to access the part of my brain that writes them. So I am asking you the Escapist to write your own previously on the Escapist.

It is basically a collection of action/drama cliche's that would fit in the climax of a plot but have no actual build up and no resolution using notable posters from the Escapist. Try to be considerate of the people you use; maybe NeonBob doesn't want to be portrayed as a humanitarian who gives out hugs at the soup kitchen.
An example for reference: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.126251#2650754
The next Previously on the Escapist: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.127710#2720028
That said, what happened?

 

[Neonbob]

hah! I give out hugs, all right. OF DEATH!
*brainthinks*
Previously on the Escapist...
Daye.04: You fool! You've doomed us all with your ineptitude!
ae86gamer: Wait! I have information you might need!
Portal Maniac: Those cretins will never learn!
NoMoreSanity: I'm off to beat the wizard!
Anarchemitis: You can't handle the almost completely distilled truth!
thebobmaster: Perhaps there is more to this than we first expected...
EDIT:
pantsoffdanceoff: How DARE you forget about me! I made you!

How was that?

 

[pantsoffdanceoff]

oooh ohh I'm gonna give it a shot.

Previously on [i/]The Escapist[/i]

Neonbob: Good lord, nooooo, not another pun, I'll do anything [b/]please[/b]!
Internet Kraken: I hereby find you guilty of not using the search bar and being a general idiot, the punishment... highly thought-out insults.
UltraJoe: You can't insult people, It would hurt their feelings! I was hoping on hurting his feeling myself.
No More Sanity: Dude have you listened to [i/]muse[/i] high, I mean [b/]really[/b] listen to it.
The Escapist Choir: YAY WEED!

... has someone seen my pants?

 

[SharPhoe]

I would try, I really would, but I get the feeling I would be absolutely abysmal at it. So I will spare everyone the terror.

*Goes off to wonder how others would portray him*

 

[Ultrajoe]

I think my recent habit of calling out people for insulting other people has given me a reputation rather disconnected from my usual habit of repeatedly insulting people, often in caps.

 

[pantsoffdanceoff]

I think my recent habit of calling out people for insulting other people has given me a reputation rather disconnected from my usual habit of repeatedly insulting people, often in caps.

Edited, just for you.

 

[dalek sec]

Previously on Battlestar Galactica

Uh I mean Previously on The Escapist

NeonBob: Now I will complete my plan! Mwahaha!
DalekSec: We have to stop him or the whales will die!
RedShirt: Sir, Basestar is arming it's self and aimming for the whales, orders?
DalekSec: We fight...

Please don't take offense Neonbob.

 

[Neonbob]

snippy
Please don't take offense Neonbob.

Heh. Why would I?
That was bloody great!

 

[quack35]

Previously on the Escapist...

Vrex 360: If we don't stop those fanboys within three hours, half of Manhattan will be lost!

Indigo Dingo: Wait, what are you doing with that hammer? No, wait, stop!! ARGH!!

NoMoreSanity: What the hell did you do that for?!
MaxTheReaper: Eh, you can't make an omelette without killing a few babies.

Khell Sennet: Ultimate Rant Power activate!

 

[dalek sec]

snippy
Please don't take offense Neonbob.

Heh. Why would I?
That was bloody great!

Thanks, your avatar gave me the idea for it.

 

[Souplex]

I would try, I really would, but I get the feeling I would be absolutely abysmal at it. So I will spare everyone the terror.

*Goes off to wonder how others would portray him*

Stop being so insecure, you seem like a nice enough guy.

 

[Neonbob]

snippy
Please don't take offense Neonbob.

Heh. Why would I?
That was bloody great!

Thanks, your avatar gave me the idea for it.

That's what I figured. I love my avatar!
And come on, SharPhoe! Let's see what you can do!

 

[SharPhoe]

I would try, I really would, but I get the feeling I would be absolutely abysmal at it. So I will spare everyone the terror.

*Goes off to wonder how others would portray him*

Stop being so insecure, you seem like a nice enough guy.

Not a matter of insecurity, really. I just doubt I'd do anyone I portray the right amount of justice, you know? This kind of thing takes a certain knack.

