Psst he is in the friend zone

[Keoul]

For god's sake. We ladies do not stick around labelling our friends. If you present yourself as a friend and get only friendship, what did you expect??! (`Oh, this dude is NICE! A decent human being!` Dunno about you dudes, but I aim higher than that).

Out of curiosity then why would you go out with someone?
Unless you're one of those people who believe in "Love at first site" you befriend someone, learn more about them see if you have any common interests then if it's all good for both parties you start dating. Or atleast that's how I pictured it >>

 

[Ickorus]

I'm in the apparently unique position of being a guy who has 'friend-zoned' a woman and been 'friend-zoned' by a woman and I gotta say, I can understand it.

In the case of the girl I 'friend-zoned' we looked out for each other and got on well together but our personalities and interests differed too much for me to make a relationship out of it.

Sometimes the people who make great friends aren't the same people who make great partners.

A crappy analogy for it would be that when I eat steak I like it rare, if someone brought me a well-done steak I'd still eat it and enjoy it but if given the choice it's not something I would order for a meal.

Hope that helps.

 

[nuba km]

Spoiler: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

Personally, I feel it is bullshit. It's a made up term for a made up place.

well the flaw with that is many guys who are in the friend zone are the type of guys who care about a relationship more then sex.

They're still being an asshole.

If a guy doesn't respect you enough to let you choose your own romantic partner without sticking around and bitching that you `friend-zoned` them, then they do not like/love you. They just want to `have` you, and are going to throw a hissy fit if they can't.

The `friend-zone` is just a place dudes made up so they wouldn't have to face rejection.

well many in the friend zone are happy being friends, they just find it stupid when they choose the packed of salt and vinger crisps and then complain about it not being vanilla ice cream, and lets face it that is kind stupid. As for the respect thing, I respect my friend to let him choose what games he wants to buy and play, but at the end of the day if he gets a terrible game that I told him was terrible and gave him a better alternative for I am not going to be sympathetic when he tells me about how terrible the game is. I will also again suggest the better game, I don't just want my friend to play the same games I do and I won't throw a hissy fit if he won't I just want him to play a good game as he could enjoy it.

 

[ChocoFace]

Implying that the only reason men are nice to women is hot steamy sex?

Actually, not that you'd know, but women are people with personalities. I have lots of friends who are girls and i don't expect them to start dating me or something.
the friend zone is a non-issue.

 

[Keoul]

I also find your statement that girls should stop complaining about guys and move on hilarious. You said that in a thread about the friend zone. A subject which is mainly about guys who whine about their love life and wont move on and try to find someone who returns their feelings.

Haha yeah XD
This may seem personal but have you been in a breakup? if you had you'd know that the further away from them the easier you'll get over them. friendzoned guys have that girl continuously talk to them, makes em confused emotional twats.

I'm guessing this friendzoned shyte happens because even when rejected, these dudes still think they have a chance, so they don't move on and then get angry when the girl finally does leave them for good.

 

[Phasmal]

For god's sake. We ladies do not stick around labelling our friends. If you present yourself as a friend and get only friendship, what did you expect??! (`Oh, this dude is NICE! A decent human being!` Dunno about you dudes, but I aim higher than that).

Out of curiosity then why would you go out with someone?
Unless you're one of those people who believe in "Love at first site" you befriend someone, learn more about them see if you have any common interests then if it's all good for both parties you start dating. Or atleast that's how I pictured it >>

It's fine to go for friendship at first and then start flirting at some point, and then if she responds continue on to relationship. Presenting yourself as just a friend and wistfully staring at the other person hoping they will make the first move is just creepy if they don't feel the same way.

