Good thing I finished lunch already. Anyway, I didn't know it was possible to build scrotal endurance. Impressive.Baffle said:
Problems you have had to face because of your gender
- Thread starter Erttheking
- Start date
If you own or live in your own place, you could always pretend it's a gift for someone and then bring it home. Still, sucks that such things can't be done openly. I can sort of relate. It sounds like how I used to feel whenever I purchased manga at a bookstore.Weaver said:
Uterus: "Oh, that's a nice pair of underwear you have on, it would be a shame if something were to happen to them."
[sub][sub]I know I should post something serious but many of the ladies here have already covered some of the big ones.[/sub][/sub]
I do worry about advancing in my career prior to my forties as many employers are still worried about hiring or advancing younger women to demanding or particularly vital positions due to the possibility of pregnancy and maternity leave. Similarly, that has to be balanced with people who are of the opinion that "your clock is ticking" and that there is something wrong with you if you want to put your career first.
That said, I do work in a profession that has a high enough percentage of women in senior roles so hopefully the impact of the former will be less pronounced.
I also live in a country where abortion is completely illegal, so, that's something that's particularly irksome.
There is also the concern of feeling particularly vulnerable when you're out walking alone, although I usually do it anyway, but that's already been addressed by others in the thread.
[sub][sub]I know I should post something serious but many of the ladies here have already covered some of the big ones.[/sub][/sub]
I do worry about advancing in my career prior to my forties as many employers are still worried about hiring or advancing younger women to demanding or particularly vital positions due to the possibility of pregnancy and maternity leave. Similarly, that has to be balanced with people who are of the opinion that "your clock is ticking" and that there is something wrong with you if you want to put your career first.
That said, I do work in a profession that has a high enough percentage of women in senior roles so hopefully the impact of the former will be less pronounced.
I also live in a country where abortion is completely illegal, so, that's something that's particularly irksome.
There is also the concern of feeling particularly vulnerable when you're out walking alone, although I usually do it anyway, but that's already been addressed by others in the thread.
Nothing's really holding me back; a lot of this is just me being hyperbolic. I own cute stuff already.sageoftruth said:
The alpacas are just expensive and I can really only find them at anime cons and con season is over. There's one with a "welcome" sign I want, but it's $60. I'll probably pick one up next convention.
I've got one now!
I'm trying to find a room to live in next year, and literally 75-80% of sharehouse ads are for women only. Only one of those is fully justified, as it's located within a convent. I'm trying to imagine the sort of person who'd rent that. It'd be fascinating.
Anyway, it's goddamn annoying. I also know a lot of pharmacies only attempt to hire women, because customers don't like asking men for the pill or whatever the fuck.
I'm trying to find a room to live in next year, and literally 75-80% of sharehouse ads are for women only. Only one of those is fully justified, as it's located within a convent. I'm trying to imagine the sort of person who'd rent that. It'd be fascinating.
Anyway, it's goddamn annoying. I also know a lot of pharmacies only attempt to hire women, because customers don't like asking men for the pill or whatever the fuck.
I actually really want those.MarsAtlas said:Fixed.Colour Scientist said:
Sorry, I couldn't resist after I thought of the latest Critical Miss comic.
They've been discontinued though.
Why? D:
>Eclipse Dragon said:My two nieces are very much into dragons and the entirety of my family blames me for that. I've always loved dragons and dinosaurs from an early age. I also embraced both girlish and boyish toys, I didn't care, I had my own reasons for wanting them and my parents just let it go.Imp Emissary said:Yeah, I ran into this recently when picking out things to get my nieces. The oldest one took to a plush snake I've had since I was a kid, so I gave it to her, but wanted to give her little sister and brother something too.
Wanted to give her sister a dinosaur plush, but my oldest niece and my Mom both said "nah, she doesn't like dinosaurs". About a week later while we were visiting for Halloween, I ask the younger niece what she would like and she says "I like dragons!", so I also ask her if she likes dinosaurs, and first she says no, but then says "Actually, yeah I do a few moments later".
I got a dragon to give her, and I can give the dino to their little brother, but it was odd that both my older niece and mom were trying to say my other niece couldn't like dinosaurs because they aren't "girl things". Even though I just gave my oldest niece a life size snake plush (not generally considered a "girl thing") and she loved it. Eh, I guess sticking to "the old ways" just makes crap easier for people. Just seems limiting to me.
