Retail jobs: the dumbest customer question you've been asked?

[squidface]

"Do you work here?" is, again, one of those stupid questions. I understand it if the employee isn't in uniform, but in retail, most employees are, even if they're just in black smarts. I got asked it when I was working at a shop which has a bright orange colour scheme - including our shirts. And I still got asked whether I worked there or not. Um... duh?

Also when customers continually ask you the same question after you've explained something to them. No, the answer is still the same, whether you keep repeating the question to me or not.

 

[Jacob Fenton]

I used to work in a laser tag game centre, there were signs EVERYWHERE with the name "Laserzone" and people would walk in, right up to reception (another sign with the word "reception" in pretty large print) and ask us if we were the cinema. The decoration looks nothing like a cinema because the place is decorated to look like a space ship, and worst of all, the complex it was in was laid out in a way that they would walk past the cinema to get to us, and it was pretty hard to miss the cinema...

Then there were the people on the phones, answering the phone involved saying very clearly where they had rung, and some people still asked if we were the cinema, or in the case of one man didn't bother to check, just outright asked how much the price of a ticket to see Harry Potter was.

But wait, there's more! Every game that was played had a safety talk beforehand, and one time a guy kept asking me a question after every point I made, usually about the next thing I was going to tell them (not the stupid part) as I got towards the end, the guy loudly says to all his mates in the briefing: "God, this is the longest briefing I've ever sat through!" Trying to show off, and make me look bad/be embarrassed about not being as good at doing the talk as others. It was the end of a double shift, I had no patience left and couldn't be bothered trying to be polite and simply replied with "Well, it would have been over 5 minutes ago if you didn't ask me a question every time I paused for breath... and if you've played before, you should know it all anyway." Luckily, his friends all turned and laughed at him for being shut up, and I have never had a group of people behave so well when playing.

There's a couple that happened to one of my friends as well, a family arrived late to the game they booked to play over the phone, so he politely explained that they had missed it and offered to move the booking to a later time and gave them a time to be back by so that they didn't miss the new one. The mother snapped at him "How am I supposed to know we were late? I don't have a watch?" Ignoring the fact that it wasn't his fault at all. He said, not a problem, the next games in 10 minutes so if you want to just stick around reception that's fine. Then the woman checked the watch she had just claimed she didn't wear....

same friend answered the phone to this conversation: "Hi, my daughter had a birthday party there last night and while she was playing I went to the cinema and I seem to have lost my phone there, can you go across to them and ask for it, and I'll come pick it up from you later today?" After explaining that she could ring the cinema and collect it from there, and that we wouldn't be allowed to take it from them anyway (not being the phones actual owner and all...) she told us that the cinema weren't answering their phones and that we had to do it.

EDIT: Forgot one: There was also the guy who offered to burn the place down so that we could leave early and go watch his friends band play in the bar opposite us in the complex... the walkie talkie to contact security was kept at the ready afterwards in case he came back.

 

[fix-the-spade]

Once, whilst working in a petrol station a guy buys some engine oil. Then he asks this gem.

When I put the oil in, do I have to turn off the engine?

I reply that yes, you do have to stop the engine to add oil to it, not doing so is extremely stupid and no, you won't be doing that on the petrol station forecourt.

Undeterred, he goes round the back of the petrol station and tries it anyway. Did I mention that when a car engine is running it's pressurised, not to mention very, very hot?

There was fire.
And screaming.
I couldn't stop laughing.

 

[Talaris]

As an IT engineer, the moment I remember best was when one user phoned me up to ask what's wrong with her computer as apparently it had in her words completely[i/] broken.

After reaching her office, I discovered she had simply not turned the monitor on. Yes, she wasn't a very tech savvy person.

I didn't want to make her feel like an idiot, so I pretended to check all the cables at the back, and the electrics at the walls, whilst mentioning something about a short circuit that I had now re-routed. She was pretty grateful that I had managed to sort it, and at the end of the day, user satisfaction goes a long way.

 

[Beat14]

I worked in a bar for a while, this one time a customer knocked over 3 shots of her own tequila she had just ordered in front of me, and asked if I could replace the shots for free. Which isn't too stupid considering, she might be tipsy and it is worth asking for the hell of it. She then proceeded to display her cleavage, upon seeing this I just stared into her eyes and said "No." and walked off.

I am a guy so it's probably an understandable approach to trying to get the drinks, but I just found it insulting. She may have looked good, but I couldn't really have cared.