My first boyfriend was a friend at first, and then he asked me on a date and I said yes.
My second (and current) boyfriend was a friend who was constantly flirting with me from the beginning and then asked me out. The point is, you have to make your feelings clearly known at some point, and if you dont/they don't feel the same way, you have to be ... well... not an asshole about it.

well many in the friend zone are happy being friends, they just find it stupid when they choose the packed of salt and vinger crisps and then complain about it not being vanilla ice cream, and lets face it that is kind stupid. As for the respect thing, I respect my friend to let him choose what games he wants to buy and play, but at the end of the day if he gets a terrible game that I told him was terrible and gave him a better alternative for I am not going to be sympathetic when he tells me about how terrible the game is. I will also again suggest the better game, I don't just want my friend to play the same games I do and I won't throw a hissy fit if he won't I just want him to play a good game as he could enjoy it.

Your friend may have a different idea of what a `good game` is. I've never complained about my boyfriend to my friends, but I still have had dudes assert that they were so much better for me, without really knowing my boyfriend. Or me.

 

[Patrick Buck]

Girls arn't the only people who friendzone. It's possible to JUST want to be friends with someone. I'm confused as to how everyone gets so angry about it, saying it's unfair. I've been friendzone'd. I'm not bitter, ain't her fault she doesn't wanna go out with me. But I've also been asked out by a friend, who I just wanted to be friends with, so that might have been the reason I was so accepting of it.

 

[DoomyMcDoom]

I always find it funny that guys still think women choose who they're attracted to... I'm sorry, but the reason a guy gets friendzoned is usually not because "women only date bastards"(if you get the quote you get a cookie) but because women don't see you as a "Man" but as a large boy, and a burden, it's all in how you carry yourself, and how you present yourself, if you play the "nice guy" and suck up to women you are making yourself less of a man in doing so.

I've explained it hundreds of times, to hundreds of people over the years, and people just don't seem to listen, there's a reason that I can get a date without much trouble even though I'm a minimum wage earning bootlick, who's overweight, and has herpes, and all those guys who work decent jobs, are clean, and trim, but just don't "get it" can't get laid for the life o them, it's presentation, visible confidence, it's all in a combination of body language and vocal mannerism. It is a GAME it has rules and it has success formula, just like any other, and you are just playing it wrong, that is all.

Remember, if you do not present yourself as a man, women will not see you as one, and that means all hope = lost.

 

[ReadyAmyFire]

A and B are clear-cut, but "confidence" is one of those things everyone has an own definition of. Also I wonder why you consider "nice" and "confident" to be mutually exclusive?

I don't consider them so, there are plenty of nice and confident chaps, and they often get my number. I used 'nice' to refer to those who are already being discussed in here as saying they want a platonic relationship but every now and again making it obvious they're interested in more.

As an example, a chap in my class is friendly, talkative, very helpful, and gave me a whole drunken speil one evening about how he agreed with me when I said I found relationships were defined as platonic or romantic early on and very difficult to go from one to the other. Then I went through a rough patch with my then boyfriend and he's coming back to my house until 5am and behaving in an obviously interested manner without just saying it or acting on it.

I wish I could put myself more eloquently, but I suppose I just like people to be clear cut and honest in their intentions.

EDIT: Very aware it's unfair to judge an entire gender based on a single member, not what I was doing.

 

[Terminal Blue]

They all said yes. Yet they still denied them.

The answer to all your questions is right through..

Spoiler: ..this door

(Oops.. Well, we can stand to have it said twice)

What I'm saying, is that the friendzone exists because girls continuously say how there are no good guys out there when the people who do meet all their specifications are ignored.

Not meeting their specifications isn't the only reason guys are "friend zoned". The girl could actually be in love with him but refuses to date him because she doesn't want to ruin their friendship.

1) There's a hidden specification which applies to all human sexual relationships, which is that someone has to want to have sex with you.

I don't know how you people get the idea that this is optional.

2) That never happens. It's something people tell you (or you just make up) so your feelings won't be hurt.

They're not in love with you, they're not secretly attracted to you. Have some self respect and some respect for women and stop living in denial. That's not going to chance no matter how much you try to put yourself on the radar by being artificially nice, it will only possibly change as people expectations and personality changes as they.. you know.. grow up.

But that requires you to grow up too.

