Relationship Deal Breakers

[elvor0]

I don't want to be mean in this thread because I sense a lot of pain that I too have suffered, but seriously folks, dishonesty and betrayal are pretty basic deal-breakers for ANY relationship, not just romantic ones. If you do not consider these problems a given, then you have a much more serious issues than just dealing with that one person who disrespected you too much. I thought I was going to read about some quirky tastes, but this thread just makes me sad.

Kuddoes on those with anti-smoking policies. You may now consider yourselves disqualified from romantic evenings with me. I don't smoke (ciggerettes) but I don't mind those that do because in the 21st century smokers have enough manners to smoke away from the public. Only in rare cases will a smoker smoke near a public entrance, and this is usually because they are simply not thinking. In fact where I live there seems to be a strong dividing line between those that just want to enjoy a smoke outside a building, and those that want to bully their wills onto others. Its always the ardent non-smoker that bitches, not the smoker. Its a huge world out there, folks. WALK AROUND THE SMOKER AND QUIT YOUR FRAKING COMPLAINING. Best wishes on finding like-minded non-smokers.

Thank christ someone said it. Yeah, they're hardly things you need to qualifiy are they? It's like saying that you'll only drive a car if: It has working breaks, the clutch has all the gears working, and the wheels all have air in them.

Secondly, it's nice to see some tolerance of smokers going on I smoke, but I have no qualms about asking my non smoking friends if they mind if I smoke, and if so I'll pop outside, or should we be outside, make sure I'm not blowing it in their direction.

Unless you're insanely asthmatic or actually allergic to cigarette smoke (?), you're going to be fine. A lot of non smokers on this forum seem to act like you're going to get cancer merely by walking down the street. Fun facts: Car exhausts are much more prevailant, and a BBQ is going to do much more damage than walking past a smoker in the street.

I've had a woman stop after walking past me to complain about me smoking before, and it's like "Had you just carried on, you might have got one whisp, by virtue of having this conversation I'm just going to blow smoke in your face for being such an arsey *****."

 

[Dags90]

1.) Guys named Michael.

My father and brother are both named Michael, as is one of my cousins. There are just way too many family associations I have with the name Michael.

 

[disgruntledgamer]

By the way, misusing punctuation in the fashion you did at the end of your post weakens your entire argument and makes it hard to take you seriously.

I don't know what your guys' argument was about, but seriously... that is the definition of a straw man argument.

Getting off topic like that weakens your entire argument and makes it hard to take you seriously.

It was about STDs, their pathogenicity, treatment and severity. Needless to say his premise was wrong on all accounts and didn't have a leg to stand on, hence the straw man.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Kuddoes on those with anti-smoking policies. You may now consider yourselves disqualified from romantic evenings with me. I don't smoke (ciggerettes) but I don't mind those that do because in the 21st century smokers have enough manners to smoke away from the public. Only in rare cases will a smoker smoke near a public entrance, and this is usually because they are simply not thinking. In fact where I live there seems to be a strong dividing line between those that just want to enjoy a smoke outside a building, and those that want to bully their wills onto others. Its always the ardent non-smoker that bitches, not the smoker. Its a huge world out there, folks. WALK AROUND THE SMOKER AND QUIT YOUR FRAKING COMPLAINING. Best wishes on finding like-minded non-smokers.

Bad Hygiene. I know this seems obvious like not smelling like trash

most people in here are referring to those they would date/have a relation with, not being friends/acquaintances with, there is a huge difference.

on the second part, i wanted to point out that a deal breaker for you is smelling trashy..unless you are the first person i have ever met who actually enjoys the smell of smoke, that is definitely under the same category which is being a bit of a hypocrit for shouting down on others for having it under one of their requirements.

OT:

non-drug user (i'll be your best damn friend in the world if you use drugs and we get along, but if you want anything more than that then your shit outta luck there.)

ignorant/tolerable of opinions - I love when a person has their opinions, but when you constantly spout yours as fact and then dismiss anyone else who doesn't have like mindedness to you, then that is the biggest turn off ever. Going along with this (thanks to my wonderful ex for being a prime example of this) if I can't have a discussion with you over an issue that doesn't deteriorate down to you turning into an immature child and saying everyone else is wrong, then frankly I don't want anything to do with you.

attention whore - there is nothing wrong with showing a little pride in what you do/who you are, but when you constantly parade it around for attention,using it to try and prove you're better than someone, using deceit and half truths to get all the attention on you, then you are about to drive me up the fucking wall, I can't stand this more than anything.