 

[Sansha]

I used to work in hair styling, and after the sign was flipped we'd have people trying to get in, after the sign was set to 'closed' trying to get in for 'a quick cut'.

In hair styling, NOTHING is quick.

My barber can have my hair cut and dusted in fifteen minutes, he's a marvel.

I should've pointed out that I worked in a hair salon, not as a barber: there is actually a rather major difference. Hair styling is for girls typically (not always but usually) with our customers typically having long hair that needs to be washed, cut, blow dried and styled, a process that takes usually around half an hour or up, depending on the skill of the stylist, the length of hair and the difficulty of the haircut.

Plus you have a lot of other different htings like colouring, roller sets and whatnot that can also be done.

Basically, in a hair styling salon, nothing is ever really 'quick', and added on top of that: we're closed. If you can't make it during the 8 hours that we are open, then that shouldn't be our problem.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to criticize. I do agree that your work is much more complicated than some quick-snip haircut. When I was a child, mother took me to her salon for my regular haircuts... yeah, I don't know either. Forty bucks for a child's fucking haircut, I don't know. But yeah, seen some pretty cool stuff.

And yeah. I wouldn't open the fucking door either.

 

[cathou]

i was working at best buy, a guy came to get a laser printer, when i told him that he should get extra toner to go with it he looked at me in disbelief and said : but how comei need a toner, it's a laser printer !

so for him, the laser itself was suppose to write one the paper...


also at best buy, not a dumb question, but an interrsting story. A girl about 25 years old, very cute, with very short skirt, and a very revealing cleavage, well you see the picture i guess.So she asked : hey a need acomputer, that can go on the internet with a fast connection, wireless keyboard and mouse, and i also need a webcam, that have a remote control on it.

geez, i really wonder what she wanted to do with that...

 

[LordDPS]

I've curently got my first Job down at a GAME near where i live. I get asked lot's of questions and as the rest of the staff are often too lazy to even turn up for the Job i often have to provide the answer to these idiots. I remember one question well.

Are you ready for this?
"These games right, do you have to play them,like with a remote?"

Yup.

 

[NinjaSniperAssassin]

I work in a store that sells sex toys and lingerie, how much time do you have?

As much time as you need.


OT: I work in a coffee shop. Most of our customers are fine, but every now and then we get one that doesn't seem fit to be walking around by themselves. Case in point:

A woman comes up to me at the till.

Customer: "Can I get a piece of banana bread?"

Me: "I'm sorry, we're all out for the day. All we have is what's in the display."

Customer: "No, there's always some underneath. They get some off the shelf." (There's a rack where we keep extra food behind the display, but the way the cash register is set up this rack is in full view of customers at the till. It's completely empty at the moment.)

Me: "I'm sorry, there's none on the shelf. We won't have any until tomorrow morning."

Customer: "No, there's always some. Go and check!"

Me: "Alright then."

I walk over to the shelf, which is very clearly empty, and stand there for a minute, pointedly staring at the barren shelves. Then I walk the two steps back to the register.

Me: "I'm sorry miss, like I said there isn't any there."

Customer: "You didn't look properly! Go and look again!"

Me: "Miss, there are other customers waiting to be helped. Would you like something from the display or not?"

Customer: "Hmph!" *storms off*


Edit: One more. Not stupid but still baffling.

There's this guy who comes in on a regular basis and tries to get free samples of coffee. At least 5 times a week he comes in, always asking for a sample and always of the same blend. Most of us are onto him and don't give him any, but whenever someone would does he asks for a bigger cup and asks us to top it up (which we aren't allowed to to even for people who legitimately want to sample a new blend). Then he goes outside and drives off in his clearly very expensive truck. To cap it off, he smells like he showers maybe once a month. Some people...

 

[Little Woodsman]

