Yeah i fear that too, that's why girls probably dump guys, cos we're too afraid of not being able to get anyone else...shadyh8er said:
Oh, any helpful tips for 'making' girls take the first move without you making if obvious?
Rejection
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Oh, any helpful tips for 'making' girls take the first move without you making if obvious?
Meh, personally I think it's the other way around. I mean this is purely my opinion, but from what I've seen most men tend to be fairly complex creatures. I spend most of my time associating with women than I do men, and I have often found men seem to have alot more trouble releasing anger and tension.
Sometimes to the point where their ability to articulate thoughts and feelings becomes arduous and actually becomes a further source of psychological trauma.
I think this is why in alot of romantic relationships men tend to be the one's 'turned down' due largely because I think most men hate emotional conflict, or situation which are disurbing. men get into their relationships and don't want anything to change ... they don't want to make new friends, and if women didn't do anything in the relationship men would be content to just live out the same rigmarole day in day out.
Of my experience seeing my friends and their significant others, after 4-5 months of dating they are often like
Jess: "hey ... let 's go out to dinner and karaoke!"
Matt: "meh ... only have 200 bucks on me"
Jess: "That's more than enough!"
Matt: "Meh .... plus I'm kinda tired..."
<slumps on couch and continues watching Tv .... long pause for half an hour with Jess giving him silent guilt treatment>
Matt: "How about that Indian restaurant and a game of pool instead?"
As I said ... I reckon alot of it has to do with men having a particular evasion towards 'emotivity' (to coin a word). Not necessarily a lack of emotions (but perhaps a reduced capability in dealing with them).
Sometimes to the point where their ability to articulate thoughts and feelings becomes arduous and actually becomes a further source of psychological trauma.
I think this is why in alot of romantic relationships men tend to be the one's 'turned down' due largely because I think most men hate emotional conflict, or situation which are disurbing. men get into their relationships and don't want anything to change ... they don't want to make new friends, and if women didn't do anything in the relationship men would be content to just live out the same rigmarole day in day out.
Of my experience seeing my friends and their significant others, after 4-5 months of dating they are often like
Jess: "hey ... let 's go out to dinner and karaoke!"
Matt: "meh ... only have 200 bucks on me"
Jess: "That's more than enough!"
Matt: "Meh .... plus I'm kinda tired..."
<slumps on couch and continues watching Tv .... long pause for half an hour with Jess giving him silent guilt treatment>
Matt: "How about that Indian restaurant and a game of pool instead?"
As I said ... I reckon alot of it has to do with men having a particular evasion towards 'emotivity' (to coin a word). Not necessarily a lack of emotions (but perhaps a reduced capability in dealing with them).
I've adopted a similar tactic for similar reasons. Suffice to say, I've been single for a very long time...shadyh8er said:
On a slightly related topic, I've started compiling a list of things that do not neccesarily mean a girl is at all interested in u in any way:
-Suggestive looks.
-Approaching you to dance.
-Exchange of phone numbers and/or other contact details.
-Intense full-contact kissing with tongue.
Yes, in my recent experience, even if a girl does all this with you it still does not mean she is interested in you in any way.
Don't let the girl make the first move, if they haveto because you're too afraid the relationship will be hanging by a thin thread to start with, and you really don't want to have that.Mr Mc Twiggy said:
I understand how hard it is, but if you really want the girl this hasto be done. (or kidnapping... but that is ill-advised)
I actually have to do it rather regularly, since some women are convinced that I can be won over by persistence, or I'm just playing coy; just to screw with your preconceived notions even further, a fair amount of them were pretty, kind, and sane. It's not as fun or empowering as you'd think, even if you spent a good deal of your life being rejected yourself. That is, unless you're sadistic enough to enjoy stamping on the hopes of people willing to make themselves vulnerable to rejection (which I'm not). It's actually given me a fair amount of sympathy for women that have to do the same, because it's actually a very uncomfortable position to be put in by a friend that you're counting on for stability.
By the way, OP, if you believe that all women are highly selective and constantly vying for control, you need to start paying attention to the women you're not actively trying to bed; y'know, the ones that aren't as pretty as the girl you think can be won over by being the polar opposite of the "jerks" that she clearly has a preference for. Yeah, the exceptionally attractive ones can be as choosy as they please, but a normal woman that hasn't been given constant attention by her peers and a horrific sense of entitlement is very much the same as you; the only real difference is societal pressures that basically force her to choose between acting like the horribly double-standardized definition of a "lady", or acting as a rational human being that will be unfairly categorized by her peers because she refuses to abide by the value-determined-by-aesthetics hierarchy. I know there are some women that get off on rejecting people, but they're a mirror image of the asshole males that cheat on their girlfriends for no other reason than to brag to their buddies about how much ass they get; they are the exception to the rule, and if you can say that all women are that way, but get defensive whenever a woman says "all men are cheating dogs", congratulations: you're embracing a horribly unfair double-standard.
