Ahh, Halo. The glistening symbol of the Xbox. The most well loved or hated video game of our period. What can be said that hasn?t already been stated, shouted, yelled, and ignorantly ranted on about this game? Not a lot I would imagine. So I will brush away the other reviews and give my unbiased opinion of the game (yeah, I can do that sometimes).
What's wrong with this picture? Answer on the back.
So I visited my friends house, who now lives an hour away from me. Glorious catching up was had that may or may not have involved a wealth of Gin and Canadian Whiskey. Kicking our feet back I decided to ask my buddy, if I could give Halo 3 a go. This friend of mine was, to say the very least, a massive Halo fan with a library of the books and a deep knowledge of every game. If they made an ?I heart MC? I?m sure there would be one posted up on his wall right next to the ?mjolnir > HEV? one.
So we popped it in and kicked it off on Medium. I put on my best Arbiter voice and took the alien thing. Something I don?t understand about the games is how the aliens learnt English. During the first Halo, if I remember correctly, the aliens were all talking in the usual scifi gibberish. In the second they started to talk English, but I assumed that was just translating for them during their own cut scenes. Now they can talk, understand and write poetry in this game with little explaining on how so. Douglas Adams managed to explain his case with the Babble Fish, during his series, but Halo 3 left me in the dark. While I sure there aren?t any fish swimming around Master Chiefs helmet, it?s a little confusing, how or even why they bothered to learn our language when they want to wage galactic genocide against us. Or maybe I?m thinking way too much about this.
The problem I found with Halo 3 was that, along with the talking aliens, they didn?t actually explain a lot of things. What the hell was the big portal thing? Why is there a Halo ring above Earth? What?s the arc? Where?d the Flood come from? Etc, etc. It?s like Bungie expects us to know these things already. Unlike Half Life where the hints are subtle but enough to make a story out of events and previous happenings, I would be at a complete loss with this if I wasn?t for my friend narrating every two minutes on just whatthehell was going on. Then it struck me, this is a fan game. Bungie wants you to have read up on the entire back-story or replayed the game and previous titles at least forty or so times to catch ever word. Sigh, one giant nit pluck, lets move on.
If I could tell you what's happening, I might be able to write a funny caption.
So off went Chief and the Arbiter on their magical adventure, or more likely the Chief did and I merely tagged along for the view. The game plays out like a pretty decent shooter. Combat varies between killing midgets in gas masks or fighting bears and walking suits of armour. Jumping, as in all Halo games, it ludicrous as you launch your body of the planet and basically gliding your way to your LZ. There are many driving levels, which I refused to participate in, mounting the turrets instead. For the tank however, I felt like I was doing nothing for the little machinegun I had mounted was but a pee-shooter compared to the cannon that was blasting everything to dust. The only times I really wised up and took a vehicle was the dogfights. These were fun but were too short and far to little to even warrant a mention.
Canadian Whiskey and Gin, beginning to amount in our blood levels and I enjoyed the brightly coloured textures and the ability to beat gravity in single bounds a little more. Then I found it? or perhaps it found me? I?m not quite sure, but whatever it was, it beckoned me in, closer. Its slim, long vector, stuck out from its rounded mechanical-like body in a fine form. I wrapped my little alien claws around it, feeling somewhat unworthy to hold it, picking it up gently, not to damage its fine paint. Raising the weapon in the air, I knew, that the Gravity Hammer I had just found was to crush many-a-foes skulls! Part axe, part hammer, and all fucking destruction! This baby made the game suddenly jump from ?Aww, this level sucks! There?s too much flood!? to ??Aww yeah, this level rocks! There?s too much flood!? I would only use this weapon if the unkind, cruel developers at Bungie gave it ammunition that can?t be replenished, and made few enemies actually carry it. The only great shinning star in the game and they decided to throw rocks and mud all over it to make the rest of the game not seem as bad in contrast.
Don't you just wanna kill something with it?
Few more quick little things I didn?t like about the game, most likely mentioned in other reviews:
A) The little robot Librarian thing. Screw off! I hated you in the first and second, now I hate you more as a boss in the third.
B) Bright lights. Some rooms nearly burnt my eyes into flaming craters in my skull.
C) The ending. So what? He floats around in space until Bungie decide to make Halo 4?
D) Not participating in any huge battle. I wanted guns and violence on the scale of CoD. The ads made out like there were massive battle scenes, enough to make some lone guy build a model battlefield of one. But nooOoo, just mostly single halls, rooms and big fields for you to reluctantly drive around in.
E) WHat the hell is everyone's relationship between a hologram? Why does she even have emotions and feel pain?
F) Since when did holograms also use telepathy to slow you do and flash their picture in your head. Get out of my head I just signed up to shoot things!
And that?s it. PurpleRain gives has finally played Halo3 thus ending his tragic journey throughout the game franchise. It started off well and merry, but ended up as this. Well, time to hammer on the sign, ?Fans Only? onto it because that?s all I?ll recommended it to. No wait, I won?t. Seeing as how all the fans have bought it within the first weeks of its release, I would not recommend it to anyone else. If you really want to know how the story ends, they blow up another Halo. I?m not even sure how that ends the story? actually, now that I think about it, I?m not sure why that even was epic enough to end a series like this? If the universe is nothingness, then does that mean it can?t be infinite? What?s the meaning too it all? Why am I still typing?
