Relationship Deal Breakers

[AnarchistFish]

3. Listening to Justin Bieber - Self explanatory

Come on that's just silly

also the STD one is harsh. if you actually loved them you'd help and stay with them through it.

1. Cheating with no remorse (basically if they do it twice or if I found out before they admitted it)
2. Doesn't like music at all. I don't care what music they listen to (although I'd love to be with someone I could share my music with) but I couldn't be with someone who doesn't understand at all what music means to me
3. Being a ****, unreliable, compulsively lying, untrustworthy
4. Refusing to accept they'll always be 2nd best to Eva Green

really though there isn't much which would kill it completely. there are some things that would really put me off though and I can't imagine myself enjoying being with someone who-

5. Is addicted to drugs (unless they wanted help against it)
6. Doesn't like godspeed you! black emperor
7. Is unintelligent, unaware of what's going on in the world

3) Having a "stay at home" personality: I enjoy travelling and exploring, wouldn't want to be tied to someone who didn't have that same drive

Oh this too^

I'm not sure if I'd want to be with someone who'd want to live in the same place for the rest of the lives. It might be a tough ask especially since it could conflict with having a family, but finding someone who shares that same desire would be great.

Really I'd love to be with someone who shares a similar music taste/take on music as me, is independently minded, politically aware (& left wing) and shares a desire to explore and travel. And whilst not having those isn't a deal breaker I can't imagine being with someone for the rest of my life who doesn't have at least most of those.

1. Being very much anti-theist. I am religious so I think it wouldn't work if someone was very much against religion

2. Being very left wing. Same as above.

That's it, I would imagine.

Lol I'm exactly the opposite.

Shame we can't ever be able to make it work

 

[TomLikesGuitar]

I haven't been in a relationship (not for lack of trying.) but I can guess.
No having sex with other guys.
Drug use.
Anti-Religion
Anti-Capitalist
Hates all things Nerd.

But I have no standards in potential girlfriends (I still can't get one).

I'm telling you man, drop the religion and politics qualifications... especially if you're not doin' too great with the ladies.

Most people I've met have stupid religious and political viewpoints, and I'm sure they think the same of mine. The best people on the planet are the ones who won't judge you for them, and if you can meet someone who doesn't and not judge them back, you'll be better off than if you meet someone who thinks exactly the same as you.

 

[AmayaOnnaOtaku]

1. Cheating (Never fun to get the battery of STI tests because of infidelity)
2. Abuse/controlling behavior (Dealt with it in the past...NEVER again)
3. Different religious beliefs (Sorry I am a christian and want to marry a fellow believer)
4. Smoking (asthmatic)
5. Dishonesty
6. Refusal to get a job/able to drive a car. (I am not your taxi or your personal bank account)

 

[DRTJR]

I haven't been in a relationship (not for lack of trying.) but I can guess.
No having sex with other guys.
Drug use.
Anti-Religion
Anti-Capitalist
Hates all things Nerd.

But I have no standards in potential girlfriends (I still can't get one).

I'm telling you man, drop the religion and politics qualifications... especially if you're not doin' too great with the ladies.

Most people I've met have stupid religious and political viewpoints, and I'm sure they think the same of mine. The best people on the planet are the ones who won't judge you for them, and if you can meet someone who doesn't and not judge them back, you'll be better off than if you meet someone who thinks exactly the same as you.

I really don't care what they think I just want acceptance of myself and tolerances my ideals.

 

[TomLikesGuitar]

I haven't been in a relationship (not for lack of trying.) but I can guess.
No having sex with other guys.
Drug use.
Anti-Religion
Anti-Capitalist
Hates all things Nerd.

But I have no standards in potential girlfriends (I still can't get one).

I'm telling you man, drop the religion and politics qualifications... especially if you're not doin' too great with the ladies.

