Previously on the escapist
- Thread starter Souplex
- Start date
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It's kind of a joke. Basically, take your typical dramatic "Previously on..." segment of an action-packed drama series, make up a situation involving your fellow Escapists (feel free to use whoever you like, it doesn't have to be super-well-known), and presto.Goldbling said:
Think I'll take a stab at itSharPhoe said:
Previously on the escapist....
Goldbling: We gotta get outta here!
Max The Reaper: But what about Indigo_Dingo? We gotta get him outta here
Indigo_Dingo: Forget about me, I'll just sacrifice some of my posts, then maybe they'll leave me alone.
Goldbling: No, they're just the Taliban... they still use mouses with roll balls on the bottom. Only the Sunnis care about post count!
Max The Reaper: Why do all the good die young?!?!?
SharPhoe: LEEEEEEEEROYYYYY JEEEEEENKINSSSSSS!!!!
Goldbling: Oh shut up with that!
Max The Reaper: My Hero *feminine voice*
Goldbling: Dear God, why me?
Not funny, but it sounds lifelike...
Damn you! Even though I am too hardcore to cry at anything else anyone would be brought to tears by that.dalek sec said:
Previously on the Escapist:
Shapsters: Get out of the water you fool!
Random whale: *Whale noise* (Translated from whale: REVENGE!)
Neonbob: Noooooo!
I'll give it a shot:
Souplex: ...and that's my master plan.
NewClassic: [small]*Longwinded explanation of crucial plot points.*[/small] This is a really poorly written scene. You seriously had to have me say all of that?
Jim Doki: Well fuck you guys! I'm going to get me some hot stormtrooper ass!
Ultrajoe: Pfff... Eviljoe had a better plan.
Souplex: Did it involve tofu?
Ultrajoe: It involved being a better plan than that. [small]*Brief explanation of better plan*[/small]
Labyrinth: Well... I don't think its very feasible.
Baby Tea: Yeah, nobody likes a cheater.
Souplex: ...But... Tofu. It is my dream! [small]*Longwinded mastermind glory speech*[/small]
ThaBenMan: But we have to save Dethklok!
Fightgarr: ...wha-
ThaBenMan: The fate of the world!
Giant crustaceans burst in!
The Iron Ninja: Mwaha! I've found the secret recipe! Now you will all suffer through this pasgetti of infinite misery!
The Poodonkis: Howdy! How's the misery sauce business?
Fightgarr: I still don't know what the fuck is go-
Souplex: TOFU!
Okay...
Souplex: ...and that's my master plan.
NewClassic: [small]*Longwinded explanation of crucial plot points.*[/small] This is a really poorly written scene. You seriously had to have me say all of that?
Jim Doki: Well fuck you guys! I'm going to get me some hot stormtrooper ass!
Ultrajoe: Pfff... Eviljoe had a better plan.
Souplex: Did it involve tofu?
Ultrajoe: It involved being a better plan than that. [small]*Brief explanation of better plan*[/small]
Labyrinth: Well... I don't think its very feasible.
Baby Tea: Yeah, nobody likes a cheater.
Souplex: ...But... Tofu. It is my dream! [small]*Longwinded mastermind glory speech*[/small]
ThaBenMan: But we have to save Dethklok!
Fightgarr: ...wha-
ThaBenMan: The fate of the world!
Giant crustaceans burst in!
The Iron Ninja: Mwaha! I've found the secret recipe! Now you will all suffer through this pasgetti of infinite misery!
The Poodonkis: Howdy! How's the misery sauce business?
Fightgarr: I still don't know what the fuck is go-
Souplex: TOFU!
Okay...
I'll try one, but the characterization will be off and more based on avatars:
souplex: I have bested you as a superior person.
Neonbob: Muhahahaha, I have set up a bomb in the whale mating zone!
The Iron Ninja: You are an insult to us ninja's, Naruto, therefore I must kill you with my awesome crab and hat.
NeutralDrow: I have the high ground, heretic, and I will kill you for your slander and generalization.
TheTygerfire: Fred Phelps, you have crossed yet another line.
Good morning blues: So helping this innocent girl is wrong? What kind of monster are you?
Internet Kraken: You are under arrest for neglect of the search bar and repeat threads.
Sky14kemea: You're not such a bad person, Mr. Genocidal world crusher, you just need some happy cake and smiley's.
handofpwn: Everyone, let's rock!
