It. Will. Suck.
I didn't like the first Transformers flick for the same reason I won't like the second: It's centered around the humans. Transformers is supposed to be about gigantic alien robots beating the hexidecimal code out of each other. Instead it goes exposition, exposition, exposition, exposition, pretty kickass action sequence involving the Autobots and Decepticons. True, humanity's been supplanted into the series before, but the humans have always been downplayed into sidekicks, and the action has ALWAYS been about the robots. Instead, it's pretty much Shia LeBouf being a socially-awkward douchebag wannabe who stumbles across the Autobots and they become his personal bodyguard service. I don't wanna see Shia LeBastard, I want to see giant alien robots kicking the spark plugs out of each other!
This is exactly what happened with Godzilla back in the 90s, all they do is talk about the King of the Monsters, and then we get a lame series of action scenes involving a T-Rex who's supposed to be Godzilla but instead looks like a pushover. Godzilla shoulda been like this: nuclear tests awaken Godzilla, he rampages through New York, everyone and everything is royally f*%ked up or crushed neath his mighty tread, people talk about how to stop Godzilla, military says 'screw it we will do it ourselves' and goes to stop him, Godzilla kicks the military's ass, one of Godzilla's enemies show up (I'll say King Gidorah for reference), they fight, Godzilla kicks King Gidorah's ass, New York City in ruins, movie over. I mean, Godzilla didn't look anything LIKE Godzilla, he didn't use his atomic breath or his fire breath (yeah, that explosion near his face is NOT fire breath) and he didn't even fight another monster! Lord knows they have enough to pick from: Rodan, King Gidorah, Mothra, the list goes on. And is a lame CGI effect the best they could come up with for His Royal Monstrosity? That thing is so lame I woulda preferred a guy in a rubber suit. Plus, Godzilla is supposed to be 400 feet tall, that thing couldn't have been bigger than 160. And how does a 400-foot, (I assume) 600,000-ton mutant dinosaur with atmoic breath get tangled in a measly little extention bridge?! He shoulda either crushed it under his foot or ripped it apart like a wet piece of paper. Also, the military kills him! That's not supposed to happen. Rule one of Godzilla movies is THE MILITARY CAN'T DO S*%T TO STOP GODZILLA. And the acting is terrible, I really woulda preferred a japanese dub to that understandable ear sodomy.
Wasn't I talking about something else earlier?
Oh right, Transformers 2. I already said why it'll suck because of the humans, but let's talk about the robots. AKA, the real reason we get suckered into theaters to see this pimple on the ass of cinema. Let's get something straight, okay, the CGI effect on the robots is great. That said, I have some complaints. One, they never use guns. Who thought this was a good idea? They're super-technological robots and they're fistfighting?! Did anyone see the original show? They all used laser guns! Hell, Megatron WAS a f*%king gun when he was first concieved (Decieved? Sorry, horrible pun.), and at most he shoots tank rounds? Again, these are super-hi-tech robots from outer space, THAT'S THE MAIN REASON WHY THEY SHOOT LASERS. Second, Why do they have wires hanging out? I could understand scratches, dents and cracks, those come with the territory of fighting a robot war. But hanging wires that could be connected to your power source?! Give me a break. Third, there's the fact THEY HAVE NO PERSONALITIES. The only one I have seen have one is Optimus Prime and the others are just stock and stereotypes. Finally, there's my least favorite part about this movie: the robots are all product-placements. They made a transformer out of a Mountain Dew machine, a Nokia cell phone and numerous cars from numerous makers. They really shouldn't be slinging product. Now I could understand a car being in the background, like the dealership lot is a backdrop for a fight, but when you're making robots out of these stupid objects, it's nonsense. Ok, I'd be willing to accept the Autobots disguising themselves as real-life cars, but seriously, not the cell phone and the vending machine.