The beauty is when toy companies realize this and start catering to it.
Screw your rules, I have money!
I still buy this stuff, my parent's role their eyes, but they know that Toothless dressed up as Thor will make me happy. The other day I got this.
It's adorable and soft and the Target employee couldn't resist the jab at an adult 25 year old female buying a dragon plushie, but It's my money and I'll spend it on the shit I want, that's the glory of being an adult.
If that isn't the best reason to become an adult, I don't know what is. xDEvery child should get a dragon!
Get off your asses, scientists!
Lieju said:Ah. Thank goodness.Imp Emissary said:
xD Was a bit worried there. Odd that kids can have better manners than adults. ;p
The Lunatic said:
As someone who is on his path to into the mental health world. I have this to say to the people who didn't take you seriously.
It makes me sick how some people can still be so dismissive of people suffering from mental issues. Taking care of those problems are hard enough without people telling those with them that "it's not a big deal", "get over it", or (my FAVORITE) "have you just tried to be happy?"
I was lucky to not be told such things or have the issues you went through, but I've heard from both sexes about this.
I hope to God this starts to change soon, but I won't hold my breath and I'll get ready for people around my patients not to take it seriously. Hopefully people at least come around before it's too late.
People have a tendency to think I'm gay for various reasons. Some are silly, some kind of make sense, I suppose, considering where I live. I spent most of my college years hearing rumors about me or whatever. At one point a girl grabbed my man parts to confirm the gayness, I guess? Dunno what she was thinking. That's pretty much it.
Being a straight man isn't that bad. Sometimes my arm gets tired from all the high fives I get, though.
Being a straight man isn't that bad. Sometimes my arm gets tired from all the high fives I get, though.
Girls are "kind" and "understanding" so when I'm neither of those things (even reading half of these is frustrating because people word things to make them sound piteous) people don't get it. "But you're supposed to be maternal and loving. I'm sure you'll change your mind when you get older and decide to settle down and have a family."
When I was younger my mom would get so upset because neither my sister nor I were interested in having kids (my sister's moved on, I'm still hung up on it) so it became a "whaaat so you aren't gonna have kids so I can be a grandma?" I know she wasn't COMPLETELY serious but still. I'm not a baby maker, nor am I a genetic bank so you can feel like a grandmother. I'll have kids when/if I'm good and ready, dammit.
I'm incredibly paranoid on the streets. I'm of moderate attraction or something and I'm just very wary of my surroundings because men are evil monsters with metallic claws for hands that just look for an excuse to TOUCH something-- Sorry, tangent over.
Then there's the generic "if you're a nerd, prove it". Bull, good ser, I have to prove NOTHING to you just because I'm a girl. Less talk, more action; can't wait to kick your ass in SSB.
Also, just because I am FEMALE and have SHORT HAIR does NOT mean I'm a LESBIAN or BUTCH. Seriously.
When I was younger my mom would get so upset because neither my sister nor I were interested in having kids (my sister's moved on, I'm still hung up on it) so it became a "whaaat so you aren't gonna have kids so I can be a grandma?" I know she wasn't COMPLETELY serious but still. I'm not a baby maker, nor am I a genetic bank so you can feel like a grandmother. I'll have kids when/if I'm good and ready, dammit.
I'm incredibly paranoid on the streets. I'm of moderate attraction or something and I'm just very wary of my surroundings because men are evil monsters with metallic claws for hands that just look for an excuse to TOUCH something-- Sorry, tangent over.
Then there's the generic "if you're a nerd, prove it". Bull, good ser, I have to prove NOTHING to you just because I'm a girl. Less talk, more action; can't wait to kick your ass in SSB.
Also, just because I am FEMALE and have SHORT HAIR does NOT mean I'm a LESBIAN or BUTCH. Seriously.
Hmm.
I got a fair amount of the usual bullshit for not being...well, something when I was in my teens. Less gender-related- beyond the expected oh-he's-gay-because-whatever-this-is-high-school-and-we're-terrible-shallow-people, I mean- and more interests-related (apparently it's illegal for someone with nerdy tendencies or likes books to also like sports and/or guns, notably). At some point I pretty much snapped and decided to hold that shit in contempt.
Feels good. Causes problems at family gatherings because a lot of my family are, hm, traditionalists and seem to think I'm a bad influence. Can't be leading my younger cousins into nerdery or (in the girls' case specifically, since Boys Are Supposed to Like Sports) liking sports to the point of knowing what they're talking about, I suppose.