Suiseiseki IRL: So that's what happened, Desu!
Max: The plan is going perfectly, it's only a matter of time.
A random person: Maybe I am a devil, I just have to use my hellish powers to make you stop this youth bashing nonsense. Raising heart excelion!
souplex: I have bested you as a superior person.
Neonbob: Muhahahaha, I have set up a bomb in the whale mating zone!
The Iron Ninja: You are an insult to us ninja's, Naruto, therefore I must kill you with my awesome crab and hat.
NeutralDrow: I have the high ground, heretic, and I will kill you for your slander and generalization.
TheTygerfire: Fred Phelps, you have crossed yet another line.
Good morning blues: So helping this innocent girl is wrong? What kind of monster are you?
Internet Kraken: You are under arrest for neglect of the search bar and repeat threads.
Sky14kemea: You're not such a bad person, Mr. Genocidal world crusher, you just need some happy cake and smiley's.
handofpwn: Everyone, let's rock!
Suiseiseki IRL: So that's what happened, Desu!
Max: The plan is going perfectly, it's only a matter of time.
A random person: Maybe I am a devil, I just have to use my hellish powers to make you stop this youth bashing nonsense. Raising heart excelion!
Previously on the Escapist
Tsurugi: The RP! It's dying! We have to save it!
Mshcherihatetypingmynametoo: Dammit!
Tsurugi: It's on Page 3 and falling. Where are Khedive Rex and Qayin? We have to something!
Mshcheryeahwhatever: We can't wait for them, it'll be dead by the time they get here.
Ultrajoe:*waving a huge syringe* 500cc's of Epic should do the trick!
Mshcherigiveup: You! Over there! *points to rogueshadows* Come here and hold this character. You - *points to The_Sorrow* - get me more depth and personality development!
Tsurugi: Just fell to Page 4. If you are going to do something you better do it soon...Bottom of page 4...
rogueshadows: This character is in bad shape, I don't think I can save him.
Mshcher: Do whatever needs to be done to save it. We'll retcon if we have to!
Ultrajoe: *holding out defibrilators* OK, people, I have a post! CLEAR!--
Mshcher: Ultrajoe! Wait! You can't do that, you're--
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZSSHHT!!!!!!
Mshcher:--encased in metal.
Ultrajoe: *dazed but alive* The RP, is it...?
Mshcher: It's alive. It will continue.
Ultrajoe: And it will be glorious!
Tsurugi: The RP! It's dying! We have to save it!
Mshcherihatetypingmynametoo: Dammit!
Tsurugi: It's on Page 3 and falling. Where are Khedive Rex and Qayin? We have to something!
Mshcheryeahwhatever: We can't wait for them, it'll be dead by the time they get here.
Ultrajoe:*waving a huge syringe* 500cc's of Epic should do the trick!
Mshcherigiveup: You! Over there! *points to rogueshadows* Come here and hold this character. You - *points to The_Sorrow* - get me more depth and personality development!
Tsurugi: Just fell to Page 4. If you are going to do something you better do it soon...Bottom of page 4...
rogueshadows: This character is in bad shape, I don't think I can save him.
Mshcher: Do whatever needs to be done to save it. We'll retcon if we have to!
Ultrajoe: *holding out defibrilators* OK, people, I have a post! CLEAR!--
Mshcher: Ultrajoe! Wait! You can't do that, you're--
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZSSHHT!!!!!!
Mshcher:--encased in metal.
Ultrajoe: *dazed but alive* The RP, is it...?
Mshcher: It's alive. It will continue.
Ultrajoe: And it will be glorious!
The sheer vagueness could suggest your plan is to destroy all the tofu in the world. You don't know now do you?Souplex said:
Alright, I guess this would be time for part two:
NewClassic: Look the plan clearly isn't going to work.
Labyrinth: For starters, there isn't a device that does such a thing.
RAKtheUndead: I know of such a device, but let me probe its inaccuracies a second. Firstly [small]long-winded essay on why the food-destructo-machine would not work on tofu (very sciency)[/small].
(Ultrajoe: I would like to add that Fightgarr is an incredibly lazy script writer. Every time he could actually explain something he makes text small and tells us its a "long-winded explanation". Not Ultra.)
Souplex: Mhhhmmmm. Well... it seems I will have to find new devices! Off I go, into space!