(obvious ones-physically attractive to me on some level,somewhat keeps their body in shape, i do, so i expect at least some effort on your part as well, and no lying/cheating, if you want to hook up, then i'm always here, if you want to do it with someone else, then spare me the bullshit of how little you think/respect my feelings to lie/go around me.)

while that can be quite the criteria, beyond that i'm pretty easy going, most of my girlfriends have wildly different traits and any one of them could've really worked out perhaps, so i'd like to think i'm not too unbearable.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I have not seen anybody suggest in any shape or form that they are the most attractive thing on the planet and draw up a list to save them rejecting people in person.

The flip-side is not being mentioned, because the OP didn't ask for it. The topic is not "Traits that you have that could hypothetically put other people off of dating you."

It's my understanding that for a "deal-breaker" to occur there must be a relationship (deal) to be broken. So yes, by writing out long lists of things that you would never tolerate in a partner, not only are you implying that you can afford to be picky, you are suggesting that people who possess such traits would be likely to show interest in you. Otherwise it's not a list of deal breakers, it's just a list of qualities you dislike in other people.

Why do people on this website have so much difficulty understanding nuance and implication? Do you take everything at face value, and reject the idea of a meaning that isn't explicitly stated?

 

[TakeyB0y2]

Someone who's emotionally unstable. I know we all carry emotional baggage, but if you're having a REALLY hard time keeping your shit together, I'm sorry but... I can't help you. I hope that doesn't make me out to sound like a douche, but it's true.

Cheating. I honestly could forgive one or two drunken mishaps... But I WILL force you to get STD checked afterwards. And if it becomes a habit, then I'm saying bye.

Being stereotypically gay... And alas, because of this, I will be forever alone.

Having led a life of promiscuity. Even if you decided to stop, sorry... Not happening.

Not liking my friends.

Not liking video games.

Too much negativity. I won't lie, I'm a negative person myself, but if someone positive is by my side, I'll usually go along with what the positive person says (within reasonable grounds, or course). Seriously, I've had enough with being around people who only reinforce my negativity, causing me to miss opportunities.

 

[Sanguine]

I'm not entirely sure if lots of people are particularly picky about their choice of partner, or are simply confused by the term "deal breaker".

OT:
Cheating would be a no, and it wouldn't be very nice if she was very emotionally attatched to her opinions and also really eager to discuss them. But really that would be it, I can't imagine how people can have 5 or 6 deal-breakers.

 

[Jfswift]

I can't stand people who are arrogant, condensing or accuse me of lying. I've dated one of two people like this and it's a deal breaker for me.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

OT: Must be Christian. If she's a serious Christian, then the rest of the deal-breakers are moot.

I feel sad for people who bring religion into their dating lives as a maker/breaker. My girlfriend is a christian and her father runs the local church and thus far have been totally fine with my atheism. I used to be very anti theist before though. Then my girlfriend took me on a week long retreat with some monks in france. It was lovely. I wasnt converted but i gained a deep respect for the religious and their way of life because the experience was just so fantastic in every way. I realized my hatred and angst was aimed at a tiny ignorant minority and people like my girlfriend and those lovely monks were what most religious people are like and i just let it go. Its the kind of eye opening experience i cant properly share online but suffice to say when i see anyone say "Must be religious/atheist" it saddens me slightly because it reminds me of a more closed minded time in my life. I hope it works out for you guys anyway even with those restrictions.

Anyway:

1. No REAL cheating. A drunken kiss with another person for a joke isnt real cheating. Not really. Its a joke. I can get over a single kiss if its unromantic and in a game of dares/spin the bottle, the feelings behind it matter to me more. Real cheating is a prolonged romantic engagement or one night stand with another person. Intimacy and feelings should be just for moi.

2. Arrogant or elitist. I cant STAND elitism. At all. Of any kind. I realised recently that most people have an innate desire for superiority and to feel elite and special in a sea of "Sheeple" (if you use this word unironically i WONT date you end of story) and will do anything or cling to any topic to protect that feeling of being an ultra special snowflake. My girlfriend is the most humble person ever and it love it. Even when i stray into elitism and cockiness she drags me back and slaps me with a reality check that im not innately superior to anyone else just because of petty things like music.

3. Rejects science. I love me some science. I listen to carl sagans pale blue dot daily. I love everything about our universe and if the person im with rejects that utterly for any reason id find it hard to relate my favorite passion with them.