What's wrong with this picture? Answer on the back.
So I visited my friends house, who now lives an hour away from me. Glorious catching up was had that may or may not have involved a wealth of Gin and Canadian Whiskey. Kicking our feet back I decided to ask my buddy, if I could give Halo 3 a go. This friend of mine was, to say the very least, a massive Halo fan with a library of the books and a deep knowledge of every game. If they made an ?I heart MC? I?m sure there would be one posted up on his wall right next to the ?mjolnir > HEV? one.
So we popped it in and kicked it off on Medium. I put on my best Arbiter voice and took the alien thing. Something I don?t understand about the games is how the aliens learnt English. During the first Halo, if I remember correctly, the aliens were all talking in the usual scifi gibberish. In the second they started to talk English, but I assumed that was just translating for them during their own cut scenes. Now they can talk, understand and write poetry in this game with little explaining on how so. Douglas Adams managed to explain his case with the Babble Fish, during his series, but Halo 3 left me in the dark. While I sure there aren?t any fish swimming around Master Chiefs helmet, it?s a little confusing, how or even why they bothered to learn our language when they want to wage galactic genocide against us. Or maybe I?m thinking way too much about this.
The problem I found with Halo 3 was that, along with the talking aliens, they didn?t actually explain a lot of things. What the hell was the big portal thing? Why is there a Halo ring above Earth? What?s the arc? Where?d the Flood come from? Etc, etc. It?s like Bungie expects us to know these things already. Unlike Half Life where the hints are subtle but enough to make a story out of events and previous happenings, I would be at a complete loss with this if I wasn?t for my friend narrating every two minutes on just whatthehell was going on. Then it struck me, this is a fan game. Bungie wants you to have read up on the entire back-story or replayed the game and previous titles at least forty or so times to catch ever word. Sigh, one giant nit pluck, lets move on.
If I could tell you what's happening, I might be able to write a funny caption.
So off went Chief and the Arbiter on their magical adventure, or more likely the Chief did and I merely tagged along for the view. The game plays out like a pretty decent shooter. Combat varies between killing midgets in gas masks or fighting bears and walking suits of armour. Jumping, as in all Halo games, it ludicrous as you launch your body of the planet and basically gliding your way to your LZ. There are many driving levels, which I refused to participate in, mounting the turrets instead. For the tank however, I felt like I was doing nothing for the little machinegun I had mounted was but a pee-shooter compared to the cannon that was blasting everything to dust. The only times I really wised up and took a vehicle was the dogfights. These were fun but were too short and far to little to even warrant a mention.
Canadian Whiskey and Gin, beginning to amount in our blood levels and I enjoyed the brightly coloured textures and the ability to beat gravity in single bounds a little more. Then I found it? or perhaps it found me? I?m not quite sure, but whatever it was, it beckoned me in, closer. Its slim, long vector, stuck out from its rounded mechanical-like body in a fine form. I wrapped my little alien claws around it, feeling somewhat unworthy to hold it, picking it up gently, not to damage its fine paint. Raising the weapon in the air, I knew, that the Gravity Hammer I had just found was to crush many-a-foes skulls! Part axe, part hammer, and all fucking destruction! This baby made the game suddenly jump from ?Aww, this level sucks! There?s too much flood!? to ??Aww yeah, this level rocks! There?s too much flood!? I would only use this weapon if the unkind, cruel developers at Bungie gave it ammunition that can?t be replenished, and made few enemies actually carry it. The only great shinning star in the game and they decided to throw rocks and mud all over it to make the rest of the game not seem as bad in contrast.
Don't you just wanna kill something with it?
Few more quick little things I didn?t like about the game, most likely mentioned in other reviews:
A) The little robot Librarian thing. Screw off! I hated you in the first and second, now I hate you more as a boss in the third.
B) Bright lights. Some rooms nearly burnt my eyes into flaming craters in my skull.
C) The ending. So what? He floats around in space until Bungie decide to make Halo 4?
D) Not participating in any huge battle. I wanted guns and violence on the scale of CoD. The ads made out like there were massive battle scenes, enough to make some lone guy build a model battlefield of one. But nooOoo, just mostly single halls, rooms and big fields for you to reluctantly drive around in.
E) WHat the hell is everyone's relationship between a hologram? Why does she even have emotions and feel pain?
F) Since when did holograms also use telepathy to slow you do and flash their picture in your head. Get out of my head I just signed up to shoot things!
And that?s it. PurpleRain gives has finally played Halo3 thus ending his tragic journey throughout the game franchise. It started off well and merry, but ended up as this. Well, time to hammer on the sign, ?Fans Only? onto it because that?s all I?ll recommended it to. No wait, I won?t. Seeing as how all the fans have bought it within the first weeks of its release, I would not recommend it to anyone else. If you really want to know how the story ends, they blow up another Halo. I?m not even sure how that ends the story? actually, now that I think about it, I?m not sure why that even was epic enough to end a series like this? If the universe is nothingness, then does that mean it can?t be infinite? What?s the meaning too it all? Why am I still typing?