Portal Maniac: But we have not had our duel yet!
Souplex: Pffft! My spacecraft comes with complimentary duels!
More lasers!
The Iron Ninja: This plan... really isn't working.
ThaBenMan: Ugh... this spagetti tastes awful. If only we had some kind of... food-destructo-invention.
The Poodonkis: Aww come on. I like it. It tastes like brown.
(Fightgarr: You know, you're right... I'm a lover not a writer.)
Please excuse late reply, saw this thread and thought this looked like fun. So here goes:
previously on the Escapist
Neonbob: 4chan is setting up it's spammers in the tens of thousands, I never dreamt of such a force that I would be seeing with my own two eyes.
Sharphoe: What can we do, can we mobilise our own army in time?
Quack 35: The Escapists are all elitists and writers not flamers, we would be sending them straight into oblivion, as it stands if 4chan makes direct contact with our forces the resulting devastation would be enough to cause the deletion of at least five thousand accounts in the first hour, the number will rise to about ten thousand in the second hour.
Neonbob: Truly our darkest hour, but we have no choice... 4chan is mobilising it's forces and we must mobilise our own.
MaxtheReaper: There will come a day when the age of logical thinking comes crashind down but it IS NOT THIS DAY! THIS DAY WE FIGHT, BY ALL THAT YOU HOLD DEAR ON THIS GOOD EARTH, I BID YOU STAND MEN OF THE ESCAPIST!!
No More Sanity: Tonight an Indigo Dingo was banned on the Escapist, and someone knows why. No one seems to care, why should they? After all soon there will be an internet wide flame war, millions of accounts will be deleted and thousands of sites will be pulled off the network... soon the internet will be completely torn apart. What's one account among so many? I'll tell you why, because there is good and there is evil and evil must be punished. Even in the face of flame war I will not compromise in this.
Indigo Dingo was banned.... someone knows why.
Poirot: Someone in this room, is a murderer!
T-rex wearing a hat: *Gasp*
Vrex360: The troll is getting more powerful
Bologna Baloney: What?!
Vrex360: This 'Joobnook' creature, it's adapted, copied our DNA and it looks like it's dividing into several forms and they are getting more aggressive in their persistant attacks. It's making more Halo Hate threads that are in turn making more flame wars, and the virus is spreading... infecting new hosts and turning them into trolls as well. It's infecting the 'Gaming Discussion' section right now but it looks keen to spread to 'User Reviews'.
Bologna Baloney: Oh... my... god... MY DAUGHTER IS IN GAMING DISCUSSION!!
Vrex360: Bologna... your daughter is already infected.
Bologna Baloney: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*down on thread ground zero after Joobnook attack has reverted many people into hideous mutated trolls*
Mr Angelix: "Hi everyone it's me, r3lix I just got myself a new account and now I want to ask you a question about movies."
*everyone turns*
Orranis 62: "Did you just say you were r3lix? You were supposed to be suspended!"
Mr Angelix: "Well yeah.. but I just wanted to say hi and be friendly."
Internet Kraken: "USE THE SEARCH BAR!"
*They all jump on him and start violently tearing at his flesh, pulling his arms and legs off, eating his stomach, grinding him up with a chainsaw, punching in his skull and roaring while they do it.*
IsoNeko: This...is the way the internet ends.
previously on the Escapist
Neonbob: 4chan is setting up it's spammers in the tens of thousands, I never dreamt of such a force that I would be seeing with my own two eyes.
Sharphoe: What can we do, can we mobilise our own army in time?
Quack 35: The Escapists are all elitists and writers not flamers, we would be sending them straight into oblivion, as it stands if 4chan makes direct contact with our forces the resulting devastation would be enough to cause the deletion of at least five thousand accounts in the first hour, the number will rise to about ten thousand in the second hour.
Neonbob: Truly our darkest hour, but we have no choice... 4chan is mobilising it's forces and we must mobilise our own.
MaxtheReaper: There will come a day when the age of logical thinking comes crashind down but it IS NOT THIS DAY! THIS DAY WE FIGHT, BY ALL THAT YOU HOLD DEAR ON THIS GOOD EARTH, I BID YOU STAND MEN OF THE ESCAPIST!!