4. Too uncaring. Im a needy needy bastard. I loves me some affection, NOT the public kind. If someone is distant and aloof ALWAYS that usually puts me off a lot. Simple as that basically.

5. Negative/aggressive. Im a very positive person. Pretty much always. I exude optimism and i find all things work out better in life this way. Its fine to feel sad and have rough patches but if you purposefully try and be negative ALL the time to be dark or edgy im cutting you out for ever. I want to be around positive people.

 

[Alesha Jam]

For me, there are only two real big deal breakers.

The first is purposeful ignorance. As in, people who believe what they want to and shut out other opinions and facts. My last boyfriend and I broke up because of our stands on refugee policy in Australia. Which is ridiculous because it had no effect on us personally, I was just appalled that anyone could be so ignorant and proud of it.

The second, violence and bullying. I don't care if it was just one time and will never happen again, if you hit your girlfriend you're out, straight away. And if you show the same kind of aggressive behaviour outside of the relationship, thats almost as bad.

 

[sumanoskae]

Aside from the obvious (Shit like "Don't hit me", "Don't fuck other people"), I can't stand prudence.

I couldn't deal with a person who was too thin skinned to deal with me questioning their opinions and takes objective critique as a personal insult.

Also, no sex before marriage? Nothing to see here.

 

[Towels]

For Smoking:

Plus it'd be a bad influence on any future kids we might have. ~~~ If she does, then one also has to worry about second-hand smoke, which is really bad especially for children(Which I would like to have after being married).

I do agree when there are children involved. Being that jackleg firing one up to impress the childrens stopped being cool in the 50s, Biff. Its just deutchbaggery now.

WALK AROUND THE SMOKER AND QUIT YOUR FRAKING COMPLAINING. Best wishes on finding like-minded non-smokers.
Bad Hygiene. I know this seems obvious like not smelling like trash

most people in here are referring to those they would date/have a relation with, not being friends/acquaintances with, there is a huge difference.

Hmm... well then why do people here feel the need to iterate it as a deal breaker? I do admit I was going on a slight tangent with general public perception of smoking, but I can image some of these fine folks posting just straight up ditching a date because their date stepped outside to smoke.

on the second part, i wanted to point out that a deal breaker for you is smelling trashy..unless you are the first person i have ever met who actually enjoys the smell of smoke, that is definitely under the same category which is being a bit of a hypocrit for shouting down on others for having it under one of their requirements.

Ok No... Body odor is nothing like the trace smell of ciggerette smoke. Not by a long shot. Even most smokers take showers. Now if you were complaining about a smoker's breath I might have given this more consideration, but smart smokers trying to score a date also brush their teeth and carry breathmints. Even if you have unsavory habits, just take care of and clean up after yourself. My finer point is: Personal hygiene can say a lot about how you regard yourself and what kind of lifestyle you live. I find nothing hypocritical about this because smokers can still have reasonable hygiene.

And hey, like I said before, Best wishes on finding like-minded non-smokers. Some people demand their mates to not smoke. Some people demand their mates to take frequent showers and have some soap in the bathroom. Some people find ardent non-smokers belligerant, some people find opinionated contrarians like me boorish. Everyone has deal breakers, and dates should hurry up and get them out of the way. The other stuff like artistic and entertainment prefrences will work themselves out later. "Deal Breaker" to me simply means instant turn-offs that will prevent others from attracting me, and I applaud you for posting yours.

I don't want to be mean in this thread because I sense a lot of pain that I too have suffered, but seriously folks, dishonesty and betrayal are pretty basic deal-breakers for ANY relationship, not just romantic ones.

Thank christ someone said it. Yeah, they're hardly things you need to qualifiy are they? It's like saying that you'll only drive a car if: It has working breaks, the clutch has all the gears working, and the wheels all have air in them.

lol that's good. I need to use that sometime. Everybody can drive a car!... I think.

 

[Legion]

I have not seen anybody suggest in any shape or form that they are the most attractive thing on the planet and draw up a list to save them rejecting people in person.

The flip-side is not being mentioned, because the OP didn't ask for it. The topic is not "Traits that you have that could hypothetically put other people off of dating you."

It's my understanding that for a "deal-breaker" to occur there must be a relationship (deal) to be broken. So yes, by writing out long lists of things that you would never tolerate in a partner, not only are you implying that you can afford to be picky, you are suggesting that people who possess such traits would be likely to show interest in you. Otherwise it's not a list of deal breakers, it's just a list of qualities you dislike in other people.

