Real men...

[Cavouku]

Real men don't talk about the Real Men's Club.
Real men stand 8 feet tall, where glasses, and have a third nipple on the back of their necks. Real men can eat their weight in coal, and excrete diamonds everyday. Real men can throw you down a flight of stairs, and you still would love them anyways.
I am told CNR is one such man.

Real men don't care about what others say about their masculinity, because a real man knows they're simply jealous of his masculinity.

Real men talk about their feelings, all three of them; rage, lust and guffaw.

Real men provide and care for their children, by giving them a small knife and canteen before sending the child into the woods for a year.

Real men do it her way, which happens to be whatever his way is.

(I'm enjoying these paraprosdokians)

 

[teutonicman]

Real men eat dynamite and shit lightning.
Real men eat trees to get there fiber.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay
I sleep all night and I work all day

(Come on boys and girls, join in before the mods ban us all for Low content posts)

Heee's a Lumberjack and he's Okay
He sleeps all night and works all daaay

I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers
I like to dress in women's clothing
Aaaand hang around in bar

Stop that, this is silly.

I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspendies and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa

EVERYONE!

He cuts down trees
He wears high heels...
Suspendies and a bra?

And I'm Ok with that.

____

I love this thread, real men aren't afraid to sleep all day, chop down workers all night and spend all the time in between hanging around in bars.

Real men..... thank you, guys are all gentlemen and scholars

 

[ninjapenguin981]

Chop down trees with their beards.

 

[Treblaine]

Real men can grow beards just by willing it to come.

Hmm, that is biologically very accurate, if you think about it, for all men.

Now willing a beard NOT to grow... that's something special.

 

[Gekkeiju]

Real men..jog home from their own vasectomies?

How crass.

Real men have a Y chromosome

 

[stormtrooper9091]

real men get home drunk and with female makeup all over em and tell to wife "YOU ARE NEXT!"

 

[Kellerb]

Eat metal and shit ice picks.

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

Real men eat nails for breakfast...with no milk

 

[A random person]

Real men shit tigers. So far I've only managed vicious housecats and the occasional Bobcat, though.

 

[02y211]

But, since you mentioned it: When did sexual equality become "hippie bullshit"?

It always was!

 

[shadyh8er]

Real men watch Lucky Star and K-On!, the anime about the manly men doing manly things.

Pfft. Child's play! Real men watch Princess Tutu!

(And I'm watching Fruits Basket right now).

 

[Leemaster777]

Real men eat danger and shit bullets.

Real men wipe their asses with the subscription renewal cards in Playboy.

Real men shave their faces with a lawnmower.

But most of all, real men wear pink. Just ask Vegeta:

 

[Something Amyss]

Eat whole cows raw.

 

[Icarion (aka Stockholm)]

Real men take offense to men being "civilized" then wrestle then and all their friends, while each of his opponents is riding a bear.

 

[ZeLunarian]

A regular guy asks a cowboy:

How can I be a real man?

The cowboy asks: What do you wipe your ass with?

The guy: toilet paper.

C: You'll never be a real man.

One week later, the guy comes back, walking like a Mafioso.

G: Will you now tell me how to be a real man?

C: What do you wipe your ass with?

G: Office paper.

C: You'll never be a real man.

Another week later, the guy is back again, walking like a cowboy.

G: So, can I be a real man now?

C: What do you wipe your ass with?

G: Sand paper.

C: You'll never be a real man.

Yet another week later, the guy is back again and he walks like the baddest bad guy.

G: So, now, satisfied now? I'm da man now.

C: And what do you wipe your ass with?

G: Fucking barb wire.

C: You'll never be a real man.

G: What the fuck does a real man wipe his ass with?

C: A real man never wipes his ass.

Here I was thinking, real men don't need to ask if they are real men~
So guys, real men don't neglect hygiene...
Real men don't exactly trim their nose hairs tho >.>

 

[FFHAuthor]

Real men don't use condoms, instead they merely have someone kick them in the balls every morning with their coffee.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

Real men don't chop down trees. They GNAW them down.

When a real man has a bandage on his neck, you know that he bit himself shaving.

Real men don't fire buckshot at deer. Real men THROW RABID WOLVERINES at deer.

Real men don't get sick. They permit pathogens to invade for a short time in order to strengthen their immune systems.. then flush them out with PURE TESTOSTERONE.

Real men don't crush beer cans on their foreheads. Real men crush beer KEGS on their foreheads.

A real man isn't afraid to talk about his feelings. They're just very likely to be feelings about sports.

Some men wrestle bears and build houses out of trees. Real men wrestle trees and build houses out of bears.

 

[The_Spirit_of_Epic]

real men hug cute kittens and puppies and name them manly names like Butch and Clyde

 

[Udyrfrykte]

Fight bears with just a knife.

... And yes, some russians actually do that.

 

[Nieroshai]

Real men say "are you on your period?" When the missus is giving them hell.

Go on, try it, I dare you.

Actually I did. And she settled down, too.

I say this and, surprise, this usually causes her to calm down. Mostly because she was on her period and me saying this made her remember she can be stronger than her hormones.
Also...


Real manly men eat kibble in beer instead of cheerios in milk!