No More Sanity: Tonight an Indigo Dingo was banned on the Escapist, and someone knows why. No one seems to care, why should they? After all soon there will be an internet wide flame war, millions of accounts will be deleted and thousands of sites will be pulled off the network... soon the internet will be completely torn apart. What's one account among so many? I'll tell you why, because there is good and there is evil and evil must be punished. Even in the face of flame war I will not compromise in this.
Indigo Dingo was banned.... someone knows why.
Poirot: Someone in this room, is a murderer!
T-rex wearing a hat: *Gasp*
Vrex360: The troll is getting more powerful
Bologna Baloney: What?!
Vrex360: This 'Joobnook' creature, it's adapted, copied our DNA and it looks like it's dividing into several forms and they are getting more aggressive in their persistant attacks. It's making more Halo Hate threads that are in turn making more flame wars, and the virus is spreading... infecting new hosts and turning them into trolls as well. It's infecting the 'Gaming Discussion' section right now but it looks keen to spread to 'User Reviews'.
Bologna Baloney: Oh... my... god... MY DAUGHTER IS IN GAMING DISCUSSION!!
Vrex360: Bologna... your daughter is already infected.
Bologna Baloney: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*down on thread ground zero after Joobnook attack has reverted many people into hideous mutated trolls*
Mr Angelix: "Hi everyone it's me, r3lix I just got myself a new account and now I want to ask you a question about movies."
*everyone turns*
Orranis 62: "Did you just say you were r3lix? You were supposed to be suspended!"
Mr Angelix: "Well yeah.. but I just wanted to say hi and be friendly."
Internet Kraken: "USE THE SEARCH BAR!"
*They all jump on him and start violently tearing at his flesh, pulling his arms and legs off, eating his stomach, grinding him up with a chainsaw, punching in his skull and roaring while they do it.*
IsoNeko: This...is the way the internet ends.
WILSONSCRAZYBED
It is time.
ULTRAJOE
It Will Not End Here. You Know This. Forever Shall We Continue.
WILSONSCRAZYBED
Don't underestimate us, Ultrajoe. We have our ways to get at you and resistance will not work, not when we know your true desires.
ULTRAJOE
Don't You Dare Bribe Me With A Puppy.
Ext. Night. It is time.
ULTRAJOE
It Will Not End Here. You Know This. Forever Shall We Continue.
WILSONSCRAZYBED
Don't underestimate us, Ultrajoe. We have our ways to get at you and resistance will not work, not when we know your true desires.
ULTRAJOE
Don't You Dare Bribe Me With A Puppy.
NEWCLASSIC [http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3479/3776133828_9bac5f5180_b.jpg] and PUPPETEER_PUTIN sit upon a park bench.
NEWCLASSIC [http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3494/3806670867_0e07cf994f_b.jpg]
Puppet.. must you go? Truly?
PUPPETEER_PUTIN
Honeybuns you know I don't want to but even I feel the call of my political home from time to time. I'll be back as soon as I win the election though. I won't leave you here.. or forget you.
NEWCLASSIC [http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2524/3799603616_7817fbda26.jpg]
Yes you will! Our love is already strained after you accused me of cheating on you with VARCHLD and BLAZE. That really hurt, Puppet.
PUPPETEER_PUTIN
We'll make it, Nuke-baby. We will I promise.
ARES TYR
Yo, how's it? Just on my way back to Shrodinger's Box. I'll see you guys later.
NEWCLASSIC [http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3525/3807531438_7c7b2a5f91_b.jpg]
Oh hell, I keep missing it when he dashes through. ARES!
PUPPETEER_PUTIN
But what about me!?
NEWCLASSIC [http://www.whatthechrist.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/tiny_kitten.jpg]
Meet me after you win!
Int. Drawing Room
THEIRONNINJA sits behind a desk, attended by a legion of red crabs.
THEIRONNINJA
It is time.
It is time.
Previously on the Escapist:
Neonbob: Max, with the babies utilizing whale warfare you'll never have the bodies you need!
Maxi: Well we could always start sacrificing my followers....
Sharphoe: One day I'll rule the world! Mwahahah
Aboveup: Well this wasn't totally unexpected.....
NewClassic: Honestly, I turn my head away for 5 minutes and 10 new fan fictions about my life pop up all over the place.
Neonbob: Max, with the babies utilizing whale warfare you'll never have the bodies you need!
Maxi: Well we could always start sacrificing my followers....
Sharphoe: One day I'll rule the world! Mwahahah
Aboveup: Well this wasn't totally unexpected.....