Most people I've met have stupid religious and political viewpoints, and I'm sure they think the same of mine. The best people on the planet are the ones who won't judge you for them, and if you can meet someone who doesn't and not judge them back, you'll be better off than if you meet someone who thinks exactly the same as you.

I really don't care what they think I just want acceptance of myself and tolerances my ideals.

Ohh...

I misread your post.

 

[DRTJR]

I haven't been in a relationship (not for lack of trying.) but I can guess.
No having sex with other guys.
Drug use.
Anti-Religion
Anti-Capitalist
Hates all things Nerd.

But I have no standards in potential girlfriends (I still can't get one).

I'm telling you man, drop the religion and politics qualifications... especially if you're not doin' too great with the ladies.

Most people I've met have stupid religious and political viewpoints, and I'm sure they think the same of mine. The best people on the planet are the ones who won't judge you for them, and if you can meet someone who doesn't and not judge them back, you'll be better off than if you meet someone who thinks exactly the same as you.

I really don't care what they think I just want acceptance of myself and tolerances my ideals.

Ohh...

I misread your post.

Don't worry about it, the majority of people I'm friends with don't know I got to church every Sunday.

 

[Garyn Dakari]

Well, besides the obvious(Cheating, abuse, overly controlling, ect.):

1. Can't be anti-theist. This hypothetical girlfriend/wife would almost definitely have to be a Christian, but I might be fine with an agnostic/atheist, so long as they weren't anti-theist.

2. Has to be a non-smoker.

3. Has to be able to put up with my gaming habits and general nerdiness. She doesn't like nerds, well, guess it's not gonna work then xP

4. Also, sexual looseness is a major turn-off for me, most likely a deal breaker.

 

[Legion]

I think it's pretty arrogant to say "I would never date a smoker, drinker, person of this faith, person of this ideology, etc." as if such people would ever show interest in you to begin with given how hostile and intolerant you are towards their beliefs and behaviours.

I could say "I would never date a right winger!" but it is equally true that "A right winger would never date me." The former implies that I'm forced to constantly turn down right wingers who throw themselves at me, when in reality right wingers probably have as low an opinion of me as I have of them. "I would never date a smoker because I think they're gross" is also disingenuous because it ignores the flipside, which is "A smoker would never date me because I carry on like a precious little princess whenever they light one up".

I have not seen anybody suggest in any shape or form that they are the most attractive thing on the planet and draw up a list to save them rejecting people in person.

The flip-side is not being mentioned, because the OP didn't ask for it. The topic is not "Traits that you have that could hypothetically put other people off of dating you."

 

[Garyn Dakari]

I think it's pretty arrogant to say "I would never date a smoker, drinker, person of this faith, person of this ideology, etc." as if such people would ever show interest in you to begin with given how hostile and intolerant you are towards their beliefs and behaviours.

I could say "I would never date a right winger!" but it is equally true that "A right winger would never date me." The former implies that I'm forced to constantly turn down right wingers who throw themselves at me, when in reality right wingers probably have as low an opinion of me as I have of them. "I would never date a smoker because I think they're gross" is also disingenuous because it ignores the flipside, which is "A smoker would never date me because I carry on like a precious little princess whenever they light one up".

I have not seen anybody suggest in any shape or form that they are the most attractive thing on the planet and draw up a list to save them rejecting people in person.

The flip-side is not being mentioned, because the OP didn't ask for it. The topic is not "Traits that you have that could hypothetically put other people off of dating you."

So people are not mentioning it. You are also assuming that people who do not like these things are hostile/aggressive about it in real life. Most people are not that bad when it comes to these things in reality, but there is no tone in text based communication so it just comes across as being a lot more harsh than it is.

Also, you can turn people down politely. I could definitely still be friends with a smoker, atheist, someone more sexually loose than me, ect. I just wouldn't want to be romantically involved with said person. I have a couple friends who smoke, and several atheist friends. But no, I wouldn't date them...But if they ever showed interest, I wouldn't respond with hostility.

