Yeah you will have to treat it as a numbers game, and not worry too much about particular girls. Just try to meet as many as possible imozelda2fanboy said:
Rejection... how do you deal with it?
- Thread starter zelda2fanboy
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I still obsess a bit, but I've learned to calm myself down. I give myself a few days to go over details and generally act like a crazy person, but then I shrug it off and just figure that it wasn't meant to be, there are plenty of other fish in the sea and all those other cliches.
Point is, they're missing out. They'll never know what amazing back rubs you give, or that you make the world's best toast, or that you can hug it out like no other. Your good qualities are in no way linked to them being attracted to you. One day things will work out, as they tend to do, and you'll be happy you didn't settle for less.
Point is, they're missing out. They'll never know what amazing back rubs you give, or that you make the world's best toast, or that you can hug it out like no other. Your good qualities are in no way linked to them being attracted to you. One day things will work out, as they tend to do, and you'll be happy you didn't settle for less.
Ah yes I completely forgot to mention the other way out, the Macho Man(TM) way, where you reject reality and substitute your own.GreatTeacherCAW said:
"When I get sad I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead. True story!"
Ignorance is bliss after all, you just have to be really committed.
You probably examine how you are coming across on your dates. Also, ask yourself if you were really interested in these specific girls or if you just want `a girlfriend` in order to validate yourself. Generally, girls can notice that sort of thing.
As for rejection, its tough, (its also no fun to have to try and let a guy down gently, either), but I'm sure when you meet someone worth your time, it wont matter.
Or you could just turn into one of the other `Women are evil so I dont try` guys on here.
As for rejection, its tough, (its also no fun to have to try and let a guy down gently, either), but I'm sure when you meet someone worth your time, it wont matter.
Or you could just turn into one of the other `Women are evil so I dont try` guys on here.
I did much the same as the OP the first time I was rejected by someone I thought I loved, even went as far as sitting alone with a kitchen knife at my wrists trying to remember which way you had to cut to bleed out faster.
Suffice to say, I stopped myself.
I think I have to agree with an earlier poster, self-perception is everything.
If you walk up to a pretty girl with every belief that you're good to enough to hold her attention, then your chances of doing exactly that dramatically increase.
Unfortunately I'm still training myself to put theory into practice on a regular basis.
I think the best way to go about it is to simply do the things that you love, talk about the things that you love, and eventually you'll stumble across someone who loves those things too, without having to search through bars and clubs night after night for the easiest girl you can find.
Suffice to say, I stopped myself.
I think I have to agree with an earlier poster, self-perception is everything.
If you walk up to a pretty girl with every belief that you're good to enough to hold her attention, then your chances of doing exactly that dramatically increase.
Unfortunately I'm still training myself to put theory into practice on a regular basis.
I think the best way to go about it is to simply do the things that you love, talk about the things that you love, and eventually you'll stumble across someone who loves those things too, without having to search through bars and clubs night after night for the easiest girl you can find.
It wasn't long ago that I asked a girl out for the first time (21 btw) and got rejected and I will be honest, I did sob for a bit and couldn't get it off my head especially as I felt like I had a real chance with this girl...ye know giving off all the signs. But once I got all that stuff out of my system I completely forgot about it and moved on and I advise you to do the same.
Think more positive instead of negative, things like 'It's her loss and not mine', 'She couldn't handle my awesome' and cheesy shit like that cos it will make you feel better. Plus personally I think it's good to have a sob over it as you (and me both) will get rejected many more times in life and so you'll only learn to deal with it in a stronger way over time to the point where you can be totally cool and swish about it.
Think more positive instead of negative, things like 'It's her loss and not mine', 'She couldn't handle my awesome' and cheesy shit like that cos it will make you feel better. Plus personally I think it's good to have a sob over it as you (and me both) will get rejected many more times in life and so you'll only learn to deal with it in a stronger way over time to the point where you can be totally cool and swish about it.
Is it truly a loss if the other person was never going to put forth any effort?
Yea, it's a shame, it's a bummer, a real downer, but I've been in relationships where the girl liked me... she just never took any initiative. This flies in the face of gender equality. If it's always the boy who has to get a hold of the girl, then something is seriously wrong. Yet somehow we live in this culture that accepts how a guy must stick his neck out for a date or even just to spend some time. The traditional view is that women are to be sought after by men. The man must humble himself before the female and show her his ritual mating dance, seeking her favor, vying for her affection. And really, I've no idea why this still is.
One of my ex-girlfriends approached me. We weren't a perfect match (obviously), but we're still friends and we talk a lot. Part of that is, I think, she impressed me. She started our first conversation, and would phone me instead of just replying to texts. She would meet me at places halfway. She would drop what she was doing so we could be together.