Here's another gem from my time at K-mart. This story is from when I was running the toy department.
Now the regional distribution center for K-mart was in the same town as the store I worked in. This
distribution center covered a five-state area, over 1,000 stores. Sometimes this led to some strange
things happening....
During the Tickle Me Elmo craze we naturally had people continually asking if we had any. Most of
the time this was fine, because everyone knew that everywhere was sold out of them, didn't really
expect us to have any and just thought it couldn't hurt to ask.
Then there came a day, when all day long I had to deal with people coming up to me and asking--not
if we *had* them, but where they were. And getting very upset with me when I told them that we didn't
have any and hadn't had any in weeks. And then insisting that either I didn't know what I was talking
about, or that I was hiding them to buy myself. They were *certain* we had the toys. (This included
one very large man who actually drew his fist back like he was going to hit me.) Then almost at the
end of my shift another young couple came in asking where the Tickle Me Elmo's were. When I explained
to them that we didn't have any, they countered that they *knew* we did, because they worked at the
distribution center and they had shipped out two hundred cases the previous night. This led to the
following conversation;
Me; "You do realize that you serve a *five state* area?"
Male of couple (proudly); "That's *right*! Over a thousand stores!"
Me; "That means that less than one store in five got *a* case of *six* dolls!"
Couple: (Stand with mouths open silently)
Me: "You told people all over town that we had them, didn't you?"
Girl from Couple; "Well...maybe....a few..."
Me: "Ooohh my gaaawwwddd....." (Walk away)

 

[ElectroJosh]

I used to work in a Music store selling CDs/DVDs back when that was still a decent business. I have two examples:

1) About every week I would get a variant (slightly different details) of this question: "Hi, I was listening to the radio in the last couple of days and heard this great song. The singer was a girl and it had a catchy tune; what is it called?" (extra points when they can't even remember which station they heard it on).


2) I got a phone call one morning that went like this:

Me: Hello, thanks for calling music store Y, how can I help?
Customer: Hi, do you have the new CD by popularBoyBandX?
M: Yes, it just came out today and they are selling fast.
C: How much is it?
M: Its (full price).
C: Oh, there isn't a discount?
M: No, sorry, its very popular.
C: Do you know if music store Z (our competitor down the street) has it?
M: Probably.
C: Do you know what they are charging?
M: I have no idea.
C: Well could you call them up and ask and then get back to me/
M: sorry, I can't do that
C: Well that isn't very good customer service! (promptly hangs up).

 

[NardBasket]

I work in the bakery at a Costco warehouse. One time I watched a lady fill out an order form for a cake, put it in the box, and walk away. She came back five minutes later and asked me if her cake was ready. I was stunned.

 

[NardBasket]

I used to work in a Music store selling CDs/DVDs back when that was still a decent business. I have two examples:

1) About every week I would get a variant (slightly different details) of this question: "Hi, I was listening to the radio in the last couple of days and heard this great song. The singer was a girl and it had a catchy tune; what is it called?" (extra points when they can't even remember which station they heard it on).


2) I got a phone call one morning that went like this:

Me: Hello, thanks for calling music store Y, how can I help?
Customer: Hi, do you have the new CD by popularBoyBandX?
M: Yes, it just came out today and they are selling fast.
C: How much is it?
M: Its (full price).
C: Oh, there isn't a discount?
M: No, sorry, its very popular.
C: Do you know if music store Z (our competitor down the street) has it?
M: Probably.
C: Do you know what they are charging?
M: I have no idea.
C: Well could you call them up and ask and then get back to me/
M: sorry, I can't do that
C: Well that isn't very good customer service! (promptly hangs up).

Wow, that would infuriate me

 

[Kinitawowi]

"Do you sell Chinese keyboards here?" No sir, this is England. China is that way.

"I want to buy a RAM." Word of advice kids - if you're asking your mum for technical gifts for Christmas, be specific. We also got a poor sod returning NSMBU today because it didn't run on his daughter's Wii. I think the manager agreed to the refund mostly out of pity.

"How do you install Office?" Wouldn't be so bad, if not for the fact that it came from one of the sales guys whose damn job is to sell Office.

Numerous others, most of which have slipped my mind right now.

 

[darthmj94]

Not my own experience, and not really a question but this story really shows the headaches you can get working customer service.

My mother used to work as a customer service manager at a grocery store chain called "Publix" (They are mostly set up in the south-eastern U.S.) and one of the stores policies was to replace or refund anything a customer returned with a receipt if they were "not satisfied with the product", no matter what condition it was in, so some elderly customers would return bottles of wine with only about an ounce of wine left in it, six packs of beer with one can left, cartons of fruit with 5 perfectly good berries in it, and loafs of bread with only one slice left in the bag, and the store would refund every last penny to these cheapskates. It is not like they were low on money either because the town we live in is a tourist hot spot in Florida, most of the customers are rich beyond compare.

But the worst example is this, the store also had a place where you could get carryout store brand food, things like chicken strips, wings, and salads. Some people would buy a full chicken strip dinner of about 10 strips, and then return the bag they came in about 3 hours later with a tiny piece of chicken inside the bag it came in, claiming that they "were not satisfied with the quality of the food" and get the full refund.

