Random/Memorable spam you've gotten

[TheTygerfire]

Because of the incredibly random spamming of this here Off-Topic forum with NFL streams, are there any random or memorable spam emails or messages you've received in the past?

In the span of two weeks I've been flooded by ads for a casino website, sometimes 4 a day, and then they just stopped as quickly.

I've also gotten a Nigerian Princess email where the "princess" in question emailing me felt compelled to assure me she was a female.

And now, looking through my spam folder, I have this gem of weird typing...

Hi Friend!
Your friend, Sandy, thought that you would be interested in [product]
Hi,
This is getting incredible response!

It should be pointed out I've never known a Sandy in my life.

 

[Faulty Turmoil]

My favorite was when I got the Nigerian prince email. I remember it well because I'd heard of it for a while and remember finding it in Deus Ex:HR where I proceeded to laugh my ass off for five minutes.

A few weeks later I check my email and have the exact same one! It made my day.

I've also had the standard Viagra and Penis enlargement spams as well.

 

[Sassafrass]

Well, Lost in the Void keeps sending me spam for Canadian Viagra.
I've told him to stop but he just won't listen to me.

 

[smearyllama]

I rarely actually get any spam. It's mostly just the occasional "News from the Horn of Africa" stuff where they ask for my (nonexistent) money to help the hungry.

 

[TheTygerfire]

Because of the incredibly random spamming of this here Off-Topic forum with NFL streams,

You know you have no clue about sports when you think Liverpool, Bolton, Manchester United and Manchester City are NFL teams. LOL

...Considering all the topics had NFL in the title, were about NFL teams, and had pictures of American Football in the ads...yeah, I'd say you're talking about something completely different than I am.

 

[JaceArveduin]

Not quite the typical spam, but in Combat arms, one of the hackers/bots was spamming about the church of scientology while proceeding to OPK everyone

 

[FireAza]

One of my favourite spam email subjects was "apartment building necromancers". Sadly, the email's contents was NOT about out-of-work necromancers who have taken to construction.

 

[King of Asgaard]

Well, Lost in the Void keeps sending me spam for Canadian Viagra.
I've told him to stop but he just won't listen to me.

Are you saying he's trying to get a rise out of you?
OT: Mine are usually about the best growing techniques for gherkins.

 

[Flames66]

I mostly get penis enlargement adverts, I'm not sure what they are trying to say.

 

[Esotera]

I got one for Canadian viagra, male and female versions. Forwarded it onto my friend in Canada.

 

[Thyunda]

My personal favourite. Ever.

Spoiler

Dearest,

I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart. I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you.
I decided to contact you because of the urgency of my situation here ,I am Miss Jenet Harry Johnson 25years old girl from Liberia, the only daughter of Late prince Harry Johnson the deputy minister of national security under the leadership of president Charles Taylor who is now in exile after many innocent soul were killed ,My father was killed by government of Charles Taylor ,he accuse my father of coup attempt. I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I, am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father. Meanwhile I wanted to escape to the Europe but she hides away my international passport and other valuable travelling documents.

Luckily she did not discover where I kept my father's File which contains important documents. So I decided to run to the refugee camp where I am presently seeking asylum under the United Nations High Commission for the Refugee here in Ouagadougou, Republic of Burkina Faso. I wish to contact you personally for a long term business relationship and investment assistance in your Country. My father of blessed memory deposited the sum of US$5, 7, Million Dollars in Bank with my name as the next of kin. However,

I shall forward you with the necessary documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund. As you will help me in an investment, and I will like to complete my studies, as I was in my 1st year in the university, when the crisis started. It is my intention to compensate you with 10% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital.

This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. I am staying at the female hostel. Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this to yourself and every communications hall be made through this email address alone for confidential purpose and you should not disclose it till i come over , once the fund has been transferred.
Thanks, I will send you my pictures as soon as I Read from you again please tell me more about yourself.
Yours Love Sincerely,
Miss Jenet Harry Johnson.

 

[Miles000]

I got this one once...

Spoiler: LONG! But hilarious

FINALLY A CHAIN LETTER THAT I LIKE!

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this
page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Fuck them!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly fucking amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a Nickel from some
omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.


THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)


Make a wish!!!




Keep Scrolling



No, really, go on and make one!!!





Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!





Not that, you pervert!!






STOP!!!!


Wasn't that fun?
Hope you made a great wish


Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped
by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.

It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there
is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.

Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!


Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks
with nothing better to do.

So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.

This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up
just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.


Chain Letter Type 4

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
Send it to all your friends.

