Retail jobs: the dumbest customer question you've been asked?

[AgentLampshade]

"Where do you sell your legs?"

Absolutely no context whatsoever, just some old woman waddling up to me and asking "where do you sell your legs?" I was taken aback, and asked what she meant, but she just left. I don't know if she meant it as a joke or if she was senile or anything, I just went back to my work and thought nothing of it.

Later that day, some hobo-looking guy wanders up and mumbles incoherently at me. I ask him to repeat it and he mumbles again. I give up and say "I'm not sure what you're asking" and he storms off in a huff. Reaching the end of the isle, he turns and shouts in a slightly more coherent voice "What team do you support?" And I look at him and say "none, why?" Then he leaves.

Strangest day of my work so far. Seriously, Asda have the weirdest customers.

 

[Longstreet]

While i don't work in retail, i do get some stupid ass questions sometimes.

Let me elaborate, i deliver the mail in my hometown. Every once in a while, mostly when i have to be in apartment complexes, i will stand there in the middle of the hall infront of the mailboxes, bike outside with the blue mail carry bags on it, the same blue shoulder bag of my shoulder. I will even have a stack of mail resting on my arm and WHILE i am putting the mail in the boxes someone asks me.

Do you deliver the mail?

Usually i just say yes i do, since i keep forgetting to say 'no i'm the eastern bunny.'

 

[Chaos Marine]

Me: *Packing out stock*
Customer: Hisssss!
Me: *Looks around, confused for a moment before spotting said customer*
Customer: Hisssss! *Pointing at himself*
Me: *Looks around confused*
Customer: Hisssss! Hisssssss! *Pointing at himself more vigorously*
Me: *Blinks and resumes packing out stuff, ignoring him*

I have no idea what kind of response this guy was thinking he was going to get and I have no idea why he was hissing at me but fuck me if I'm going to respond to that.

At work we offer to send out our promo-catalogues through the mail because we have new ones monthly and in exchange for letting us advertise to you directly, you get some discount vouchers mailed out to you. Not that bad a deal, particularly if you buy a lot of stuff from us. I tend to offer this frequently. I offered it to a customer who declined, no problem, I then offer it to his friend who accepted and got some discounted printed with his receipt. His friend then *demands* the same discounts. I tell him, truthfully, that we can't unless he buys something and he starts complaining about having bought something. Fair enough, but they can only go through with a transaction. I point him to these cheap screwdrivers at the till for a euro and he starts raging at me, claiming I'm blackmailing him or something to that effect. His friend at least had the good nature to actually blush and pull his cap down over his face in embarrassment.

Regularly we get this guy who's an amateur musician of the dumbed kind. This fellow is mentally dense to the degree that he has to be shown multiple times how to plug stuff together for it to work. An example, we had an offer on a twin wireless-mic and headpiece system in which you get a wireless receiver, two wireless mics and a battery box that comes with a lapel mic and a mic that has a brace that goes over your head with the mic itself being kept alongside your mouth. He struggled and I mean STRUGGLED with the concept of the mics being able to work at the same time as well as how the battery box and the lapel and jaw-mic worked. It was baffling how someone who works with speakers, guitars etc could not grasp the simple fact that running a 6.3-inch jack from a device to an amp carries the sound from it. In fairness to him, he's a lovely guy but no one in the store wants to deal with him because of how painfully stupid he is.

Me: Good day, how can I help you?
Customer: Hi, I'd like a refund on this.
Me: Certainly, do you have your receipt with you? Is the unit faulty or not satisfactory?
Customer: It's not satisfactory.
Me: Fair enough, I'll need to take your name and address for the refund.
Customer: Sure.

So far so good, I start taking their name and address when I notice the customer was from Co. Waterford. For those of you who don't know, Waterford is a good two hour's drive to Cork (I have the joy of working in a retail shop that has all of six stores throughout Ireland and we do a lot of gear that you literally can not get anywhere else in Ireland). Anyway, I stop and just stare at him for several seconds, completely befuddled. He was returning a small audio adapter that was worth three or four euro. The price of petrol from there to here would have been ten or fifteen euro.

