Any following dialogue will usually be prefaced with a simple letter for the person, M: for manager, C: for customer and Me: for personal experiences.
Enjoy.
C: Can you look after my child? I?ll only be half an hour.
No, lady, I can?t. This is a toy store not a nursery. And before you decide to have a look through Smiths or whoever, I don?t work in a toy store but I have heard this being said.
While maybe not verbatim word for word, but the very last line of what was said by the customer is. This also happened midway through February.
C: Hello, this doesn?t work. I want an exchange
M: Okay, what?s the fault?
[M takes the item in question and looks at it, there is no packaging]
C: I don?t know, it just doesn?t work.
M: Alright, that?s not a problem, do you have the receipt?
C: No. I think I threw it away.
M: Can you tell me when you bought it?
C: No, can?t remember. It was before Christmas anyway.
M: Did you buy it by card or cash? If you bought it by card I should be able to find it in the system.
C: Cash I think.
M: Okay, did you buy anything else with it?
C: Don?t remember.
M: I?m sorry then, I can?t give you an exchange.
C: Why not? It never worked for me. I?m entitled to an exchange. You know what, never mind. Just give me a refund.
M: I can?t give you that either unless you can tell me the date you bought on it or the receipt.
C: Look, I bought it here and [pointing at same product on a peg] you have some more of them there. You cant get these anywhere else in Cork.
M: I understand that, but I can?t do anything without a receipt or the date it was bought on. Look, everything that?s sold goes through the system which is how our stock is controlled. Stuff brought back needs to be run through the system as well. Coming up to Christmas, that particular item was on special offer and we sold loads of them. If I was to just exchange it back to you with someone else?s receipt code and that customer was to come back with their unit if it went faulty, we could fail our audit and get in a load of trouble with head office.
C: I don?t care, I?m entitled to an exchange or a refund. I demand to see the store manager.
M: You?re talking to him. I?m sorry, but you?re not. It?s your responsibility to keep your receipt as proof of purchase. I?ve explained to you how our returns policy works and I can not give you a refund or an exchange unless you can provide me with a receipt or the date of purchase. I?m sorry but that?s just the way it is.
C: Fine. I hope I see you on the dole.
Yes, he actually said that before walking out. Think about that. Now, imagine you have to deal with stuff like that on a regular basis.
Another example;
C: Excuse me, can you tell me about this?
Me: Hmmm, I?m sorry, I don?t know about that particular item? [Cut off here]
C: Well why the f*ck not? You work here. You should know about what you?re selling!
Now then, this happens quite regularly too. Some stores sell a very wide range of items and not every employee can know everything about everything in the store. If the idiot in question had let me finish, I would have told her that I?d get someone who does.
C: Get this for me. Now.
Well, hold on there sparky. I?d like to introduce you to my fist. Now. But no, that would be rude. Just like you are. I work in retail and yes, I am paid to help you in any way I reasonably can. But that doesn?t give you the excuse to treat me like something unpleasant you just stepped on. Simple, every day courtesy like please and thank you go a long way. Is it a wonder why people feel that floor staff can seem hostile or belligerent? As everyone should know, we?re all human. We all have our own lives, hopes, ambitions and desires. Under no circumstances do you deserve to treat people like scum because they work in retail.
C: IS ANYONE AT THE TILL?
Acting like a self important douche certainly doesn?t make retail staff any happier. I am referring to a customer who, on the phone demanded, rather loudly and forcefully for a particular item. We had one left and when asked if he?d like it to be reserved for himself he said no, he?d only be an hour. An hour later and when he arrived, it turned out it had been sold. He then berated me for not keeping it for him. I told him that I had offered to reserve it for him (We have to do this, there are actually disciplinary actions if every item of stock isn?t accounted for). Luckily for him though, we?d gotten a delivery between then and we had one to spare. On the way to the till he yelled out IS ANYONE AT THE TILL only to stop off midway down the shop to inspect something and then arrived at the till five minutes later. Don?t be a douche.
C: This is really expensive, can you give me a discount on it?
Why? Why should I give you a discount? What exactly entitles you to pay less than the next person who might want this item? This question or the variations of it piss the Hades out of me. There are many other people who will happily pay the asking price for something without believing they?re entitled to a discount simply because the item is expensive. If you can?t afford something, either save up or buy somewhere else. If we?re the only suppliers, tough luck. If you have coupons or discount vouchers, yeah you can have your discount.
C: I come here all the time, how about a discount?
And? We have a lot of other repeat customers who are more than happy to not expect discounts simply because they shop here.
C: This is the last of your stock on this? Can you give me a discount on it?
No.
C: I just got broadband but they never gave me a modem. If you come out to my place I?ll buy one from here.
Not only is this creepy and possibly the start of a missing person?s case, I?ll going to go along with the idea that the guy isn?t mentally disturbed. Simply put, no. We sell the stuff but that doesn?t mean we have to install it for you either.
C: Listen, I need an item that does this, this or this.
Me: I?m sorry, I?ve never heard or seen something that does that, that or that.
C: Well why the hell not?
This can happen with any number of things that do any number of things. But unfortunately, if I don?t know about what you?re talking about or I?ve never seen or thought about using something in the way you?re talking about, asking me why I don?t know is a pretty stupid thing to ask, no?
C: My brother bought an item here last week and I want it too.
Me: I?m sorry, we don?t sell that here.
