Quotes from your own life

[Xaio30]

I've said a couple:

1. "For gods sake, it's just AIR!"
2. "...Where is the exit?"
3. "The truth is that it would be incredibly naive to think that you know the truth."

 

[nuba km]

'you need to time your jokes, like when I call her a girl' I was talking about a male(this is still debated) friend.

 

[Ava Elzbieta]

Playing video games is like masturbation, I do it alone and in the dark.

Pretty sure I wasn't the first nor will I be the last to come up with that one.

 

[Mister Swift]

So I'm hosting a private Minecraft server with a couple mates when it starts lagging. Then this little gem happens:

(A little context on this one, my friend is an atheist and I'm a christian. We have heated but good-humoured debates and constantly play-insult each other.)

Friend: Oh god this lag. Jack must be googling god-related things.
Me: Yeah, I'm torrenting Christian porn.

 

[GrimTuesday]

"They say the wisest man is he who understands that he understands nothing, so go sit in the corner and think about what a fucking idiot you are."

"There's always time for a last minute"

"Have you ever seen what a hammer can do to a man? I haven't either but if you continue to annoy me we'll find out very quickly"

"If you don't like my sideburns you can cut them off, but I must warn you I'm not a big fan of your hands and I intend to respond in kind"

"The worst thing a person can do with their life is live in ignorance."

"Well cover me in gravy and call me biscuits"

My older brother just tonight

"Why am I fiddling with my nipples?"

 

[Count Igor]

"Gabbling?! I don't gabble! Gabbling is just uneducated random words coming out in some kind of order with no point!
I BABBLE. Babbling requires skill. It is an art form. You must master the technique of three things at once. Talking a lot, saying nothing but implying everything"

A long one, but can't exactly remember the rest.

 

[rednightmare]

My most used quote and life motto:
"When in doubt, IMPROVISE!

 

[phantasmalWordsmith]

"How can you expect me to run!?" - I had just taken a rounders (think baseball but a bit softer if you don't know what a rounders ball is) to my balls. I was in pain and they expected me to run again, well, limp rather than run

"I'll make this real easy for you Angus. If you make me dance, I'm going to cut your fingers off, smoke them like cigarettes then make you eat them. Are we clear?" - That was done in a really calm/deadpan tone. It was drama and he was going to have people dancing in the scene we were asked to devise for homework. I didn't end up dancing

"If they don't fit, he can grow" - My little brother's trousers had ripped so the school shop had given me a pair that was several sizes too big, still a nice gesture.

"I'm sorry if it gets on your nerves that I never worry about exams or anything, but that's just the way I am; I'm laid back and if that annoys you, you can go die in a ditch" - this one needs a bit of explaining.

There's this guy at school who wants to be in the Royal Marines and he worries about exams a lot. When I came into school on the day of a exam, he asked me if I had done any revision, I said no and he started to have a short rant about how the fact that I never worried about exams would make me fail.

 

[pyrosaw]

"If your life had a face, I would kiss it. I would kiss your life in the face."If you've ever read Scott Pilgrim.....
"Life is like a stage. So get off, the actors are coming."

 

[Hijax]

My friend: "So, what do we do now"
Me: "I have no fucking idea. I was just making this shit up as i went. It's your turn."

 

[Erja_Perttu]

My mother heard this excellent quote whilst she was working. Someone was trying to start a fight with one of the employees, who was also a twat, and they got to the stage of 'let's take it outside then!' before another member of staff cropped up and said this absolute gem.

'Oi, he might be an idiot, but he's our idiot, and if anyone's going to hit him, it'll be me.'

 

[GrimTuesday]

Ever say something... and immediately thought 'man, if I was famous, that would be a well known quote!'

Er, well I do, but I'm horribly conceited. Share yours, but here's mine:

1) "Believing in a jealous God is like having an imaginary friend... who doesn't like you."

2) "Wikipedia works because while there are a plethora of ways to be wrong about something, there is only one way to be right."

3) more recently "Sometimes I'm not pretty. And when I'm not, I don't want to listen to pretty music."

And you?