Customer: Hi, I'd like to pay for this by cheque, is that okay?
Me: Sure, may I see the cheque please?
Customer: Sure.
After inspecting the cheque, I see it's a personal cheque.
Me: I'm sorry sir, we can't take personal cheques.
Customer: What? Sure you can, one of you guys took one from me last week.
Me: No, no one where would take a personal cheque. It's against store policy.
Customer: Look, just take the fucking cheque. Fill it in, now, I'm in a hurry.
Me: No, I will not take it. Also, I am not filling in your cheque. That's definitely a no-no. I'd get fired if I did that.
Customer: The same guy did it last week. You better do it!
Me: Can you tell me the name of the person who did this then? This is the kind of stuff that can get them fired.
The customer then grumbled and paid with cash. Tried the same thing the following week and got the same response but had the cash ready for when I said no. A few weeks later we got a visit from the Gardai, Irish police, who were investigating cheque fraud. Never saw him again.

 

[axlryder]

So far so good, I start taking their name and address when I notice the customer was from Co. Waterford. For those of you who don't know, Waterford is a good two hour's drive to Cork (I have the joy of working in a retail shop that has all of six stores throughout Ireland and we do a lot of gear that you literally can not get anywhere else in Ireland). Anyway, I stop and just stare at him for several seconds, completely befuddled. He was returning a small audio adapter that was worth three or four euro. The price of petrol from there to here would have been ten or fifteen euro.

how do you know he/she wasn't just in the area?

 

[Legendairy314]

I work at a pizza hut and get this one quite a bit.

Me: "so was this going to be for delivery or carry out?"
Them: "Yes"

They also tend to ask questions I've answered in the opening statement and will generally have no concept of me having to get their information BEFORE I take their order.

One employee got this wonderful call.

Employee: "(Opening schpeel)"
Them: "Yeah, I want a pepperoni pizza for delivery" *Hangs up*

They later complained that we never delivered their pizza. We had no address or number to call whatsoever.

 

[Chaos Marine]

So far so good, I start taking their name and address when I notice the customer was from Co. Waterford. For those of you who don't know, Waterford is a good two hour's drive to Cork (I have the joy of working in a retail shop that has all of six stores throughout Ireland and we do a lot of gear that you literally can not get anywhere else in Ireland). Anyway, I stop and just stare at him for several seconds, completely befuddled. He was returning a small audio adapter that was worth three or four euro. The price of petrol from there to here would have been ten or fifteen euro.

how do you know he/she wasn't just in the area?

He made it clear to me after I'd stopped to stare at him that he'd come back to Cork solely for the refund.

 

[axlryder]

So far so good, I start taking their name and address when I notice the customer was from Co. Waterford. For those of you who don't know, Waterford is a good two hour's drive to Cork (I have the joy of working in a retail shop that has all of six stores throughout Ireland and we do a lot of gear that you literally can not get anywhere else in Ireland). Anyway, I stop and just stare at him for several seconds, completely befuddled. He was returning a small audio adapter that was worth three or four euro. The price of petrol from there to here would have been ten or fifteen euro.

how do you know he/she wasn't just in the area?

He made it clear to me after I'd stopped to stare at him that he'd come back to Cork solely for the refund.

An odd thing to make clear to someone, especially without explicit prompting, but fair enough.

 

[SageRuffin]

Imagine, if you will, working at a popular fast food chain that specializes in "southern" [US] foods, the most notable of which being fried chicken and biscuits. Now imagine again, if you will, a customer coming up to you and asking for a staple of many Chinese food restaurants: shrimp fried rice.

With a straight face.

Was the person perhaps Chinese? Because in China, KFCs do sell rice dishes. I found it strange too but there you are.

