Problems that men have to deal with

[MHR]

I think having guy problems is better than having problems for being a girl.

I'm fat and that's hard on my self-esteem, but being fat is more okay for a guy. Lots of girls find me very attractive because of my general height, build, and face. If I was a fat girl? I'd be screwed. Figuratively. I'd be a wreck for sure. Men might get made fun of if they're not tough enough or they cry once or whatever, but women are far more liable to get sexually harassed or worse.

That's what I think about whenever I think about those tiresome things that are expected of me as a man. The alternative is worse, at least I'm not a woman. It's might sound bad, but I'm thankful to be a guy.

 

[HAFBeast]

If I don't get like a dozen things I'm "supposed to do" because "I'm a man". Geez, really drives me crazy. Because I'm gay and live in Oklahoma, my father is indoctrinated in the socio-religious influences. Somehow, even though he grew pot, got DUI's, had 3 children who don't have his name, and went to rehab, I am the "shame" on the family because of me being gay. I got a full ride to college, didn't come out until I got into college so I wouldn't have to deal with him, still have the same car he bought me when I 20 nearly 2 1/2 years later (my sister has had... 4 cars over 7 years, her BF wrecks them and leaves them like crazy). I don't live at Dad's place, don't rely on him for financial support. He never has been a person who is good with technology, as he barely texts, and only learned that in the last 18 months. When he does text, he sends messages that are pure harassment.
"Damn u no somone said a while back that i had no son i guess he knew that hurts just like a knife look around if everybody was faggots the world would be emtey"
"One thing to thinj about there is no honor in being a ****** read it up in the bible god will never bless u go find u a woman dumn a* whoever convinced u to be that way is fucked up it brings shame to the whole family u ain't near as smart as I thought u was"
"Son when r u going to grow some balls and start acking like a man and u tell that ****** son of a b**** he might otta hit the road i aint gonna take it to well when i see him"
"Well i heard u had a faggut move iin with u how could u disgrace the whole family"

It really is just harassment, so I don't even respond to it anymore.

 

[LeQuack_Is_Back]

Mostly the "men don't deal with emotions" bit that trips me up. The hell am I supposed to do then, ignore them until something breaks upstairs? No thank you.

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

Snip

I'm not very good with words but I feel for you.
It can be difficult with family as you can not easily distance yourself from such vile harassment.
I hope you find friends that can accept you for who you are ( and maybe a nice boyfriend as well ,) ).

You do bring up a good point though. Male Homosexual problems are men's problems.
Two men loving one another. What can be more manly than that, really?
I might get a bit of heat for saying that, but I'm not one to subscribe to things in general being inherently manly or womanly.

Another thing came to mind while I wrote up this short post.
I feel trepidation at what the consequences of it will be.
I fear conflict and confrontation, another thing a Real Man is not supposed to do.

..

Ok, enough hesitation, time to hit that post button like there is no tomorrow.

 

[BarbaricGoose]

I got told a lot while growing up that I am not allowed to cry or be sad. It'd be one thing if this were just my father, but it was also my mother telling me this. Usually if I'd cry, I was welcome to a leather belt beating as a method to "toughen me up" and to ensure I knew what real pain was so that no matter what, I'd never cry from being hurt or when horrible words were slung my way.

Yeah, I got told this bullshit too, and it fucked me up something good. I can't cry any more. Even if I really want to, I subconsciously hold back and stop myself.

I played the Lost Odyssey, and those stories... I think I would've liked to cry.

 

[MerlinCross]

Usually it seems to boil down to 'not being a man'. There's other problems but pretty sure that's the one most of us here can relate to.

 

[Casual Shinji]

Women?

Seriously though, living at home with your parents. Even if my situation is not as clear cut, I'm still living at home with my parents.

...

Yeah, that sensation just now was your inner you instinctively scoffing at the idea of a nearly 32-year old man still living with his mommy and daddy.

 

[Karhukonna]

I don't know if this is just customary in my social circles, or an actual thing, but doing girly stuff is definitely OK if you can laugh about it. I've never personally been harassed for not being into team sports, cars or... Well, that actually just about covers it. But the point is, acting girly isn't something that is frowned upon. You'll get a few friendly remarks, but even the gruffest alpha male will let you do your thing.

Then again, our macho culture is defined by the local law of conscription, which ensures that no matter how much of a sissy, nerd or ****** you are, you've got at least one manly notch on your belt. Place two Finns, no matter how different, in the same room for long enough and sooner or later they'll be recounting old army-stories like old buddies. Doesn't help much with those civilian service-pansies, but whatever. *manly ranting*

Personally, I consider myself a mixed bag, and like I mentioned earlier, I occasionally get a joking remark if it's something I'm serious about. I'm trying to distinguish between being girly or gay-ish for the sake of humor. If I prance around the locker room with my towel up to my chest, I'll earn a few laughs. If I drink a rum mixer instead of neat whiskey, I'll get a single milk-drinker comment and be left alone.