Why do people on this website have so much difficulty understanding nuance and implication? Do you take everything at face value, and reject the idea of a meaning that isn't explicitly stated?

Probably because you are wrong.

A deal breaker does not mean that a relationship must have already started. It is something that would break a deal at all. What most people are listing is "just a list of qualities that they dislike in other people", it is just a specific list that would stop them wanting to date somebody. Therefore a deal breaker.

People list non-smoking. This is something that a person would likely know about another before they date them. So clearly people are talking about things that would put them off of potential partners. Not current ones.


You express frustration that things appear to need to be explicitly stated, yet don't understand that the OP didn't feel the need to explicitly state that these do not have to be traits in current partners. You make an assumption and think everybody else in the entire post doesn't get it except for you.

 

[Loonyyy]

By the way, misusing punctuation in the fashion you did at the end of your post weakens your entire argument and makes it hard to take you seriously.

I don't know what your guys' argument was about, but seriously... that is the definition of a straw man argument.

Have to point out (Since I keep seeing the word "Strawman" being used incorrectly to describe any and all logical fallacies (Which is wrong, and in itself, fallacious), that it's not a strawman.

A strawman is a simplified version of your opponents position which is easier to argue against, rather than their actual view.

What they've done is ad hominem: They've dismissed the argument based on an attribute of the one giving it, in this case, grammar.

There. I've done my part to reduce the constant calls of strawman. My work here is done.

 

[manic_depressive13]

A deal breaker does not mean that a relationship must have already started.

You express frustration that things appear to need to be explicitly stated, yet don't understand that the OP didn't feel the need to explicitly state that these do not have to be traits in current partners. You make an assumption and think everybody else in the entire post doesn't get it except for you.

But the OP DOES explicitly state it. His question is:

What's your deal breakers in a relationship. What are the things your Significant Other could do that would be unforgivable no matter how much you were in love with them.

So, um, the question does sort of presume you are already in a relationship with this person.

 

[alimination602]

1.Must be able to hold their own in an argument over whether or not to destroy the Collector Base as well as understand the joke regarding the Quarian ships Defranz and Iktomi.

2.Must be capable of humming at least half the tunes from Ocarina of Time from memory.

3.Must agree that Saints Row 2 (And arguably The Third) are superior to GTA IV in every way.

4.Must be able to answer questions on the Banjo Kazooie series in the style of Grunty?s Furnace Fun.

I would accept the ?Trying to kill me? reason only if the attempted method of execution was entirely original and tragically ironic.

 

[moloha]

Hmm.. Well, here goes nothing!

1. Cheating Never. Ever. Not even once. I forgave my first girlfriend after cheating on me and it turned to bite me in the ass later on.

2. Being Unnatractive I know it sounds kinda shallow, but if I'm embarrased to go out in the street with you (even though my tastes are kinda odd), I will probably reject you. Sorry.

3 Being something over chubby I love me some skinny to chubby girls, but if you are something more than that, sorry hun, but me no want your bun(s)

4. No communication You got a problem with me? Something bothering you or making you unhappy? Please, PLEASE let me know. I'm more than willing to talk it out. A healthy relationship is built on good communication and compromising.

5. Non-gamer Okay, I'll be honest here, this is not a deal breaker for me but in the long run, I want to marry a gamer.

6. Anti-children It's a bit early for me to think about such things (since I still have a couple of months till I become 18) But I want to have childern eventually.

7. Religious I don't mind people with religions, I just don't want to be in a relationship with one..

8. Not clingy..enough Real talk? I like the attention. I don't like extremely clingy people, but I want girl that wants and is actually excited to hang out with me, play video games and generally be in the vincinity.
I aint talking about 24/7 but a girl that actively tries to be with me as much as possible while giving me the space I want when I tell her is a true gem.

I think that's it... I think..

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

WALK AROUND THE SMOKER AND QUIT YOUR FRAKING COMPLAINING. Best wishes on finding like-minded non-smokers.
Bad Hygiene. I know this seems obvious like not smelling like trash

most people in here are referring to those they would date/have a relation with, not being friends/acquaintances with, there is a huge difference.

