Retail jobs: the dumbest customer question you've been asked?

[Amethyst Wind]

I was a cashier for a year at Target (basically a higher-class Walmart).

The most infuriating question/statement, by far, that I received on a weekly basis, when having difficulty scanning an item or locating the barcode, was this: "Oh, if it doesn't scan, that means it's free, right?"

Every one of them deserves a punch in the face.

I have worked at a 7 Eleven for years... and yes, every fucking time! "That means it's free, right?" No shit head, it doesn't, and that wasn't funny the first time I heard it... never mind the 1oooth.

I do love it when people come in and ask us if we sell cigarettes though

I always find that the best response is to respond straight-faced with a number in the 20-30 range. Just the number. When they look at you quizzically you keep the straight face but explain that you're keeping count of the number of times that joke has been told that day.

Keeping your expression and voice neutral is the key here, it deprives the fool of having any sort of grounds for calling you out on it while you are clearly implying that they're a fucking tool. I always found that this seems to speed up the transaction as they no longer operate under the false impression that their humour will be tolerated.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

I've had some people, though three come to mind. One is this old lady, and while it wasn't a stupid 'stupid' question, it was stupid in another way. She came up to the counter and asked, "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, I'll try to--"
"Why do you only have cashiers on THIS side of the store? How come they're never over on the other side." For three minutes I stood there and listened to her complain about how our people were set up. Funny thing is, last week we had them down at the other end and she complained about how they weren't over on the current end. It's kind of hard to do when there are only two cashiers and it's nine in the morning.
Another time a parent came up and wanted to buy God of War for her eight year old boy for his birthday. I looked at her and explained that the game was full of violence and gore and stuff that tend to give kids nightmares.
"Oh, I'm fine with that," she said. The she lowered her voice and leaned in closure. "But I heard about a certain part of the game where you...you know. Is that true?" I immediately realized she was talking about the sex mini game. My imaginary eyes rolled in my head. Blood, gore, and violence doesn't bother her, but the thought that her son might be exposed to sexual stuff worried her.
Finally, and this is the most recent, some old guy came up to me and asked me some weird questions that I couldn't really answer, but gave it my best shot. He wasn't asking about store questions, but state questions, directions, and just weird stuff. Finally, he asks me, "Do you want to make a lot of money?"
"Uh, excuse me?"
"Do you want to make a lot of money?"
Baffled, I responded, "I don't think I'd be allowed to keep it," because that's store policy and I didn't want this guy handing my a large sum of cash on camera.
He throws his hands up and walks away, shouting, "Never mind. It's clear you're not interested." Just...what?

To be fair, I'd be more okay with the violence of God Of War with my 8 year old playing it. It's not freaking Manhunt, none of it resembles real life, and hell he might pick up a thing or two about the greek pantheon, it'll spark his interest when they cover it in school.

Sex though is kind of a line crosser for me.... But I doubt he'd even understand what was going on or figure out that that is possible.

Just saying.

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Not retail, but still:
I work in a pub, and a guest came up to the bar wanting a shot of Jägermeister. We were out of Jäger, so I told her "I'm sorry, we are all out." This was on a Saturday evening, around 23:30-ish. She, a native Norwegian, asked me: "Can't you go buy some more? I'll wait."

Now, in Norway, if you want to bring it out of the place you bought it, anything above 21,9% alcohol has to be bought in a special government run store called "Vinmonopolet," similar to the Swedish Systembolaget. On Saturdays, they close at 15:00. The only other option would be to go to another nearby bar (roughly 800 meters in -20 C), buy a shot of Jäger there, and bring it back to her (which would be illegal).

She then scolded me for being lazy and inexperienced. My boss threw her out for being, and I quote: "a *****."

...Your Government locks up the booze?

I am horrified by the totalitarian regime in which you live under...

 

[Overblaze]

i work in a fairly large chain restaurant and we get our fair share of idiots.

"Is there bacon in the Bacon Cheeseburger?"

Them: "Can I have (random appetizer) as my side?"
Me: "I'm sorry but we have them pre portioned out as appetizers so we can't make them sides."
T: "I will pay extra..."
M: "I'm sorry but we just can't"
T: "THIS IS RIDICULOUS THIS WAS TERRIBLE I WANT TO TALK TO A MANAGER I'M NOT PAYING FOR ANY OF THIS"

T: "Can i have a virgin rum and coke?"
M: "So you want a... pepsi?"