 

[dalek sec]

I'm sure you can do it SharPhoe, I told a random stab at it and did alright myself.

 

[dalek sec]

Previously on Burn Notice

Damnit, I mean previously on The Escapist

DalekSec: All ahead, flank speed!
RedShirt: But sir, at these speeds if Neonbob doesn't move his basestar we'll crash!
DalekSec: Neonbob must be stopped... no matter the cost.

 

[Souplex]

Previously on the Escapist:
Dark Sec: I am a legitimate businessman!
SharPhoe: Neonbob! Don't start the car!
Neonbob: Oh my- *Explosion*

Quack35: I have never seen a virus mutate this quickly! I have to find a cure or the genre wars forum is doomed!

PantsOffDanceOff: UltraJoe! I need your help- wait... you're not Ultrajoe!
EvilJoe: You're right, I am much better.

FightGarr: It is time to set things right!
And now the thrilling conclusion!

 

[SharPhoe]

Alright, alright, I give. I'll try it out.

Previously, on The Escapist...

NoMoreSanity: Maxi, please, don't go! Don't leave me!
MaxTheReaper: *Wheels around angrily* But I don't even know who you are!
NoMoreSanity: My god... you've been stricken with amnesia!!
MaxTheReaper: ...No, seriously, I don't know you. Stop grabbing me.

SharPhoe: Wander, what you're doing is a suicide mission! No one's making you do this! Please reconsider!!
WanderFreak: I'm sorry. I want to turn back, but... the world must know... about BrokeNCYDE.
SharPhoe: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

[Ultrajoe]

Previously, On The Escapist...​

Gigantor: This is the worst case of Digital Corruption I have ever seen...
GEMS: What does it all mean?
RichardGroovyPants: I'll tell you what it means... it means the threads are not as dead as we once thought...

ACTION SCENE, CHAINGUN CHAINGUN, JUMPING OUT OF A HELICOPTER SKYSCRAPER, BAMALAM!​

Wilson: But... if he doesn't come out of the Coma, how will we put an end to this madness!?
Nilcypher: I J-just... can't believe any of this is happening!
AlexP: I think we all need to calm down, take a deep breath, and thi-
Wilson: *slap* We don't have time for this madness! We need him back and we need him now!

DARK BROODING CASTLE OF BROOD​

Labyrinth: I found a bunch of orphans, or whatever, and put them in dungeon 4
PurpleRain: Excellent...

LARGE EXPLOSION YET AGAIN, WHAT A TWIST!!!!!!!​

Eviljoe: GIVE. ME. BACK. MY. CAPSLOCK!
Ultrajoe: But Evil... you've had it all along
Eviljoe: Mein Gott...

AN OPERATING ROOM, THE TENSION IS LIKE A SCALPELS EDGE!​

Xitel: Doctor... do you think you can re-attach it?
Fanboy: It'll be tricky, but I think I can make it happen...

A NIGHT BEFORE THE BATTLE, A HERO IS NEEDED​

Khedive Rex: Look for my coming on the fifth day, I will be here to aid you...
Mshcherbatskaya: You've been saying that for weeks, hurry the fuck up.
*Ominous Shadow*: I CANNOT belive any of YOU would be so STUPID as to think you could defeat ME!

ALL THIS AND MORE, TONIGHT, ON: THE ESCAPIST!!!!!!!​

 

[PyroZombie]

UJ will get this

Previously on Escapist;

Ultrajoe:These Australian creatures are don't even kill for self-defense purposes, The Sidney funnel-web epecially.

PyroZombie: Okay man, this conversation is getting a bit nauseating with the whole spider thing, I'm going to check out.

Ultrajoe:We had some fun though,see ya.


PyroZombie:.........Haha, Success! I have my final component for my army! The beginning of the end is now! Muahahahahahaa!

 

[dalek sec]

And now the thrilling conclusion!

DalekSec: Neonbob must be stopped... no matter the cost.

You forgot the 80s power balad!

What about now?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcHOM_465Vw&feature=related