Race/Ethnicty in Attraction and Dating

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Thaluikhain

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Programmed_For_Damage said:
I disagree. I say it's a preference. If someone asked me if I like the look and taste of bananas or nectarines and I pick bananas that doesn't make me "fruitist". I simply prefer one to the other and that's personal preference. It's neither right or wrong. If I then started disallowing members of my family eating nectarines then that is something completely different.

Every human being on this planet is biased one way or another, whether they realise it or want to admit it or not. Denying this is self-delusion.
A preference in regards to race, saying one is more attractive than another, is most definitely racist.

However, like you say, all people are biased (I'd not say in one way or another, I'd say in many, many ways). That this is racist doesn't mean this is much of a problem in the grand scheme of things, in of itself.
 

manic_depressive13

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Programmed_For_Damage said:
I disagree. I say it's a preference. If someone asked me if I like the look and taste of bananas or nectarines and I pick bananas that doesn't make me "fruitist". I simply prefer one to the other and that's personal preference. It's neither right or wrong. If I then started disallowing members of my family eating nectarines then that is something completely different.

Every human being on this planet is biased one way or another, whether they realise it or want to admit it or not. Denying this is self-delusion.
Except nectarines don't have a history of being portrayed as hideous and grotesque by the bananas who enslaved and oppressed them. They don't have a history of lightening their rind, or straightening their peel with harmful chemicals, to meet the beauty standards of bananas. Fruit doesn't have feelings.

Maybe you can't control your preference, but I reckon the instant you decide to announce it is the instant it becomes grossly racist. Maybe instead of insisting you're not racist because "it's just how I feel!" you can grow a filter and learn not to vocalise every thought or opinion you have.
 

Chareater

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manic_depressive13 said:
Except nectarines don't have a history of being portrayed as hideous and grotesque by the bananas who enslaved and oppressed them. They don't have a history of lightening their rind, or straightening their peel with harmful chemicals, to meet the beauty standards of bananas. Fruit doesn't have feelings.

Maybe you can't control your preference, but I reckon the instant you decide to announce it is the instant it becomes grossly racist. Maybe instead of insisting you're not racist because "it's just how I feel!" you can grow a filter and learn not to vocalise every thought or opinion you have.
Stop this. Not being attracted to certain race has nothing to do with the race's past.
 

Satinavian

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Frokane said:
Do you date outside your race? If so how often?
yes.
Do you find yourself attracted or not attracted to certain race or races?

Can you describe why you might have these prefrences/dislikes?
Yes.

Or at least i find certain facial features ugly and i like certain kinds of hair. As both can be found in some races far more often than in others, i am attracted to some races more than to others. But i can't say that i am most attracted to my own race and i have to say actual skin-color is utterly unimportant as far as i am concerned.
Do you think your mind has changed about any of this from the past or is subject to change in the future?
No, i don't think so.

manic_depressive13 said:
Except nectarines don't have a history of being portrayed as hideous and grotesque by the bananas who enslaved and oppressed them. They don't have a history of lightening their rind, or straightening their peel with harmful chemicals, to meet the beauty standards of bananas. Fruit doesn't have feelings.

Maybe you can't control your preference, but I reckon the instant you decide to announce it is the instant it becomes grossly racist. Maybe instead of insisting you're not racist because "it's just how I feel!" you can grow a filter and learn not to vocalise every thought or opinion you have.
I really don't care about your (probably American) history of race realtions. It is not my history. It certainly did not form my subsconcious perception of races.
 

manic_depressive13

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Satinavian said:
I really don't care about your (probably American) history of race realtions. It is not my history. It certainly did not form my subsconcious perception of races.
Doesn't really matter. When people express a "preference" like, for just one example, "I don't find black people attractive", they aren't expressing it in a vacuum. Like if I say "All the Aborigines I know are dirty" or "All the Jews I know are money-grubbing", maybe I came up with these opinions all on my own, maybe it's even true, but it's still going to come across as fucking racist. If you make a tone-deaf comment which winds up generalising people of a certain race, particularly people with a history of oppression, don't act surprised when people think you're racist.
 