Hmm... well then why do people here feel the need to iterate it as a deal breaker? I do admit I was going on a slight tangent with general public perception of smoking, but I can image some of these fine folks posting just straight up ditching a date because their date stepped outside to smoke.

on the second part, i wanted to point out that a deal breaker for you is smelling trashy..unless you are the first person i have ever met who actually enjoys the smell of smoke, that is definitely under the same category which is being a bit of a hypocrit for shouting down on others for having it under one of their requirements.

Ok No... Body odor is nothing like the trace smell of ciggerette smoke. Not by a long shot. Even most smokers take showers. Now if you were complaining about a smoker's breath I might have given this more consideration, but smart smokers trying to score a date also brush their teeth and carry breathmints. Even if you have unsavory habits, just take care of and clean up after yourself. My finer point is: Personal hygiene can say a lot about how you regard yourself and what kind of lifestyle you live. I find nothing hypocritical about this because smokers can still have reasonable hygiene.

And hey, like I said before, Best wishes on finding like-minded non-smokers. Some people demand their mates to not smoke. Some people demand their mates to take frequent showers and have some soap in the bathroom. Some people find ardent non-smokers belligerant, some people find opinionated contrarians like me boorish. Everyone has deal breakers, and dates should hurry up and get them out of the way. The other stuff like artistic and entertainment prefrences will work themselves out later. "Deal Breaker" to me simply means instant turn-offs that will prevent others from attracting me, and I applaud you for posting yours.

unless she was THE ONE above all, then i might be able to get over the occasional smoke, but overall yeah, i'd politely let her know "hey, you're great but smoking is kinda a big thing for me when it comes to dating" and then we'd be on our way. Not that I think i'm better than her, but I just figure she wouldn't want to be with someone who is bothered by it either. Generally though i ask,figure that out before I go on a date, just to get it out of the way. I think yeah some people might have come off a bit harsh on here, but then again text can do that, it's hard to put any kind of context/emotion behind just words over the internet.

Body odor is definitely a different brand of smell, I'll agree to that, but many smokers I know don't care/can't smell themselves (if it's on you/your giving it off, you probably can't tell) so they don't realize they smell like an ash tray. (if a smoker takes care of themselves though, then bravo, my granpda used to be pretty good about it back when he smoked still)

and while i do agree, they can have perfectly reasonable hygiene, most of the ones i've met tend to not care, if they do ever end up showering it's because they are going somewhere formal (when in fact, they haven't showered for 2-3 days, and yes they are my friends so i do know this did happen.)

and i do agree by your definition of deal breaker, and that for me is smoking, there are plenty of girls i've seen out at a bar/in public, and as soon as i see them lighting one up, i lose all curiosity to go ask her out. (yeah i realize it can seem harsh, but it's just a natural reflex that i'm not gonna get over.)

 

[disgruntledgamer]

OT: Must be Christian. If she's a serious Christian, then the rest of the deal-breakers are moot.

I feel sad for people who bring religion into their dating lives as a maker/breaker. My girlfriend is a christian and her father runs the local church and thus far have been totally fine with my atheism. I used to be very anti theist before though. Then my girlfriend took me on a week long retreat with some monks in france. It was lovely. I wasnt converted but i gained a deep respect for the religious and their way of life because the experience was just so fantastic in every way. I realized my hatred and angst was aimed at a tiny ignorant minority and people like my girlfriend and those lovely monks were what most religious people are like and i just let it go. Its the kind of eye opening experience i cant properly share online but suffice to say when i see anyone say "Must be religious/atheist" it saddens me slightly because it reminds me of a more closed minded time in my life. I hope it works out for you guys anyway even with those restrictions.

LoL the exact opposite happened to me. I was agnostic for the most part until I started dating a religious girl, and she convinced me to read the bible, cuz well I was horny. So I read the thing cover to cover over 2 days, it turned me into a full blown atheist. I was like "You actually believe in this %$^#!" Needless to say it didn't work out.

I just couldn't swallow the whole Giants that left no fossils, the needing to eat the symbolic flesh of a Jewish dead zombie, because a talking snake convince a woman that was made from a rid to eat from a magical knowledge giving tree thing. IMO there is actually no way to become an atheist faster than sitting down and reading the bible.

 

[straymatter]

From experience:

1. Dishonesty. I don't care if you sleep with other girls occasionally, just talk to me about it beforehand.
2. Unwilling to meet my family. I've dated guys who've extreme issues with their family, but don't think it gets you out of meeting mine.
3. Debilitating depression. It's okay to be depressed. It's not, however, if you can't get out of bed or have constant (vocal) worries that I'm leaving you.