M: "Hello everyone! Welcome to (store). My name is"
T: "ICE TEA PEPSI WINGS BURGER"
M: "(name) can i start you off with something to drink"
T: ::snide looks then scream orders at me all at once again::

oh the world of a restaurant is a crazy one.

 

[Kinitawowi]

"Are you the only one working right now"?

Oh god, I love this one (and it's cousin, "can you get some more staff over?"). Do you see anyone else here? Do you think I make up the rotas in this place? Do you think I actually want to be the only person stuck here dealing with this mess of a queue because everybody had the same idea that ten minutes before closing would be the time that we're quietest? Do one.

The other one I like is "Do you fix computers here?" (Or even "Is this customer services?") I suspect our PR department are failing to get across the message of what Knowhow means.

 

[Realitycrash]

I have heard the "stay out of the basement" thing alot when talking to newer people. Where is this basement and why must I stay out of it?

It usually refers to the Religion & Politics Sub-forum, and it isn't that you must stay out of it, more that people in general avoid it because they perceive it as a hostile environment.


OT: I've worked as a bartender for awhile, and one of the most common questions were simply 'So, can I have a free beer?'.
First off, it's illegal to give away alcohol where I live.
Second, no of course you can't, we sell alcohol, not give it away.

I've worked at a hobby-supply store that sells soft-air guns and knives, and I've had to turn down a good deal of teenagers who try to buy one without an ID. Seriously, if you can't legally buy smokes, I'm not selling you a weapon.

 

[Kuilui]

So I work at a very popular Deli in my town and Sundays are particularly horrible. We have deals VERY SPECIFIC deals on items.
One guy walks up on a Sunday and goes I want half a pound of low sodium turkey and half a pound of American cheese. That week regular turkey and regular American Cheese were on sale as a combo price. So seeing the line is about 20 people long I quickly cut what he wants separately charge him regular price since he didn't order the combo and walk over to the next customer. All of a sudden he waves me over.

M: Yes?
H: You charged me wrong(Psycho face)
M: You ordered the regular turkey and american so i can't give you the combo price.
H: What, huh?(Looks at my coworker)
My coworker: You have to order specifically whats up their to get the discount.
H: what? I DID ORDER THAT!
M:No you didnt you have to orde-
H:WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MY WIFE GETS A SPECIAL DEAL WHEN SHES HERE! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! I WANT THE COMBO PRICE!! MY WIFE GETS THE SPECIAL DEAL!!!!
Nobody gets a special deal at all. His wife just shops instead of him and when he realized he failed at reading and was made a fool of he lost it. The guy has a total meltdown screaming and yelling in front of everyone so i take back the turkey and give him the whole less than 2 dollars off he so desperately wanted and he storms off in a huff. He was causing a scene so I just did what he wanted so he'd go be a psycho somewhere else. Thank god I never saw that guy again. Two other people freaked out on me that day and all my co workers got pretty badly harassed as well. Which is a pretty uncommon occurrence honestly. Not sure what was up everyones rear end that day.

 

[Masterdebator]

The stupidest has to be "Do you work here?"

Indeed. It's baffling how many times you'll be asked that at a retail position, especially when you're wearing a t-shirt with the store's name prominently displayed.

In terms of the "dumbest" question I've been asked, it would probably involve a customer holding up a shoe, pulling out the tongue/ tag, pointing at the size/ number, and asking me to tell them what number/ size it is.

I suppose dealing with an illiterate customer qualifies as dumb, though it's also incredibly sad.

 

[Xeromorph]

When I use to work at a book store a guy asked me if we sell dvds .

 

[Sidmen]

The stupidest has to be "Do you work here?"

Indeed. It's baffling how many times you'll be asked that at a retail position, especially when you're wearing a t-shirt with the store's name prominently displayed.

In terms of the "dumbest" question I've been asked, it would probably involve a customer holding up a shoe, pulling out the tongue/ tag, pointing at the size/ number, and asking me to tell them what number/ size it is.

I suppose dealing with an illiterate customer qualifies as dumb, though it's also incredibly sad.