Satinavian

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That is rubbish. Those things have nothing at all to do with each other.

How is "I like readheads*" the same as "All the Jews i know ar money-grupping"?



And why does it matter if someone was opprossed half a word away one or more centuries ago when someone talks about what he or she finds sexually attractive ?
What has oppression to do with this anyway ?


*only as example for a feature usually found with white people, not really talking about my preferrence here.
 

Cette

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1:Do you date outside your race? If so how often?

I've almost exclusively dated other white people but that's mostly demographics do to being in Oklahoma. Had a short fling with a black girl once though.

2:How do you view racial preferences as whole? (in society)

People make way bigger of a deal out of it than it is.

3:Do you find yourself attracted or not attracted to certain race or races?

I've found less asian women that I'm attracted to than average.

4:Can you describe why you might have these prefrences/dislikes?

I think it's the tendencies of some to look younger thant they actually are. Which I am personally way not into.

5:Do you think your mind has changed about any of this from the past or is subject to change in the future?

Not particularly I always went more off personality than anything else and I don't see that likely to change.
 

Chareater

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manic_depressive13 said:
Satinavian said:
I really don't care about your (probably American) history of race realtions. It is not my history. It certainly did not form my subsconcious perception of races.
Doesn't really matter. When people express a "preference" like, for just one example, "I don't find black people attractive", they aren't expressing it in a vacuum. Like if I say "All the Aborigines I know are dirty" or "All the Jews I know are money-grubbing", maybe I came up with these opinions all on my own, maybe it's even true, but it's still going to come across as fucking racist. If you make a tone-deaf comment which winds up generalising people of a certain race, particularly people with a history of oppression, don't act surprised when people think you're racist.
How the fuck can you compare saying "I don't find black people attractive" to "All jews are money grubbing."

The first one is about attraction, its not a insult to the race like the second one.

If I said "I won't date blacks because they smell" that is racist, but saying "blacks just aren't my type" isn't.
 

Thaluikhain

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Chareater said:
How the fuck can you compare saying "I don't find black people attractive" to "All jews are money grubbing."

The first one is about attraction, its not a insult to the race like the second one.

If I said "I won't date blacks because they smell" that is racist, but saying "blacks just aren't my type" isn't.
You are making a judgement about that race, compared to other races. That is racist.

Again, that's not to say that, in of itself, that's really a problem.
 

manic_depressive13

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Chareater said:
How the fuck can you compare saying "I don't find black people attractive" to "All jews are money grubbing."

The first one is about attraction, its not a insult to the race like the second one.

If I said "I won't date blacks because they smell" that is racist, but saying "blacks just aren't my type" isn't.
Actually in my example I said "Jews I KNOW are money grubbing". However, you correctly recognised that basically adding "imo" to a racist statement doesn't make it less racist. Another way to phrase "I don't find black people attractive" is "black people are unattractive", which is as much a racist stereotype as "Jews are money grubbing". A lot of racist propaganda is focused around how ugly blacks (and some other races) are. When someone feels the need to announce how unattractive they find blacks, even when they phrase it mildly and add "just my opinion man" they are feeding into these racist stereotypes.
 

happyninja42

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manic_depressive13 said:
Another way to phrase "I don't find black people attractive" is "black people are unattractive", which is as much a racist stereotype as "Jews are money grubbing".
Actually no, those aren't the same thing. The poster made no declaration that all blacks are unattractive as an objective fact, they stated that for their own spectrum of attraction, they aren't attracted to them. There is a very big difference in the two.


manic_depressive13 said:
A lot of racist propaganda is focused around how ugly blacks (and some other races) are. When someone feels the need to announce how unattractive they find blacks, even when they phrase it mildly and add "just my opinion man" they are feeding into these racist stereotypes.
Seeing as this thread is specifically about race and ethnicity in attraction, and the OP asked us what our personal preferences were on that subject, they are hardly acting out of character for the discussion. It's not like he butted into a discussion about Minecraft to say "I don't find blacks attractive", this entire discussion has been about that topic.

