RAKtheUndead said:
I think everybody who's ever read through a relationship thread in the last year and a half is familiar - too much so - with my story. I am a pretty foul person, very introverted, not very pleasant to be around and pretty immature to boot.
Well there's your problem right there. I'm no cross of Don Juan and Casanova, but you think you might try and be... you know. Not those things?
I tend to dominate conversations, and sometimes stop abruptly to try to do that "listening" thing which I hear women like. Despite that, women do not like me romantically.
How odd. So a foul, introverted, unpleasant and immature person who rambles on and on without giving others a chance to speak (at least that's what I get from the way you say it), does not suddenly become a walking panty removal utensil when he -abruptly, no less, as if to make it even more awkward- stops talking and does "that listening thing he hears women like"?
Very strange. It's as though every woman you've ever met is stark raving mad.
I understand their point of view; not only am I lacking in personality, but I don't have any future prospects which would make them stomach my appalling habits.
The plot thickens! So we have a foul, introverted, immature, bad conversationalist with lousy prospects for, I assume, earning money to put food on the table in the future, and yet somehow, women are not fighting in the streets to get to him first.
I think just about the only things which women have been attracted to me for are my appearance (which I actually don't understand, because I look awkward, childish and slightly asymmetrical) and the most ephemeral parts of my personality - the parts which can arrogantly talk about a subject for hours in a conversation-dominating fashion. Once they break the surface, women always go off me in all capacities except friendship.
Because if there's one thing everyone loves, it's listening to a self-absorbed windbag prattle on about something -arrogantly- for hours, with little to no chance to offer their own insights.
I know I cry myself to sleep because I don't have to listen to someone like that for hours every day.
In this capacity, it deeply upsets me that people give so much credence to love, romance and relationships, when it has proven so difficult - so far as to be literally impossible - to find a partner of my own. Every so often, I come to the (probably correct) conclusion that I'd be better off on my own, but society has ways of making the wounds deeper. Every love song I hear on the radio acquires a bitter undertone, like the writers are mocking me for being a loser. It's equally painful to see romance shoehorned into action movies, and I don't watch romantic comedies, because it's like hammering a stake through my chest. At this point, I've pretty much acknowledged that there will never be a woman for me, but I'd prefer if people weren't so bent on making me feel guilty and upset over it.
In my capacity, it deeply upsets me that you seem unable to grasp that it is very possible for anyone to find someone to love.
There's billions of us, there's dozens for everyone. If it's not her, it'll be her. Or her. or her. Or her. etc etc etc.
But you know the line from the movies? "It's not you, it's me"?
It IS you. Seriously, you have a pretty good grasp of what's wrong with you. Change it. It's not that bloody hard.
It's not impossible to find love, it is impossible to find love without making a few compromises.
I don't know exactly what you mean by, for example, pretty immature, but how hard can it be to not make dick jokes the first time you speak to a girl.
Same problem with unpleasant, that might mean anything from body odor to obsessive compulsive Hitler saluting. Again, either of those are easily solved by deodorant or simple not doing it.
But the big issue is you attitude.
Look at the way you phrased this for god's sake:
I am a pretty foul person, very introverted, not very pleasant to be around and pretty immature to boot. I tend to dominate conversations, and sometimes stop abruptly to try to do that "listening" thing which I hear women like. Despite that, women do not like me romantically.
SERIOUSLY?! You list every bad trait imaginable save host for an actual alien from Alien, then say you try to do -not even just do, no, you attempt, which implies you fail sometimes- that listening thing.
How about, instead of trying to do the listening thing, you attempt to be actually interested in what the other person has to say? If you're not, she's not the woman for you, and if you are, then what is the goddamn problem?
Then, you sound almost surprised when you say "despite that..."
Despite what? ANSWER ME!
Despite the fact you try to pretend you give a rat's ass about what they have to say? 'Cause that's what it sounds like dude.
That is literally the only "redeeming" quality you listed.
I'm gonna stop now because I'm gonna start hurling insults if I don't.
I leave you with this protip: You are the problem. But it is not insurmountable. Work on it.
Or, wallow in self pity and complain on the internet. That works too, I guess.