 

[Towels]

I don't want to be mean in this thread because I sense a lot of pain that I too have suffered, but seriously folks, dishonesty and betrayal are pretty basic deal-breakers for ANY relationship, not just romantic ones. If you do not consider these problems a given, then you have a much more serious issues than just dealing with that one person who disrespected you too much. I thought I was going to read about some quirky tastes, but this thread just makes me sad.

Kuddoes on those with anti-smoking policies. You may now consider yourselves disqualified from romantic evenings with me. I don't smoke (ciggerettes) but I don't mind those that do because in the 21st century smokers have enough manners to smoke away from the public. Only in rare cases will a smoker smoke near a public entrance, and this is usually because they are simply not thinking. In fact where I live there seems to be a strong dividing line between those that just want to enjoy a smoke outside a building, and those that want to bully their wills onto others. Its always the ardent non-smoker that bitches, not the smoker. Its a huge world out there, folks. WALK AROUND THE SMOKER AND QUIT YOUR FRAKING COMPLAINING. Best wishes on finding like-minded non-smokers.

And Others?
1) Monopolizing my attention. Balanced people call this "Being Clingy." Some folks like this for some reason, and although I can accept that I still want no part of it.
2) Bad Hygiene. I know this seems obvious like not smelling like trash but this can also be rather subtle. Ladies, if I go to use your bathroom and find a ton of make-up with nary a drop of soap then I will draw 2 possible conclusions: You're either a germophobe who only cares soap around in your purse (which is just odd), or that you care enough about your appearance to get positive attention for one evening, but not much more, and that's not going to cut it.

These are the only unique deal-breakers I can think of. Sadly, there are enough people who don't care about hygiene in their mates for me to be unable to consider it a universal given.

 

[Garyn Dakari]

Its a huge world out there, folks. WALK AROUND THE SMOKER AND QUIT YOUR FRAKING COMPLAINING. Best wishes on finding like-minded non-smokers.

I don't mind people smoking too much(Heck, I have a brother that smokes all the time), I just don't want to marry someone who's doing something every day that will eventually kill them. Plus it'd be a bad influence on any future kids we might have. And that's all assuming said hypothetical never smokes in the house. If she does, then one also has to worry about second-hand smoke, which is really bad especially for children(Which I would like to have after being married).

 

[elvor0]

I don't want to be mean in this thread because I sense a lot of pain that I too have suffered, but seriously folks, dishonesty and betrayal are pretty basic deal-breakers for ANY relationship, not just romantic ones. If you do not consider these problems a given, then you have a much more serious issues than just dealing with that one person who disrespected you too much. I thought I was going to read about some quirky tastes, but this thread just makes me sad.

Kuddoes on those with anti-smoking policies. You may now consider yourselves disqualified from romantic evenings with me. I don't smoke (ciggerettes) but I don't mind those that do because in the 21st century smokers have enough manners to smoke away from the public. Only in rare cases will a smoker smoke near a public entrance, and this is usually because they are simply not thinking. In fact where I live there seems to be a strong dividing line between those that just want to enjoy a smoke outside a building, and those that want to bully their wills onto others. Its always the ardent non-smoker that bitches, not the smoker. Its a huge world out there, folks. WALK AROUND THE SMOKER AND QUIT YOUR FRAKING COMPLAINING. Best wishes on finding like-minded non-smokers.

Thank christ someone said it. Yeah, they're hardly things you need to qualifiy are they? It's like saying that you'll only drive a car if: It has working breaks, the clutch has all the gears working, and the wheels all have air in them.

Secondly, it's nice to see some tolerance of smokers going on I smoke, but I have no qualms about asking my non smoking friends if they mind if I smoke, and if so I'll pop outside, or should we be outside, make sure I'm not blowing it in their direction.

