Problems that men have to deal with

[DMShade]

When I moved out on my own, among housewarming gifts I got was a toolset. Wrenches, Screwdrivers, a Socket Wrench, Measuring Tape...all the basics. Though the family friends said "Everyone should have this stuff, minimum", I wondered if I'd have been gifted this if I were a woman.

Then again, I got lots of kitchen toys, and gift cards for the local meat shop and specialty foods store because I love to cook.

The biggest issue I had was, like so many others, High School. I got called gay so much for not liking and being "no good" at sports and uninterested in horror movies and FPS games (I love my action movies, though, and don't TOUCH my Bond Films), that I didn't come out to MYSELF until my early-mid 20's.

Didn't matter that no one could return my serves in the Volleyball unit, pretty much guaranteeing 3 free points for my side before they forced us to rotate, that was a 'Chick Sport'.

Nevermind I got consistently on base during the baseball unit. Apparently men score Doubles.

And Basketball? I could get that ball anywhere I wanted it! Just...so long as that anywhere did not include the basket. Apparently men don't get assists (are there 'assists' in basketball?), men score.

Mind you I was in high school in the late nineties, before things got better in some ways and worse in others, so take my experience with a grain of salt.

 

[Nikolaz72]

I once got told my some teachers that a year away from regular school on some catch-up class place (Despite grades being perfectly fine, they just thought I lacked behind 'socially') They refused to give me a diploma so I could move on before I had taken it.

Anyway the entire year was basically going to class with a few nerds in the same boat as me, an overwhelming majority of jocks, a few nice girls and quite a few... Guess you could call them blondes? The popular girls that didn't make the cut- anyway.

Multiple times i got accused of rampant homosexuality due to not going around grabbing girls on their bums, at one point one of the girls even got offended that I didn't. It made me realize that there are a lot of different people with a lot of different standards, and cheap men and women do exist.

I don't however think that society 'expects' me to be like them, the only ones that did were 'them'. To society I think they are more weird than I am.

One hilarious thing was the 'alpha male' of the class was scared shitless of the colour pink. Like, if you wanted him not to sit remotely near you, you just put a pink plaster on the side of a table or something and he'd sit as far away from it as humanely possible.

Ah, the small blessings of life.

Ehem, OT:

Where I was getting wasn't so much the classmates as the initial teachers. There were quiet girls in the class that did 'not' get sent to this school. It was perfectly fine to be a quiet and shy girl, but be a quiet and shy boy and you got send off to the make-up class of the seventh circle of hell.

That's certainly discrimination and I'm still regretting I didn't speak up or object sufficiently back then.

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

My main problem is being a man in my culture is literally hazardous to my health.

The American Black Culture is defined by two things for the last couple of decades since the Civil Rights Movement: Confusion on what to do next, and the consistent struggles of identity that has been denied from us for so long.

There is still a lot of anger. Putting massive amounts of people into poverty with little education or substandard education is a good way to keep generations sequestered from the general, allowable public.

But it leads to ideals.

To a vast amount of my culture, I'm a sell out. given that I'm light skinned, I must be a mix and I embrace the white side more than the black. The fact is, both of my parents are black... but educated. My parents threatened my brother and I that they weren't going to let ignorance into their house. We spoke proper english at all times. Even as a kid, I got "Why do you talk like a white person?".

Grown, a lot of the male culture in the black ghettos is about proving your manhood. Given that these ghettos are previously defined as traps to keep the population from moving out by keeping them ignorant, it seems to be that said manhood is defined by ignorant rules. Laying your life down for a point is manhood. Not giving a fuck about safety or advancement is manhood. In short, Enduring your fate for having the misfortune of being conceived in a hostile and unforgiving environment with sheer bravado is being a man.

Now, as I said before, I was born to educated parents. They saw the area we lived in (the Bronx) deteriorate more and more. We moved to Westchester New York, the suburbs of Manhattan.

There, I wasn't really a man because I wasn't like the stereotypical black man. I was a sell out even to white people. How I was wasn't as important as what people thought I should have been. Many times, I wish I could have just not had parents push me to be better than my surroundings so I could have just been freaking accepted.

Then, more good news. I found out I was a geek. In my defense, that wasn't my fault. My dad raised me on Monty Python and Masterpiece theater. He took me to see Masters of the Universe when I was a kid. My first real movie that I can remember was Star Trek IV. So when I wasn't into Basketball and football when my friends wanted to go play outside, and I was more interested in Final Fantasy 6, he had only himself to blame.

Also, I grew to be 6'2. How much of a joy it was to other kids that they could pick on someone who was supposed to be super threatening but he did nothing about it. However, I didn't do anything about it out of somewhat intelligence. I knew if I ever fought back, everyone would read the situation in favor of the true bullies. "Oh, really. That 5'7 boy came up and picked on you first. You. 6'2 tall you. Black You. He thought that was a good idea and you had no choice but to fight back. Really?"