I've become particularly fond of "Come here and assist me, retail slave."

Its not baffling, its a common colloquialism used by people trying to politely get your attention. You know this, you know it translates as "I need your assistance," what is baffling is that I've seen dozens of people mention it as a dumb question in this thread - like they're willfully ignorant to the phrase's purpose.

I was lying in the first line of this post. Recently, when I've needed assistance, I've started just telling people what I need done (typically when I need someone to unlock something - because storing $20 flash drives behind locked glass, while sitting next to them on an open shelf is a $70 router makes any kind of sense). For example, I'll say "Hi, could you please open this for me."

 

[mechman123]

I spent a few months working in Yellowstone National Park as a bus boy for a small park owned restaurant. People from all over the world were hired and to show this we all had to wear name-tags with our first name and the area we came from under it. Most of my fellow bussers were from Europe and Taiwan, while I hale from Massachusetts so my tag said
[My name Here]
Massachusetts
During our training we are told to expect stupid questions, but I never expected to be asked this Multiple times: "Is your name really [name] Massachusetts?" To make things sadder, this question came primarily from other Americans! I doubt any of the employes from Taiwan were asked if Taiwan was their last name.
Though getting to walk around with a hat that said Staff on it during off hours made up for the stupidity, especially when I got to see the look on peoples faces when I called them out for doing something they shouldn't.

 

[AMMO Kid]

Customer: Wait, I thought that item was on sale?
Me: No, [that was last week][you read the sign wrong][you just got confused etc]
Customer: This is outrageous! Who do you think you are? I deserve that discount that I just made up!!!

 

[saintdane05]

This is from an experience at a store I DIDN'T WORK AT. I went over after work, still in uniform, no name badge. The store's (employee)dress code was black shirt and khakis, my work uniform is blue shirt and khakis.

A customer comes up to me and asks me to help them get something off the top shelf, i told them that I don't work there and I go back to browsing. They come back with a manager still complaining that I'm "Not doing my job.". I turn to the manager, he looks at me and to the customer, and tells her again that I don't work there. She throws a fit threatening to call corporate over it.

The manager leans in close to me, asks me my name and if he can "fire" me. So we stage this "firing" and I finish my shopping, and I end up getting a gift card for my "troubles".

Very interesting to say the least.

Oh, shit. I thought I actually got someone fired. Few. Trip to Hell averted.

 

[Jfswift]

Worked at Walmart in electronics back in 06 had a person ask if we Nintendo games at first I thought they meant game cube or Wii but they meant NES.

You know what's weird though is I found some brand new snes controllers only a few years ago in a WalMart.

 

[Cale Lively]

Do you sell VCR's. I should probably explain that I work in a local HIFI Store we deal with high end consumer electronics. VCR's havent been made for awhile. Even worse is when they ask if we carry VCR Tapes. Another favorite of mine is "Do you wanna buy X or Y. Or how much do you think I can get for this next door." We are located next to a pawn shop. A classic experience was I had a lady who thought we were a bank, because the wall of TV's and huge speakers scream bank.

 

[Tanis]

Whilst working as a shelf monkey in some horrible supermarket I was asked if we had something that we'd sold out of in 'the back' (I think it was some really tacky wall prints). After explaining that 'the back' is a place of myth that only exists in the customers mind, (everything we got was unloaded straight onto the shop floor for stacking) they asked if I could check there anyway. Now being that kind of polite British person I am I went and hung around the staff room for five mins before returning and saying I couldn't find any.

Isn't 'I'll check in the back' code for 'I'm going to take a 5 minute break on the company dime' anyways?

 

[dtgenshiken7]

I work at a fish and chip shop right beside the beach. 'Twas australia day, and the store was packed to the brim, I'd been working already for 6 hours, there wasn't time for a break. Suddenly, a mother comes to the register that it was my joy to be working on. She pushed past the customers that were in a line TO THE DOOR or the damn shop and waves a large bottle of coke in my face, nearly breaking my nose.

Woman- "The sign says your large is 1.5 liters."

Me- "Why yes, it does. Is there an issue?"

Woman- "This bottle is 1.25 liters!"

Me- "I'm sorry miss, but it really isn't my place to be talking about this, can I get you the manager?"