Unless you're insanely asthmatic or actually allergic to cigarette smoke (?), you're going to be fine. A lot of non smokers on this forum seem to act like you're going to get cancer merely by walking down the street. Fun facts: Car exhausts are much more prevailant, and a BBQ is going to do much more damage than walking past a smoker in the street.

I've had a woman stop after walking past me to complain about me smoking before, and it's like "Had you just carried on, you might have got one whisp, by virtue of having this conversation I'm just going to blow smoke in your face for being such an arsey *****."

 

[Dags90]

1.) Guys named Michael.

My father and brother are both named Michael, as is one of my cousins. There are just way too many family associations I have with the name Michael.

 

[disgruntledgamer]

By the way, misusing punctuation in the fashion you did at the end of your post weakens your entire argument and makes it hard to take you seriously.

I don't know what your guys' argument was about, but seriously... that is the definition of a straw man argument.

Getting off topic like that weakens your entire argument and makes it hard to take you seriously.

It was about STDs, their pathogenicity, treatment and severity. Needless to say his premise was wrong on all accounts and didn't have a leg to stand on, hence the straw man.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

Kuddoes on those with anti-smoking policies. You may now consider yourselves disqualified from romantic evenings with me. I don't smoke (ciggerettes) but I don't mind those that do because in the 21st century smokers have enough manners to smoke away from the public. Only in rare cases will a smoker smoke near a public entrance, and this is usually because they are simply not thinking. In fact where I live there seems to be a strong dividing line between those that just want to enjoy a smoke outside a building, and those that want to bully their wills onto others. Its always the ardent non-smoker that bitches, not the smoker. Its a huge world out there, folks. WALK AROUND THE SMOKER AND QUIT YOUR FRAKING COMPLAINING. Best wishes on finding like-minded non-smokers.

Bad Hygiene. I know this seems obvious like not smelling like trash

most people in here are referring to those they would date/have a relation with, not being friends/acquaintances with, there is a huge difference.

on the second part, i wanted to point out that a deal breaker for you is smelling trashy..unless you are the first person i have ever met who actually enjoys the smell of smoke, that is definitely under the same category which is being a bit of a hypocrit for shouting down on others for having it under one of their requirements.

OT:

non-drug user (i'll be your best damn friend in the world if you use drugs and we get along, but if you want anything more than that then your shit outta luck there.)

ignorant/tolerable of opinions - I love when a person has their opinions, but when you constantly spout yours as fact and then dismiss anyone else who doesn't have like mindedness to you, then that is the biggest turn off ever. Going along with this (thanks to my wonderful ex for being a prime example of this) if I can't have a discussion with you over an issue that doesn't deteriorate down to you turning into an immature child and saying everyone else is wrong, then frankly I don't want anything to do with you.

attention whore - there is nothing wrong with showing a little pride in what you do/who you are, but when you constantly parade it around for attention,using it to try and prove you're better than someone, using deceit and half truths to get all the attention on you, then you are about to drive me up the fucking wall, I can't stand this more than anything.

(obvious ones-physically attractive to me on some level,somewhat keeps their body in shape, i do, so i expect at least some effort on your part as well, and no lying/cheating, if you want to hook up, then i'm always here, if you want to do it with someone else, then spare me the bullshit of how little you think/respect my feelings to lie/go around me.)

while that can be quite the criteria, beyond that i'm pretty easy going, most of my girlfriends have wildly different traits and any one of them could've really worked out perhaps, so i'd like to think i'm not too unbearable.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I have not seen anybody suggest in any shape or form that they are the most attractive thing on the planet and draw up a list to save them rejecting people in person.

The flip-side is not being mentioned, because the OP didn't ask for it. The topic is not "Traits that you have that could hypothetically put other people off of dating you."

It's my understanding that for a "deal-breaker" to occur there must be a relationship (deal) to be broken. So yes, by writing out long lists of things that you would never tolerate in a partner, not only are you implying that you can afford to be picky, you are suggesting that people who possess such traits would be likely to show interest in you. Otherwise it's not a list of deal breakers, it's just a list of qualities you dislike in other people.