1. she probably doesnt know he's an asshole
2. she sees somthing in him you don't
3. he actually isnt an asshole thats just how your seeing him
4. he's hot and can fuck like a machine

This guy gets it..

Sit down and look at yourselves, then look at the people you think are arseholes, and ask yourself who is really more attractive. Is it a) passive aggressive people who fawn over their objects of unrequited desire then secretly seethe about how awful it is that they won't repay their trivial kindness with mediocre, joyless sex. Or is it b) confident people who have the balls to make their intentions clear from the outset and who have their own personality which isn't a patent lie designed to (fail) to get them laid.

Maybe the reasons girls feel they can go out with "arseholes" is because arseholes can actually deal with rejection.

You don't have to like everything about someone to recognize when they're doing something right.

 

[Vegosiux]

I wish I could put myself more eloquently, but I suppose I just like people to be clear cut and honest in their intentions.

It pretty much boils down to exactly this, yeah. So many mishaps could be avoided if everyone just spoke their minds clearly.

 

[Yopaz]

I also find your statement that girls should stop complaining about guys and move on hilarious. You said that in a thread about the friend zone. A subject which is mainly about guys who whine about their love life and wont move on and try to find someone who returns their feelings.

Haha yeah XD
This may seem personal but have you been in a breakup? if you had you'd know that the further away from them the easier you'll get over them. friendzoned guys have that girl continuously talk to them, makes em confused emotional twats.

I'm guessing this friendzoned shyte happens because even when rejected, these dudes still think they have a chance, so they don't move on and then get angry when the girl finally does leave them for good.

Yeah, I guess you make a fair point there. The friend zone is unhealthy for both parties I'd say. Both breakups and rejection heal better with time apart (of course there are exceptions). I am also guessing it's easier to be the person who rejected someone than the one who was rejected. I've been the one who rejcted someone and I hardly think twice about that so I guess I could see how I could still be friends with someone I rejected. Also "we can still be friends" is most likely intended to take some of the pain from being rejected away. I guess the friend zone comes from poor communications on both sides.

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

Spoiler: WHAT IF I TOLD YOU

Personally, I feel it is bullshit. It's a made up term for a made up place.

You can totally put friend coins into me.

OT: if we ignore these threads, will they go away?

 

[Grey Day for Elcia]

"I be really nice to her and she won't let me have sex with her! But I don't even want sex! I just want to be in a relationship with her! Being her friend sucks..."

Yeah, I don't even...

 

[Yopaz]

Yeah, but should anyone settle with someone they don't really like because they have ONE quality they like?

Of course not. But if they express their frustration in a way that makes said quality more important than the rest, then things can get hairy. I mean, "Where are all the nice guys?" sounds like "nice guy" is of paramount importance, while the girl usually means "Why can't my man be nicer?"

It's just that people really need to communicate better. It's not a "friendzone" problem, it's a problem of saying something dubious that doesn't necessarily get your point across clearly.

The friend zone is a result of poor communication and probably unhealthy ways to deal with rejection. I think it's fair to say that your statement that all the problems that comes with it are caused by more poor communication. Worst case scenario is when a girl says something like "Why can't I meet a guy like you?" that's idocy at its best.

 

[Hugga_Bear]

Joining the naysayers because no. Just. No.

The friendzone doesn't exist. It just doesn't and you know what the funny thing is? The vast, huge majority of people who complain about this 'friendzone' are dickheads. No really, they're horrible people. I remember seeing on 9gag (oh le yourself) a pic with those weird, semi-emo chibi, anthropomorphic pillow things where one says something like "Oh as long as you're happy" as the girl he (it?) likes is hugging another guy (thing?). Okay cool, no that's legit.

Then someone did a NO. FUCK YOU BLAHBLAH SELF ENTITLED BLAH counter post.
And it got likes.

No, that's disgusting. You don't get to be angry because you didn't get the girl. Being nice doesn't mean you should get people sucking you off 24/7.