Woman- "NO, I want this service now and YOU'RE on the register!"

Me- "Alright, so what do you want?"

Woman- "A full refund or I sue you!"

After a small bout of speechlessness, I found a response.

Me- "Look, I'm sorry about the drink, but it really isn't my place to deal with-"

Woman- "Whatever! You're useless, I'm suing this place!"

She then left, gaining stares from every customer on the way. Kept the drink though, and we never heard from any lawyers. however, the icing on the cake was the NEXT customer in line.

"Your customer service is terrible!"

Oh god, I wanted to dunk her hand in a deep fryer worse than the first woman.

 

[Keneth]

Customer: "Why did you just sell that 13 year old kid condoms?"

Me: "Would you rather he got his 13 year old girlfriend pregnant?"

 

[Wolfbane_Daoine]

A year later the horrible manage ran the store into the ground and I moved for a job with great customers and bad management to one with great management and horrid customers. i worked at a call center that really treated the workers great and did all kinds of freebies and stuff to make everyone feel happy so there was lest turn over. which was good because we were taking calls for Sprint customer service and a lot of the customers had either started crazy or were driven that way by some of the other branches.

Oh dear lord in heaven. I had this job! Possibly for the same third party company who worked for Sprint too, sadly. They didn't turn out so good in the end in my area, stiffing myself and a few other employees out of their final cheques.

But your point about the Sprint Store employees is so very accurate. I had one rep on the line trying to assist a customer in the store but they needed me to look up some of her information. I was apparently taking a touch too long, and while still on the line the rep decided to make a snide remark to his retail friend about how all the phone jockeys were so terribly inept. I in one of my rare instances of bravery piped up that I was sorry this particular 'phone jockey' was taking so long, but the fact they'd given me the wrong information initially was perhaps more to blame then any fault of mine. Learn to mute, noob! ^_^

Retention calls sucked, plain and simple.

 

[Chaos Marine]

Any following dialogue will usually be prefaced with a simple letter for the person, M: for manager, C: for customer and Me: for personal experiences.

Enjoy.



C: Can you look after my child? I?ll only be half an hour.

No, lady, I can?t. This is a toy store not a nursery. And before you decide to have a look through Smiths or whoever, I don?t work in a toy store but I have heard this being said.

While maybe not verbatim word for word, but the very last line of what was said by the customer is. This also happened midway through February.

C: Hello, this doesn?t work. I want an exchange

M: Okay, what?s the fault?

[M takes the item in question and looks at it, there is no packaging]

C: I don?t know, it just doesn?t work.

M: Alright, that?s not a problem, do you have the receipt?

C: No. I think I threw it away.

M: Can you tell me when you bought it?

C: No, can?t remember. It was before Christmas anyway.

M: Did you buy it by card or cash? If you bought it by card I should be able to find it in the system.

C: Cash I think.

M: Okay, did you buy anything else with it?

C: Don?t remember.

M: I?m sorry then, I can?t give you an exchange.

C: Why not? It never worked for me. I?m entitled to an exchange. You know what, never mind. Just give me a refund.

M: I can?t give you that either unless you can tell me the date you bought on it or the receipt.

C: Look, I bought it here and [pointing at same product on a peg] you have some more of them there. You cant get these anywhere else in Cork.

M: I understand that, but I can?t do anything without a receipt or the date it was bought on. Look, everything that?s sold goes through the system which is how our stock is controlled. Stuff brought back needs to be run through the system as well. Coming up to Christmas, that particular item was on special offer and we sold loads of them. If I was to just exchange it back to you with someone else?s receipt code and that customer was to come back with their unit if it went faulty, we could fail our audit and get in a load of trouble with head office.

C: I don?t care, I?m entitled to an exchange or a refund. I demand to see the store manager.

M: You?re talking to him. I?m sorry, but you?re not. It?s your responsibility to keep your receipt as proof of purchase. I?ve explained to you how our returns policy works and I can not give you a refund or an exchange unless you can provide me with a receipt or the date of purchase. I?m sorry but that?s just the way it is.

C: Fine. I hope I see you on the dole.

Yes, he actually said that before walking out. Think about that. Now, imagine you have to deal with stuff like that on a regular basis.

Another example;

C: Excuse me, can you tell me about this?