Why do people on this website have so much difficulty understanding nuance and implication? Do you take everything at face value, and reject the idea of a meaning that isn't explicitly stated?

 

[TakeyB0y2]

Someone who's emotionally unstable. I know we all carry emotional baggage, but if you're having a REALLY hard time keeping your shit together, I'm sorry but... I can't help you. I hope that doesn't make me out to sound like a douche, but it's true.

Cheating. I honestly could forgive one or two drunken mishaps... But I WILL force you to get STD checked afterwards. And if it becomes a habit, then I'm saying bye.

Being stereotypically gay... And alas, because of this, I will be forever alone.

Having led a life of promiscuity. Even if you decided to stop, sorry... Not happening.

Not liking my friends.

Not liking video games.

Too much negativity. I won't lie, I'm a negative person myself, but if someone positive is by my side, I'll usually go along with what the positive person says (within reasonable grounds, or course). Seriously, I've had enough with being around people who only reinforce my negativity, causing me to miss opportunities.

 

[Sanguine]

I'm not entirely sure if lots of people are particularly picky about their choice of partner, or are simply confused by the term "deal breaker".

OT:
Cheating would be a no, and it wouldn't be very nice if she was very emotionally attatched to her opinions and also really eager to discuss them. But really that would be it, I can't imagine how people can have 5 or 6 deal-breakers.

 

[Jfswift]

I can't stand people who are arrogant, condensing or accuse me of lying. I've dated one of two people like this and it's a deal breaker for me.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

OT: Must be Christian. If she's a serious Christian, then the rest of the deal-breakers are moot.

I feel sad for people who bring religion into their dating lives as a maker/breaker. My girlfriend is a christian and her father runs the local church and thus far have been totally fine with my atheism. I used to be very anti theist before though. Then my girlfriend took me on a week long retreat with some monks in france. It was lovely. I wasnt converted but i gained a deep respect for the religious and their way of life because the experience was just so fantastic in every way. I realized my hatred and angst was aimed at a tiny ignorant minority and people like my girlfriend and those lovely monks were what most religious people are like and i just let it go. Its the kind of eye opening experience i cant properly share online but suffice to say when i see anyone say "Must be religious/atheist" it saddens me slightly because it reminds me of a more closed minded time in my life. I hope it works out for you guys anyway even with those restrictions.

Anyway:

1. No REAL cheating. A drunken kiss with another person for a joke isnt real cheating. Not really. Its a joke. I can get over a single kiss if its unromantic and in a game of dares/spin the bottle, the feelings behind it matter to me more. Real cheating is a prolonged romantic engagement or one night stand with another person. Intimacy and feelings should be just for moi.

2. Arrogant or elitist. I cant STAND elitism. At all. Of any kind. I realised recently that most people have an innate desire for superiority and to feel elite and special in a sea of "Sheeple" (if you use this word unironically i WONT date you end of story) and will do anything or cling to any topic to protect that feeling of being an ultra special snowflake. My girlfriend is the most humble person ever and it love it. Even when i stray into elitism and cockiness she drags me back and slaps me with a reality check that im not innately superior to anyone else just because of petty things like music.

3. Rejects science. I love me some science. I listen to carl sagans pale blue dot daily. I love everything about our universe and if the person im with rejects that utterly for any reason id find it hard to relate my favorite passion with them.

4. Too uncaring. Im a needy needy bastard. I loves me some affection, NOT the public kind. If someone is distant and aloof ALWAYS that usually puts me off a lot. Simple as that basically.

5. Negative/aggressive. Im a very positive person. Pretty much always. I exude optimism and i find all things work out better in life this way. Its fine to feel sad and have rough patches but if you purposefully try and be negative ALL the time to be dark or edgy im cutting you out for ever. I want to be around positive people.