Lastly, if you pay attention to the news at all, it's been declared open season on black men by cops. It's literally shoot first and ask questions later [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1O3wsLKL-oU]. So, it's shoot first, ask questions later. Sometimes it's Question then shoot a split second later [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7oo9SxH-08].

This is the bane of my existence. Why people instantly fear me, judge me, and why I can never relax in case I give someone case to call the cops on me to execute me.

Spoiler

[http://s42.photobucket.com/user/Revolution1980/media/whynot_zps90744d2a.jpg.html]

Oh, and just for fun.

to those who looked at the last video and and thought "what did that black guy expect? How was the cops supposed to know if that gun was real", let me bring you back to May of this year.

In Fort Worth, 5 Open Carry demostrators walked into a Jack in the Box with shotguns and AR-15s [http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/Open-Carry-Demonstrators-Scare-Fort-Worth-Employees-257751871.html]. For no reason other than to get something to eat before their undisclosed demonstration at a Home Depot. Nothing was cleared, no one talked to the cops. Just a bunch of Texan Citizens walking with guns strapped to their bodies and they fully expected to be ok.

And lo and behold, they were. But they were white. Would the same situation have ended peacefully if they were black? Some might say 'we'll never know'. To that I'd say... did you think the black guy 'should have known better' and the cops 'had no choice when presented with that unknown situation'.

If you said yes to that last sentence, I believe we have our answer.

 

[V4Viewtiful]

snip

It's similar in Britain but to a lesser degree. Black Males got it rough in general, it could be the authorities or your own people but something set against us.

 

[Vault101]

I've got a better one. Since when does being physically strong have anything at all to do with being psychologically strong? In fact from reading a number of post thus far it is far more likely that male gender stereotypes are negatively impacting the psychological health of men seeing as far too many believe that you're suddenly weak if you seek any sort of assistance outside of one's self.

well to be fair being physically fit is actually good for your mental state but still


[quote/]There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve oneself, but loving oneself (and the ease and confidence it brings) is more important and attractive than anything else.[/quote]
sort of off-topic but a relentless obsession with "self-improvment" is often a trademark of those toxic pseudo-science masculinity groups like "Redpill"

Look Vault. I think that the whole dude-bro thing is a pain in the ass. I had to spend a good chunk of my teenage years surrounded by douchebags who did things like talk to me about "You ever get a blowjob while playing Halo? It's awesome" I personally want nothing more than to beat the shit out of half of these people...and that scares me. I get angry sometimes. So angry that I'm worried I'm seriously going to hurt someone someday. I've got so much pent up frustration that I sometimes I want someone to take a shot at me just so I can have an excuse to wail on them. I feel like all the crap I had to go through as I kid is why I have all this frustration and I hate that I feel this way. I don't want to be that kind of person. No one should be that kind of person where you can just attack someone, it doesn't matter how much of a pain in the ass they are. You just shouldn't do stuff like that.
.

I don't think I was encouraging violence but....ok, I'll town down the jerkishness

I think you mabye need to take a step back from the internet, I don't mean that in a dismissive way but in a "you can't help how people are" way

 

[mecegirl]

snip

I never understood why when I was really young, but my Dad became a different person around the police. My dad's an extreamly outgoing person with a large booming voice. But whenever the police were involved he'd shrink into himself and speak softly. I could sense the fear off of him in those situations, which was odd. I'd seen him start conversations with people he didn't know, corny jokes and all. I've watched my dad talk down a man who was threatening to break in and harm us. He had my mom stay with us and call the cops, but he wasn't gonna wait till they came. He even had a hatchet on him. I honestly believe that if that man had to followed up on his threats that I would have had to watch my dad kill a man that night.

My dad believes in the whole man being the head of the household and the ultimate provider ideal with a few exceptions. He didn't like that my mom worked but never made that much of a fuss over it. It seemed to be more that she was stuck in a profession that she didn't love than the fact that she wasn't a housewife. Once she went back to college he was first in line to support her. He was raised by a single mother so that might have something to do with it. My dad also made time to come to school events and pta meetings and the like. In some cases he would be the only father there. He never put the need to "provide" for us over actually being there for us.

But back to where I started. I can't remember how old I was when I was told the basics, but my grandfather on my father's side of my family was shot and killed by a cop. I'm not sure if anyone on my father's side really knows what happened or if they just don't like talking about it. But it was rural Georgia in the early 60's. Not that that's an excuse, the same thing happens in our supposedly post-racial times, but I digress. I do remember that by that time, because I couldn't understand why my dad behaved the way that he did, that I started searching for reasons. I often couldn't come up with anything, especially during times while driving when he did nothing wrong but was stopped anyway. With that bit of information I finally understood why the police unnerved him, as well as his obsession with fatherhood.