So get off your high horse.

**Edit**

Actually, to show an example of why your statement is flawed. I'm straight, I do not find men attractive, that doesn't mean that I declare "men are unattractive". My personal tastes are not the same as a widespread declaration of a demographic.
 

McElroy

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Thaluikhain said:
You are making a judgement about that race, compared to other races. That is racist.

Again, that's not to say that, in of itself, that's really a problem.
Hey, c'mon. Shouldn't there be some prejudice for it be racist? Here we're talking about looks which we can see, not anything like "that Asian girl must be good at math". Like, that takes off the edge of that word. In common use, a racist makes a judgement about something they don't know simply based on race.

You think it'd be better if everyone (all 7.48 billion people of the world) just accepted they are racist and that they likely can't change? I'm asking from the viewpoint of general discussion about race and ethnicity etc.
 

Chareater

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manic_depressive13 said:
Chareater said:
How the fuck can you compare saying "I don't find black people attractive" to "All jews are money grubbing."

The first one is about attraction, its not a insult to the race like the second one.

If I said "I won't date blacks because they smell" that is racist, but saying "blacks just aren't my type" isn't.
Actually in my example I said "Jews I KNOW are money grubbing". However, you correctly recognised that basically adding "imo" to a racist statement doesn't make it less racist. Another way to phrase "I don't find black people attractive" is "black people are unattractive", which is as much a racist stereotype as "Jews are money grubbing". A lot of racist propaganda is focused around how ugly blacks (and some other races) are. When someone feels the need to announce how unattractive they find blacks, even when they phrase it mildly and add "just my opinion man" they are feeding into these racist stereotypes.
If I said "I don't find blacks attractive" thats not me saying blacks are ugly. Thats me saying I personally don't find them attractive.

If a gay man said "Sorry I don't date women I don't find them attractive" is that gay man being sexist for not dating women? Or is he just stating his preference.
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

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Chareater said:
If I said "I don't find blacks attractive" thats not me saying blacks are ugly. Thats me saying I personally don't find them attractive.
I don't know, depends on context. Pretty sure you might find you have racist parents if it's one of the first things they say when they meet your SO.

Also, pretty sure you might have homophobic parents as a gay man if they try to push women on you even after you come out of the closet. Not sexist, definitely iffy on the homophobia.

See? Context.
 

mecegirl

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Do you date outside your race? If so how often?
Hot is hot.

How do you view racial preferences as whole? (in society)

For my society? I think people use the term preference incorrectly. There is a difference between something not being your preference and not liking something. I like both spinach and kale. I prefer spinach out of the two but if the kale's all that is there(and if it is prepared well) then I'll eat it. I like collard greens, but mustard greens are too bitter. I would never eat mustard greens, and not because I've never tried them. Dosen't matter how they are prepared, I don't like them.

My understanding of this issue may come from my experience as a Black straight woman in America. But sometimes when a man says he doesn't prefer a race of women he commonly means that he doesn't like them. Guess some figure since the word preference is softer it will make them look better by using it. But he just doesn't like them, just like I don't like mustard greens. I think I've come to dislike the lack of honesty more than anything else. Just say it out right.

Sometimes, unlike my dislike of mustard greens, that dislike comes from lack of knowledge. It's weird, but it's happened so many times to me that by now I can recognize the signs. Attraction isn't all visual. If they saw me in a picture they wouldn't be attracted to me at all. I am pretty sure of that because I'm not striking for a Black woman in American culture. Meaning that I don't have light skin, light eyes, or "good" hair. I wouldn't call myself ugly. Just that I fit the stereotypical look for a black woman. However, after a good conversation they find themselve attracted to me. We'd have similar values or just good chemistry or whatever. And like a dingus they'ed ruin things by admitting that they'd never been attracted to a Black girl before asking me out.