NewClassic: Honestly, I turn my head away for 5 minutes and 10 new fan fictions about my life pop up all over the place.
Previously, on the Escapist...
"First!" User has been suspended for that post.
SpinWhiz mopped his brow, kicking the limp corpse beneath him. "As usual, the Zero Punctuation review brings out the best in our forums."
Kuliani pressed a button, updating the scoreboard, "You know how it is. The price of fame..."
"Two to five bannings a week, nearly a hundred bannings a year, and that's just in the Zero Punctuation threads."
Paul Gruberman hefts his SuperSledge, grinning, "Price of living, baby!"
Meanwhile, in theBat Cav- Forums!
The Benny Hill theme [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gpc5_3B5xdk] could be heard faintly in the background while a familiar-looking forumer is being chased about the boards by LaCoil, BanMop raised. A faint shlop could be heard as the user is finally caught. LaCoil walks back into view, sighing. The camera tries not to call attention to the red trail following her mop's tail. "Day in, day out. Always trouble, the whole lot of you." nilcypher's expression was amused, a small grin curling the corner of his lips, "You make such a big deal out of bannings, Tess."
"It is a big deal, Nil."
"Right, but you don't have to make such a production out of it."
"But I like theater."
Wilson appeared, toweling his head with a hand towel, "As if you never chased down a rogue user or two."
"Yeah," nilcypher said, gesturing at the trail of red dripping from the mop, "but finesse is practically a must in this job."
"Finesse?" Puppet asked blithely, "Half of your bans have n-"
"The sort of subtlety only a bag of hammers down an aluminum shaft could afford you." NewClasic interrupted, hands shoved in his suit pockets.
"Aluminium," LaCoil corrected quickly.
"Aluminum," Nuke shot back.
"Aluminium, hun." Puppet corrected, softly.
"They're both right." Wilson said finally, "What's it matter?"
Nuke shifted his feet, looking uncomfortable, "That this is all non-sequiturs, and nothing is actually getting done?"
PurpleRain appeared, grinning, "Except watching you shower."
"I figured you'd be the only person to realize that the window hidden behind the bushes is the one facing my shower."
Purps buffed his nails, "I have a gift."
A wet splotch greeted Purps suddenly, and LaCoil sauntered up. "And I have a mop!"
Without warning, nilcypher was on his feet, staring horrified into the distance, "No... It can't be..."
"Oh Gods," LaCoil replied, staring at the horizon, "it is..."
Turning, the horizon grows red with the scuttle of... a crab army. Atop it, The Iron Ninja rides in, spear heft forward. The forum begins to quiver, but Wilson and nilcypher take point. "Arm your report buttons!"
"Lol, reporting is for nubs." Splort!
LaCoil, Alex_P, Ultrajoe, and BabyTea take the Red Guard duo's flanks.
The forum, as a whole, ranks up and prepares. Wilson raises his razor. "Ready..."
A bead of sweat drips down Nuke's monitor.
Wilson's voice roars over the scuttle of pincers, "Aim!"
A nervous tension settles over the forum. Suddenly, a single report button launches out of formation into the oncoming hoard, "FIRST!"
Schlorp! "Fire!"
"First!" User has been suspended for that post.
SpinWhiz mopped his brow, kicking the limp corpse beneath him. "As usual, the Zero Punctuation review brings out the best in our forums."
Kuliani pressed a button, updating the scoreboard, "You know how it is. The price of fame..."
"Two to five bannings a week, nearly a hundred bannings a year, and that's just in the Zero Punctuation threads."
Paul Gruberman hefts his SuperSledge, grinning, "Price of living, baby!"
Meanwhile, in the
The Benny Hill theme [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gpc5_3B5xdk] could be heard faintly in the background while a familiar-looking forumer is being chased about the boards by LaCoil, BanMop raised. A faint shlop could be heard as the user is finally caught. LaCoil walks back into view, sighing. The camera tries not to call attention to the red trail following her mop's tail. "Day in, day out. Always trouble, the whole lot of you." nilcypher's expression was amused, a small grin curling the corner of his lips, "You make such a big deal out of bannings, Tess."
"It is a big deal, Nil."
"Right, but you don't have to make such a production out of it."
"But I like theater."
Wilson appeared, toweling his head with a hand towel, "As if you never chased down a rogue user or two."