Me: Hmmm, I?m sorry, I don?t know about that particular item? [Cut off here]

C: Well why the f*ck not? You work here. You should know about what you?re selling!

Now then, this happens quite regularly too. Some stores sell a very wide range of items and not every employee can know everything about everything in the store. If the idiot in question had let me finish, I would have told her that I?d get someone who does.

C: Get this for me. Now.

Well, hold on there sparky. I?d like to introduce you to my fist. Now. But no, that would be rude. Just like you are. I work in retail and yes, I am paid to help you in any way I reasonably can. But that doesn?t give you the excuse to treat me like something unpleasant you just stepped on. Simple, every day courtesy like please and thank you go a long way. Is it a wonder why people feel that floor staff can seem hostile or belligerent? As everyone should know, we?re all human. We all have our own lives, hopes, ambitions and desires. Under no circumstances do you deserve to treat people like scum because they work in retail.

C: IS ANYONE AT THE TILL?

Acting like a self important douche certainly doesn?t make retail staff any happier. I am referring to a customer who, on the phone demanded, rather loudly and forcefully for a particular item. We had one left and when asked if he?d like it to be reserved for himself he said no, he?d only be an hour. An hour later and when he arrived, it turned out it had been sold. He then berated me for not keeping it for him. I told him that I had offered to reserve it for him (We have to do this, there are actually disciplinary actions if every item of stock isn?t accounted for). Luckily for him though, we?d gotten a delivery between then and we had one to spare. On the way to the till he yelled out IS ANYONE AT THE TILL only to stop off midway down the shop to inspect something and then arrived at the till five minutes later. Don?t be a douche.

C: This is really expensive, can you give me a discount on it?

Why? Why should I give you a discount? What exactly entitles you to pay less than the next person who might want this item? This question or the variations of it piss the Hades out of me. There are many other people who will happily pay the asking price for something without believing they?re entitled to a discount simply because the item is expensive. If you can?t afford something, either save up or buy somewhere else. If we?re the only suppliers, tough luck. If you have coupons or discount vouchers, yeah you can have your discount.

C: I come here all the time, how about a discount?

And? We have a lot of other repeat customers who are more than happy to not expect discounts simply because they shop here.

C: This is the last of your stock on this? Can you give me a discount on it?

No.

C: I just got broadband but they never gave me a modem. If you come out to my place I?ll buy one from here.

Not only is this creepy and possibly the start of a missing person?s case, I?ll going to go along with the idea that the guy isn?t mentally disturbed. Simply put, no. We sell the stuff but that doesn?t mean we have to install it for you either.

C: Listen, I need an item that does this, this or this.

Me: I?m sorry, I?ve never heard or seen something that does that, that or that.

C: Well why the hell not?

This can happen with any number of things that do any number of things. But unfortunately, if I don?t know about what you?re talking about or I?ve never seen or thought about using something in the way you?re talking about, asking me why I don?t know is a pretty stupid thing to ask, no?

C: My brother bought an item here last week and I want it too.

Me: I?m sorry, we don?t sell that here.

C: Is there anyone else who works here who?d know?

Me: I?ve been working here a year and if anyone knows more about that item than me, I?d be quite surprised.

C: F*ck you. [Leaves.]

Indeed. The following didn?t happen to me but I was there to see it anyway.

C: Hi, I got this hear two weeks ago and it never worked for me so I took it to a repair store and they told me that the entire model of this item is faulty. I want a new item.

M: [Looking at the item which has been pried open and messily reassembled] I?m sorry, but we can?t take this back. It?s been opened and that voids its warranty.

C: That?s not what the guy in the other store told me! He told me that you?ll have to give me a replacement.

M: Was it another branch of our store?

C: No, it was item menders.

M: We?re not affiliated with that store. They have no say in our returns policy.

C: I don?t care, he said you had to give me a replacement because the entire batch of this model were faulty.

M: And that?s fine, yes, but you should have brought it back here and gotten an exchange immediately. But since it?s been opened, the warranty has been voided. That?s standard on all electronic goods like this.

C: Are you the manager?

M: Yes I am.

C: Then I want the number of your regional manager. I?m going to have your job.

M: I can?t give that out but I can call head office and see what I can do.