She understood the idea of mutual feelings, not "Come rescue me, I'm a princess locked in a dungeon castle and oh by the way I should probably mention there are at least ten other guys already sharpening their weapons to slay the hydra on level 4. Also, about our movie tonight.. I'm busy. Maybe Saturday. Maybe."
I sincerely hope you find someone cut from the same cloth. In the meantime, be patient and keep searching. She's out there.
Yea, it's a shame, it's a bummer, a real downer, but I've been in relationships where the girl liked me... she just never took any initiative. This flies in the face of gender equality. If it's always the boy who has to get a hold of the girl, then something is seriously wrong. Yet somehow we live in this culture that accepts how a guy must stick his neck out for a date or even just to spend some time. The traditional view is that women are to be sought after by men. The man must humble himself before the female and show her his ritual mating dance, seeking her favor, vying for her affection. And really, I've no idea why this still is.
One of my ex-girlfriends approached me. We weren't a perfect match (obviously), but we're still friends and we talk a lot. Part of that is, I think, she impressed me. She started our first conversation, and would phone me instead of just replying to texts. She would meet me at places halfway. She would drop what she was doing so we could be together.
She understood the idea of mutual feelings, not "Come rescue me, I'm a princess locked in a dungeon castle and oh by the way I should probably mention there are at least ten other guys already sharpening their weapons to slay the hydra on level 4. Also, about our movie tonight.. I'm busy. Maybe Saturday. Maybe."
I sincerely hope you find someone cut from the same cloth. In the meantime, be patient and keep searching. She's out there.
I handle rejection by saying either: 'meh, fuck it. Didn't care that much anyway' when it's a girl I met once and liked, or: 'hmm. I guess she wasn't as great as I thought. If she was, she wouldn't have turned me down.'
works most of the time ^^
works most of the time ^^
This can be told best in the form of greentext.
[color="{green}"]
>Read Fight Club to a driver overnight while on a car ride to surprise somebody you love
>She lives a few hundred miles away.
>Have to bum your way back on no sleep because credit card is lost
>Cements your desperation and cementing all your experiences in your mind.
>Get back home, immediately have to go to play a show, get back to your house late.
>Get on Facebook to see she has left you for another guy
>She didn't even tell you, she just changed her relationship status.
>Feel strangely satisfied.
>Never feel rejection again.
[/color]
You don't have to go through those exact steps, but you get the general gist. Reading Fight Club in a circumstance where it will get drilled into your head is a good idea though.
-edit
Sorry about how bad this post looks with that bright green color. Greentext story format is pretty much the only way I discuss emotion on public forums these days though.
[color="{green}"]
>Read Fight Club to a driver overnight while on a car ride to surprise somebody you love
>She lives a few hundred miles away.
>Have to bum your way back on no sleep because credit card is lost
>Cements your desperation and cementing all your experiences in your mind.
>Get back home, immediately have to go to play a show, get back to your house late.
>Get on Facebook to see she has left you for another guy
>She didn't even tell you, she just changed her relationship status.
>Feel strangely satisfied.
>Never feel rejection again.
[/color]
You don't have to go through those exact steps, but you get the general gist. Reading Fight Club in a circumstance where it will get drilled into your head is a good idea though.
-edit
Sorry about how bad this post looks with that bright green color. Greentext story format is pretty much the only way I discuss emotion on public forums these days though.
Well your number one issue is the obsessing part. Don't obsess bro, girls notice that kind of thing. Don't think of the girl you go out on a date with as "The next love of my life"
Think of her as a women you find attractive, and wish to get to know better.
Best of luck man.
Think of her as a women you find attractive, and wish to get to know better.
Best of luck man.
I know a lot of people are quoting you with responses saying things like, "it gets easier, etc.", but I'm not sure if it does.zelda2fanboy said:
However, I can tell you that you're not crazy, and I feel your response is normal, or at least not unhealthy. I think I'm well adjusted and I react similarly to rejection.
I do well in the lady department and haven't experienced much rejection. When I do though, it hurts a lot. I'm very open and tend to care about women who I've shown interest in (why else would I want to date them?). This leads to me being unguarded and when rejection happens, it can hurt like hell.
My advice is to continue what you're doing. Don't get jaded and feel numb to rejection. If that happens, you'll lose the joy of something new and exciting. You can't have the yin without the yang.
Your focusing on the wrong bit. Okay maybe they are generally busy or they rejected you but the important thing is that you tried it.
You took the shot and it missed, big deal thats life but the fact you even had the balls to get out and do go get a girl which isnt easy.
You took the shot and it missed, big deal thats life but the fact you even had the balls to get out and do go get a girl which isnt easy.
It's kinda depressing how accurate this is. It's even more depressing that there are also several very good reasons in this world to be jaded and cynical even at the age of 20-25.Slippers said:
Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it too much, you take it harder than most, but better than some people I've met. After all, you haven't started stalking anyone yet.