So I'm guessing this has to do with specific cultures or something. =( Sucks to live wherever that is.

 

[Casual Shinji]

Women?

Seriously though, living at home with your parents. Even if my situation is not as clear cut, I'm still living at home with my parents.

...

Yeah, that sensation just now was your inner you instinctively scoffing at the idea of a nearly 32-year old man still living with his mommy and daddy.

Hey, it happens. In this economy, we're lucky we're not all living with your parents. Seriously. *blink* Can we move in?

Hey man, I was living with my parents before the collapsed economy made it cool -- I can't have some fakers cramping my style.

 

[DrOswald]

Men's fashion is shit. Women get all the pretty and fun stuff. They get interesting boots and colorful tops and jewelry and makeup and dresses, my god, don't get me started on dresses.

But no, I'm a man, so if I take an interest in dresses I am at best a pervert. God forbid if I actually would want to try wearing a dress some time, even thinking that makes me not just gay but a pervert and a freak as well.

 

[Zen Bard]

As a man, I am sworn to protect my family from any ferocious beasts. So it's my job to deal with them when they wander into our home and threaten my wife by simply existing.

Problem is I'm a Buddhist. So rolled up newspapers, flyswatters and sandals are not a viable solution for me.

This means I must find a way to non-violently evict the intruders from our home so we can establish peace. And spiders can sometimes be...stubborn.

 

[ninjaRiv]

I nearly missed out on some very much needed therapy because of the whole "men don't need that gay shit" mindset. Man's biggest enemy is itself.

I went to group therapy after a while and I was the only guy there, out of about ten people plus therapists.

 

[Casual Shinji]

Fine *sigh* I mean, technically my husband and I have an apartment anyway, and he's gainfully employed and we don't need a place to live. But you do make it look pretty cool.

Riiiiight...

Spoiler: Wait a minute...

...

Maybe there's hope yet.

 

[Megalodon]

I think this video is relevant. I mostly drink "manly" drinks but I think this video has a very good point. When I do have a "girly" drink im like "damn this shit is tasty"

Couldn't disagree more. While I've drunk copious amounts of sweet cocktails and the like over the years, the drinks I've always preferred have been the stereotypical 'manly' ones. Whiskys, beers, dry ciders, anything dry/bitter/'harsh' tasting, far nicer to my palate than the sweeter stuff, which too often I find cloying and somewhat unpleasant.

Mostly the "men don't deal with emotions" bit that trips me up. The hell am I supposed to do then, ignore them until something breaks upstairs? No thank you.

See I'm never sure if my own reluctance to talk about/acknowledge emotions (which tends to only ever be overcome with copious booze) is thanks to the 'being a man' thing, or the 'being British' thing. Of course, I could just be doubly screwed...

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

Men's fashion is shit. Women get all the pretty and fun stuff. They get interesting boots and colorful tops and jewelry and makeup and dresses, my god, don't get me started on dresses.

But no, I'm a man, so if I take an interest in dresses I am at best a pervert. God forbid if I actually would want to try wearing a dress some time, even thinking that makes me not just gay but a pervert and a freak as well.

Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot about that.
Try telling your family that you enjoy jewelry and would like to try your hand at fashioning both clothes and accessories..
Yup, those very surprised (and maybe shocked) looks will last you a life-time. I know. ^^

 

[Drops a Sweet Katana]

Sitting on one or more of one's testicles when you go to sit down. Less than comfortable by most accounts. There are other things, but other people can cover those.

 

[Rebel_Raven]

As a man, I am sworn to protect my family from any ferocious beasts. So it's my job to deal with them when they wander into our home and threaten my wife by simply existing.

Problem is I'm a Buddhist. So rolled up newspapers, flyswatters and sandals are not a viable solution for me.

This means I must find a way to non-violently evict the intruders from our home so we can establish peace. And spiders can sometimes be...stubborn.

Would getting them in a cup, and taking them outside be too much? It's what I used to do. Now I just kinda accept them as they get rid of more pests than not. Especially if they'r smaller than a dime.


OT:
Not sure if it's been mentioned, but one problem I know of for guys is that they're generally expected to be the instigator of a relationship. Asking the girl out, and getting the ball rolling. No idea how much this is leaving gender culture, but it's still pretty there.
Sucks for the shy guys, this expectation.


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