FRIENDS:

A friend is someone who is always at your side.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.

A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life.

A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then
thrown to vicious dogs.

A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady.

A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!


The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning!



Cheers evryone

It's more a satire anti-spam, but it's still the best one I've ever got.

 

[TitanDrone]

Two that stand out:

Got one a long time ago (that was lost to mailserverswitch.) It was basically a company that had found a way of selling defective writable CDs as "washing discs."
The mail claimed that all you had to do was put one of these things in with the dirty clothes, no soap or anything, and the centrifugal forces of nature would clean all forms of dirt.

The other memorable one was a bit odd because of what happened when I answered it. I had made an e-mail alias (extra mailbox on same account,) that I ONLY used to Roleplay a specific character for an in-game MMO-event I intended to run.
I got one of those "Nigeria-letters," claiming a Prince had millions of dollars in gold stuck in a bank in Nigeria and only needed collateral to free those assets. I would naturally get handsomely compromised if I were able to assist the nobleman in his just quest for gold.

I could not resists and replied as my IN-game persona sounding very interested in diversifying the risks by spreading my Credits more widely. Unfortunately most of the liquid assets were "tied up in deep space mining ventures," and I expressed my deep desire to continue negotiations in order to "not miss this exiting opportunity."

They took the bait and devoted many hours to advising me on how to assist the Royal Prince. I continued to make increasingly bizarre references to "losses to space-piracy, and the increasing costs of mercenary protection."

It took them four or five long'ish mails before they got a clue and simply gave up. Naturally I continued the (by then) automated e-mail response "desperately" seeking the advice of the noble Prince and his merry men.

I lost the copies I had of the correspondence when I left my old job. I kick myself once a year for not making a backup of the backup, as it was one of the strangest group of clueless scammers I have ever had the pleasure of wasting time with.

 

[Vigilante 989]

I got one from a dude saying he was from the Development Bank of Singapore and some guy with the same first and last name as me just died. He was a millionaire and a potion of his inheritance ($2.9 million) was left underclared, and the guy from the bank wanted to give it to me.

I upgraded my anti-virus software and installed new spamming filters, just to be on the safe side.

And there was even a follow up email from a guy saying he was a lawyer for the bank who was going to help me collect the money.

Sounded legit, but it wasn't.

A for effort though.

 

[geK0]

This one was a phone call actually, but phone calls can be spam to :\

I got this call from some guy claiming he worked out of California (blatant lie because the area code was Montreal's) with Microsoft and said that my computer was reporting poor performance then asked if my computer took more than 5 or 6 seconds to start up. He warned me that if my computer started up slowly that I may have malware. I told the guy "My computer starts up in 4 and a half seconds, should I still be worried?" (trololol). He tells me to turn on my computer so that he can walk me through how to fix it and I just hung up on him. The guy calls back two times saying "it seems we have disconnected"....

 

[KiKiweaky]

The standard one of I just need your bank details so I can send you money made me laugh my ass off when I saw it

 

[Anti Nudist Cupcake]

I got this one once...

Spoiler: LONG! But hilarious

FINALLY A CHAIN LETTER THAT I LIKE!

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this
page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Fuck them!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly fucking amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a Nickel from some
omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.


THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)


Make a wish!!!




Keep Scrolling



No, really, go on and make one!!!





Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!





Not that, you pervert!!






STOP!!!!


Wasn't that fun?
Hope you made a great wish


Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped
by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.

It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there
is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.

Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!


Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks
with nothing better to do.

So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.

This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up
just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.


Chain Letter Type 4

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
Send it to all your friends.

FRIENDS:

A friend is someone who is always at your side.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.

A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life.

A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then
thrown to vicious dogs.

A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady.

A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!


The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning!



Cheers evryone

It's more a satire anti-spam, but it's still the best one I've ever got.

My eyes actually teared up a bit from laughter

 

[flyingwithsharks]

I got this one once...

Spoiler: LONG! But hilarious

FINALLY A CHAIN LETTER THAT I LIKE!

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this
page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Fuck them!

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly fucking amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a Nickel from some
omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.


THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)


Make a wish!!!




Keep Scrolling



No, really, go on and make one!!!





Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!





Not that, you pervert!!






STOP!!!!


Wasn't that fun?
Hope you made a great wish


Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped
by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.

It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there
is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.

Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly.

Thanks again!!


Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks
with nothing better to do.

So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.

This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up
just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.


Chain Letter Type 4

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
Send it to all your friends.

FRIENDS:

A friend is someone who is always at your side.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes.

A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.

A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life.