 

[Erttheking]

I've got a better one. Since when does being physically strong have anything at all to do with being psychologically strong? In fact from reading a number of post thus far it is far more likely that male gender stereotypes are negatively impacting the psychological health of men seeing as far too many believe that you're suddenly weak if you seek any sort of assistance outside of one's self.

well to be fair being physically fit is actually good for your mental state but still


[quote/]There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve oneself, but loving oneself (and the ease and confidence it brings) is more important and attractive than anything else.

sort of off-topic but a relentless obsession with "self-improvment" is often a trademark of those toxic pseudo-science masculinity groups like "Redpill"

Look Vault. I think that the whole dude-bro thing is a pain in the ass. I had to spend a good chunk of my teenage years surrounded by douchebags who did things like talk to me about "You ever get a blowjob while playing Halo? It's awesome" I personally want nothing more than to beat the shit out of half of these people...and that scares me. I get angry sometimes. So angry that I'm worried I'm seriously going to hurt someone someday. I've got so much pent up frustration that I sometimes I want someone to take a shot at me just so I can have an excuse to wail on them. I feel like all the crap I had to go through as I kid is why I have all this frustration and I hate that I feel this way. I don't want to be that kind of person. No one should be that kind of person where you can just attack someone, it doesn't matter how much of a pain in the ass they are. You just shouldn't do stuff like that.
.

I don't think I was encouraging violence but....ok, I'll town down the jerkishness

I think you mabye need to take a step back from the internet, I don't mean that in a dismissive way but in a "you can't help how people are" way[/quote]

Thank you. Sorry, that's just a sore spot for me. I guess I can kinda see things where they aren't when it comes to things like that. Didn't mean to accuse you of anything, sorry if it came across that way.

I guess a bit of a break couldn't hurt.

 

[Crayven]

Sex Drive, i'm supposed to be on it 24/7. Don't get me wrong, i like sex, but the idea i'm thinking about it all the time, is just crazy. my main drive in life is being lazy or greedy not lust. that would take too much time away from just doing nothing, or that as a man, being out and about my eye is wandering over all the other women i don't have instead of the woman i am marrying.

Also man has sexual problems or is just not in the mood, its something to be cured with a little blue pill or questions about how manly they are., but if a woman has a low sex drive, or is constantly not interested then that's her right as a woman not to be pressured.

Still with sex, its always a man cheating, in books, films or just in general, but its just that mean suck at lying about it when they do, and almost always get found out. women only get found it when they want to hurt there partner.

 

[JUMBO PALACE]

I'm just going to slip in here and leave my two cents. There are some of us "bros" out there who are really into cars, and powerlifting, and whiskey, and eating meat, and enjoy being comfortable in our masculine presence but don't deserve all the hate that gets flung at us. Just because my hobbies and interests happen to align with stereotypically masculine traits does not mean I'm automatically a proponent of emotionless stoicism and violence as a primary problem solver. I play games every day (Shadow of Mordor is a fucking blast), my favorite person is Batman, and I love to read and drink loose leaf tea. I would just caution the type of guys in this thread who have declared war on the "masculine" guys around them to take a step back and maybe get to know them a little better. You might find that the guy deadlifting over in the corner blasting metal music in his earbuds might be looking forward to getting home and checking if anything good is on Sale on Steam or sinking into the tub.

 

[Supdupadog]

Sometimes, the underwear is too tight for my genitals.

I dunno, societal pressures suck, but atleast we have the issue of "you are not awesome enough," which beats women's "You are part of this person's awesomeness."

Like, it's a pretty open ended pressure.

 

[Wraith]

--SNIP--

Other black guy here, chiming in. Pretty much everything I would need to say about issues of race and being a man have been said by my friend here. Not trying to use ebonics or anything, but I mean it wholeheartedly when I say 'I feel you on this'.

Also, I looked at your picture. Thanks for reminding me that I need to work out more, you bulky bastard.

 

[Vendor-Lazarus]

I'm just going to slip in here and leave my two cents. There are some of us "bros" out there who are really into cars, and powerlifting, and whiskey, and eating meat, and enjoy being comfortable in our masculine presence but don't deserve all the hate that gets flung at us. Just because my hobbies and interests happen to align with stereotypically masculine traits does not mean I'm automatically a proponent of emotionless stoicism and violence as a primary problem solver. I play games every day (Shadow of Mordor is a fucking blast), my favorite person is Batman, and I love to read and drink loose leaf tea. I would just caution the type of guys in this thread who have declared war on the "masculine" guys around them to take a step back and maybe get to know them a little better. You might find that the guy deadlifting over in the corner blasting metal music in his earbuds might be looking forward to getting home and checking if anything good is on Sale on Steam or sinking into the tub.