I'm a nice guy, I am and I'm not going to be coy for the sake of modesty here. I'm nice, I'm friendly, I'm perhaps more than a little overconfident, I talk to everyone I meet and I make a LOT of friends doing it. I don't get 'friendzoned' for being nice. I have had girls that I was interested in say no, welcome to the world it happens. I've turned girls down before, even if they are really nice because I just don't feel that way about them, they lack the spark, I don't want a relationship with them. I'M ALLOWED TO DO THAT.

No one is entitled just because you're nice, a LOT of people are nice and the weirdest thing, the thing that always gets me about 'nice guys' getting 'friendzoned' is that the reason a lot of girls go for me (as they say it themselves) is because I am nice. Yeah seriously. I'm so nice girls want to go out with me. Go figure.
This is my idea of 'nice guys' and encapsulates why they get friendzoned. They're not nice people, they're just acting it up to get some and then bitching whenever they get refused, it's pathetic and it's childish:
http://xkcd.com/513/
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrskhrpOs21qcz3izo1_500.png

 

[LilithSlave]

You know, it is the tendency for users here to be more skeptical about the friend zone idea, than a lot of websites on the internet.

Well, it helps my opinion of the Escapist a lot.

 

[Vault101]

Girls arn't the only people who friendzone. It's possible to JUST want to be friends with someone. I'm confused as to how everyone gets so angry about it, saying it's unfair. I've been friendzone'd. I'm not bitter, ain't her fault she doesn't wanna go out with me. But I've also been asked out by a friend, who I just wanted to be friends with, so that might have been the reason I was so accepting of it.

what is this? [i/]reason?[/i]

get out..you don't belong here

"women only date bastards"

random guess...IT crowd?

 

[Techno Squidgy]

Damn man you seem severely against the whole concept of the friendzone.
What I'm saying, is that the friendzone exists because girls continuously say how there are no good guys out there when the people who do meet all their specifications are ignored.
.

so what your saying its ENTIRLY a products of the girls...and not say....guys who instead of asking the girl they like out, they pretend to"be her freind" under the Idea that she somhow is obligated to share those feelings, or that he has "earned" her affections

oh and if a girl is going out with "as asshole"..

1. she probably doesnt know he's an asshole
2. she sees somthing in him you don't
3. he actually isnt an asshole thats just how your seeing him
4. he's hot and can fuck like a machine

Number 4 gave me a brilliant mental image of that guy from the new Dues Ex...

I agree with all of these.

As a guy I am guilty of doing what you described, I'd managed to convince myself that "relationships are supposed to develop out of friendships", but in reality I was just a coward.

And looking back on past experiences objectively, I can say that I've seen reasons 1 through 3 (especially 3 from my experience. I'm actually fairly good friends with the guy now that I've grown up a touch.) many times, and I can make a fairly reasonable assumption that the 4th has happened many a time. Seriously, the guy was a major twat and everyone (including her) thought he was. So I can only assume he was hung like a horse or something.

 

[Keoul]

snip

Thank you that was enlightening.

snip

1) god damnit I'm just saying that it exists because despite rejecting a guy the girl still gives him hope! If she rejects a guy then leave him the hell alone, don't go crying to him about how your boyfriend is an asshole.

2) I admit that metaphor seems a bit unlikely(okay very unlikely). But if 2 people like each other (both too shy to admit it), wouldn't this scenario be more plausible? Both sides ridiculously shy and afraid of rejection but not wanting to lose the great friendship they have now.
And that better not be a personal jab at me to "grow up". Age is meaningless it's all experience, old people are only perceived to be wiser because they've lived through more, doesn't mean a someone else couldn't go through the same thing and learn the same lesson at a younger age.
Jeez don't get this all personal with passive aggressive comments, doesn't make your argument any more valid, makes you less enjoyable to debate with too :L

This guy gets it..

pretty sure she's a girl, that or a gay male with an extreme insight on this subject

its not my fault if I'm freinds with a guy and it turns out "he really really wuvs me".....I don't HAVE to go out with him If I don't want to...who the fuck says I do?