A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then
thrown to vicious dogs.

A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady.

A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!


The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per
letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow morning!



Cheers evryone

It's more a satire anti-spam, but it's still the best one I've ever got.

That is the best email anyone has ever received. Ever.

 

[teqrevisited]

Well I've had no notable emails, just the usual viagra & breast enlargement (Two things that should NEVER go together), facebook spam when I don't even use facebook and messages about my US Battle.net account - I'm in the EU - and SW:TOR account, a game that I've never played.

I did, however, get woken up by a call from an Indian man claiming to be "From Windows" (It gets worse. Trust me.) who apparently possessed the necessary clairvoyance to tell me that my hard drive was 89% corrupted by adware... yeah... and that I needed to give him some code of some sort for some made up reason.

I told him that if he or anyone he associated with rang me again I'd find him and shove his phone so far down his throat that he'd be shitting number keys for weeks. Among other things. Then I hung up.

 

[GenericAmerican]

Okay, this was sent to me; and I couldn't stop laughing, i saved a copy for just an occasion as this.

Spoiler

Free!! Act now! Up to TWO (2) sacks of old computer cords! Free!!

FREE:

Two sacks of random computer cords.

USB! Firewire! Parallel! Serial*! RCA! PS2! Lots, Lots more (maybe)! These sacks each contain a random tangle of numerous old wires and plugs. There's all kinds of cables in these sacks. I think I see a webcam there, and also some USB brackets. These would be a perfect gift for Cable Enthusiasts, Copper Addicts, and "Connector Collectors." I would love to see these sacks go to a good home. Tell me when and where, and I'll meet you there with a sack in each hand so you can pick which one you want. I will be willing to swap some cables from one sack to the other if you are kind of a greedy dude, but don't go crazy. I'm not in this just to swap stuff from sack to sack all day. Seriously, greedy dude, just pick a sack and live with what you get.

These sacks are great. They have maybe fifty cables each, and each cable has (at least) one connector on each end. That's like twice as many connectors! These sacks would be great for people who like wires, but obviously they would be even better (twice as better) for people who like plugs and stuff.

Get one for the kids! Toss them a sack and tell them to go start untangling. That'll shut them up. Also they'll get a history lesson about the different number of prongs you can pack into S-Video connectors! When they're done, tell them to tangle them back up for later.

These are perfect for movie props! Your characters can use them to hack the internet! Tie some to a few road flares and a clock and you have a great fake bomb!** Use them in your sketch you wrote about a guy trying to hock useless old cables on Craigslist. Some of this stuff might help you get closer to finishing that Borg costume you've been working on for years.

Toss one at your friend! See what he does. I don't know, maybe he's the kind of guy who likes having sacks of wires thrown at him.*** Try it out with a friend you don't like very much first.

Carry them around with you all over town. People will ask you to help them with their computer problems all the time probably. Nothing says "I know computers" like a rocking a couple of cable sacks, akimbo-style. They'll be all, "hey, you look like you can help me set up my printer!" Imagine how superior to them you'll feel when you tell them to screw off.

My life was a pointless, directionless blur before I got these cables. The mere thought of potentially not having a MOLEX to SATA adapter kept me huddling under the covers. I spent almost 15 years trying to get one of every cable. Then I realized that was a kind of stupid quest. Then I got into comic books. Then I became the type of guy who hocks useless old cables on Craigslist because he's bored. They can do the same for you!

I should warn you that the sacks have some holes in them. They can barely contain the number of cables inside. That's surely 8 - 10% more cables than the next guy. Your neighbors, your friends, even your coworkers will be shamed by the pure inadequacy of their cable sacks.

I would horde this amazing collection all for myself, but I'm moving in with my girlfriend and she told me I have to cut down on my collection of "useless old junk." Better make room for face cream and laserjet prints of Justin Bieber, am I right?

Act now (or ever) and I'll throw in an old CPU heatsink for each sack. Keep one in your purse to brain potential muggers (like I always say, "if you brain them now, they won't mug you later"). Use them to keep things slightly cooler, like power transformers, sub-woofers, and battlemechs. Strap them to your head to totally stick it to those jerk-wads who keep calling you a "hothead." Melt them down and you'll have like 8 ounces of actual aluminum which you can forge into seriously anything. I'm basically giving you your wildest aluminum dreams. You should be paying me.

*This item is not to be mixed with milk and eaten for breakfast or as an afternoon snack.
**This is not to be used in any way to build an actual explosive device.
***I am not responsible for any lost friendships or "falling outs" that happen as a result of these sacks being tossed.