C: Fine. But I?m not leaving here without a new, working phone.

M: [Talks to head office for a few minutes] I?m sorry but the best I can do is send it back to head office for our engineers to look at it but that?s it.

C: But the guy at item menders says it?s faulty! Just give me a new item!

M: Madam, we have to follow company policy. The say so of someone from a different store doesn?t change that.

At this point, I was leaving after being served but on the way out I heard several yelled curses and the sound of the alleged item breaking.

C: I can get this online for half the price?

Well why don?t you? I honestly don?t know if people realise this, but of course something is going to be cheaper online than it is in a retail store. Why? Because online retailers basically consist of a warehouse and a skeleton crew of workers meaning they can sell items at near cost price and come away with a profit while retail stores need to pay taxes on each store, rent (If they don?t own the location they operate on), lighting, necessary staff, water, maintenance, visible promotions and transport from central warehouses, sometimes to different countries like a few stores in Ireland getting their stock from the UK. No doubt there are plenty of other charges but that is the general reason why you pay more in a retail. But that also means you get face to face support and usually, the chance to examine the item before you purchase it.

C: You charge for your catalogue?

Yes, we do. A lot of stores are not Argos who?s business model revolves around them (Which is why when you go into Argos, you get the item code and go to the till to pick it up instead of just picking it up off the shelves. Don?t like it? Tough.

C: Hey there. How are you? Listen, I need this f*cking etc.

Swearing continuously, even if you?re not layering abuse at the workers is not appreciated. There might be children about or people who are easily offended and while they might not complain to you they certainly will complain to us about leaving people like you into the store.


C: Hey bud, do you think you could open up a little early so I can get what I want?

No. I?m paid to work a set number of hours. I?m not going to open especially for you even if I could.

[Shop is closed but we?re finishing the night pack or face off or whatever]

C: Hey! [Banging on entrance] Can I get in? I need to get something?! Please!?

No. The store is closed. Come back tomorrow. Believe it or not, we have our own lives and, just like everyone else, we have no great desire to prolong our work day another ten or twenty minutes just you can grab something. Adding to this, if the store is closed or the entrance doesn?t open automatically, that doesn?t invite you to force the doors open and get into the store. Just don?t.

C: Excuse me, can you help me?

Me: Certainly, just give me a minute, I?m sorting out another customer.

C: That?s not good enough, it?s Christmas Eve and I have a load of shopping still to do.

Me: [Strung out from a busy day full of rude, inconsiderate people barging and pushing everyone else around them] Okay, certainly. Would you like to then go down and tell that guy in the electric wheel chair that I can?t serve him any more because you?re too impatient to wait three minutes?

C: F*ck you. I hope you have a miserable Christmas.

And yes, that happened to me at approximately three o?clock last Christmas Eve.

C: I?m from this place.[He did give me the name of where he lives but I?m not posting it here even if I should] Tell me what broadband services are available there.

Me: [Confounded for a moment] What?

C: [Talking to me as if I?m an idiot child] What broadband services are available from where I live.

Me: I haven?t a clue. You?ll need to contact Eircom or someone else to see who?s available at your place.

C: I don?t like Eircom [Fair enough, they?re sh*te I know]. Are you in on the conspiracy too? You sell modems, you should know what?s available at my place!

Me: How? I don?t even know where your place is! If you want to find what services are available in your area, google it.

Yes, this was an actual conversation. I truly wish I was making it up.

Children. Simply put, if you can not control them, do not bring them into the store. If you see your little fat b*stard offspring running around making a mess, then yes, you should get him and explain to him why he shouldn?t. Just letting him muck up the place, causing unnecessary work is not appreciated. And if you?re told that you need to reign him in or leave, don?t get snippy about it.

On another note but of a similar vein, while most places won?t have signs to the effect, dogs, unless they?re guide dogs should not be brought into the store with you. Cleaning up their sh*t or p*ss is not something anyone wants to do. Clearly everyone but you knows not to bring their pets into stores.

Most stores can order stuff in if they don?t have it in stock at that time. Because it may take more than two days does not give you the right to complain about it. If you?re told you?ll get a phone call when it?s arrived. Calling in or phoning us two days after ordering it in when you?ve been told it?ll be a week is a waste of your time and ours.