It was the tourist's special way of saying "I have more money then you will receive in your entire life, but I still wont pay for my food"

How long did that policy last before management decided they were sick of having their profit destroyed?

I honestly don't know if it is still going on, no one in my family works there anymore.

 

[JochemHippie]

Now I don't walk retail, but I've had some pretty daft people approach me.

- I'm building for a festival, stacking some sub speakers. This festival is in a public park, so you'll have people walking by all the time. Now, these speakers weigh about 100kg each, I'm stacking them, ALONE. This guy stops and looks at me blankly for about half a minute before asking, me (Covered in sweat and some groaning as I lift them up) "Are those heavy?" ...

- Working in the concert venue, like I always do on weekends and I"m mixing for this Jazz band and an old dude walks up to me, while I'm infront of the audio board, mixing. "Do you really know what all those buttons are for?" I just stared him off, luckily it's not in my job description to deal with people like that >.>

- I'm mixing at a christmas show in a church, all fancy and dandy. Then this old lady walks up to me in the middle of the show. "Can you dim the lights? They're awfully bright" Well no fucking shit...


And then ofcourse the countless amounts of musicians who supposedly know better then me how their instruments should sound. Asking for a sound they can't describe and then getting mad when they don't get it >.>

 

[Fiz_The_Toaster]

Now I don't walk retail, but I've had some pretty daft people approach me.

- I'm building for a festival, stacking some sub speakers. This festival is in a public park, so you'll have people walking by all the time. Now, these speakers weigh about 100kg each, I'm stacking them, ALONE. This guy stops and looks at me blankly for about half a minute before asking, me (Covered in sweat and some groaning as I lift them up) "Are those heavy?" ...

- Working in the concert venue, like I always do on weekends and I"m mixing for this Jazz band and an old dude walks up to me, while I'm infront of the audio board, mixing. "Do you really know what all those buttons are for?" I just stared him off, luckily it's not in my job description to deal with people like that >.>

- I'm mixing at a christmas show in a church, all fancy and dandy. Then this old lady walks up to me in the middle of the show. "Can you dim the lights? They're awfully bright" Well no fucking shit...


And then ofcourse the countless amounts of musicians who supposedly know better then me how their instruments should sound. Asking for a sound they can't describe and then getting mad when they don't get it >.>

All of that.

[HEADING=1]All of that![/HEADING]

Another one I've gotten is where I'm laying cable and some guy came up and asked, "Do you really know where they go?" No, I'm just hoping for the best...

My other favorite is where someone in the band knows exactly how the house sounds better than I do, never mind that they can't hear it, but, gosh darn it, they can sure feel it. >.>

 

[RicoADF]

The stupidest has to be "Do you work here?", but since that has been said, I will have to say:

"Where is the store's parking lot?", The best part? I was standing literally 5 steps from the exit door, within view of said parking lot.

And for one that made me want to punch someone in the face:

"Why should I listen to someone who's balls hasn't even dropped yet?" "Entitled" WIC customers are a different brand of sub-human...

EDIT:
This is from an experience at a store I DIDN'T WORK AT. I went over after work, still in uniform, no name badge. The store's (employee)dress code was black shirt and khakis, my work uniform is blue shirt and khakis.

A customer comes up to me and asks me to help them get something off the top shelf, i told them that I don't work there and I go back to browsing. They come back with a manager still complaining that I'm "Not doing my job.". I turn to the manager, he looks at me and to the customer, and tells her again that I don't work there. She throws a fit threatening to call corporate over it.

The manager leans in close to me, asks me my name and if he can "fire" me. So we stage this "firing" and I finish my shopping, and I end up getting a gift card for my "troubles".

Very interesting to say the least.

That's a good one, bet you and the manager had a good laugh about that one afterwards

 

[cerebreturns]

Not a question but I worked in a bookstore and a random customer had a hissy fit because I didn't know what book one of the column writers in a random newspaper talked about this week...

 

[TimeLord]

24th December 2012. 5pm (one hour before closing for Xmas)

Customer: "Do you have any fresh Turkeys left?"

Me: "No sorry"

Customer: "Why not?"

Me: ...

Because it's 5 in the afternoon on Xmas eve you fool! Everyone with half a brain bought their turkey days ago when we had hundreds in stock!
Can't say that to their face though