I can't really see that anyone has "started a war" specifically against guys that happen to share some (or all) of the traits of the stereotypical male.
I wouldn't stand for that either, seeing as they can't help who they are either.
Just against the notion that every male should conform to those very specific traits or be ridiculed and harassed by calling them less of a man.
Men are not, nor should they be, clones of one another and that's a good thing.
We all have different strengths.


People should be able to be who they are as long as they don't cause harm or intend to force others into their views.

 

[oreso]

Spoiler: Manly or unmanly, you can't do it right!

I do see a lot of guys apologising for being men or being 'manly' or not being so. I see a fair number of guys and gals vilifying men as a group and demanding apology too. And that's frankly horrific. No one should be ashamed of their gender or how they express it, or shamed into acting otherwise.

People wanna be dudebros and into cars and muscles and competition? Let 'em. It's just as toxic as being into computers and skateboards, which is to say not at all. Jocks mocking geeks for being unmanly is bad. Geeks mocking jocks for being manly is bad.

Spoiler: Gender roles version 2.0

Mostly I see a complete lack of compassion.

The following phrases can kindly stop:
"Real men do X"
"What about the menz?"
"Men can stop X"
"HeforShe"
"Male privilege"
"Male tears"

They're shaming. They're designed to enforce traditional gender roles; men as uncomplaining providers and protectors of otherwise helpless complaining women.

Spoiler: Blame the nearest male

And I'll echo that I hate the assumption of guilt ("Don't be that guy" can stop too), especially regarding sex, domestic violence and the care of children. As a male teacher, that last one is a non-trivial concern to me; my life can be destroyed by an accusation alone, and the industry is now pervaded by an unhealthy paranoia in the west.

Spoiler: People don't like equality when they see it

And I hate how a lack of benevolent sexism is interpreted as sexism [https://uwspace.uwaterloo.ca/handle/10012/6958]. For example, I get mocked for not carrying my wife's stuff and letting her handle any spiders she finds, which I find insulting to both of us.

 

[crazygameguy4ever]

I'ma guy but hate all sports except skateboarding.. i don't like working on cars, i'm a vegitarian and i admit to watching some romantic comedy anime...basically I don't give a rat's ass what people think about me, they can be busy thinking whatever they want about me while i'm enjoying my life..

 

[Lieju]

When I moved out on my own, among housewarming gifts I got was a toolset. Wrenches, Screwdrivers, a Socket Wrench, Measuring Tape...all the basics. Though the family friends said "Everyone should have this stuff, minimum", I wondered if I'd have been gifted this if I were a woman.

I was. (Isn't that just basic stuf you'll need?

This kind of stuff depends on the cultural background though.
I come from a place where both men and women are expected to be able to deal with basic repairs, but for men the standards are still higher.

So, if you're a woman you're expected to know to do light repairs around the house.

If you're a man you're expected to be able to BUILD a house.

 

[angryscotsman93]

i get irritated when i have a guy friend who gets upset when other 'dude-bros' call him not manly enough for not liking the same inane bullshit they like, i've had to learn to not punch these guys in the face and stand up for them as apparently that's even worse... luckily my husband is all for me doing this, so any time a guy calls him 'unmanly' for liking to cook and clean so i beat the offending 'dude's' ass hubby can just walk away grinning saying 'yes, i get to tap that'... suppose that's a win-win for gender equality...
.

I found it funny that "feminine" is charachterised as being petty, weak, and prone to cracking a sad at the slightest provocation...yet if anything dude-bro culure seems the very definition of petty bullshit

[i/]waaah! somone might think I'm "teh gay" its not faaaaaaiir[/i] <-GOD

I've always despised people like that. People who're so insecure, they feel the need to harm others so they can at least pretend they're strong. Honestly, I've heard stories of frat boys going to gay bars to hit on straight women there, and who inevitably start fights with the gay men in the bar, who have no way of knowing that they're straight. I mean, how utterly devoid of intelligence and self-esteem do you have to be to think that going to a gay bar and being offended by the fact that THERE ARE GAY MEN THERE is socially acceptable in any fucking way?

 

[mecegirl]

When I moved out on my own, among housewarming gifts I got was a toolset. Wrenches, Screwdrivers, a Socket Wrench, Measuring Tape...all the basics. Though the family friends said "Everyone should have this stuff, minimum", I wondered if I'd have been gifted this if I were a woman.

My girlfriend got this exact thing from her dad when she got her first apartment, so, yes. I know this because it was still unopened when she moved in with me, and I got the story when I asked why a really nice tool set was still wearing its sale clothes.

The patriarchy had sent an agent shortly after, you see, to live in her closet and make sure she never touched it. Damn them.

My bosses daughter just went off to college this fall and her dad packed a mini tool set for her even though she's living in dorms and doesn't need it.