Reliable Source: Death to Dwarves

Marion Cox

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Reliable Source: Death to Dwarves

Marion supplies several reasons as to why you shouldn?t play D&D with your father.

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Anacortian

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While my friends from high school could only be described so colorfully with expletives, I can see our games had much in common with yours. My Dad was a chief in the US Navy, but he never passed beyond the peanut gallery concerning DnD. I really envy you for having a story where your father took hold of a die without being ironic.
 

Visulth

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Jun 25, 2009
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Just a question about D&D; can you only die once, or is there a way to respawn?
 

PJ Reynolds

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Marion doesn't actually expect us to believe that this is true, does he? This is the first Reliable Source I've read, so if they're all parody/facetious, never mind.
 

300lb. Samoan

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Laughed out loud in real life, multiple times. Especially at "You maggots better get your shit together or you'll wind up here like this sissy egg-sucking dwarf!" I'm tempted to get some friends together and read this story as a group, it reminds me that much of my friends.
 

Hurr Durr Derp

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Marion Cox said:
I suppose that next session I'll be playing Charlie Sheen the Elven ranger sent out to end his madness.
Awesome. I'd like to be a fly on the wall for that game.

Visulth said:
Just a question about D&D; can you only die once, or is there a way to respawn?
You can get resurrected, but it takes a high-level Cleric and/or a lot of cash. At level 1 you're usually better off creating a new character.

PJ Reynolds said:
Marion doesn't actually expect us to believe that this is true, does he? This is the first Reliable Source I've read, so if they're all parody/facetious, never mind.
It's all true. Mr Flask would get angry if you'd suggest otherwise.
 

JaredXE

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I had to wipe the spray of saliva off my moniter after I read Wyskowski's tirade....freakin hilarious!
 

JupiterBase

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I play every other saturday, 3.5v D&D in the forgotten realms setting, Hunter The Reckoning every other Thursday, im the youngest in a group of players from 21-40 so i guess your never too old to play D&D!
 

tetron

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I always love to hear D&D stories and this one was a real gem. Tennyson reminds me of how I play lol
 

TheEndlessGrey

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FWIW - if that was an Apocalypse Now reference at the end, it was actually Martin Sheen.

Also, hilarious stuff. Loved it.
 

pitasgame

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That was very entertaining and sooo funny!! I could picture it all so clearly.
I actually learned D&D from my father who still had game nights with his friends when I was 10 years old. I would sit quietly in the living room when I went to spend weekends at his house and listen to the wonderful, complex world that was being played out in the kitchen by the adults.
Eventually he taught me to play and I soon found my own groups to play in. Of course the first group I was in, I was the only girl and it always helped when the DM had a huge crush on me...amazing what I got away with ;)

Thanks for the memories your great narative brought back!
 

skyfire_freckles

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My dad introduced us to D&D when I was 9 years old. It was a friday night in 1986, not too long after my parents divorce, and he was looking for things for the three of us to do together. He'd pick us up from school and take us over to his place, a tiny one bedroom cabin deep in the woods. By day, my brother and I would have adventure in those woods, but after dinner, out would come the 8x11 red box.

My dad was the DM, and he always played a drunken Hobbit. I was the cleric and my brother was a fighter.

This is nostalgia week for me.

EDIT: holy shit, ninja'd! I can't believe it!
 

DeAvatar

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Mar 27, 2009
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Doh! In one game when I Dmed for the family, one of my brothers threw the Dwarf of the party out of a tower window. Fortunately the party hadn't even gone up the stairs, so the Dwarf was thrown out the first floor window. Unfortunately Pops played the Dwarf...(What is it with dads and Dwarfs?) lets just say at the end that its been decades since we all played D&D together.
 

dead_rebel

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The article was funny, but I'm going to take it as fiction as it's far too fantastical (and filled with movie clichés) to be true.
 

Mr.PlanetEater

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If this is all real and not a joke (Seriously marion please answer this) you sir have the most interesting life I've ever heard of. Greatly enjoyed the article, reminds me of when I was invited to my friends last week to play their own table top game. Which my friend's dad made with his friends in the late 80's (They pass it down now), it ended up with us burning down the entire north mountains, to find the quest item.
 

Fearzone

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Dec 3, 2008
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*Martin* Sheen, no?

Anyway, that made me miss tabletop gaming. Yes, I played D&D with Dad one time too to prove it wasn't Satan worship. I'm pretty sure he was human fighter.
 

Abedeus

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Pretty fun. Next time, you better let your dad play the role of the leader ;d

Visulth said:
Just a question about D&D; can you only die once, or is there a way to respawn?
Depends on the DM. If your party can afford to resurrect you (5 thousand gold pieces in diamond dust, a cleric who can cast Raise Dead, a scroll of Raise Dead which is more expensive and someone to read it, or a temple where priests can resurrect you for a fee, big fee), then yeah. But if the DM is nice, he may let you create another character to fill the gap.
 

kawaiiamethist

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This campaign reminds me of a typical DnD night for my buddies and me. The innocents won't survive, something will always blow up or get burnt down, and everything that can be looted will be looted.
 

Marion Cox

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Sep 29, 2009
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there is a term for that expression you asked if the internet had a word for and it is called- facepalm
 

Marion Cox

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"I am leading this squad now. You maggots better get your shit together or you'll wind up here like this sissy egg-sucking dwarf. Now, we have some commies to kill, who here is with me?"
I'm stealing this character. Wyskowski the Dwarven fighter, hero of the USA.
 

Copter400

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Man, your father kicks ass. I hope to never find myself on the other side of a table from him.
 

JMeganSnow

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Apocalypse Now reference at the end = win.

I'm not all that fond of these Reliable Sources, though.
 

domicius

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Your dad's awesome. Kudos to him for throwing in for something he's never done before, and for roleplaying to the hilt.

Also, ouch.
 

Eldarion

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Visulth said:
Just a question about D&D; can you only die once, or is there a way to respawn?
There is a long complicated resurrection ritual that takes several days and you don't start out knowing it.

Otherwise, no you just die.
 

Cody211282

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hURR dURR dERP said:
Marion Cox said:
I suppose that next session I'll be playing Charlie Sheen the Elven ranger sent out to end his madness.
Wasnt it Marten Sheen in that movie?

OT: This was funny as hell, I take it you didnt invite him back for another game?
 

Remzer

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Jul 29, 2009
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If Marion was referring to Charlie Sheen in the two Hot SHots movie, the great Topper Harley, then yeah, he was right.
Other than that, I don't see how it could be anything else than Martin Sheen...

And great story! I recently got back to playing an old pen and paper Lord of The Rings game with a bunch of friends... I was the rustiest DM you've ever seen, if there ever was one.
 

burntham77

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"Eventually, he conned his into mother buying him the Dungeon Master's Guide, because it would enhance his reading comprehension skills."

Such are the mountain of half-truths we told our parents to get what we wanted.