Unfortunately, no. The guy was as black as my avatar (which makes it all worse when you think about it).

 

[greyscarf]

Well I work in a book shop and there have been a few gems.

Customer: Yeah I was wondering if you have this book I can't remember the title and I don't know who the author is and I'm not sure what its about but I know the cover is blue.

Me: I'm sorry if you could remember the title or what it's about I can help you but there are quite a few books with blue covers so it would be near impossible to find the specific book you are after.

Customer: Well can you grab all the blue covered books so I can look through them?

I was waiting for a fellow bookseller to post something like this. When I worked at Borders, I would get the same questions. A similar incident I remember was a girl who wanted a copy of the Kama Sutra. There were many different copies of the Kama Sutra on the shelf, so I asked her if she could identify which one she wanted. She said, "It had calligraphy on the inside pages."

I've had people ask if they would get put on a list if they bought a specific book (The Satanic Bible, The Anarchist's Cookbook, etc).

I've had people buy books because they just saw the movie, but then they get upset because the cover is the movie tie-in. (One fellow was particularly upset about the cover for Enemy At the Gates and demanded we sell him "the real one.")

Once a guy came in with a book about the JFK assassination that clearly said on the front: "Banned in America! Unavailable in America!" He demanded that I look it up in our system & in Books In Print. When I couldn't locate it, he pointed out the words on the cover & said, "You know why you can't get it? It's because this book tells the truth. The Jews killed JFK!" He then spent the next few minutes giving me the entire summary of the book. (Things like this happened more frequently than you think. Sometimes these guys then tried to hit on me after "instructing" me.)

Our power went out and we had to close the store until it came back on because we couldn't ring any sales. Someone made a large sign that said "No Power" and stuck it on the locked door. We had just let the last customers out, when a woman came up & started pulling on the doors as hard as she possibly could, trying to get into the store. I pointed to the sign. She stared at me for a sec & then began banging on the glass. I unlocked the door & before I could say anything, she was pushing through, asking, "Why is your door locked?!" "We have no power, ma'am. We can't let you in; we can't sell any books," I said. She stopped and stared, "Well, WHY?" "We have no power; our registers are down." I had to repeat this many times before she finally turned around and left.

 

[funkyjiveturkey]

wow, i can't believe my first thread has exploded this much.

this post is basically to tell how shocked i am that a few nights ago one of the dumbest frequent questions i always have to tell customers is not feasible, actually is.

one of the most frequently asked and yet annoying questions is "hi, do you have an HDMI to USB?" something that i always responded with "no, that doesn't exist" and would then go on to explain how USB is not a video out, only in (like in the case of webcams). however, i tell a customer my usually response to this question and he kindly explains to me he found a box online that does just that. i looked it up and sure enough, there it is. fairly new as i understand, but the "it doesn't exist" card i have relied on past 2 years is now null and void.

a dumb question was finally made valid. mother of god.....

 

[funkyjiveturkey]

Anyway, I stop and just stare at him for several seconds, completely befuddled. He was returning a small audio adapter that was worth three or four euro. The price of petrol from there to here would have been ten or fifteen euro.

ah yes, i know this type. we have one that comes to my store on a regular basis.

and ye shall call him Returney McReturnington (yes, this is actually what our staff refers to him as)

for the obvious reason that he returns EVERYTHING!! like literally fucking everything he buys! we're a surplus store, which means exactly what it sounds like. second hand, refurbished, or if it's new it's extra stock that other stores, or our suppliers sell to us. so it's kind of a gamble with the stuff you buy, most of it's good but naturally some doesn't work.

for starters, he has a thick newfoundland accent (basically Canada's Texas), is overweight, doesn't know anything about anything he buys, and is always VERY rude to our staff. he buys several hundred dollars of shit, returns it all the next day, complains about how our store sells piles of junk and shit products, then he goes out to the store floor and buys several hundred dollars more of stuff!