I got a fair amount of the usual bullshit for not being...well, something when I was in my teens. Less gender-related- beyond the expected oh-he's-gay-because-whatever-this-is-high-school-and-we're-terrible-shallow-people, I mean- and more interests-related (apparently it's illegal for someone with nerdy tendencies or likes books to also like sports and/or guns, notably). At some point I pretty much snapped and decided to hold that shit in contempt.
Feels good. Causes problems at family gatherings because a lot of my family are, hm, traditionalists and seem to think I'm a bad influence. Can't be leading my younger cousins into nerdery or (in the girls' case specifically, since Boys Are Supposed to Like Sports) liking sports to the point of knowing what they're talking about, I suppose.
Listening to rather privileged people talking about how strangers have made sexual comments to them on the street whilst recalling the nightmare of actually living on the street for a few years, or listening to the self-same people talking about how "rape threats" or "gendered online harassment" make them feel while recalling the feeling of being ruthlessly bullied on a daily basis as a social outcast in elementary school to the point where an insult directed at you online is nothing more than white noise, gets rather tiring and annoying to me. In short, listening to people whine about their first world inconveniences while society collectively laps up the idea that their life is anything but roses is beyond tiring.
Of course, since I've made peace with my past, I don't tend to whine about it much. In fact, I've normalized it in a way; I don't even think of it as a "problem", but the default situation, even though I know it really isn't. And so it is presumed that I don't have or never had problems because I don't make a big issue of them, or whine loudly in public forums about them, like children would (instead of dealing with them, like adults do). I then get mocked when I observe that I've been through worse and shamed when I ask why the hell I should care about the rather tame problems of others who already enjoy widespread public sympathy anyways.
Being expected to "suck it up" so that nobody has to suffer the inconvenience of actually caring about your problems, all while society indulges a group of whinny children who want to be respected like you without being saddled with the expectations or responsibilities of having to "suck it up" like you do. And then being told that you don't have to suck it up anymore, only to find that actual important fucking problems that you have are apparently less important than the inconveniences of the whinny children because the only point of telling you not to feel the need to suck it up anymore was to get you to lighten up on the whinny children a tad.
Of course, since I've made peace with my past, I don't tend to whine about it much. In fact, I've normalized it in a way; I don't even think of it as a "problem", but the default situation, even though I know it really isn't. And so it is presumed that I don't have or never had problems because I don't make a big issue of them, or whine loudly in public forums about them, like children would (instead of dealing with them, like adults do). I then get mocked when I observe that I've been through worse and shamed when I ask why the hell I should care about the rather tame problems of others who already enjoy widespread public sympathy anyways.
Being expected to "suck it up" so that nobody has to suffer the inconvenience of actually caring about your problems, all while society indulges a group of whinny children who want to be respected like you without being saddled with the expectations or responsibilities of having to "suck it up" like you do. And then being told that you don't have to suck it up anymore, only to find that actual important fucking problems that you have are apparently less important than the inconveniences of the whinny children because the only point of telling you not to feel the need to suck it up anymore was to get you to lighten up on the whinny children a tad.
Though I don't think it's gender-specific, I'm glad someone mentioned mental health issues. I am lucky not to suffer from any myself, but I've had people in my entourage brought low by them. There cannot be too much awareness brought to these. People need to realize that mental health is just like physical health, and problems won't go away just because you shake the patient and tell him/her to buck up.
OT: As a female in my mid forties, yeah, I and my friends have run the gamut of sexism in the '80s - and am glad to see some improvement, or at the least some awareness in the present. I remember the good ol' days when being harrassed was something you just had to put up with. A teenage acquaintance of mine slapped a rather aggressive groper on a bus. When she got out of the hospital after they fixed her broken nose, she and her parents went to the police who told her they'd 'try' to find the guy - who'd been asked to get off the bus after punching her, cause, you know, intolerable behaviour, seriously - but then the officer asked her why she just didn't move away from the creep, or get off the bus rather than try to defend herself. The former, she'd tried, the latter would have been asking to be raped, the entirety of the situation was the reason why, twenty years later, we finally have the concept of 'don't blame the victim'. Last time I saw her, a couple of decades ago, her nose was still a little crooked and her outlook still pretty bitter. This was in France in the '80s, I don't know if it would have been different in North America.