I was the Sports Editor for the paper in high school, and after one of our players reported to me that we were gonna destroy our next opponent, I put it in my article. We lost 63-7 (American Football). The Monday after, I had a class with Football coach Hajek. He took one look at me.

"Get out of my class. I don't care where you go. Just leave. I'm not dealing with you from now on."

my response?

"I will stop reporting about your team getting its ass kicked by Columbia River, as soon as your team STOPS GETTING ITS ASS KICKED BY COLUMBIA RIVER."

I don't know when you went to high school, or where, but we stomped Columbia River every time we played them, so the idea of losing to CR is rather amusing to me.

On the topic of Football coaches mine love to say stuff like this
"Then you gotta just be like... WAH-BAAAAAM"

 

[GrimTuesday]

Ever say something... and immediately thought 'man, if I was famous, that would be a well known quote!'

Er, well I do, but I'm horribly conceited. Share yours, but here's mine:

1) "Believing in a jealous God is like having an imaginary friend... who doesn't like you."

2) "Wikipedia works because while there are a plethora of ways to be wrong about something, there is only one way to be right."

3) more recently "Sometimes I'm not pretty. And when I'm not, I don't want to listen to pretty music."

And you?

I was the Sports Editor for the paper in high school, and after one of our players reported to me that we were gonna destroy our next opponent, I put it in my article. We lost 63-7 (American Football). The Monday after, I had a class with Football coach Hajek. He took one look at me.

"Get out of my class. I don't care where you go. Just leave. I'm not dealing with you from now on."

my response?

"I will stop reporting about your team getting its ass kicked by Columbia River, as soon as your team STOPS GETTING ITS ASS KICKED BY COLUMBIA RIVER."

I don't know when you went to high school, or where, but we stomped Columbia River every time we played them, so the idea of losing to CR is rather amusing to me.

On the topic of Football coaches mine love to say stuff like this
"Then you gotta just be like... WAH-BAAAAAM"

Washougal High School, Washougal, Washington. Back when we were both in Class 3A (despite River having 5 times as many students).

Haha, was Washougal ever good? I went to Camas, although I'm guessing quite a few years after you had graduated. I collapsed half a Washougal guy's facemask in a JV game my sophomore year.

 

[voetballeeuw]

Fuck this, I'm going back to bed. Uttered this morning. Sleep is important, you know.

 

[sharptoast]

A good friend of mine once said

"Who the f**k stole my Monday"

She also came up with such greats as -

"Wheres my pope gone now"

 

[Megacherv]

"I honestly don't care about still being a virgin, I have other shit to not give a shit about"

 

[TheEvilCheese]

'Why is there a goat in the sitting room?'

-Me a couple of days ago, at lunchtime, completely sober. I can't even remember what I was trying to say.

 

[Rawb0906]

Me and a friend, Jack, have loads of quotes when we used to talk loads a few years back. I have pretty crazy friends so there's some hilarity occasionaly.

I'm Rob Btw

Rob: Oh I forgot I was alive! (re spawned on Halo 3)
Jack: Like that time you forgot?
Rob: Forgot what?
Jack: hahaha
Rob: Damn

Another crazy friend playing Battlefield 1943
Phil: Wtf? Why do you lose points for suicide as the Japanese?

Someone who don't speak to now.

Brad: Space it *****


Jackid you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field.
Rob:SMH
Jack:That's a good joke
Rob: its corny
Jack:get it,corny,scarecrow,field,corny....
Rob:fuck you

Phil: I've been browsing since the dark ages baby.


There's probably a load more but a lot require context and some I've probably plain forgotten.

 

[similar.squirrel]

'I dreamt that I was several Power Rangers' is the only one that comes to mind. And that joke I made up:
Q- If you cross an ecologist and anthropologist, what is the most likely phenotype to be exhibited by the F1 generation?
A- Oncology.

 

[Professor James]

It is popular to hate things that are popular

-Professor James
The Trend Paradox

Not a paradox but cool.

Maybe less of a paradox but more of a contradiction because shouldn't people hate hating popular things. And Before someone gets the wrong idea I'm not saying everyone who dislikes something that is popular because it's popular but a good amount of people do.