one time doing the exact thing this man did for you. first he demanded that i assist him immediately while helping someone else while my foot was injured. after i go over and help him find the adapter piece he's looking for (which $0.99 canadian) he says if it doesnt work he's going to come back and return it, which would've cost him about 15 times that in gas (which per litre is still more expensive than this piece he bought)

 

[funkyjiveturkey]

okay okay, i got another one. this one isn't stupid, but it is funny in a stereotypical way.

a man in probably his early to mid 50's comes in. clearly a practicing jew; he had the yamuka (i don't think that's how it's spelled), curly hair, the star of david necklace and everything. obviously i don't care about that sort of thing, frankly i think people still pick on the jewish far too much in this day and age. but he walks straight up to the counter and says...

"hi, do you have any REALLY cheap hard-drives?" (he even put emphasis on the really cheap part)

me and my friend looking at each other holding back intense laughter and explained we didn't have any that fit the price range he told us.

 

[funkyjiveturkey]

C: Hey there. How are you? Listen, I need this f*cking etc.

Swearing continuously, even if you?re not layering abuse at the workers is not appreciated. There might be children about or people who are easily offended and while they might not complain to you they certainly will complain to us about leaving people like you into the store.

indeed some of the language customers use is attrocious around kids.

a couple comes in two weeks ago with their 4 year old little girl

"hey bud, how much are these LED strip-lights? i need some cuz my fuckin last pair blew cuz the god damn powerlines and shit went all haywire on me then the box shit the bed and......(AND IT JUST OGES ON AND ON)

one guy came in talking to me about security cameras, and is talking about how (and i quote) a bunch of "goddamn sand-niggers" are trashing his property, and he's saying this with his 8 year old boy standing directly next to him!

 

[Zyxx]

I spent a few months working at a used game store, akin to GameStop but dealing in older games as well. Whooo doggy.
Some samples:
"What's the number for Wal-Mart/Pizza Hut/Wingstop?" (all places within walking distance of this store)

(little boy translating for his non-English-speaking dad) "Can you make this cheaper?" No, little boy, please explain to your father that this is a corporate-run store.

"Do you have a Mario game for the Playstation?" I suppose I can't hate on someone /too/ much for this if they're genuinely not aware of the property/company divisions, but to me it's just incredibly common knowledge.


Man: "Do you have a book with all the cheat codes?"
Me: "All the cheat codes for...?"
Man: "Video games."
Me: "Wait, you mean all video games? Ever"
Man: "Yeah."
Me: "Pretty sure that doesn't exist, man. And if it did it would fill up this entire room and then some."
Man: (visibly disappointed) "Oh. So there's nothing like that?"
Me: "Well, there's this website called GameFAQS..."
(A coworker later suggested that I should have scammed him, charging him for our "company periodical" which was really just a printout from GameFAQS. While an amusing thought, I'm not /that/ much of an asshole.)

 

[The Eupho Guy_v1legacy]

I don't have any stupid questions that spring to mind, but there is one incident I've been involved in not long ago that still has me shaking my head in disbelief. I work in a general store run by my parents, so we do a little bit of everything: Take away, groceries, petrol, soft drinks, ect. We also do gas bottle swaps for gas barbecues. The gas bottles are kept in a wire cage out the front of the shop (Yes, there is a reason why I'm going into details).

ANYWAY, About a week and a half ago, someone wanted to do a swap for a gas bottle, which was easy enough to do. I rang the transaction through and got the key to the cage and went outside to grab the full bottle, when I saw his son outside, smoking. This was all well and good, apart from the fact that he decided that he needed to sit down and the nearest thing that resembled a chair was a particular wire cage...

It took a while for me to figure out what to say, but the most diplomatic thing I could think of saying was "That's an incredibly stupid thing to do..."

His response? *Looks down* "Oh yeah, didn't think about that..."

(This person is 18, btw, so old enough to realise just how dangerous smoking next to 18 9kg gas bottles is)