Around that time, I was in a very male-dominated world (engineering school, IT world, etc, until recently I've been a unicorn both in my job and my past-time if you believe certain people). In our social study group, when the teacher was handing out subjects to present and debate to the rest of the class at the end of the trimester, I was handed the 'Discuss Sexism' subject. Fair enough, I was one of two girls in a class of...fifteen or so, I can't quite remember. I gamely took it up. My parents and my teachers in a very left-wing school had always been quite empowering, and I'd learned about the fight for female rights, suffrage, etc. I was a feminist because I believed in the equality of men and women, and didn't know enough about the real world to know why this was about to get me in a shitload of hot water. Needless to say I barely finished my exposé on the evolution and difficulty of women in society and the workplace; the 'debate' got started early, my fellow students fell over each other to tell me what a hysterical ***** I was, the elderly male teacher (who was a rather particular coot) just sat there with an amused grin on his face, and the other girl in the class looked at me with a mixture of disgust and pity and said she couldn't comment as she herself wasn't a 'feminist'. The tone used was the one you'd use if you said 'leper' in the middle ages. That cut was the worst.
That was my first real life introduction to the difficulties of being a woman and a feminist in the mid to late 1980's. It was not the last time I was to be called a hysterical feminazi *****. Ah, good times.
But you know, things have improved. I still work in a male dominated environment, but there are more women now and the perception that we aren't as good at our job is fading. Still there, though, don't kid yourselves. Seven or eight years ago - can't have been more, as I was in Canada already at the time - I was told quite seriously by a male coworker that he could not figure out why the hell I was doing the job I was doing; women, he said, due to the innate and scientifically proven difference in the way their brains worked, were built for 'soft-thinking' jobs that did not require so much science and programming, or for easier jobs such as secretary, that could slot in better with motherhood. Yeah, please believe me, I am not making this up in the slightest, or even paraphrasing. He was a somewhat older gentlemen arrived a decade ago from Eastern Europe and probably hadn't gotten the memo yet: 'Canadian women are completely loony and will react vitriolically if you tell them what they can or cannot do'. The difference between now and the eighties, though, was that my boss, who overheard the argument getting underway, hurled himself between us like he was throwing himself on a grenade. He broke up the fight before I'd gotten much further than Marie Curie, more's the pity. He later came to see me and told me - with only a faint cringe at the incipient hassle - that if I needed to warn HR about this, he would back me up. Since I'd been winning the debate and most of the guys in the office had dropped by to clap me on the shoulder with a 'good one!', I laughed and told him it wasn't necessary. Ahh, much better times.
I tell my six year old daugther that a girl can be a farmer and a cowboy and doesn't have to have kids if she doesn't want. That she can marry a man ('yucky!') or a woman or nobody at all when she grows up. That the boys can be cowboys or firefigthers or nurses or teachers or hair dressers if they want. That a boy who wants to wear a dress is just the same as her mom who only wants to wear jeans. That people should be free to be what they want and do what they want without comment as long as they don't hurt anybody else, and that many don't agree with that and will call her a hysterical - 'um, something you'll learn when you grow up, dear', and that she should not let that bother her, in fact, it might be an indication that she's doing all right.
OT: As a female in my mid forties, yeah, I and my friends have run the gamut of sexism in the '80s - and am glad to see some improvement, or at the least some awareness in the present. I remember the good ol' days when being harrassed was something you just had to put up with. A teenage acquaintance of mine slapped a rather aggressive groper on a bus. When she got out of the hospital after they fixed her broken nose, she and her parents went to the police who told her they'd 'try' to find the guy - who'd been asked to get off the bus after punching her, cause, you know, intolerable behaviour, seriously - but then the officer asked her why she just didn't move away from the creep, or get off the bus rather than try to defend herself. The former, she'd tried, the latter would have been asking to be raped, the entirety of the situation was the reason why, twenty years later, we finally have the concept of 'don't blame the victim'. Last time I saw her, a couple of decades ago, her nose was still a little crooked and her outlook still pretty bitter. This was in France in the '80s, I don't know if it would have been different in North America.