By the way, OP, if you believe that all women are highly selective and constantly vying for control, you need to start paying attention to the women you're not actively trying to bed; y'know, the ones that aren't as pretty as the girl you think can be won over by being the polar opposite of the "jerks" that she clearly has a preference for. Yeah, the exceptionally attractive ones can be as choosy as they please, but a normal woman that hasn't been given constant attention by her peers and a horrific sense of entitlement is very much the same as you; the only real difference is societal pressures that basically force her to choose between acting like the horribly double-standardized definition of a "lady", or acting as a rational human being that will be unfairly categorized by her peers because she refuses to abide by the value-determined-by-aesthetics hierarchy. I know there are some women that get off on rejecting people, but they're a mirror image of the asshole males that cheat on their girlfriends for no other reason than to brag to their buddies about how much ass they get; they are the exception to the rule, and if you can say that all women are that way, but get defensive whenever a woman says "all men are cheating dogs", congratulations: you're embracing a horribly unfair double-standard.
'Fraid I have to disagree here. In the month since I've gotten back to uni, I've found myself in a situation of needing to reject two perfectly nice, fairly attractive girls just because I wasn't interested...so it does happen, although I do think that it isn't talked about as much.hyperhammy said:
[sub]And to be perfectly fair, I've been rejected twice in that time as well, sooo...[/sub]
Depends on what you mean by reject. I probably wouldn't go, "Now way! Get away from me!" but I did once pretend to have a girlfriend in order to get away from a really stoned girl that tried to hit on me.
Well you know....
Women think with one head, men think with two.
You know what I'm talking about right? I'm saying men think with their "little head"
Women think with one head, men think with two.
You know what I'm talking about right? I'm saying men think with their "little head"
Hmmm I've dumped a girl before and you know what? you are right. My ex still considers it a Mutual agreement. WTF!!?!?
Either way Men are rejected more mainly because they are the ones who have to make the advance and put alot of work into impressing the one they like.
Either way Men are rejected more mainly because they are the ones who have to make the advance and put alot of work into impressing the one they like.
Yes, i tend to agree. I am pissed of about this, but there isn't much i can do about it. Still, this does not mean that men never reject women. It's just a lot more rare.SonicWaffle said:
I've rejected attractive women that were both interesing and interested, just because I simply enjoy being a harsh prick more than I would enjoy potential sex and/or any type of relationship. If that makes me a horrible person, whatever. At least I'm a happy horrible person.
I can think of one woman I rejected...because she turned out to be clinically crazy.
Trust me; she acted like she was living in an episode of Dawson's Creek, and I wanted nothing to do with it.
Trust me; she acted like she was living in an episode of Dawson's Creek, and I wanted nothing to do with it.
I'm pretty sure men do reject women, even if they are attractive and all that. It's just less heard of, because it's nothing we men like to brag about.
Personally I haven't dumped a girl directly. A female friend of mine has twice been a "spotter", and told me if a girl had feelings for me (reading people and their bodylanguage is not something I'm good at). At the time I knew something like that it became a race for me to change my character in such a small, almost not noticeable way so that they'll loose interest before they confess their feelings. The first time it kindof failed/backfired, as the change seemed to make her more interested, but I managed to solve the situation before it got out of hand...
Yay for pre-emptive strikes I guess? What? Don't look at me like I'm some sort of twisted monster... I saved them from me, as if they'd confess I would have told 'em flat out that I wouldn't want to date them and probably hurt their feelings. I'm not really good with these sortof things...
Personally I haven't dumped a girl directly. A female friend of mine has twice been a "spotter", and told me if a girl had feelings for me (reading people and their bodylanguage is not something I'm good at). At the time I knew something like that it became a race for me to change my character in such a small, almost not noticeable way so that they'll loose interest before they confess their feelings. The first time it kindof failed/backfired, as the change seemed to make her more interested, but I managed to solve the situation before it got out of hand...
Yay for pre-emptive strikes I guess? What? Don't look at me like I'm some sort of twisted monster... I saved them from me, as if they'd confess I would have told 'em flat out that I wouldn't want to date them and probably hurt their feelings. I'm not really good with these sortof things...