I can always tell without them saying so, but something about them not being socially aware enough to not say so kills my willingness to let it slide. I don't think they realize that by saying so they sound as if they are speaking to a magical creature instead of a woman. It's worse when the admission is followed up by an explanation of how unlike other black women I am...Which is a sure sign that they haven't had too many real conversations with Black women at all. Which is where the unconscious racism comes in. Cuz no shit we aren't all loud, angry and ghetto. Yes this sometimes happens with Black men...which is worse because they commonly have Black women in their life. So I know i've dodged a bullet on that one. They should know better but are letting their own negative experiences cloud their judgment. They might even be the issue. What's the saying? If you run into an asshole in the morning you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.

The other group, the group that is like my dislike of mustard greens. I swear they could be faced with the most stunning examples from around the globe but it wouldn't make them budge. They like what they like and that's fair enough I guess.

Do you find yourself attracted or not attracted to certain race or races?

Not races more skintones. I tend to prefer men with darker skin tones. But hot is hot so I have no issues with lighter skinned men.

Can you describe why you might have these preferences/dislikes?

Nope

Do you think your mind has changed about any of this from the past or is subject to change in the future?

My personal preferences haven't changed but how I've understood others has.
 

Chareater

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Addendum_Forthcoming said:
Chareater said:
If I said "I don't find blacks attractive" thats not me saying blacks are ugly. Thats me saying I personally don't find them attractive.
I don't know, depends on context. Pretty sure you might find you have racist parents if it's one of the first things they say when they meet your SO.

Also, pretty sure you might have homophobic parents as a gay man if they try to push women on you even after you come out of the closet. Not sexist, definitely iffy on the homophobia.

See? Context.
Manic's point was that if you ever say "I don't find blacks attractive" you are racist no matter the context.



manic_depressive13 said:
but I reckon the instant you decide to announce it is the instant it becomes grossly racist. Maybe instead of insisting you're not racist because "it's just how I feel!" you can grow a filter and learn not to vocalise every thought or opinion you have.
The examples you give I agree are probably Racist/Homophobic. But my argument is just saying "I don't find blacks attractive" is not in of itself racist.
 

manic_depressive13

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Chareater said:
The examples you give I agree are probably Racist/Homophobic. But my argument is just saying "I don't find blacks attractive" is not in of itself racist.
The relevant context in this case would be historical context. The history of sexism, horrible as it is, doesn't involve portraying one sex as repulsively unattractive and encouraging the other sex not to breed with them lest they cause humanity to degenerate. Sex and race are treated very differently by society.
 

Addendum_Forthcoming

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Chareater said:
The examples you give I agree are probably Racist/Homophobic. But my argument is just saying "I don't find blacks attractive" is not in of itself racist.
Guess so? I mean even then you're expected to have a filter. Depending on tone and context alone. The important question is why those words are coming up. If it's just something between friends it might be awkward enough, something you just blurt out in public and you might as well take that awkward meter and shift it fifty bars up. It's always dumb to assume meaning when meaning can be defined as vague but ditto it's a bit incredulous not gor people to lift an eyebrow. Same way if I was going for a job interview and my boss was juggling fruit in clown make up. It's going to look stupid anywhere outside of applying for the circus.
 

huckleberryhound

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Thaluikhain said:
Chareater said:
How the fuck can you compare saying "I don't find black people attractive" to "All jews are money grubbing."

The first one is about attraction, its not a insult to the race like the second one.

If I said "I won't date blacks because they smell" that is racist, but saying "blacks just aren't my type" isn't.
You are making a judgement about that race, compared to other races. That is racist.

Again, that's not to say that, in of itself, that's really a problem.
That's just not true. Sexual attraction is not something we can control...If you like big butts, then you can't be called racist against people with small butts. If it don't get you going, it's not prejudice to say so ESPECIALLY when responding to an enquiry such as this thread.