Around that time, I was in a very male-dominated world (engineering school, IT world, etc, until recently I've been a unicorn both in my job and my past-time if you believe certain people). In our social study group, when the teacher was handing out subjects to present and debate to the rest of the class at the end of the trimester, I was handed the 'Discuss Sexism' subject. Fair enough, I was one of two girls in a class of...fifteen or so, I can't quite remember. I gamely took it up. My parents and my teachers in a very left-wing school had always been quite empowering, and I'd learned about the fight for female rights, suffrage, etc. I was a feminist because I believed in the equality of men and women, and didn't know enough about the real world to know why this was about to get me in a shitload of hot water. Needless to say I barely finished my exposé on the evolution and difficulty of women in society and the workplace; the 'debate' got started early, my fellow students fell over each other to tell me what a hysterical ***** I was, the elderly male teacher (who was a rather particular coot) just sat there with an amused grin on his face, and the other girl in the class looked at me with a mixture of disgust and pity and said she couldn't comment as she herself wasn't a 'feminist'. The tone used was the one you'd use if you said 'leper' in the middle ages. That cut was the worst.
That was my first real life introduction to the difficulties of being a woman and a feminist in the mid to late 1980's. It was not the last time I was to be called a hysterical feminazi *****. Ah, good times.
But you know, things have improved. I still work in a male dominated environment, but there are more women now and the perception that we aren't as good at our job is fading. Still there, though, don't kid yourselves. Seven or eight years ago - can't have been more, as I was in Canada already at the time - I was told quite seriously by a male coworker that he could not figure out why the hell I was doing the job I was doing; women, he said, due to the innate and scientifically proven difference in the way their brains worked, were built for 'soft-thinking' jobs that did not require so much science and programming, or for easier jobs such as secretary, that could slot in better with motherhood. Yeah, please believe me, I am not making this up in the slightest, or even paraphrasing. He was a somewhat older gentlemen arrived a decade ago from Eastern Europe and probably hadn't gotten the memo yet: 'Canadian women are completely loony and will react vitriolically if you tell them what they can or cannot do'. The difference between now and the eighties, though, was that my boss, who overheard the argument getting underway, hurled himself between us like he was throwing himself on a grenade. He broke up the fight before I'd gotten much further than Marie Curie, more's the pity. He later came to see me and told me - with only a faint cringe at the incipient hassle - that if I needed to warn HR about this, he would back me up. Since I'd been winning the debate and most of the guys in the office had dropped by to clap me on the shoulder with a 'good one!', I laughed and told him it wasn't necessary. Ahh, much better times.
I tell my six year old daugther that a girl can be a farmer and a cowboy and doesn't have to have kids if she doesn't want. That she can marry a man ('yucky!') or a woman or nobody at all when she grows up. That the boys can be cowboys or firefigthers or nurses or teachers or hair dressers if they want. That a boy who wants to wear a dress is just the same as her mom who only wants to wear jeans. That people should be free to be what they want and do what they want without comment as long as they don't hurt anybody else, and that many don't agree with that and will call her a hysterical - 'um, something you'll learn when you grow up, dear', and that she should not let that bother her, in fact, it might be an indication that she's doing all right.
But how do you feel about frogs? And follow up question, if you were a burrito, what kind of burrito would you be?DjinnFor said:
Being a girl, I have to say no. If anyone says something that might be considered sexist I just laugh it off and continue with my day, even if I encounter creepers than want my number or blatantly say they want to have sex with me. If I don't like the clothing that is commonplace for women, I just buy dude clothes. I don't wear make-up and my parents constantly want me to not wear casual clothing. It just doesn't bother me, and I think the moment you stop worrying so much about appealing to socialized gender roles, the better off you'll be. As a woman it's much easier to blend in with the crowd of the opposite sex than it is for a man, but I just feel that if you stop giving such an uppity crap about everything and just do what ever it is you want, you'll be much happier.
Captcha: "Focus on Your Future"
Captcha: "Focus on Your Future"
here's the thing thougherttheking said:
you can't
I mean maybe I'm just cynical and have don't suffer the BS I see time and time again on a lot of online spaces but the its aggressive or "lets all sit around the campfire of equality singing kumbya" when people operate on entirely different base assumptions there is not a lot you can do
it doesn't matter how many sexist things I point out there will be an army of people to counter it with some derailing point either "it affects men too" or "yeah but go make your own games/its not sexist/no one cares"
because its not as easy as saying "I'm not sexist", it actually requires people to rethink some things they take for granted....and that's haaaaarrrrd and it gets people emotions going