"Yeah," nilcypher said, gesturing at the trail of red dripping from the mop, "but finesse is practically a must in this job."
"Finesse?" Puppet asked blithely, "Half of your bans have n-"
"The sort of subtlety only a bag of hammers down an aluminum shaft could afford you." NewClasic interrupted, hands shoved in his suit pockets.
"Aluminium," LaCoil corrected quickly.
"Aluminum," Nuke shot back.
"Aluminium, hun." Puppet corrected, softly.
"They're both right." Wilson said finally, "What's it matter?"
Nuke shifted his feet, looking uncomfortable, "That this is all non-sequiturs, and nothing is actually getting done?"
PurpleRain appeared, grinning, "Except watching you shower."
"I figured you'd be the only person to realize that the window hidden behind the bushes is the one facing my shower."
Purps buffed his nails, "I have a gift."
A wet splotch greeted Purps suddenly, and LaCoil sauntered up. "And I have a mop!"
Without warning, nilcypher was on his feet, staring horrified into the distance, "No... It can't be..."
"Oh Gods," LaCoil replied, staring at the horizon, "it is..."
Turning, the horizon grows red with the scuttle of... a crab army. Atop it, The Iron Ninja rides in, spear heft forward. The forum begins to quiver, but Wilson and nilcypher take point. "Arm your report buttons!"
"Lol, reporting is for nubs." Splort!
LaCoil, Alex_P, Ultrajoe, and BabyTea take the Red Guard duo's flanks.
The forum, as a whole, ranks up and prepares. Wilson raises his razor. "Ready..."
A bead of sweat drips down Nuke's monitor.
Wilson's voice roars over the scuttle of pincers, "Aim!"
A nervous tension settles over the forum. Suddenly, a single report button launches out of formation into the oncoming hoard, "FIRST!"
Schlorp! "Fire!"
Previously on the Escapist...
The scene is that of a small bar. Several Escapians are sitting around a table, except for Sharphoe, who is watching a monitor.
Sharphoe: Oh god, ANOTHER "Why do you like X/What's so popular about X?" thread.
Vrex: Is Halo involved?
Sharphoe: Somebody just made a post about how much it sucked. Wait... shit. We've got a level two flamewar erupting.
Vrex: ...Let me get my jacket. Everybody: we're moving out.
One badass motorcycle riding gang montage later...
Scotth266: Fuck. We're too late.
The scene is that of a auditorium. There are several fires going throughout the room, and bodies litter the floor.
Vrex: Save who you can.
Sharphoe: *Cocks a shotgun*
Jobnook: ME AND MY CAPSLOCK HAVE RETURNED!
Vrex: I will stop you, you fiend!
*epic swordfight*
Jobnook: YOU CANNOT STOP ME! *stabs Vrex*
Scotth266: VREX! NOOOOOOOOOO!
Sharphoe: Pull yourself together man! We have to evacuate everyone!
Scotth266: ...Yes. It's what he would have wanted.
UltraJoe: *stepping over the bullet-ridden corpse of a Paperboy* It's time to end this, Jobnook.
THREAD LOCKING EXPLOSION
...The End?
The scene is that of a small bar. Several Escapians are sitting around a table, except for Sharphoe, who is watching a monitor.
Sharphoe: Oh god, ANOTHER "Why do you like X/What's so popular about X?" thread.
Vrex: Is Halo involved?
Sharphoe: Somebody just made a post about how much it sucked. Wait... shit. We've got a level two flamewar erupting.
Vrex: ...Let me get my jacket. Everybody: we're moving out.
One badass motorcycle riding gang montage later...
Scotth266: Fuck. We're too late.
The scene is that of a auditorium. There are several fires going throughout the room, and bodies litter the floor.
Vrex: Save who you can.
Sharphoe: *Cocks a shotgun*
Jobnook: ME AND MY CAPSLOCK HAVE RETURNED!
Vrex: I will stop you, you fiend!
*epic swordfight*
Jobnook: YOU CANNOT STOP ME! *stabs Vrex*
Scotth266: VREX! NOOOOOOOOOO!
Sharphoe: Pull yourself together man! We have to evacuate everyone!
Scotth266: ...Yes. It's what he would have wanted.
UltraJoe: *stepping over the bullet-ridden corpse of a Paperboy* It's time to end this, Jobnook.
THREAD LOCKING EXPLOSION
...The End?