C: Is there anyone else who works here who?d know?
Me: I?ve been working here a year and if anyone knows more about that item than me, I?d be quite surprised.
C: F*ck you. [Leaves.]
Indeed. The following didn?t happen to me but I was there to see it anyway.
C: Hi, I got this hear two weeks ago and it never worked for me so I took it to a repair store and they told me that the entire model of this item is faulty. I want a new item.
M: [Looking at the item which has been pried open and messily reassembled] I?m sorry, but we can?t take this back. It?s been opened and that voids its warranty.
C: That?s not what the guy in the other store told me! He told me that you?ll have to give me a replacement.
M: Was it another branch of our store?
C: No, it was item menders.
M: We?re not affiliated with that store. They have no say in our returns policy.
C: I don?t care, he said you had to give me a replacement because the entire batch of this model were faulty.
M: And that?s fine, yes, but you should have brought it back here and gotten an exchange immediately. But since it?s been opened, the warranty has been voided. That?s standard on all electronic goods like this.
C: Are you the manager?
M: Yes I am.
C: Then I want the number of your regional manager. I?m going to have your job.
M: I can?t give that out but I can call head office and see what I can do.
C: Fine. But I?m not leaving here without a new, working phone.
M: [Talks to head office for a few minutes] I?m sorry but the best I can do is send it back to head office for our engineers to look at it but that?s it.
C: But the guy at item menders says it?s faulty! Just give me a new item!
M: Madam, we have to follow company policy. The say so of someone from a different store doesn?t change that.
At this point, I was leaving after being served but on the way out I heard several yelled curses and the sound of the alleged item breaking.
C: I can get this online for half the price?
Well why don?t you? I honestly don?t know if people realise this, but of course something is going to be cheaper online than it is in a retail store. Why? Because online retailers basically consist of a warehouse and a skeleton crew of workers meaning they can sell items at near cost price and come away with a profit while retail stores need to pay taxes on each store, rent (If they don?t own the location they operate on), lighting, necessary staff, water, maintenance, visible promotions and transport from central warehouses, sometimes to different countries like a few stores in Ireland getting their stock from the UK. No doubt there are plenty of other charges but that is the general reason why you pay more in a retail. But that also means you get face to face support and usually, the chance to examine the item before you purchase it.
C: You charge for your catalogue?
Yes, we do. A lot of stores are not Argos who?s business model revolves around them (Which is why when you go into Argos, you get the item code and go to the till to pick it up instead of just picking it up off the shelves. Don?t like it? Tough.
C: Hey there. How are you? Listen, I need this f*cking etc.
Swearing continuously, even if you?re not layering abuse at the workers is not appreciated. There might be children about or people who are easily offended and while they might not complain to you they certainly will complain to us about leaving people like you into the store.
C: Hey bud, do you think you could open up a little early so I can get what I want?
No. I?m paid to work a set number of hours. I?m not going to open especially for you even if I could.
[Shop is closed but we?re finishing the night pack or face off or whatever]
C: Hey! [Banging on entrance] Can I get in? I need to get something?! Please!?
No. The store is closed. Come back tomorrow. Believe it or not, we have our own lives and, just like everyone else, we have no great desire to prolong our work day another ten or twenty minutes just you can grab something. Adding to this, if the store is closed or the entrance doesn?t open automatically, that doesn?t invite you to force the doors open and get into the store. Just don?t.
C: Excuse me, can you help me?
Me: Certainly, just give me a minute, I?m sorting out another customer.
C: That?s not good enough, it?s Christmas Eve and I have a load of shopping still to do.
Me: [Strung out from a busy day full of rude, inconsiderate people barging and pushing everyone else around them] Okay, certainly. Would you like to then go down and tell that guy in the electric wheel chair that I can?t serve him any more because you?re too impatient to wait three minutes?
C: F*ck you. I hope you have a miserable Christmas.
And yes, that happened to me at approximately three o?clock last Christmas Eve.
C: I?m from this place.[He did give me the name of where he lives but I?m not posting it here even if I should] Tell me what broadband services are available there.
Me: [Confounded for a moment] What?
C: [Talking to me as if I?m an idiot child] What broadband services are available from where I live.
Me: I haven?t a clue. You?ll need to contact Eircom or someone else to see who?s available at your place.
C: I don?t like Eircom [Fair enough, they?re sh*te I know]. Are you in on the conspiracy too? You sell modems, you should know what?s available at my place!
Me: How? I don?t even know where your place is! If you want to find what services are available in your area, google it.
Yes, this was an actual conversation. I truly wish I was making it up.
Children. Simply put, if you can not control them, do not bring them into the store. If you see your little fat b*stard offspring running around making a mess, then yes, you should get him and explain to him why he shouldn?t. Just letting him muck up the place, causing unnecessary work is not appreciated. And if you?re told that you need to reign him in or leave, don?t get snippy about it.
On another note but of a similar vein, while most places won?t have signs to the effect, dogs, unless they?re guide dogs should not be brought into the store with you. Cleaning up their sh*t or p*ss is not something anyone wants to do. Clearly everyone but you knows not to bring their pets into stores.
Most stores can order stuff in if they don?t have it in stock at that time. Because it may take more than two days does not give you the right to complain about it. If you?re told you?ll get a phone call when it?s arrived. Calling in or phoning us two days after ordering it in when you?ve been told it?ll be a week is a waste of your time and ours.
